I would like to say a giant THANK YOU to all of you who reviewed and favorite/subscribed to this story! It made me super happy! I'm starting school on Thursday, so updates may take a bit longer because Junior Year is going to be a pain -_-. ANYWAY, enjoy the chapter ^^ and review if you want (please?).
*Disclaimer: I don't own South Park (or Pepsi…for that matter)
[Commando]
I think the most wonderful (and as in wonderful I mean awful) part of having Tweek over to my lovely abode was the fact that he refused to set foot into my room. Like, seriously, I had to actually block out his scratchy voice after three minutes so I wouldn't get offended. I opened the boring white wooden door and (like any gentleman) offered ladies first. Tweek smiled tentatively at me before his eyes focused on the floor of my bedroom. And, though I didn't think it was even possible, his fucking huge-ass orbs got even WIDER than they were before. I might as well have opened a door to his mutilated family.
"Jesus Christ!" He shrieked, taking a large step backwards, "I'm not g-going in there!" I frowned and kicked an empty can of Pepsi away from my foot.
"Its okay Tweek," I reassured him politely, "I just haven't cleaned up in a bit. Everything in here is harmless." I left the shivering mass of flesh in the hallway and walked into my room slowly. At every piece of trash my foot hit, Tweek would scream like it might chomp off my toes.
"N-no way man! You just—ngh—want to bring me in there so you can kill me!" He gulped down a massive amount of coffee before continuing. "There are probably monsters under all those clothes! AUGH! Or rats that want to viciously eat my brain!" There were countless more theories that he was spewing out, but honestly I don't remember them.
I heaved a sigh and flipped off Kenny in my head. It was his damn fault that I had to bother bringing this kid over to my house. Then, I let my eyes settle on Tweek once more. I knew that Stripe wouldn't be enough to lure him into my room. And, begging (not that I would ever do that) probably wouldn't work either. Luckily, I was friends with Tweek once, so I kind of understood how his mind worked. Considering he hasn't changed much in the last five years, I figured the theory that was running through my head would be successful.
"Calm down." I barked, and Tweek covered his mouth with a trembling hand. "This mess isn't hiding any monsters, Tweek. In fact, my room is probably safer than any of the rooms in South Park." This caught his attention. Slowly, he brought his hand back to his side.
"W-why?" Tweek almost whispered. Good, I got him.
I looked around, as if the information I was about to speak was incredibly important. Taking a step toward him, I whispered dramatically. "You know the…underpants gnomes?" His green eyes flashed with recognition, and Tweek nodded his head so fast that he probably killed a billion brain cells. "Well, they hate messy rooms. You won't find an underpants gnome ever walking into a room like this."
"Y-you're—ngh—right." Craig Tucker you are so fucking brilliant. Can someone please just give me a reward? Jesus.
Tweek awkwardly stepped around me. I noticed that he constantly walked on his tiptoes, and was careful not to touch any trash. The mug of coffee in his hands was held in a death grip close to his chest. I smirked and closed the door, emitting a concerned squeak from the coffee addict.
"Just sit on my bed," I told Tweek, "I'll take Stripe out." I began to walk over to my guinea pig's palace when I heard Tweek mumble something incomprehensible.
"What was that?" I asked, tapping the medal bars lightly to wake the sleeping cutie (yet another word that is only meant for Stripes).
"I—ack—said that my room is safe from the underpants gnomes too." He whispered. I didn't bother turning around to look at him, just continued tapping on the cage's bars.
"Really? Is it a fucked up mess like mine?" I chuckled. Stripe emerged groggily from his little hut.
"N-no…" Tweek mumbled. He then continued muttering quietly to himself, but I didn't catch it.
"What?" I asked; the word damp with frustration.
"I don't wear underwear anymore! So, the underpants gnomes have nothing to take!" He squealed, and I snapped around to look at him so fast that I actually hurt my neck.
"Ouch, shit." I growled, rubbing the back of my neck. "Are you saying you're commando under those jeans of yours?" Tweek's face was bright red as he nodded. I slapped an annoyed hand to my forehead, "Jesus Christ…this better be worth it, Kenny."
"W-what?" The blonde cocked his head to the side curiously. I simply flipped him off and proceeded to take Stripe out of his cage.
"Nothing." Holding the guinea pig caringly to my chest, I sat down on the end of the bed facing Tweek, who was sitting cross-legged by my pillow (useless information: I only sleep with one pillow because I don't understand why people need a fucking million of them). I set Stripe down onto my covers (yeah that's kind of gross, but eh…) and let him curiously shuffle over to Tweek. The blonde set his mug of coffee down on my night table and watched Stripe with an equal amount of interest. He held out a thin trembling hand, and the rodent sniffed at it before giving it a quick lick. Tweek's green eyes lit up; a tiny grin adorned his pale face. Hesitantly, he scooped Stripe up and held him to his chest, petting the furry bastard's head with a thin finger.
Something warm and tingly began to prickle in my chest. It was Tweek, he looked… (Oh God I can't believe I'm about to write this down about a human being) adorable. As soon as that thought crossed my mind I shook my head vigorously from side to side, dismissing it.
"Augh! Craig!" Tweek suddenly shrieked, still clutching Stripe. I flinched and angrily flipped him off.
"Fuck. What?" I growled.
"A-are you sick? Your face is all—ngh—red!" I felt at my face awkwardly, and sure enough, it was warm. Hmm, I had to be sick, this never happened.
"I think so." I said monotonously. "Uh…Yeah I am."
"Ack! Jesus man! You could infect me! I should get—ngh—home anyways." I nodded, agreeing with his statement. The sooner Tweek left my house the better. Then I could figure out what the fuck was wrong with me.
The blonde gently handed Stripe back to me and I put him away. Tweek proceeded to tiptoe out of my room, and all the wrong words were flashing across my mind (gross words like, endearing, sweet, adorable, cute, etc.). Yeah, he needed to get the hell out of here. I must be dying or some shit.
It wasn't until I was about to slam the front door in his face when I remembered the reason I invited Tweek over in the first place. Plan C. Before he could turn to walk home, I said, "Hey Tweek," the blonde looked at me expectantly, "Token's having a party at his house on Friday. You should go." Tweek began to wring the bottom of his button up shirt.
"I don't know man. Parties are a lot of pressure." He squeaked unsurely.
"Come on, it will be fun." I said blandly (my voice isn't very convincing). "I talked to Token and he said he really wants you to be there." Lie.
"Really? Clyde—ngh—too?" He asked quietly.
"Yeah." Lie. "We'll all hang out with you. No pressure." You won't feel pressure when you're drunk anyway. Tweek was silent for a minute, before releasing an odd sound from his throat.
"Okay. What—ack—time?"
"Just come whenever." I smirked, and began to close the door.
"Wait! Craig…"
"Hm?" I paused to hear what he had to say.
"I-I enjoyed seeing Stripe today." And then, he was gone.
Later, the image of Tweek and my guinea pig would not leave my mind. I would be lying if I said I was only a little bit excited for this party on Friday. The sooner I got this damn kiss the better. Then I could ditch the twitchy freak and forget this ever happened.
XXX
I was about to go to sleep at 11:30 (as I did every night) when my cell phone vibrated from my nightstand. This had better be fucking important to interrupt my usual nightly routine. I had a black razor phone; you know those really thin ones that were like, the shit when they first came out? Yeah, pretty lame, but everyone had lame phones in South Park. In fact, mine was probably one of the nicest. But of course, Token had the whole town envious while rocking the iPhone 4, patiently waiting for the iPhone 5 (Jesus Christ, can you believe they've already started that shit?). And, speaking of the rich bastard, he was the one who texted me.
Dude, why r u trying to b friends with Tweek? I would hav asked earlier, but I didn't no if u wanted 2 say it in front of Clyde.
Hmm...Good move Token. The last thing I needed was Clyde to hear about the real reason I was starting to hang with Tweek. God, I'd have Kenny dry humping me for the rest of my life. Usually, I would ignore this message and simply go to sleep, but I was feeling oddly generous tonight.
It's a long story...long story short…I made a deal with Kenny, and if I get the twitchy fuck to kiss me, he'll leave me alone.
It was only a few minutes before I got a response, and I felt a little retarded sitting with my phone, waiting like a love-sick school girl or something.
…Only u Craig -_-;;. Just don't get hurt or anything.
His last sentence, "Just don't get hurt or anything", kind of confused me. Even as I finally went to sleep that night, I pondered on what the hell Token could have been talking about. I couldn't see how I would get hurt with the situation I had put myself in. Sure, maybe I'd get disappointed if I didn't get what I wanted…but hurt?
I fell asleep dismissing what Token had said (well…texted) and never bothered to think of it again. Forgetting the conversation existed.
It was kind of short, but the next chapter will be longer (and written better .) with the party and everything c:. Thanks for reading!
Oh yeah, in the past chapter I referred to Craig's guinea pig as Stripes, but then I realized it's actually just Stripe. So I changed it. I may go back and change it some time in the earlier chapters.
