Gale
I gave Katniss the rest of the morning, the entire afternoon and most of the evening to herself. I had learned the hard way not to press her. She was still so fragile and it made me feel terrible. I was supposed to be strong for the two of us. Wasn't that the point of getting married? Women relied on the men to be strong for both of them, especially when she was pregnant? Then again it was Katniss Everdeen I was engaged to, the famous ' Girl on Fire'.
I knew it was hard for her to actually think about us getting married. She had agreed to marry me, but only after it had become obvious that Peeta wasn't going to be his old self again. I knew I wasn't her first pick, but I was alright with that because in the end, I was winning. Mellark might not remember our little feud over Katniss, but that didn't matter because I did and in the end, that was all that counted.
As I reached the compartment Katniss and I shared, I sighed and leaned against the doorway. She was curled up on our bed, the belt gone and her large stomach visible through the blankets which formed around her beautiful shape. Pregnancy only made her all the more beautiful and hard for me to resist. I couldn't help but love her, it was just hard for me to imagine the things that had happened all around her and what she had sparked.
" My little Catnip…" I cooed softly as a smile tried to force it's way to my lips.
I still pictured her from time to time as the scrawny, half-starved girl I stalked in the woods. She doesn't know how much I watched her that day, only that at the end of her hunt I revealed myself to her. I had been captivated by her. I had never seen her in the woods before yet she seemed almost a natural, just needing a little bit more help. She was better that time in the woods than I had been my first time, but later I learned it had been thanks to her father taking her before. When she had told me her name, I had thought it was adorable that she was so shy around me and the way she spoke, it sounded like her name was Catnip, something I began to call her affectionately. My secret way of sharing my feelings for her even if she didn't want to ever know them.
I think that was where I feel in love with her, but it took a peacekeeper pestering her for a kiss for me to finally admit it to myself, even if it did make me feel like a bit of a pervert. The interviews when Mellark had declared his love, the look on her face had said it all, she hadn't known and I still had some hope because I had always wondered where her heart resided. I lost all hope however when she had called out his name in the tree upon hearing the change of rules that night after her partner Rue had died. I had felt my heart sink, knowing she would never again think to settle with a poor boy from the Seam when she could have an easy merchants wife life. No matter how many times she swore to me she felt nothing for him, I wasn't a fool, but her eyes had still taunted me and left a tiny spark of dreaming within me.
It had probably been an unwise move on my behalf to just kiss her the first time the way I had. I had ambushed her and I couldn't blame her for being so angry with me. I hadn't been gentle with her like she was used to with Mellark, I was used to girls who liked to be surprised and liked it a little roughtr. I had figured though that that was my first and last time ever kissing her sweet strawberry lips again.
It had been a huge shock me though to feel her lips on mine when I had been whipped, something that seemed a million years ago in a simpler time. It all seemed to be during a time I knew Katniss loved me and I hadn't needed to resort to alcohol to get her to love me. I sometimes wished I could go back to that time, despite the games, a time I knew for certain that one day I was going to ask her to be my wife and she was going to say yes because she loved me, not because her baby needed a father.
She had asked me if I knew what I had done, taking her for a picnic and getting drunk with her, I had told her no, that I had had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. That was as much a lie as her swearing to me she never felt anything but friendship for Mellark upon her return from the first games. I had known exactly what I had been doing, I knew what happened when I got drunk and I knew that with her drunk, she would fall for anything and everything with the chance of no memory if I played my cards right. I had felt rotten the next morning when she had leapt from bed in the pale sunlight and told me to get out of her sight. I hadn't argued and told her it was wrong that we had slept together, keeping my distance from her for a few weeks.
The worst part was that that wasn't the most despicable thing I'd done. When she had come to me and told me she was pregnant, I had told her it wasn't mine, there was no way it was mine. I knew full well, just like her, that there was a strong chance it was mine, but I wasn't ready to be a dad. I still wasn't ready, but seeing the way she cradled her stomach and protected it even in her sleep, the way the heartbeat brought tears to our eyes at the same time and the way our daughter stirred under my hand, it made me so thankful that Katniss was the forgiving type because I couldn't imagine my life without the little girl growing within her.
I sighed and shut the door behind me and got changed for bed. I was careful as I crawled into bed facing her so her head could find its way to my chest once I was comfortable. I rested a hand on her stomach and sighed, Leta was very active at night and I guessed Katniss had taken some cough medicine so she was in a deep sleep for the first time in a week. I was glad she was finally getting some sleep, with the baby due in a few short weeks, she was going to need all the sleep she could get.
Katniss seemed so peaceful and it made me feel terrible. I had put her in this position, this was all my fault any which way that it was looked at. If it was mine, I had gotten her drunk, knowing full well that I couldn't control myself with her. If it was Peeta's, well the only reason she slept with him the first time was because she was so confused and that frustration had turned sexual with one little kiss, or so he had said and personally I didn't trust the boys words under any circumstances. Katniss had never wanted children and while I had never agreed with that since I had loved her, but I had never meant to force her into such a position.
I tried to push the thoughts from my mind as I ran my hand along her stomach. I liked it when she didn't wear the belt Cinna had given her before the Quarter Quell, it was nice to see her at her most beautiful. It was strange in her mind that I found her absolutely gorgeous in her current state, but to me it was more of the knowledge that new life was growing within her. A piece that had been made when feelings were really allowed to be expressed, especially in a way no one had ever imagined she would allow. It was just amazing in my eyes what her body was doing and I didn't find her the least bit repulsive.
I felt a sudden strong kick and laughed softly, Katniss stirring in her sleep with a small groan. I had a sudden impulse to try something I hadn't done before. Sure that Katniss was fast asleep, I shimmied down the bed so my face was level with her stomach. I smiled a bit and leaned into kiss her stomach lightly.
" Calm down Leta… Mommy needs her rest, she had a big day today." I whispered as I press an ear to Katniss' stomach to listen in on our baby. I could hear a fast thrumming noise, almost like a heartbeat and it made my grin grow more. I had been told I could hear the baby and it could hear me when I spoke, but I hadn't really tried it, I left that to Annie, Prim, Katniss, Finnick, Haymith, Plutarch and Katniss' mom, they were the ones who had been obsessing over the pregnancy since the beginning and had every right to let the baby become accustomed to their voices, getting to know them before she entered the world. Naturally though, the one voice Leta reacted to more than anything was the one voice I never wanted her to hear again…
" You mommy is a wonderful person Leta, fat better than your daddy or anyone else on this planet. I wanted to name you Lillian however, but your mommy likes the name Leta better, your godfather and uncle Finnick came up with it. It's partially my name and your mommy's other friend Peta's name. I know you like Peeta already and you mommy thinks you can help him, but I don't want you to get hurt. Your mommy is my little bird, broken and I want to mend her, but I can only do that with your help. Do you think you can help daddy my sweet little princess?" I whispered lovingly as I place my hand on near my mouth. I laugh again in silence as I feel a nudge, taking it as an agreement. " Now rest little one, lord knows you need it after the stressful day your mommy has had and shared with you." I tell her softly before kissing the bump once more and moving up to wrap my arms around Katniss, pulling her close to me.
I stared up at the ceiling as I thought about how Katniss really was a broken little bird in my eyes and how much I did want to heal her. I knew I was being selfish and cruel by not helping the least bit with the Peeta situation, but she was mine! I saw her first and I didn't like to share my things, especially something as rare, precious and beautiful as the gem she was. Peeta could have any other girl he wanted, Delly spent enough time around him, maybe he wold grow attached to her and leave Katniss alone?
" My little bird." I whispered before kissing her temple and closing my eyes, letting my memory of a night long ago become my dream. I was done thinking of Peeta and how I wanted him out of Katniss' life so badly so things could return to how they once had been. A way they should have been…
Katniss stumbled through the clearing, giggling like a fool. This was the first time she'd gotten drunk as far as I knew and I had to say she'd surprised me, I never would have taken her as a heavy weight where alcohol was involved. She'd actually been able to drink more than me and wasn't sick yet. She seemed happy, the first time I had seen a real smile and heard a real laugh since the early morning breakfast the day of the reaping. I had been an idiot then, I'd had the chance to confess my love, but hadn't for fear of my name being drawn, never in a million years had I expected it would have been Prims name that would have ripped us apart and put us on the path of ill ease we were currently stumbling blindly down.
I had invited Katniss out for a midnight picnic in the hopes of getting her drunk and being able to express my feelings for her. I didn't care if what she told me were lies, I just wanted one night where I could pretend she was mine and didn't belong to that sad excused of man bread boy, no I craved it to the point where it was a mad obsession. I wanted mostly to have one thing before bread boy stole from me again…
Bread boy, what a fitting nickname for him in my opinion, a name my younger brother had come up with so I didn't have to hear his cursed name within my house once the TV was off for the night. Katniss deserved a man and that's exactly what I was. After the kiss we had just shared, I had a feeling I was going to make her a woman tonight too, something the Mellark scum was too timid to do.
Katniss gasps by a tree and falls to her knees. I start cursing myself, thinking I've given her too much and am going to have to explain to her mother why she's so sick. As much as I loved Katniss' family and they loved me, I didn't want to have to explain my motives and in my current drunken state, I was sure to spill everything without batting an eye.
I rush over to her and see tears in her eyes, she's carefully cradling a young mockingjay in her hands. She's looking up at me with wide eyes and I feel my heart melt. I know she's going to expect me to fix the bird, but that's not what I do. She's never asked me to save a bird before, but she's always had a soft spot for mockingjays because of her father, they had always been off limits. After making that alliance in the games with the girl, Rue, from eleven, her love and need to protect mockingjays had grown even more.
" Let me see it." I whispered and she let me carefully take the stunned bird into my hands. My touch isn't nearly as gentle as hers, but the little bird doesn't seem to care and looks up at me with a frightened, expectant expression, just like Katniss. I look down at the poor thing, it's still very young, maybe a year at the absolute most.
I notice one of the legs is at an awkward angle and instantly think of Prim. She can save the little bird, but once more that requires an admittance of guilt, something neither of us can afford at that point. I looked to Katniss as she looks at me hopefully, there was nothing I wouldn't do for the girl, except face her family at the moment. Another example of just how selfish I am.
I set the bird down and gather her up in my arms, lifting her to her feet. " Gale can you help it?" She whispers, her voice trembling. I don't answer her though and start leading her away, the idea finally sinking into her foggy, hazy mind. " You're not even going to try?" She gasps, sounding surprised. I know she thinks I can do anything, fix anything, but she overestimates me. I'm not bread boy.
" There's nothing I can do for a broken leg. A wing maybe I can help, but not a leg Katniss. I know you know that." I whisper as we make it across the clearing from the tree and bird.
Katniss starts screaming at me and tries to get away, her voice so high and loud that I'm sure she's going to wake the whole Seam. I sigh and left her up bridal style and continue carrying her away her voice going down a few octaves in confusion. She beats at my chest and calls me an unfeeling monster, a selfish, loathsome creature. Maybe she's right I consider for a moment. Maybe I am the dark creature she's describing me as. I hold her closer to my chest to keep her from seeing the distress in my eyes as me make it through the town square, her cries becoming soft sobs.
I vow to myself in that moment, as we pass the bakery, I'm going to fix her. She may not have a broken leg like that little bird, but she has a broken heart, soul and will, something just as difficult to mend. " If it takes me a thousand lifetimes Catnip, I will make this up to you." I vow and burry my face in her hair that smells sweetly like strawberries. " You're mine. All mine. Never forget that Katniss." I tell her as we sneak into the back of her house and up to her bedroom…
Gale fan, PLEASE don't hate me for this chapter. While I am not a Gale fan personally (go team Peeta/Josh Hutcherson), this is just my idea of how his mind works. I see him as a poor kid from the Seam who's not used to getting something like a luxury except from the woods so since he found Katniss in the woods, he sees her as his and belonging to no one else...
Also as a little treat, I thought I'd share with you guys the music that has inspired each chapter because without music, I probably wouldn't have decided to write this... With each chapter I'll add a new song to it and I guess you guys can figure out where the music has inspired each chapter... So I guess, enjoy and let me know what you think! Pretty please? With whipped cream and a cherry on top of Finnick?
.com/playlist?list=PL4F297A5419592E88
