Wow. I had this story roughed out like within a week of the previous chapter, but kept putting off refining it. Felt kinda lousy today (this entire week actually) so digging this out and fixing it cheered me up a little. I would have liked to work on it some more, but I think you all would rather have a rough ending than no ending at all ;)
It was one of those mornings for Beckett. The ones where your brain wakes up much earlier than the rest of your body and you have no choice but to lay in bed for an hour and fail miserably at any attempt at extra rest. The ones where your brain forces you to stew over any outstanding issues it has with your current life and holds your sanity hostage until you give in and force yourself to come up with working solutions.
Her brain had started working well before the rest of Beckett had a chance to catch up. It was barely 6 AM, and already all her problems from the previous night had begun to relentlessly assault her mind all at once. What was she going to do once she finished reading the book? What would he expect her to do? Why was he doing this to her? Most of all... Had the media's prying eyes already gotten access to the book?
The fear she'd harbored since Castle first announced she had become her new muse surged over her, drowning out all other thoughts that had occupied her mental processes. Was this really the next book he planned on releasing? Paparazzi and press commenting book art and speculating about the relationship between characters was one thing, but if he published this story she didn't think she could survive the massive breach of privacy and the consequent response from the tabloids once news broke out about the contents of Phantom Heat.
Beckett, as smart as she was, was aware of their attraction early on, but had decided deal with the situation by opting for feigned naivety. Something she would have gotten away with if it weren't for Lanie nearly shoving her onto the hard cold metal of an empty autopsy table one night after work and attempting to harass her until she fessed up. However, no matter how hard Lanie poked and prodded, Beckett continued to stubbornly refuse to acknowledge any kind of non-professional relationship with Castle. Lanie was beginning to seriously consider shoving them both in a dark closet and throwing away the key.
However, Lanie's third degree did not go unwasted. Ever since that talk, try as she might, Beckett couldn't toss out the fantasy of having a romantic relationship with Castle. Quite the opposite, she found herself revisiting it the most inopportune times. It happened so often that she'd even briefly considered reevaluating their current relationship more seriously, but in the end she could never allow herself to fully accept him nor the books for what everyone kept reminding her they were.
She groaned and pulled the covers over her head. Thank God it was Saturday and she wasn't expected to be on call. Maybe the darkness brought on my her blanket would fool her brain into letting her go back to sleep.
It didn't work. It never did. However, the cloud of questions in her brain ebbed away and left her alone with one haunting question.
What did she want from him?
She was going to go see him as soon as she'd finished the last page of the book. At least, that's what she told herself. In reality, she'd finished the book sometime in the morning. Now it was five o' clock and she couldn't bring herself to go to him, not when her mind was so cluttered; she wasn't absolutely sure she was ready to hear the answers she was almost positive he would give her.
Somewhere during the sporadic mental debates she was having with herself, she found herself standing outside his door. She wasn't quite sure when she made the decision to come see him, or even how she managed to make her way over here; but now that she had knocked on the door, there was no going back now.
It was as if he was expecting her. The door flung open almost as soon as her knuckles made contact with the wooden door. The first thing he did after opening the door was look down at her hands. Sure enough, she was holding Phantom Heat. Her face was void of any emotion, making it hard for him to judge whether he should be screaming bloody murder as he ran down the hall. She was probably going to give him all kinds of hell for exposing something so intimate in such a public medium.
Unsure of what to say, he settled for inviting her in; if she was going to yell at him he'd rather it be away from prying eyes. He gestured towards the couch, but she shook her head. Not a good sign for him. He decided the only thing he could really do in this situation was to steel himself from the inevitable onslaught of criticisms and take it like a man. Taking a deep breath, he put on a cheerful face and proceeded to greet her.
"Detective-"
"Castle. What did you-"
"I know what you're thinking. It's the only copy. You've got the first and the last edition ever." Relief flooded through her body as she felt some of the knots in her stomach undo themselves. He paused as he considered something. "I mean I have a digital copy of course... and you should know that I asked Alexis to read parts of it as well. I needed her opinion on some of the concepts and proofreading, and well... Paula kind of knew about it too. I didn't let her read it though. But she found out about it because there was this call and-" She covered his mouth with the palm of her hand in an attempt to stop his babbling and get him to pay attention to what she was about to say. As his muffled protests subsided, she removed her hand. It proved to be a mistake. As soon as he was satisfied that she was no longer furious at him, he decided to prattle on.
"I had to pull a whole mess of strings to get it done. I mean, I couldn't let Gina know you know? She'd never let me hear the end of it... as you probably know. I can just see her nagging away at me as we speak. Richard, I can hardly get you to finish writing one book! Richard, when are you going to stop fooling around and deliver to the publishers? Richard this, Richard that. Writing two books at once is hard! Don't even get me started on the train wreck involved with publishing just one single copy of the book."
God. Would he ever shut up? "Castle..."
"Do you know how much grief they gave me? Bob down at the place where they actually print the books was droning on and on about expenses and materials and time and blah blah blah." Beckett sent him a look that clearly conveyed he was doing the same thing as Bob but Castle took no notice.
For a moment, she was seriously considering shoving the muffin he was holding into his mouth, but somehow she felt it was rude of her, as a guest, to be doing that to him, her host. She definitely wouldn't have given it another thought if they were anywhere else.
Well, since nothing else seemed to be working...
"I told him I'd cover any expenses but that just got him started on protocols and procedures and he went on and on and on... Do you know how many phone calls I had to-MMRPH."
He never saw it coming. One minute he was rambling like an idiot (something he found himself doing a lot when around Beckett) and the next his mouth was muffled by something soft and warm.
"Uhm...Thanksforthebook." she mumbled as she pulled away quickly.
"This is the most thoughtful gift I've ever received." She tried to clarify when she heard no response from Castle. What was she thinking? These kinds of things were only something that you see on tv. But if she was a little more honest with herself, she might have admitted that she'd always wanted to try that out on him. Especially when he ran his mouth like the way he'd been doing recently. She laughed softly at the mental image, earning her a confused stare from Castle.
"Is that the only way I'll ever get you to shut up?"
"Just about." He found his voice in time to say, suddenly looked extremely pensive. "Although, if you-"
"I don't even want to know what's going to come out of your mouth next.." She interrupted.
"But-"
"No."
"Not even-"
"No."
She decided now was a great time to attempt to distract him from what she'd just done. She held up the book again and asked, "You won't be mass distributing this will you?"
"What? And ruin my tough bad boy cred?" Beckett snorted as Castle pretended to look appalled at the idea. "That's the same as committing career suicide! I mean, do you know how long I had to work at building my reputation? No one will ever read another one of my books again! Well except lonely divorced women and..."
She gave him a skeptical look.
He flailed his arms around dramatically.
"Yes, I needed to work at it. Quite a lot thank you very much. I mean if mother found out about it..."
"Ah, so good blackmail material then."
"You wouldn't..."
By the look of horror on his face, clearly that wasn't something he'd ever considered. Gift or not, in that brief moment he was rethinking his decision to present Beckett with what was literally the power to destroy the reputation he'd spent years building.
"Oh Castle, such an easy target..."
She smiled at him and he stared at her until they burst out laughing. As the laughter subsided and silence cut in, she tried to find the words she wanted to use to define the real purpose of her visit. Since he'd shared something so personal, she felt that it was time for her to as well. She'd been reluctant at first, but as she lay in her bed that morning she began to realize that she wasn't herself when she was around him and that she was beginning to warm up to that idea. Suddenly she realized that she was no longer afraid of sharing her past with him.
"My mother..." Castle looked up immediately. Anything that started with 'my mother' with her was a signal that she was about to share something extremely personal. He perked up instantly relishing in the fact that she was willing to share so many details of her life with him.
She spent the next half hour telling him about the impact of her mother's death on their family while he listened intently. She told him how her father had lost himself to the alcohol and how she had lost herself within the pages of his books. She told him about how she barely even went outside during that time, how one of her good friends went to the bookstore every time a new Castle book was published, and how the same friend had tried to coax her out of her house with promises of new Castle novels. After many months, the ploy had finally worked and Kate ventured out long enough to sit at a cafe and attempt feeble conversation. It had gotten easier from then on, as she resolved to start to pull her life back together again. She finished by telling him how she even joined the police force where she swore to find her mother's killer no matter what the cost.
Castle was in awe at the volume of the information that she divulged to him. He didn't know exactly what to say after such a huge admission. He felt a sudden rush of emotion as he leaned over to wrap his arms around her. She was surprised at first and pulled back a little, but she quickly let herself relax into him as she realized how good it had felt.
"Thank you so much for telling me."
He reluctantly pulled away as they lapsed into an awkward silence again. This time, it was Beckett that broke the ice.
"So..." She began.
"So?" He asked tentatively.
She held Phantom Heat out to him and grinned. "Mr. Castle, Will you sign this for me?"
His face lit up immediately and decided to play along. Taking the book from her outstretched hand, he opened it carefully and was delighted to find a book sticker that read 'From the library of Katherine Beckett' stuck carefully on the inside cover. Not wanting to fall out of character, he recovered quickly by grabbing a pen off the table and presenting it with a flourish.
"Whom do I have the pleasure of making this out to?"
Beckett played her part well. "How about... your number one fan?"
His eyebrows rose. "OH, then you're going to have competition."
She rolled her eyes. "I forgot about your legions of psychotic fan girls."
He mimicked her eye roll to the best of his ability. "I was referring to Alexis."
She pretended to contemplate the idea before she shrugged. "Nah, I'll be nice and let her have it."
His face lit up as he uncapped the fountain pen and proceeded to write his message on the inside cover, reading out loud as he wrote. "To my sexiest fan in the world..."
She scoffed at him and was preparing a snarky comeback until it dawned on her that he might actually go through with it. He kept writing as she continued to weigh the chance of the comment appearing in her book. Ultimately reaching the conclusion that Richard Castle was probably not above writing something suggestive, she snatched the book from him just as soon as he finished signing his name.
"Hey!"
Her eyes scanned frantically over the cover. She did not want a message like that immortalized on the inside cover of the only copy of Phantom Heat ever published. To her relief, the results of her quick once over revealed no indication of any inappropriate remarks.
To my favorite partner in crime, KB:
Thank you so much for believing in me
...and secretly hoarding every book I've ever written.
From your number one fan, RC
She looked up and made a face while playfully smacking him in the arm for misleading her, and for implying she was some kind of Castle pack rat. Her face quickly softened into a more serious expression.
"Thank you." It was a loaded sentiment and they both knew it. Not only was she grateful for the story he shared through the book, she was grateful that he respected her enough to keep their story private. She was grateful for the way he made her laugh, grateful for the way he made her work more interesting, for the way he listened when she told him about her mother, grateful for his friendship. He looked her in the eye and took her hand in his squeezing gently; a sign that he'd understood the full meaning behind her words.
"Anything for you Kate."
She smiled at him, letting him catch a glimpse of the shy, quiet, genuine girl he'd seen in the bookstore so many years ago and he knew that all the effort he had put into the gift had paid for itself ten times over.
"So about your motives behind shutting me up..." She could this coming from a mile away. "I think you were just doing it because you secretly wa-"
And there it was. To hell with courtesy. She swiftly shoved her hand into his face, forcing him to stumble back as she took the opportunity to make her escape out the door.
"Goodbye Mr. Castle." She said threw him a challenging smirk from over her shoulder as she practically shut the door in his face on the way out.
A few months later, Kate opened the door to her apartment to collect her morning paper. She casually flipped through it as she made her way over to her kitchen counter and stopped when one of the articles on a page caught her eye; Mysterious Missing Novel has Fans in a Frenzy. She couldn't help but smile. Rick (yes Rick) had let it slip when he was rambling on continuously on one of his talk show appearances. They were discussing the release of Heat Wave the motion picture and he was asked to talk briefly about the books he had written thus far. She wasn't sure if he had said it intentionally or not, but she was glad when he had refused to go into any of the details when prodded by the host.
She put the paper down on her coffee table and reached for Phantom Heat. Despite the fact that she'd read it over and over for the past month or so, she made sure that it was still in near mint condition. She opened to the inside cover as she glanced over his message to her for the millionth time, allowing her mind to drift pleasantly to thoughts of Castle.
Even though they had reached a breakthrough in their relationship (and even shared a 'non-romantic' kiss,) neither of them had made any further attempts at defining their relationship. They had fallen easily into referring to each other on a first name basis, much to the amusement of their mutual friends. Even though he had admitted to liking her a long time ago, he was quite content with where they were now. It had taken a long time for her to admit to herself that she actually enjoyed kissing him, even if it was solely to put an end to his incessant gibberish. She still didn't quite know what she wanted him, but she knew that they were comfortable around each other, and it was something that she relished above all else.
Someday soon.
All she knew now was that it was a bright Saturday morning, and she had an invitation from a certain someone for a 'pancake smorgasbord' at the loft at 9 AM sharp. Glancing at the clock, she carefully slid the book she was holding back into its slot on her bookshelf, her eyes lingering on title on its spine.
She loved the idea of being the only one in the world who would ever own the complete Nikki Heat series.
END
Thanks to anyone who saw this through to the end. I really need to go back to one shots. I have at least two more ideas in my head, but seeing how late this last chapter was, it's probably safe to say that this will be it for me at least the premiere of season 3. Or maybe if there were some new Caskett stories from all you lovely writers...
