Jace didn't say anything at first, and then he reached across the space between them and stopped, his hands hovering by her shoulders.
"Is… Is this okay?"
Clary felt her throat choke up, and a single tear slide down her cheek. She nodded, and closed the space between the two teens. Her arms encircled his waist, and Jace's arms enclosed her shoulders, his mouth pressed tightly against her hair.
"I am going to go make some tea. And then we'll talk, if that's what you'd like."
Clary nodded against his chest, and Jace sat her on the edge of her bed, giving her shoulders a slight squeeze before disappearing downstairs.
"Try to keep it down!" She said softly, just loud enough for him to hear.
He's making you tea. He didn't try to blame you or say anything about how it's your fault. He's not blaming you for the rape.
But how long will that last? Once he finds out Sebastian is the person who raped me at the party, he could easily dismiss me, blame me, make me think it's my fault. God, he could be heading out the door right this very moment.
You're overthinking again.
Clary didn't think of a clever response before Jace appeared with a single cup of tea. She smiled softly, and accepted the cup from him.
"I figured some honey and two lumps of sugar."
Clary smiled around the rim of the cup as she took a long sip. It was nice to not have to hide from the truth.
"How'd you know that I took my tea that way?"
"Lucky guess. My mom takes her tea the same way. Would you like to talk about this? It's totally up to you if you want to."
Clary sat the cup of tea down, running her thumb around the rim of the cup. If she kept certain details tucked away from the surface, it won't be a big deal, will it?
"I'd gone to a party two months ago, and I was having a great time, all fun and games. I'd gone to the bathroom, well, I didn't make it that far, and someone shoved me into a dark room. Forced me onto the bed. And…"
My dress ripped down the middle, jagged and uneven. I struggled against him, shoving, pushing at him. I felt a whoosh of air and the stinging pain of skin against skin.
He'd slapped me into submission. I was in a state of shock as he pulled my bra off, groped me, forced me to deal with his disgusting touch.
He tried to shove his hand down my panties, but I wasn't having any of it, and I woke up a little, grabbing his arm and trying to force him off me.
Another slap sapped any fight I had left in me. I let him pull my panties off, and force himself inside me. I was crying, confused as to why I was so aroused by being forced into having sex.
I felt disgusted as his hands roamed my body, as he laughed, as he asked me if I liked it…
"I felt completely shattered, broken, and completely slimy. I blamed myself at first. Saying I had flirted too much, that I'd had too much to drink."
Clary stared at the wall, facing away from Jace, her eyes watering a little. Jace was silent, listening the whole way through, no questions, no judgements or anything.
"It took some time, but I realized it wasn't my fault, that it'd never been my fault. I started to blame my rapist for what he'd done to me, and why I was so fucked up now."
"Did you ever find out who the guy was? Any discerning features?"
Clary sighed, closing her eyes as a few drops fell down her cheeks. Here was the question she was dreading. Hopefully, she was a good fucking liar.
"No. I haven't. And it was too dark in the room to see anything. I wished I had."
Not telling him that it was his brother who raped her wasn't such a big deal.
So why the hell did she feel so guilty about it?
Jace was there the next morning to pick her up for school.
On a motorcycle of all things.
Luke raised an eyebrow at her as she stared in disbelief. Jace hadn't mentioned that he drove a motorcycle when he offered to pick her up the next morning. There was no way in hell Luke or her mother were having any of it.
"Are you licensed to drive that?"
Jace pulled out his license and showed it to him, silent the whole time. Clary chewed her lip as she waited for Luke to say something, anything.
"Well… Your truck needed a tune up anyway, Clare-bear. Just make sure she wears a helmet."
"Well do, sir."
Clary flushed as Jace smirked at her, and she wished she'd melt into the ground right this minute. He handed her one of the two helmets and helped her adjust it to fit on her head.
"Clare-bear, huh?"
"Shut up."
Clary climbed on behind him, wrapping her arms around him. She waved goodbye, and then clung to Jace for dear life.
"Do they know?"
Clary chewed her lip, knocking the answer around her head a few times before letting out a soft breath.
"No, they don't. You are the only person I've told in confidence. My life is still turned upside down and hasn't righted itself yet."
Jace didn't say anything at first, slowing down at a red light. Clary hoped his silence wasn't a bad sign.
"Maybe you can tell them one day soon. If you told me, then that must mean you're healing."
Clary wasn't so sure about that. For some reason or another, she'd been able to tell him about her rape. Something about him made her want to confess everything.
The minute Clary told him that she'd been raped, she knew she'd stepped into dangerous territory. If Jace breathed a word of it to his brother, her rapist, it could end very, very badly.
A shudder slipped through her, and she tightened her arms around him.
"You okay back there?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Liar. You are a liar. Why haven't you said anything yet? Tell him what kind of monster his brother is like!
Clary wanted to tell him what his brother had done, but it rounded back to the same thought again: would he even believe her? Because once she said something, there was no going back.
And life could change for the worst.
Clary stayed behind in her art class, chewing her pencil, wishing she had some sort of idea for this art project. She had never had trouble before, trying and failing to think of something to draw, or paint, or sketch.
"Clary?"
Peeking up, she was surprised to find Simon standing over her. They hadn't spoken in a while, not since she shut him out so she could try and deal with the aftermath.
Suffice to say, it wasn't exactly going well.
"I was wondering if you'd like to join me for lunch."
She pursed her lips at the blank paper before her, and then shoved the pencil back into her pencil pouch.
"Sure."
They walked outside and to the nearby tree, camping underneath the shade of it. Simon pulled out his sandwich, still lovingly made by his mother every morning.
Clary pulled out a sandwich bag, filled with sliced bananas and apples, then a container with Nutella. She wasn't a big lunch eater, hadn't been since she was six.
That reminded her of the day she met Simon, and a small smile graced her lips. Hard to believe they were in high school now. The time seemed to have fled.
"So, what's been going on lately? You haven't answered my calls in a while."
Clary flinched, briefly downing a large gulp of water before picking her brain on how to respond.
"Sorry about that, Simon. I've had a lot on my mind."
"Anything you'd like to talk about?"
"Not really, Simon."
Simon took another bite of his sandwich, and chewed it, forcing himself to be silent for a few minutes before he swallowed.
"I miss you, Clary."
"I do, too, Simon. Just, I've got some things to deal with right now, and if I shut you out, I'm sorry about it. I just needed, and still need, time to figure things out."
He nodded and, for the first time in a while, Clary smiled since that horrid day last month. Maybe with time, she'd be able to tell the truth of that horrible night.
She spun the combination on her locker, humming a chorus under her breath as her music played through her headphones. The lock clicked and she opened the locker.
All her books and art supplies fell out, spilling out across the floor. A loud screamed came from the girl next to her as several live rats took off in all directions, save for the dead rat.
A single note fluttered to the floor as Clary backed away, and she swept it up, gripping the paper in both hands. Written in bold, choppy letters on a piece of her sketching paper was:
If you tell, I will get you. A rat doesn't talk if they're dead.
And then she threw up right then and there.
A/N: Hi, guys! Sorry it took bloody forever to get this chapter up! I really hope it came out well! I've really appreciated all the favorites (Author, story, etc.) and the alerts (story, etc.). Seriously, it's amazing. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and chapter four will be on it's way as soon as I can get it written! Night, guys!
