Part 4, With The Deep Dark Secrets
Blaine has to stop halfway to the common room and just get some part of himself in control again because if he keeps going he's just going to stop breathing altogether and pass out.
"This is not like before. This is not like before. This is nothing like before." He chants under his breath, but somehow it's completely futile, and his chest keeps heaving and tears keep pouring. "Goddammit." He sobs kicking the stupid wall before he lets his body slide against it and pool, limp and useless on the cold floor.
The rational part of his brain is just not making itself heard right now and he can't make everything else quiet down, so he just lays there and hopes that sooner of later exhaustion will drive the panic and the nausea away.
It's only when he hears hurried footsteps and Kurt's voice calling his name that he remembers he's in the middle of a corridor, just basically waiting to be caught looking like a complete mess. That's the only thing that snaps him back into action.
Out of sheer humiliation he scrambles and slips into the closest empty room, locks it just in case, and waits until the sound of Kurt's footsteps has disappeared before he comes out again and drags himself the rest of the way to the Hufflepuff common room, even though it's the last thing he wants – to be in a room full of people who'll wake up if he gives into his stupid, irrational panic again.
How is he going to explain this?
He's going to have to tell the truth, isn't he?
The one secret he hasn't told anyone. Not even Sam, not even Wes… not anyone. The one thing no one knows… well, except…
-x-
Blaine,
What happened? I'm so confused right now? Was I moving too fast? Because I don't mind turning down the dial, if that's what you need! I just really don't understand what happened yesterday. I'm a mess right now. I'm so worried. Please tell me I didn't ruin everything.
Kurt
-x-
Blaine doesn't manage any sleep, so to say he woke up at six am to the rustling of a little house elf leaving a small envelope on his bedside table would be a lie. He pretends to sleep until the elf slips away and then he forces himself to read the note that will surely leave him feeling even worse.
His eyes burn as he shoves the small piece of parchment back inside the envelope and buries himself deep in his covers. This is ridiculous. He can't decide which is worse, reliving that one night a year ago, or reliving last night and facing how stupidly and easily he freaked over nothing.
Kurt must think he's some special brand of lunatic right now.
And when Blaine tells him everything – which he probably will have to – he'll think he's an idiot too.
He tries to stay cocooned in his blankets for as long as possible, but if there's anything you can trust of Sam is that he'll eventually grow tired of waiting for you and yank you out of bed, regardless of your clear intentions to be left alone.
"Dude, you look like shit." Sam tells him once Blaine finally sits to the side of his bed and ponders why he gave into his best friend's urgings.
"Thanks." He mutters. Grabbing the jeans at the foot of his bed and pulling them on in careless tugs.
"You okay?"
Blaine shrugs, "I don't want to talk about it."
"It doesn't really work like that, B. I kind of need to know if it was Hummel, because it was date night yesterday and I can actually connect the dots,"
"Contrary to popular opinion." Blaine adds even thought it falls flat when he doesn't even have the energy to make it sound teasing or amused.
Sam ignores the jab and powers through, "So, either you tell me something, or you let my brain run wild,"
"And we all know that's not a good thing,"
"Ever,"
"Right."
"Right."
Blaine nods, and then takes a deep breath and shakes his head, "It's nothing." He rolls his eyes, and stands up as he buttons up his pants, "It's… I mean, it's not nothing, but it's not his fault, so." He shrugs.
"That's like zero information right there."
Blaine groans, "We, hum, did stuff yesterday and it touched a sore spot-"
"What?!"
"Oh, god, that sounded way worse when I said it out loud. But… you know, he didn't hurt me or anything, and I… Listen, Sam, all you need to know is that what's bothering me is completely in the past." He puts on his shoes in tight, strong movements, "It's so in the past that I thought I was completely over it. It seems I'm not, but I can deal with it, and I just need to talk to Kurt and get things back on track, because I totally freaked out on him last night, and he's probably super confused, so…"
"Still no-"
"Sam, please." Blaine breathes, picking up the first clean sweater he can find; "I wouldn't ask you to drop it if I really didn't mean it. You can't help me this time, and I don't even need to talk it over or just… I need to forget about it. So… please?"
Sam is looking at him like he wants to protest – he fills his cheeks up with air and holds it in for probably half a minute, during which he just holds eye contact between them, and squints suspiciously. Finally, he lets it out, clears his throat, shakes his head and says, "Of course, B, whatever you need."
"Thanks."
"Anytime," Sam squeezes his shoulder, "Do you wanna grab breakfast with me?"
"No, I'm really not hungry." Blaine sighs, "I'm just gonna go find Kurt."
Sam nods and leaves without another word, and Blaine is left alone with the sudden urge to crawl back into bed and avoid his entire life. Instead he grabs a coat and makes his way to the Quidditch pitch.
Lest he be accused of spying, he waits outside and not on the stands. He sits on the grass after making sure it's not too humid from the morning dew. He picks on little pieces of grass and then feels guilty about it. And then he thinks of how stupid it is to feel guilty about it. And then he wonders if he always comes across as this much of a goody two shoes, puppy loving, rainbow puking, self-righteous hobbit. No wonder Kurt used to hate him.
And then he scoffs at himself because this is ridiculous. He's not this person anymore. He's not supposed to be this person, anymore.
That's about the time when the Slytherin Quidditch team starts filtering out of the changing rooms. He doesn't look at them, couldn't possibly. He knows Kurt will see him and come over.
Kurt's the last one out, apparently, a good two minutes after everyone else has left, his boots coming slowly into Blaine's field of vision, right in front of him, and just as he looks up Kurt's crouching down to meet him on his level, "Blaine…"
"I'm so sorry."
"I… It's… it's okay. I just… I need to know what happened there. Because I really didn't like that I put you in that state."
Blaine breathes and his heart sinks, "It wasn't you…" he mumbles, whatever small glimmer of hope he had that Kurt would agree to drop the subject gone, "I'm not entirely sure I can… just tell you… or… I mean, I can. I will. But…"
"I can wait." Kurt says softly, as he takes Blaine's hand and pulls him up, "Let's just get away from all of it." he smiles cautiously as he guides Blaine towards the pitch, up the stairs to the stands. They walk silently, making their way to the highest seats. The wind is cold and whipping up here, but Blaine kind of likes it.
"So I freaked." Blaine starts.
"Yeah, I gathered that."
"It wasn't you. I- It wasn't your fault. You weren't moving too fast or anything – I mean, maybe you were, I don't know. I couldn't – I… shit. Maybe I should just start from the start?"
Kurt frowns. He doesn't look angry or disappointed. He just looks worried. "Is it… is it something really bad?"
"I…" Blaine breathes, and shrugs, "I don't know. I… I never told anyone. I was… I guess it's humiliating, if anything. And… I sort of feel like an idiot for making such a big deal out of this. But… I guess…" You're not that person anymore – the person who lives for other's expectations. "I guess it's bad for me. Even if everyone else thinks it's stupid, I think it's… bad."
"Okay…" Kurt gets out slowly. He puts his hand over Blaine's, "Do you not want to tell me?"
"No, I… I mean, I don't. But I also want you to understand, because I don't want last night to happen again, so maybe you should know, so."
"So…" Kurt nods and kisses his cheeks gently, "so, start at the start."
Blaine gives him a feeble smile and avoids the temptation of just chasing Kurt's kisses and ignoring this whole thing. "So. Last year when I came back and there were those rumors spreading about me, I… I guess I could handle it mostly because I surrounded myself with people who knew those weren't true. Who I never even had to tell the truth for them to know none of the stories were true." His heart is racing, and he wishes it would just stop already. Why can't he just let this go? Why can't he forget about it already?, "And, huh, one of those people was, huh," Say it. Say his name. Say it., "A boy. And he was… so understanding, and so… kind, about all of it. I never told him what happened, but he never asked me to. He said he understood even if he didn't know. It really felt like he had my back, and… I don't know, it felt… like he cared about me. I thought he did. He told me he did. He kissed me, and he… well, one night he filled a classroom with flowers and candles, just like last night, and I was… so impressed…" he almost laughs at that, "And we started kissing, and making out, and… you know…"
"I… I'm not… you had sex…?" Kurt asks carefully, clearly trying not to inflect his voice with any reaction to the idea.
"Well, I… I guess. If you… The definition isn't – I, well… Igavehimablowjob." Blaine mutters, certain that if he says the words really fast they sting less, "And the next day, because apparently the world works like that – the very next day I overheard him talking to some friends of his. About me. Telling them about how I… huh, you know, huh, gave him … head… saying I did it just so he'd do my homework for me, and showing them the hickeys as evidence… I just… I was mortified."
"Oh…"
"I just… I didn't even… I couldn't even confront him about it, afterwards. The rumors just kept spreading, and slut got added to the list, right after retard, and I couldn't even… I just… I was sure if I so much as paused to think about it for one second I'd never stop. So, I never talked to him again. Ever."
"He… He's still a student here?"
Blaine kind of feels like gagging. Ridiculous, Blaine, you're just a big ridiculous baby. "Yeah… Actually."
"Blaine." Kurt says, his voice suddenly dead serious. Careful, tender, sweet even, but also authoritative, "Who is it?"
He shakes his head and avoids the temptation of looking back towards the castle, where Kurt's team has probably already disappeared into, "You don't… You don't need to know."
Kurt looks at him for another long moment and then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, "I already know." He whispers, like it's some kind of personal defeat. Exactly what Blaine wanted to avoid.
"Kurt…!" Blaine gasps as Kurt practically jumps out of his seat and starts down the stands, "Kurt, don't! Please! Stop!" Blaine manages to catch a hold of Kurt's elbow, but the other boy just keeps taking two steps at a time and Blaine just stumbles after him.
"It was Sebastian, wasn't it?!" he calls over his shoulder, his voice filled with rage and disgust.
"Kurt!"
Kurt lets Blaine still him and turns back to him. There are angry tears in his eyes, "Wasn't it?!"
"Y-y-yes." Blaine gasps, frowning, suddenly lost for words or reaction, "Kurt, I-"
"I'm gonna kill him. I am going to kill him." Kurt mutters through gritted teeth, wiping angrily at his cheeks and turning back to sprint his way to the castle.
"Kurt please, just stop!" Blaine takes off after him, breathless and completely confused, "KURT!" he just keeps running, almost off the pitch now, "KURT, I'm begging you! STOP!"
Kurt slows down enough that Blaine manages to catch his wrist and pull him back. They stand breathless for a long time, staring at each other and waiting for the words to come back to them.
"Kurt, please. I'm humiliated as it is."
"What? No. You don't – he's the one-"
"Kurt. He made a fool out of me. But at least no one knows it. Or if they do, they don't think it's true anymore. Finally! Finally no one's calling me anything but my actual name! I'm just… I want to forget about it. I want to pretend like it didn't happen. That's what I need. And if you care about me at all, I beg you to please respect that. Just let it go." He breathes, his voice cracks and he hates himself for it all over again, "You can think I'm a coward, or a pushover and you can even dump me for not standing up for myself the way I should have… I'll understand if that's how you feel, but I can't bring it all back up again. I was a stupid kid who thought big romantic gestures were true love, and I was naïve and desperate and…"
"Vulnerable, hurt, helpless." Kurt says, like he's trying prove a point.
"Exactly." Blaine breathes, "And I fell for it, and I felt dirty and humiliated for months, because, I… I honestly thought he was… That he… cared about me, that we…" Blaine stops and lets the words get stuck in his throat before he swallows them back down and chooses new ones, "that was the worst thing out of everything that year. And it's just so ridiculous, because how many people out there lost their virginities to idiots? And they're fine… They didn't cry themselves to sleep over it. They moved on."
"Blaine…"
"And I will, too. I have. I did. I'm over it. I just... It was too much like that night. And I know it's not like that. I know you're not Sebastian, and you're not… going to make me feel like that, but it was an irrational moment."
"Blaine… He needs to-"
"I'm over it, I really am." He says it like it's a period mark at the end of an essay. He hopes Kurt gets that.
"Blaine." Kurt breathes, stepping closer. His eyes are pleading for something, and Blaine really wishes he could give it to him, whatever it is. But he just can't.
"Please." Blaine shakes his head, wrapping his arms tight over himself and feeling absolutely no better for it, "Just let it go."
"I… Okay." He sighs, and steps closer, "It's gone. I promise." Kurt nods, making sure their eyes meet, he smiles tentatively before he wraps his arms around Blaine's shoulders. As Blaine hugs back relief washes over their bodies like a tidal wave and they stand like that for a long time.
"Thank you…" Blaine mumbles into the crook of Kurt's neck, and the other boy just nods in return and hugs a little tighter.
"For the record," Kurt says as he pulls back, "I don't think you're a coward. I think you're unbelievably brave."
Blaine just gives him disbelieving chuckle and mutters, "No need to condescend me."
"I'm not condescending you. I genuinely think that." Kurt says, very serious, with such intensity in his eyes that Blaine needs to look away, "If I'd been through what you've been in the last couple of years, I wouldn't be dating at all, let alone letting some idiot who was a jackass to me be my boyfriend."
Blaine gives him a small little smile as he bites his lip and scrunches up his nose, "You had a jackass moment," he shrugs, "You're not a jackass."
"I had more than one."
"I guess maybe you're just that irresistible." Blaine chuckles, stepping very, very close and touching their noses in an adorable little nudge.
Kurt kisses him soundly, clearly getting the message that the subject needs to be changed.
"So…" Kurt starts afterwards, "Now that we're definitely not breaking up after one day of officially being together, for our fourth date, how about you accompany me to Hogsmeade?"
Blaine lets his stomach and heart settle back to their usual paces, and his smile grow back to its usual size, or at least close to it, "That would be lovely." He sighs. He's still exhausted, but it honestly feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he can breathe properly again.
"So, it's a date."
"I'll have to check with Mike, because I think he wanted to have an extra practice that afternoon, seen as our big game is the next day, dearest enemy boyfriend."
"Oh, is it? I'd forgot!" Kurt makes a show of confusion and Blaine's laughter comes easy.
"Sure you did!"
-x-
If the school had a rumored unofficial idea of their relationship, not it seems that it's certified. Where it used to be quick, little kisses in the library, now Kurt has taken to surprising Blaine between classes, pressing strong kisses to his cheeks and lips before taking his hand and walking him to class – which Blaine is more than glad to reciprocate, of course. He's also decided to have lunch at the Hufflepuff table – Blaine offers to alternate between their two tables but Kurt just shakes his head (he doesn't say it, but Blaine knows he doesn't want Blaine sharing the same table as Sebastian).
It's actually pretty fantastic. Well, Blaine isn't exactly sold on having his personal life on display for free interpretation (for the second time in two years), but this time it's mostly positive chatter and he can't deny that it's nice to walk hand in hand with Kurt and spend more than a few hours studying together. These sort of small gestures get Blaine wondering how anyone ever prefers big ones over a constant, happy trickle of romance.
He might only feel that way because big gestures were completely ruined for him, where he used to dream about flower filled rooms, and public serenades, and magnificent words, but, in the end, as he accepts solitary, discreet flowers from Kurt, and enjoys his gentle, genuine kisses he thinks it might actually have been for the best. Big gestures are insecure – big gestures have something to prove, maybe even something to lie about. Small gestures? They're there because they want to be there. Blaine's glad to know that now.
He tells Kurt that, and while he doesn't say it exactly, Blaine understands that it was the exact reasoning behind the sudden change – understanding that Blaine would've preferred it this way after everything that happened. The thought makes him grin and make sure to go up to the owlery and send Kurt a note saying "You're my favorite boyfriend!". He watches Kurt receive it and read it over breakfast all those tables away. Kurt looks up at him, grinning and laughing, before he shakes his head and scribbles something down. Blaine barely lets him finish writing before he summons the note.
"I hope I'm your only boyfriend!" the word only is underlined three times. Blaine just looks over to Kurt and shoots him his brightest grin with a wink.
Sam, Mike and Tina seem sold on Kurt, too – having definitely decided he's worth Blaine's time and fully supporting their relationship. Their attentive eyes have turned affectionate and even a little teasing sometimes. Even Rachel Berry seems a new fixture in Blaine's life, and she's not as obnoxious as he would have guessed. She makes it a point to stop and say hi when they cross paths on the corridor, and ask if he needs any notes or books for his studying, and each time, when he declines with a smile, she returns it bright and proud, and more than once tells him she's really impressed by what he's attempting to do.
"Don't let anyone tell you you can't do it! You're the only one who gets to decide what you can and can't do! And, Blaine, you're a wizard – you can do anything." Her cheerful, encouraging words are usually accompanied by a hug, and by the second time it happens Blaine's over the shock, and hugs her back with a cheerful thank you.
The only reaction he's not entirely sold on is Santana Lopez who just stares at him a lot. Blaine wonders if she's mad at Kurt for dating Blaine – if the problem is that he's on an opposing Quidditch team, if it's that he's a Hufflepuff, or if it's that he's a boy. Sometimes he dares to stare back and she usually looks away without even bothering to hide it. The few times he talks to her, when he goes to meet Kurt and she's with him, they keep it at hello and goodbye. He shares his concerns with Kurt on their Wednesday night patrol and Kurt goes silent for a moment before he shakes his head and says, "She has zero problems with you. Or us. In fact I'd go so far as to say she actually likes you and the concept of us being together."
Blaine scrunches up his nose and shakes his head, "I don't believe you."
"She's not an easy person, Blaine. And she's not cuddly. Or nice." Kurt shrugs, "But she doesn't hate you."
"Huh." Blaine concedes, even if not entirely convinced.
Kurt side eyes him and then laughs and shakes his head. Blaine reaches over to take Kurt's hand and pull him close until their shoulders brush as they walk, and they keep their silence as they go through the empty, dark corridors.
They haven't talked about Blaine's Awful Secret again, but Blaine's hard pressed to stop thinking about it. Whenever they fall into a silence like this, even if he knows it's just their usual comfortable silence where they just enjoy each other's company without need for more, he can't help spiral down into a world of self-doubt and dangerous trains of thought. He vacillates between wondering if Kurt thinks he's infantile and idiotic for making such a big deal out of a botched first time and trying to calculate how long it'll be before he's honestly and truly over it. He wonders if Kurt will get sick of waiting if it's not soon enough. He wonders if he can trick his mind into being over it – he wonders if the reason he freaked out so royally was simply because the circumstances were basically the same; so he wonders if he were to drastically change those, take away all the flowers, the candles, the faux romance, if then he could easily take all those steps with Kurt without ever flashing back to a year ago and the acid bitter taste in his mouth when he had his head down a toilet the very second Sebastian and his friends closed the bathroom door behind themselves.
For now, the only thing Blaine can do is make sure there's nothing to talk about in regards to that. He needs to ensure Kurt doesn't think Blaine is having trouble with that kind of thing. He needs to ensure Kurt doesn't get worried and bring it up again, because he needs to never have that conversation again.
Just like their previous patrol on Monday night, tonight they're deep into the maze-like corridors of Hogwarts when Blaine smirks and makes a show of wanting to check the back of a statue – because kids these days, they find the most insane little places for illicit activities – and dragging Kurt along to it. In a swift, smooth movement that makes Kurt gasp and chuckle, he has the other boy pressed against the smooth back of the statue and their lips together. Kurt never takes too long surrendering and they forget all about patrolling and prefect duties as they kiss for what could be hours.
This is so easy, Blaine thinks, this is perfect. So can one really blame him for hoping that when eventually this isn't enough anymore, everything else will be just as easy and he'll never have to worry again?
Kurt lets his arms rest on Blaine's shoulders, one hand lazily buried in his hair, while Blaine holds him close by the waist and their kisses deepen.
A throat clears next to them and they yank themselves apart amidst yelps and jumps. Blaine's heart is in his mouth when he turns around, only to find himself face to face (or yet, face to chest) with Professor Beiste.
"Oh my god!" he breathes.
"Boys, this… isn't… well…" She looks about as embarrassed as them. Her cheeks are a deep shade of red and her eyes are fleeting, "I'm… I should probably separate you-"
"Please don't!" Blaine blurts out and then cringes at the desperate edge to his voice. He forces himself to breathe before he says, "We promise we won't… get distracted again, but we can't get any alone time otherwise. If you separate us-"
"You know Blaine's swamped with schoolwork." Kurt supplies.
Blaine trailing off right where Kurt leaves off, "And between that and prefect duties, and-"
"Not even being in the same year-"
"We spend most of our dates in the library studying-"
"It's ve-"
"Boys!" Professor Beiste interrupts their joint stream of consciousness, still red faced but finally capable of looking them in the face, "It's fine. It's okay. Keep the patrols. Just. Patrol. And, huh, five points from each of your houses."
"Yes, Professor." They say at once, and she just looks at them, a slight panic to her eyes, before she spins on her heel and practically jogs her way out of there, shaking her head.
They're left staring after her, chests heaving, hairs a mess, and jaws slack.
"Holy shit…" Kurt breathes after she's disappeared.
With that Blaine can't help himself. He bursts out laughing. He doubles over and clutches his stomach and he just roars with laughter. He's on his knees, wheezing by the time he manages to get a grip on himself. Kurt's sat down next to him by now, chuckling and looking at Blaine like he's a little bit insane.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!" Blaine mumbles, "it's just… she must be so confused,…!" he cackles, "Last time she spoke with us we couldn't stand each other." He whimpers and bites his lip to keep from bursting out laughing again, "And now we're sucking faces."
"Do you think she thinks we were playing her?" Kurt whispers and Blaine laughs some more.
"I don't know, we'd have to be really good actors, cuz that was some hate you had for me there."
"You hated me too." Kurt clicks his tongue and scoffs.
"Absolutely not." Blaine chuckles and shakes his head; "I never hated you for a second. I only ever liked you. You know that. I told you that."
For some reason that catches Kurt off guard and he deflates visibly, "I… I'm just… I'm sorry." Kurt cringes, "For all of that."
Blaine rolls his eyes and crawls closer, "You're here with me now." He grins and tries to kiss Kurt – he fails miserably because it's really hard to kiss someone while you're beaming, "That's literally all that matters."
"Thank you."
"You do like me now, don't you?" Blaine pulls back, still giddy and giggling.
"I… yeah, of course… I… I really like you, Blaine Anderson." Those words, said out loud with such visible candor, ignite a thrilling fire in Blaine's chest.
He grins, "I really, really like you, Kurt Hummel." He crawls even further into Kurt's space, until he's straddling his lap, and he kisses him again. He feels Kurt completely melting under his touch and his lips, and the thought makes him even bolder. Emptying his mind of anything that isn't Kurt and his wonderful body, he lets his hips press down on Kurt's.
"Blaine…" Kurt breathes between gasps, "…Professor…"
"One day…" Blaine tells him between kisses, "We won't be in a corridor… and we'll be alone… and there'll be no reason to stop…"
"Blaine…!"
"I'm looking forward to that day…" Blaine breathes as he kisses Kurt's ear, nibbling on the lobe, "Just so you know."
"I… Hmm." Kurt lets Blaine kiss his neck very thoroughly before he pulls back, and frames Blaine's face in his hands. He locks their eyes before he says, "You have nothing to prove to me, okay?"
"I…" Blaine freezes. He doesn't understand how this can feel so suffocating, even as Kurt looks at him with nothing but kind understanding in his eyes. The stark reminder that Kurt still thinks about it, that Kurt knows about it – the realization that Kurt will always remember it, and consider it when thinking about Blaine and their relationship together… it leaves him in some sort of panic.
"You don't have to make anything up to me, okay?"
"I… it's not…"
"It is." Kurt nods, "But it's fine. I'm not… I'm okay. I want you at whatever pace makes you comfortable."
"I… I'm… This… this is nothing like before, I know that." Blaine mumbles, lost and a little desperate. Please forget it. Please forget all about it. Please see me as a normal person. Please. "I'm not scared."
"I'm glad you know that, but… I'm not so sure you're okay with moving so fast. I don't want you to give me something because you think you should. Because you think it's what I want. Just… just think about it, okay?"
"I… huh, okay… I-I will."
"Thank you." Kurt gives him a fond, beautiful smile
-x-
When he gets back to the common room Sam, Mike and Tina are sitting in a circle, pillows keeping their butts warm from the cold floor, a fragile half-pyramid of exploding snap between them.
"I'm pretty sure I could duck Tina some points for not being in her own common room by this time." He says as way of greeting, and they only grunt in slight recognition, too mesmerized with Sam's barely steady hand and its slow approach to the masterpiece, "Although, I wouldn't have any moral to do it after I just lost points for making out in the corridors instead of patrolling them."
That does the trick, as Sam turns to gape at Blaine and drops the card – Kaboom, it goes.
Blaine laughs while all of them yelp and jump out of range. There's alarm and chaos for a while there. Tina's hair catches fire and she panics and squeals "PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!" Until Mike douses her with water, and the whole common room seems to fall completely silent with the fizzling and the steam.
"So that was exciting." Blaine mutters, flicking his wand to clean out the middle of the circle, before he grabs his own pillow and squeezes himself between Tina and Sam.
"Oh my god, is it ruined?" Tina is holding locks of long dark, wet hair and Blaine winces at the way some of them end way too soon.
"Reparo." Sam mutters, pointing his wand at her ruined hair. Blaine gives him a fond smile and shakes his head, "Worth a shot." Sam shrugs.
"I think Kurt mentioned he's handy with some scissors, if you want…" Blaine offers sympathetically.
"I guess…" She sighs, completely dejected, "We'll see. I think I read an article about this kind of stuff on Witch Weekly the other day."
"Okay, so now that that's dealt with," Sam reaches out to squeeze her knee, fast and completely uncaring, "we can move on to something truly important. What's this about house points and making out?"
Blaine doesn't know if he should blush or laugh. He does both, "Well, Kurt and I got a little… sidetracked during our patrol and Professor Beiste caught us. I think she was more embarrassed than us, actually. She couldn't get out of there fast enough."
"Oh my god!" Tina seems to have forgotten all about her hair, "What did she say?!"
"Well, first she said she should probably separate our patrolling schedules, but then we convinced her not to, somehow…" he pauses because now that he thinks about it that's completely insane that they actually complained to a professor that they didn't have enough alone time, "And then she ducked five points for each of us, and ran away. Like literally, she was this close to sprinting away from us."
"What? Why?"
"I have no idea, but I'm so sorry to have put her in that position…" Blaine says with a halfhearted chuckle.
"Yes, that's why making out is usually done in private," Mike supplies, "So that we don't make other people uncomfortable."
Sam bursts out laughing, "Please, I've lost count of all the saliva I've seen you two exchange!"
"And let's not forget the running tally for the amount of times Mike's roommates walk in, only to walk back out and slam the door shut with the sweet parting words of "Dammit, Changs!" – I think that number is actually in the double digits by now." Blaine adds like he's the host of a lame talent show.
"You're just jealous." Tina says haughtily, "You wish you had something like this."
"I have." Blaine deadpans.
"And I will too, soon enough." Sam shrugs, "If Blaine could tell Kurt to tell Mercedes I'm an excellent catch. You know she's single now."
Blaine grins, "I can definitely do that!" and they high five.
"Awww, look at us… A portrait of young love!" Tina coos, and Blaine squints trying to decipher if she's being genuine or making fun of this whole conversation.
"So things with Kurt…" Mike starts, "They're good?"
Blaine relaxes into a genuine smile, "Yes…" he breathes, "Things with Kurt are pretty fantastic."
"Awww!" Tina coos, reaching out to pet his nose, "Congratulations! You can tell Kurt that we have officially invited you to be part of the very exclusive Cute Couples Club."
"Oh, that's so kind of you, thank you! What are the privileges?"
"Having people who appreciate the awesomeness of a good couple's life." She says, "And maybe joining us for a double date on Saturday… Hogsmeade?"
"Ha! So no extra practice?!" Blaine grins towards Mike, who lets out a really long sigh and shrugs sluggishly.
"Everyone was begging out of it."
"And I was bugging him out of it." Tina adds cheerily.
"Yeah, there was that, too." He concedes, letting her pull him closer and kiss his cheek.
"Cool." Blaine claps his hands, "But I'm gonna have to get back to you on that double date, because it's our first Hogsmeade day and he might have something in mind."
"I'm feeling so excluded from this conversation, right now." Sam murmurs.
-x-
Blaine's lunch is interrupted by Finn Hudson sitting down right next to him – literally right next to him. Sam was sitting next to him, but Finn Hudson is suddenly between them, pressed against him thighs to shoulder.
"Hey, dude, Kurt's not here?"
"Huh." Blaine frowns, scooting as far as possible without climbing onto Tina's lap, "No, you need him? I'm not sure, I tried looking for him, but I was starving and have class soon, so…"
"No. I wanted to talk to you alone." Finn says, and Blaine gives his still half-full plate of food a mournful look, already prepared to be yanked out of the table and taken somewhere private. But apparently Finn Hudson's idea of alone isn't particularly close to Blaine's or, well, everyone else's, because he just starts talking like they're not surrounded by at least three more people, "So the thing is, you and Kurt are together, and I always thought you were a cool dude, except for all those months they were saying you were like a prostitute for homework or whatever, but I had my doubts even then, and then Professor Pillsbury had that whole talk about how false rumors are horrible and how no one should ever use words like retard or slut and stuff, because they're super offensive, so I get that it was all lies, and you're not like that. But still, cuz I don't know if you know but Kurt and I are brothers now, so I feel like I need to tell you that if you're like… a bad boyfriend or something, I'll totally kick your ass."
"Oh." Blaine raises his eyebrows, "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah." Blaine gives him the best smile he can muster through his complete confusion, still trying to wrap his head around Finn's apparent stream of consciousness.
"Cool!" He grins and moves to go.
"Finn?"
"Yeah?"
"Does Kurt know about this conversation?"
"No! And he can't!" Finn shakes his head, "I mean, I think he'd probably be totally mad or something if he knew."
"Well, that should probably tell you something about its appropriateness, no?"
"What?"
"Never mind. I just… Kurt's a big boy, Finn. He can handle himself. Just so you know."
"Huh-"
"Which is not to say he'll have to prove that, because I – you know what, just forget it. I hear you man, and I'll do my best to be the boyfriend he deserves, and I know he'll do the same for me." He finishes with a polite smile and Finn beams and offers him a fist bump.
When the huge mountain of a boy leaves Tina slumps over the table and sighs, "Ugh, the talk. I didn't even know people still did that."
"I didn't either…" Blaine frowns, "And I… huh,… just don't see why he would just… give me the talk."
"Maybe we should go up to Kurt and tell him he's dead meat if he messes with you." Mike grins, clearly not serious.
"Please don't." Blaine cringes with a laugh.
"Did you receive any death threats when we started dating?" Tine leans across toward Mike, who presses his lips together and touches his finger to his nose sheepishly.
"Who?!" She gasps, a mix of curiosity, offense and amusement.
Suddenly Sam clears his throat, "So I'm gonna-"
"Samuel!" She gasps, "Oh my god! I can't decide if I hate or love you more, right now!"
"Obviously love-"
"But I feel a need to inform you that women are perfectly capable of making decisions and taking risks on their own, and that they don't need men protecting them or their honor." Sam groans and lets his head fall against the table, "And someone should also inform Hudson of that very fact about his brother, and how it's actually super offensive that he'd think that about his own brother, and how he was subconsciously and implicitly saying Kurt was the gi-"
"Must she always go on and on about this stuff?" Sam groans, and Mike and Blaine exchange an amused glance.
"Actually she must." Mike says calmly, "It's important stuff, dude."
Tina preens, "Thank you for supporting my blazing feminism, sweetie."
"Awww!" Blaine coos and pets her nose. He pauses for a second before he asks, "Did I do it right? Cuz I wanna be a good member for the Cute Couples Club."
Mike laughs and Tina just nods and grins, while Sam gives the most long suffering sigh, "Seriously guys!"
"Oh!" Tina gasps, "There's your boy!"
Blaine turns towards the door and the effort it takes for his smile not to drop at once is heroic, to say the least. He feels his stomach tightening as he spots Kurt entering the Great Hall next to Sebastian, who seems to be doing all the talking, while Kurt wears the blankest stare Blaine's ever seen. When Sebastian seems to be done talking Kurt nods, says something, and Sebastian grins and starts again.
Did Kurt confront him? Is Sebastian denying everything and spreading more lies? Is Kurt going to believe him?
Blaine swallows his dread and gets up from the table, not that hungry anymore, walking over.
"You are a true sport, Hummel, and the team- Oh, Anderson!" Sebastian grins as soon as he notices him approaching, "Coming to get your darling? Worried I'm stealing him away?" He chuckles and tsks with one of his greasy smiles, "Don't even, I promise I'm not his type, and he's not mine. You know, I can't handle high maintenance guys, I like it when they're, you know, easier and, hum, what's the word? Pathe-, hm, lo-, no… generous! Yes, generous. We should catch up some time, I feel like we haven't really talked in ages. We used to be buddies, I don't even know what happened. Oh my god, I'm totally keeping you guys. What an idiot! Anyway, don't let me waste another moment you could spend staring longingly into each other's eyes. Bye."
Blaine doesn't notice he's clenching his jaw until Kurt's taking his hand and whispering, "Blaine… are you okay?"
He closes his eyes and shakes his head, "I… Yeah. It's… it's nothing. It's just…" he swallows and tries not to feel so tight in his own skin, "It's just the first time we've spoken since… actually… it's not even that because he spoke to me and I… just stood here like…" each adjective his mind comes up with is worse than the previous and he'll probably cry if he says any of them out loud. Instead he breathes, "I'm pathetic."
"No, no!" Kurt gasps, "You're no such thing."
Blaine rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "I am, but that's-"
"No, you're my boyfriend." Kurt interrupts, "You're my boyfriend and I'd never be caught dead with a pathetic boyfriend." Blaine can't help chuckling and Kurt takes his chin between his fingers and adds, "In fact, I wouldn't be caught dead kissing anyone pathetic in public, and I'm about to kiss you, so…" and then he kisses him, right there in the middle of the Great Hall, with probably more than half of Hogwarts student body watching them and wishing they could have listened to the conversation.
Blaine's smile may not be the brightest or the happiest, but it's still ridiculously quick to come as he wraps his arms around Kurt and leans into him.
"I'm going to go have lunch," Kurt says, grinning as he pulls away, "and I'm sorry I was late, and I know you have to get going in five minutes, but you are going to meet me for dinner in the Room of Requirement and I don't care if you have essays to write – you'll write them tomorrow or whatever."
Blaine chuckles, "Yeah, sure."
"So, I'll see you there." Kurt grins, kissing Blaine's cheek and turning.
Blaine catches his wrist, "You know, even if Finn hadn't threatened me with bodily harm, I'd never, ever, ever want to ruin this thing between us."
Kurt frowns, "Finn what?"
Blaine laughs and pulls him back for a real kiss before sending Kurt towards his table.
-x-
"So." Kurt starts as he watches Blaine unpeel the golden dough off the croissant in his hands with a curious amused little smile, "Do we want to just goof off or do we want to talk about it?"
"What's it?" Blaine asks while stuffing the dough in his mouth.
"You know." Kurt rolls his eyes and Blaine cringes.
"It was just a bad moment. I don't need to talk about it. Sebastian's a piece of shit. I shouldn't even have approached you two, but my head was spinning with possibilities, and I thought you'd confronted him about me, and that he'd started telling you lies or something-"
"I promised I wouldn't confront him about it." Kurt says slowly, "And he's my Quidditch captain. I can't exactly just cut him one hundred per cent out of my life."
"No, I know. I just…Like I said. Bad moment." Blaine rolls his eyes and puts some more croissant dough in his mouth.
Kurt gives him a sad smile, before he shakes his head and chuckles, "Can't you just eat your croissant like a normal person?"
Blaine can't help smirking, "How do normal people eat croissants?"
"They bite them." Kurt deadpans, even though he's clearly amused.
"But then you don't save the best for last!" Blaine counters, peeling the last layer of dough, shoving it into his mouth, and exhibiting the partially melted, delicious looking, huge stripe of chocolate on a very thin piece of dough. He rolls it carefully, ignoring the amount of chocolate spilling onto his fingers and then puts the whole thing in his mouth and closes his eyes, moaning as everything becomes silky smooth sweetness.
Kurt's voice pulls him back to reality, "That's pornographic, Blaine."
Blaine makes sure he's swallowed the whole thing and wipes his teeth thoroughly with his tongue before he laughs and says, "You should try it. I promise you, this is the only way to eat a chocolate croissant."
Kurt eyes him for a moment, before he looks inside the box (Kurt decided tonight's dinner would be dessert themed – which actually just means eating a lot of desserts) and finds a second croissant. Blaine coaches him through it, more so he can have an excuse to guide his hands, than out of necessity. It's not that hard to peel dough off a croissant and leave the best for last.
When Kurt finally puts the whole chunk of chocolate in his mouth and groans, his eyes wide in appreciation, Blaine laughs loudly and waits patiently until Kurt has swallowed before he crawls over and kisses him deeply. "I like this." He says as he pulls back smacking his lips, "I'm a genius."
"I don't say this lightly," Kurt mutters, leaning back in and brushing their lips, "But you actually are."
They pull back with a wet smack that makes both of them laugh and blush.
"So!" Kurt says, "Any more pieces of edible wisdom?"
"It really just adds up to saving the best for last." Blaine shrugs.
Kurt nods with a cheeky smile that turns sweet, "So we're really not going to talk about it?"
"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine sighs.
"I want you to know you can, if you want."
"I don't." Blaine shakes his head, "There's nothing to talk about."
"Okay." Kurt nods with finality, "Let's do whatever else."
Blaine grins, "Let's dance." He hops to his feet and jogs towards the gramophone and the wall lined with shelves nearly collapsing under the weight of towers and towers and vinyl records, "I am going to show you what you've been missing out, locked up in you high tower of magic."
With that Blaine grabs a Beatles record and drops the needle with the reverence it deserves.
He runs over to Kurt and grabs his hands, pulling him to his feet, "Asked a girl what she wanted to do!" he sings, and they dance.
They dance. They dance well into the night. Each song that they want miraculously appears on the shelf, right next to the gramophone and they just keep putting on song after song. They sing, too. They sing together and fall in love with the sound.
It must be ridiculously late by the time Kurt puts on a slow song, and Blaine frowns, but Kurt just takes his hand and pulls him back onto the pillows "I can't feel my feet, Blaine. I need to stop. Just… let's just lay here for a moment."
Blaine chuckles but lays down, body in the opposite direction than Kurt's, and head next to each other.
"Do you think if anyone knew how many times we've broken curfew to stay in here we'd be expelled?" Blaine wonders.
"Severely punished, probably. Not expelled."
"Okay, cool." Blaine nods, "Because I'm trying to skip a year, not school altogether."
Kurt's silent for a long while, before he asks softly, "What do people even do if they're expelled? Are they qualified for anything?"
"Well, there's that singer girl that quit."
"Yeah, but she had a plan. And she finished her OWL's, at least. And then she went to the Wizarding Academy of Performing Arts. But what if, you know, one day they just told you, you're out? You're on your own."
"If I was expelled I'd go sell ice-cream in Diagon Alley." Blaine announces, and Kurt turns to look at him, "When my parents and I went to Diagon Alley for the first time it was the first store that caught my eye. I loved it… all the colors. My dad, too. He told me in no uncertain terms that he would only ever be proud of me if I ended up working there."
He glances at Kurt and sees the confused frown on his face.
"My dad was kidding. Obviously."
"Would you be happy? Selling ice-cream?"
Blaine turns to look at Kurt and shrugs, "I don't know. Possibly. I mean, it wouldn't be particularly challenging, but maybe it'd be fun coming up with the flavors and you'd get to make a lot of children really happy. So, maybe."
"I guess." Kurt nods, and they fall back into silence.
This time, it's Blaine who breaks it. Voicing something he spends too much energy on ignoring.
"Actually," he starts, barely above a whisper, "I have no idea what I want to do after Hogwarts."
"No idea? Not even some possibilities?"
"Maybe the problem is too many possibilities. Maybe it's not enough… maybe I just don't have the right possibilities. I don't know. I keep thinking I've got time to figure it out, but if I do skip the year I'll havethis year and the next, and then that's it."
"What about Quidditch? You could do it professionally. Give it a year and there'll be scouts coming to talk to you after the games."
"I guess. But… I don't know. I like it, I love it. I love flying, and I love my team and being there. But I never… envisioned that for my life."
"What did you envision?"
Blaine laughs, and tries not to feel too nervous at the thought alone, "Can I be honest?"
"Of course."
He smiles to himself thinking about it, "Through every dream I ever had, as different as they all were, I always knew I wanted to be a dad."
"Oh!"
"Yeah…" Blaine chuckles, "So you see, that doesn't really help."
"Well, maybe it does a little. What's so compelling about it? About having a kid."
"Plural!" Blaine frowns with a smile, "Come on, Kurt. I'm ambitious." Kurt laughs at that, "I don't know, I just… it's evolved over the years, obviously, but… I guess I look at kids and I want to make them smile, and laugh. And I want to be there for them. Protect them, take care of them. Make sure the fantasy of perfection lasts a little longer, and giving them something to hold on to when it doesn't."
Kurt looks at him for a long moment, eyes a little sad, before he rolls over to his stomach, props himself up on his elbows and says, "And you can't find something where you feel like that's what you're doing?"
Blaine pauses and wonders if this is something he wants to voice and acknowledge, "There is, but… But it's not magic." He smiles, "I don't want to work at St. Mungus and just have them come and go, fixing scrapes or whatever. I want to help with the big things, you know? The big things here." He touches a finger to Kurt's temple and then to his heart, "and here."
Kurt is silent, frowning slightly.
"What if after all of this… After letters about wizarding school, and years learning spells and just… a crazy ride,… what if after all of this, I don't want to use any of it?"
"I… Blaine…"
"Until I was eleven years old I felt completely invisible in my life. My brother he's very… intense, and he kept the spotlight on him. You should see our home videos, it's hilarious." He laughs, bitterness over it long gone, "But then I turned eleven and I got a letter and… well, suddenly I was special."
Kurt smiles, understanding and small.
"It's not that it felt like my only source of happiness, but it felt… I don't know, it felt like I mattered. Which is silly because my parents weren't absent or anything. They cared, and they were there. But maybe... you know, maybe they never did a double take on me until that letter arrived."
"Blaine…"
He sighs and closes his eyes, "So what if after all of that, what I want isn't this, anymore."
"I think that'd be pretty special." Kurt says, "Having the courage to be true to yourself, no matter what anyone else expects from you."
"You think?"
"I think so. And I also think you actually know really well what you want to do after Hogwarts."
Blaine can't help smiling at that, and Kurt leans over to kiss him.
"Besides, you don't have to turn your back on this world. You know, maybe there's a reason so many wizards are completely insane. I think sometimes we get so caught up in magic, in thinking we have the secret to life that we forget muggles have been doing pretty good for themselves without it. Maybe they know some stuff we don't."
"Yes! Like Algebra! And French!"
"What?"
Blaine laughs and shakes his head, "Never mind."
Kurt pauses but concedes and leans back closer, "What I meant was that maybe being insane isn't just quirky – maybe sometimes it's downright unhealthy. And someone needs to do something about it." He gives Blaine a teasing, fond smile, "How's this for unrealistic dreaming? Revolutionizing the way the wizarding community thinks about mental health. Creating a whole new area of studies and expertise for medi-wizards. Changing what it means to help someone and to be healthy." Blaine's biting his lip, letting his imagination run wild and unable to deny the sudden spark of want coursing through him. His smile is struggling to keep small by the second, and Kurt laughs, "So, Blaine Anderson, what do you want to do after Hogwarts?"
"Study psychology." He says in an awed hush before he lets himself think twice about it. "I think. Maybe." He cringes and half-groans, half-laughs covering his face with his hands.
"Well," Kurt grins and pries his hands away, "The good news is that you still have two years to decide about it."
"Three years, maybe."
"Two." Kurt says with finality, going back to lie on his back, and Blaine grins.
"Kurt, can I ask you something?" Blaine mutters after a stretch of peaceful silence.
"Of course."
"Last year… what happened with David Karofsky?"
Kurt takes a long time to even so much as breathe. "He was… very confused. And he projected his confusion on to me. He hated me, because it was easier than hating himself."
"He's gay?"
"Yes. He didn't like it. He kissed me once. It scared the hell out of me, because he went from pushing me against a wall to kissing me. I pushed him off, I told him I'd hex the living hell out of him. Afterwards he threatened to kill me if I told anyone, and he was just… really scary." He sighs, long and shaky, "Professor Beiste and Professor Pillsburry noticed parts of it. They tried helping, but he got subtle, and they couldn't exactly put him in detention for looking at me the wrong way. But then, one day Professor Sylvester found me in pretty bad shape, and I told her everything… Next thing I know he's expelled."
"Oh…"
"It's over, and I guess I'm mostly fine. Actually, in hindsight, I'm happy he didn't turn on you, with what you were going through last year."
"Kurt…" Blaine breathes, horrified at the thought of Kurt going through that.
"But I kind of wish he'd used Sebastian as his punching bag…" he adds with a bitter chuckle. When Blaine doesn't laugh, he clears his throat and shrugs, "It's over, it's fine."
"I'm so sorry you went through that alone."
Kurt turns towards Blaine and shrugs with a smile, "I'm not alone anymore."
Blaine rolls onto his stomach and rests his head on Kurt's shoulder, "You're really not."
"You know, I'm glad you asked me about it." Kurt tucks a loose curl around Blaine's ear, "I know all of your deep dark secrets. Now you know one of mine."
With a smile Blaine leans over and kisses him, "You don't know all of my secrets."
"No?" Kurt smiles, "What am I missing?"
That I'm in love with you.
"That I actually hate cheesecake." He whispers and Kurt gasps like the world has just collapsed. It's the best thing ever.
-x-
The next day Blaine is slightly tired and sleep deprived. Just slightly, and it doesn't matter because it was for a good cause. He doesn't mind that he slept three hours, and he doesn't mind that he has to spend his entire free time that day in the library catching up on schoolwork.
It was a great night, from the dancing to the talking, it really feels like the sort of thing he needed to decompress after all the crazy things that'd been happening and the (hopefully not necessarily crazy) things that would be happening, like the Hogsmeade weekend, the game against Slytherin and the rapidly approaching first round of evaluations.
It's Friday and while he can't really say he'll sleep through the weekend (he can indeed oversleep a little bit on Saturday, which is better than nothing, but possibly not enough), he feels confident that a little sleep deprivation won't affect anything at all.
Except maybe his impulse control when he runs into Sebastian while returning to his dorms, after studying the whole afternoon, evening and even through dinnertime in the library.
He tries to walk right by him, stopping his practice of the Patronus Charm, clutching his books and wand a little tighter and hastening his steps, but then Sebastian wolf whistles and Blaine closes his eyes and braces himself for a whole new level of anger and unpleasantness.
"I meant what I said the other day, we should catch up. I never understood why you stopped talking to me, last year." Sebastian calls after him.
Blaine doesn't stop walking, "Because I hate you."
"Do you? That's a little strong."
"Sebastian, I'm exhausted, and I don't want to talk with you." He halts and faces Sebastian as strong as he can, hand wrapping tighter around his wand instinctively, "You know what you did, and you can continue to be as smug as you want about it – as long as you do it silently. I can't go back in time and undo anything, so just leave me be."
"But I honestl-"
"Can you please shut up?"
"It's my-"
"Petrificus Totalus." Blaine watches in semi-shock as Sebastian falls hard against the stone floor. With a heaving chest he tucks his wand into his bag. He breathes deeply before he looks back to Sebastian. His eyes are panicked – the only part of him capable of showing any emotion at all, "H-have a good night." Blaine breathes stuttering, "Excuse me."
He finds himself smiling without even noticing when it started. He laughs.
Having skipped dinner, he's smart enough to stop by the kitchens and eat something and writes a note to Kurt ("Your captain is petrified in the corridor by the Charms classroom. You should probably go unpetrify him. Discretely, please. xoxoxo") and asks a house elf to make sure he gets it soon.
Once he gets in his dorm, he strips down to his underwear and unceremoniously dives into bed and sleeps like a log.
Sam wakes him up a little too early but not so much so that it's offensive, and Blaine lets himself be dragged down to the common room where the Quidditch team is assembled.
Mike was clearly waiting for them to arrive, standing up, "Thank you for joining us in the land of the living, Blaine Anderson, star keeper, even if in your charming underwear."
Blaine frowns before the fresh air directly on his skin registers and he looks down to find himself clad in his bright purple briefs. He turns back towards the dorm but Sam catches him, "Nop." He pushes Blaine towards a chair, "God made you beautiful and perfect, you should embrace it."
Blaine clenches his jaw, and catches Mike's amused eyes. Mike gives him a little shrug and claps his hands together, "So, now that we're all here: I realize that you didn't want an extra practice, and I know many of you think the reason I gave up on it was because Tina said she wanted to use said time to make out. But it is not true. I gave up on it because we truly don't need it. It was overzealous of me, and I guess there are theories that support resting before big games." He distributes smiles around the team, "Now, that being said, I want you to keep your head in the game. Please don't stuff your faces in candy and get yourselves sick, or god forbid, have the brilliant idea to smuggle firewhiskey into Hogwarts and get drunk, or anything else. Enjoy your free time in Hogsmeade, as I will, but do it responsibly. Also, keep thinking about the plays we've been practicing. Run them over in your heads, close your eyes and play everything out. If you come back early get on your broom and fly for a little bit. This is a game that we know we can win, because we have. But we can't just relax and assume it'll happen. I want you all to remember, they have speed, but we have precision. Never compromise that for anything, because they will and that will be their downfall."
Mike gives all of them a good stare and then he focuses on Blaine, "And you. Two things. One, be awesome. Two, eyes on the quaffle, not on Kurt."
Blaine's torn between rolling his eyes and grinning, so he just sighs and nods, "As long as I get to tell you that when we're playing Ravenclaw."
"Ahh, but Tina holds the quaffle many a time." Mike winks, to which everyone laughs, "Okay, you can go now."
"Seriously?" Blaine gasps, "You dragged me out of bed to tell me to keep my head in the game."
"Your upstairs head, by the way." Sam grins next to Blaine with a laugh and extends a hand toward Mike for a high five. Blaine quirks an eyebrow and curls his lip in distaste at the joke, while Mike returns Sam's high five and adds, "And that I trust you to do a terrific job."
Blaine groans, "You could've said that tomorrow before the game, you moron." He stands and goes back to his room, making a point of not noticing who else besides the Quidditch team was in the common room to see him practically naked. He showers and gets dressed begrudgingly – it's not that he's not eager for today, it's that he'd be much happier if today had started a little later and that the reason it didn't is because his team Captain wanted to give the most useless pep talk ever.
It is also why he tells his Captain's girlfriend that she is dating a psychopath, as they sit down for breakfast.
She just smiles sweetly and says, "You're wearing that?"
"Yeah, why, what's wro-oh my god." He gasps as he notices he's wearing a bright pink bowtie with a green shirt and red pants. Not even he can pull that off.
"Maybe you should go change, after you eat. Before Kurt sees you."
"Yes." He nods, shoveling food into his mouth and grabbing another handful, "And you're coming with me to veto the bad choices," he grabs her hand and shoots off his seat and across the hall, "because apparently I'm not entirely sane today."
She protests slightly but ultimately lets herself be dragged to Blaine's dorm.
They come up with several options and Tina talks him into trying each one – for science. He chuckles, but concedes. They're mostly set on #4, simple but cheerful, and she checks her watch, "What time are you and Kurt meeting?"
"He's probably still in practice, and he'll want to eat after that, so we're meeting for lunch in the Great Hall at about one."
"Oh, okay… We'll wait for you, then." she shrugs, "So, will the game tomorrow be super awkward?"
Blaine smiles and shakes his head, "We're not even in direct competition. I mean, we couldn't possibly affect each other's performance, unless he decides to ignore the snitch and starts flying around the hoop trying to kiss me."
"Cuuute!" she points out.
"It would be as cute as it would be disastrous for both of us," he agrees, "Anyway, it'll be fine. We're not children. Whatever happens will be fine, and we'll both give it our best shot. We're not the first or the last couple playing on opposing teams. In fact, there's you and Mike, there'll be Sam and Mercedes soon enough," he says smirking, "and judging from Kurt's account, Rachel and Hudson are on their way as well. If other people can make it work, I don't see why the two of us can't." he shrugs, "You know, he's a great seeker, and it's just another thing about him for me to be proud of."
"I should be recording this, to show him." She says, cooing, "He'd love you forever!"
"I can always just tell him that, and we'll see if it buys me that much affection." He shrugs, "So, we're set on this one?" he asks, and she nods, so he starts putting everything else back in his chest.
"Have you exchanged I love yous?" Tina asks, twirling her now daily braid between her fingers. He blushes, glances at her and shakes his head, "Do you?" she presses.
He blushes deeper and presses his lips into a deep line, barely concealing his smile and nodding, small and embarrassed. She squeals.
"Do you wanna tell him first or are you going to wait for him to say it?"
Blaine laughs, "I don't know, I haven't thought about it, Tina. I just… I think I'm just waiting for a moment when it feels… relevant. I mean, I know every moment is a relevant moment, after all. But still, it's a first time, and I'd like it to be somewhat special," he grins, "I mean, no fireworks needed, or anything. But… you know, one of those moments."
"Can I give you some advice?"
"Sure."
"Don't overthink it. You want a special moment? There'll be one when you just feel it, and you feel it so much it's like you're about to explode. That's the special moment you need. And it might be just because he smiled."
"Okay."
"And if he doesn't say it back, trust that he will some day. Soon enough."
He laughs at that, "Thanks for assuming."
"No problem. I want you to be happy in your special moments. No matter what, your first times stay with you forever."
Blaine feels his smile faltering, and his mind flashes to Sebastian Smythe sprawled on the floor petrified last night. Some first times he could really do without.
"Tina… Can I ask you something?"
"Absolutely."
He folds his last shirt and puts it away before he sits down with a deep breath, "How was it…? Losing your virginity?"
She seems a little surprised at the question, but she giggles and then she shrugs, "It was fantastic. I trusted him, I loved him. It was awkward, and a little embarrassing at moments, but it was also magical because I felt safe with Mike."
"Good, I- that's amazing, Tina."
"Are you thinking of taking that step with Kurt?"
"I… well, it's not exactly like that. But I… I want to be ready…? If that makes any sense."
Her smile slips a little, "I don't – I… what's not exactly like that? Because you're gay? Listen, it's not as black and white, what's sex and what's not, but that's bul-"
"No, it's… hm, it's not that." Blaine murmurs, scratching his forehead just to distract himself from it, "I kind of… did it – some-, not- anyway, I wouldn't exactly consider myself a virgin. But it wasn't… I didn't… At the time I thought I could trust that person, but I couldn't and it felt like… I wasted something… So…"
"Blaine…" she gasps.
"I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want you guys to think I was even more pathetic than I already was last year. But Kurt knows, and he's very respectful about it. And I guess… I mean, I know I can trust him, and I do love him. And I suppose that should be enough, but then… I don't know. I don't think I'm ready."
"Then don't do it."
"But…"
"No buts. If you're not sure, you can't do it, Blaine."
"I just… I really, really regret it." Blaine breathes, pressing his back against the headboard and pulling his knees close to his chest.
"Hey." Tina smiles, hand on his knee, "You may not be a virgin – and that concept alone is so stupid and problematic, honey, you should just forget about it – but you're still an amazing person, and whoever gets to be with you like that is insanely lucky. When you do share that with someone, Kurt or whoever else, it'll still be special – as long as you know how valuable you are in it." she scoots closer, prying his hands from his knees and holding them, "You're not food – you don't get chewed up and spit out. You don't lose value with each person you're with. You're valuable on your own, always and no matter what."
"I… I thought I knew that."
She gives him a sad smile, "Sex is supposed to make you feel good, not bad, or guilty, or dirty."
He shrugs, "Yeah, I… I know. It's not like I was saving myself for marriage or anything. I was fine with not being the one true love of my life or whatever. But I'd just… hoped it would be someone good, who made me feel special. And then I just felt so betrayed. And angry with myself, for falling for it, you know? I really couldn't understand how I'd let that happen…"
"You rushed yourself because you thought that was what that guy wanted from you." She tells him, and he doesn't have an answer to that for a long moment.
"And I'm doing it again, aren't I?" he frowns.
Tina gives a reassuring, but sad smile, "Well, the good news is that this time you actually love him – you don't just want to have someone who likes you. So, when it does happen, it's going to be totally amazing. But until then, you gotta make sure it's just that, two people being together, nothing to prove to themselves or each other."
He returns her smile and nods.
"So, bottom line. Don't stress yourself too much over it because some day it'll happen and you'll be ready, but, for the love of god, don't push yourself to be ready when you're not."
"Thank you… Thank you. I really needed to hear that." Blaine smiles, "I mean, Kurt's really understanding. He's great about it, he is. But I just… I guess I needed someone from the outside to tell me I'm not crazy."
"Of course…!" she wraps her arms around him, "You're so incredibly not crazy."
He pulls back and kisses her cheek, "I guess it just really sucks when you think you're over something and it turns out you're not."
"You will be."
-x-
"Have I told you lately how fantastic you are?" A voice pulls Blaine out of his staring contest with his empty plate, whispered right next to his ear. Blaine turns to find Kurt slipping easily into the seat next to him, "I laughed like I have never laughed in all my life."
Blaine can't help smiling as he blushes and keeps his eyes on his plate, "Promise not to tell anyone! This close to the game I'd get kicked off the team."
"Of course I won't." Kurt says, "And neither will he. He knows you have a lot more on him, and besides, he'd look pretty idiotic if everyone knew the person he kept slandering all year last year made an idiot out of him that easy."
They exchange a smile and Blaine leans over to kiss him, "I… I adore you."
Kurt's eyebrows rise and his mouth opens a little in surprise, before his expression changes into something affectionate and happy, "I adore you, too."
At that Blaine kind of regrets chickening out, especially because he's pretty sure Kurt knows what he was going to say, and he thinks Kurt would have said it too, but at the end of the day it's not like they don't have plenty of time, plenty of future opportunities to have another go at it.
He grins and kisses him again.
When he pulls back he takes a deep breath, loses the smile and says, "So, I've thinking."
Kurt quirks an eyebrow.
"About what you asked me to think about." He offers and at once Kurt sits a little bit straighter and leans in close, eyes attentive and concerned, "I'm definitely not ready for anything beyond making out. I… I… I thought I was keeping it a secret from everyone else, but really I was keeping it from myself – you know, how much it hurt me, that he played me like that. I was pretending that it didn't happen, and I wasn't letting myself think about it, and maybe that was the wrong way to go. Maybe trying to forget and deny it won't actually help me move past it. So, until I can find some other way to come to terms with it... I don't know…"
"Of course."
"And, you know, when I say I'm over it, I'm not entirely lying. I mean, it still bothers me, but I don't think it'll ever stop bothering me. I just need to get to a point where being with someone like that doesn't remind me of it. And I'm just not there yet."
"I understand…" Kurt says softly.
"But I think I will be, soon." Blaine gives him a hopeful smile and laces their fingers together, "I definitely want to be."
"Well," Kurt puts a soothing hand on the side of his neck and runs his thumb gently over his jaw, "like I said, there's no rush, and nothing to prove."
Blaine lets himself be pulled into a hug, and he returns it despite the slight awkwardness of their positions at the lunch table. He presses a few kisses to the crook of Kurt's neck and squeezes his waist affectionately before he pulls back, determined to move on to better and lighter things.
"So!" he starts cheerfully, "What do we want to do today? Because we have some options. We could go on a double date with Mike and Tina, as per their request, seen as they want to initiate us into Cute Couples Club." Kurt frowns but laughs at that, "or we could go on that date, but make it a triple date, if you invited your friend Mercedes Jones, and I invited my friend Samuel Evans,-"
"Oh, oh! I like that! I really like that – cuz they've been making gooey eyes at each other for a while now."
Blaine grins and nods, "Or we could just ignore everyone else and have our own private date. I've been told that the Shrieking Shack provides decent privacy for making out."
Kurt chuckles and shakes his head, "How about a compromise? We'll start the day with friends, and then excuse ourselves for some alone time."
"You are so smart." Blaine tells him, "Let's eat this delicious food, and then you can go fetch your lovely friend, and I'll fetch my strapping friend, along with the other beautiful couple, and we'll meet in the Entrance Hall. Yes? Yes."
Kurt laughs and nods as he finishes piling food onto his plate.
"So, you're not gonna ask me about my practice?" Kurt smirks.
"No." Blaine beams, "When we beat you tomorrow it's going to be fair and square, and it won't have anything to do with me weaseling information out of you."
"Fair enough." Kurt tells him happily, "But just so you know, it went very well."
"I'm glad. Maybe you won't be completely humiliated this time, and our budding romance will be able to survive this fierce competition."
"What if – bear with me because this is one hell of an if – we destroy you? What of our budding romance?"
"Well, if-" Blaine stops to punctuate it with a cheeky laugh, "if that happens, I'll obviously break up with you and never, ever, ever speak to you again, except to insult you in front of your friends and call you a green lizard – which I realize it's not as good as yellow potato, but it's really not my fault your house is kind of badass in that respect."
"Auch."
"Obviously, if you guys win I'll be sad for my team and happy for you. Somewhat. I guess. I'll try. I'll definitely give you congratulatory kiss."
"Thank you. That's a relief."
They finish eating among jabs at each other's teams and then make a quick dash to get their respective friends to meet back at the Entrance Hall.
It turns out to be a great group. With all four houses represented and all of them in their respective Quidditch teams, they do spend the majority of their walk to Hogsmeade poking fun at each other's teams and promising to bring their A game (Gryffindor would be playing against Ravenclaw in another week), and just overall destroy enemies.
(By far Blaine's favorite part of the whole thing is holding hands with Kurt while surrounded by great people.)
"You know, we give Quidditch a lot of importance for a bunch of people who'll probably never play it again after Hogwarts." Blaine points out.
"Speak for yourself," Mike says, "I have every intention of going pro. The Ministry career will have to wait until afterwards."
"That's actually pretty cool, that you plan on doing both." Kurt tells him, "And you'll make it – you're an amazing chaser."
"Thanks!" Mike grins, "What about you? You could easily go pro."
Kurt shrugs, "It's my backup plan, actually." And Blaine turns to him in surprise. Kurt chuckles and nods, "The career I'm after isn't the easiest to get into, but I've always been good up there, flying. My dad owns a Quidditch equipment store and I've been flying since before I could talk, I guess. It's not my Plan A, but I'd still be pretty happy if I got to play professionally."
"That's wonderful!" Tina tells him.
"Yes, and my dad would like… flip out if I made it in the big leagues. I think he'd overdose on pride." Kurt laughs.
"You didn't tell me that." Blaine squeezes his hand and smiles.
Kurt shrugs and there's a little color on his cheeks, suddenly, "It's just a Plan B. It doesn't matter."
Blaine nods and then shakes his head, "No, of course. You're right. Because you're never going to need it. You'll get in that program."
Kurt's cheeks redden completely and he smiles shyly when everyone is chuckling at them and Tina is cooing. "Thanks…" he murmurs, squeezing Blaine's hand and walking an inch closer.
Blaine kisses his temple and then tells everyone else to shut up, even though Tina is already petting his nose and he's letting her.
They agree to have a couple of butterbeers over at the Three Broomsticks and then think about going their separate ways. The conversation is easy and relaxed, and even as they decide to ban the hot topic of tomorrow's game they flow from topic to topic effortlessly – they go from talking about the absolute horror of Professor Tibideaux's class on OWL's year, about which Mike assures them it gets worse on NEWT's year; then they move on to complaining about the rumor mill; afterwards, Kurt entertains them with the backstage details of the Fabray-Hudson-Berry love triangle, and Tina tells them that she's seen Quinn Fabray and Noah Puckerman keeping each other company around the Quidditch pitch one too many times; then they tease Sam and Mercedes for a little bit, but they seem to be perfectly fine about it, and Blaine thinks Sam's been holding her hand under the table the whole time.
It's been two hours and a half, and more than two butterbeers each, when Kurt leans over to whisper in Blaine's ear, "So about that Shrieking shack?"
Blaine jumps to his feet and Kurt lets out a loud bark of laughter, "Excuse us, gentlemen and ladies," Blaine says, "We're gonna go."
Kurt doesn't even say goodbye amidst his laughter and they leave to the soundtrack of catcalls and whistles. They tumble outside still giggling, flustered and happy.
Blaine takes Kurt's hands, pulls him flush, and they kiss. Kurt pulls back and wordlessly starts walking backwards, guiding Blaine up the road, holding both his hands. It's quite possibly the sexiest moment of Blaine's life, and the thought makes him just a tiny bit nervous, but mostly happy, so he grins and laughs as he lets himself be pulled up the street while Kurt gives him his teasing, adorable little smile.
This is it. This is the moment.
"Listen, Kurt, this morning what I really wanted to say was… I… well, I l-" He's interrupted when Kurt crashes rather spectacularly with a third year kid, fresh out of Honeydukes, candy spreading everywhere.
The poor girl looks like someone just killed her pet right in front of her.
"I am so sorry!" they both gasp, crouching down to make sure she's okay, "Oh my god!"
"I didn't see you, I…"
She shrugs and looks at her ruined candy dejectedly, "It's fine."
"Hey," Blaine squeezes her shoulder, "Wait here, I'll buy you some new candy, okay?"
"I.."
"It's fine, it's our fault your candy's ruined. Just wait here with Kurt and I'll be right back."
Kurt bites his lip, clearly holding back some more laughter, and Blaine just shoots him a warning look, before he pecks his cheek and braces himself for the hell that is Honeydukes. It's full to the brim as usual and it takes him way too much time gathering at least double of everything the little girl was holding, and then even more to finally reach the counter and pay for it. He holds off on sighing with relief until he's pushing the door open to leave, only to halt in his movement when he sees Sebastian through the glass door, talking to Kurt, looking way too intense. The kid is a few feet away, clearly undecided if she should leave or wait for Blaine and looking mostly uncomfortable.
He takes a deep breath and prepares himself to open the door. Apparently he takes too long, and is shoved out of the way by a couple of kids who burst through. Blaine notices the panicky glance Kurt shoots, and the slight relief when he sees the two young boys. But what it really boils down to is the trail of sound that makes his way through the swinging door and forces Blaine to hold it that one inch open.
"-when are you going to do it? I'd suggest tomorrow morning actually, you know, just so we make sure the idiot doesn't have time to get himself back together after you break up. We don't want him at the anger stage of things during the game. We want him desperately devastated." Blaine's heart stops. His brain is gathering the puzzle pieces way to fast and it's making him dizzy.
This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening.
"I was… I… I was thinking now. But you have to go." Blaine's stomach is sinking, dropping, plummeting beyond salvation.
"Now? Hm, isn't that a little risky? I mean – maybe we could try to steal his broom, just to be sure he's really not in conditions to play, if you really need to do it today, but I'd much rather-" Blaine can barely hear anything other than the sudden rush of blood everywhere. He feels like he might actually be on fire and frozen at the same time.
"Whatever, fine, I'll do it tomorrow, just leave, before he comes back."
So this is what an outer body experience feels like?
"Su-"
It's like Blaine isn't even there as he yanks the door open and stalks straight to the kid, handing her the carefully bagged sweets, "Enjoy." He mutters, not even recognizing his own voice.
"Blaine?"
As soon as she has a good hold on it he turns back towards Hogwarts and starts walking.
"Blaine?!" Kurt calls, "Oh my god, fuck, BLAINE!"
He starts running.
"Blaine! COME BACK! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"
He runs like he's never run in his life.
