Thanks to Mr. Wizard, Boris Yeltsin, screaming phoenix, daywalkr82, Quathis, kpfan72491, captainkodak1, Comet Moon, bigherb1, Josh84, CajunBear73, daccu65, Thomas Linquist, Michael Howard, spectre666, Yankee Bard, Joe Stoppinghem, whitem, Danny-171984, Molloy, Samurai Crunchbird, and TexasDad for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.


Some of the material in this chapter previously appeared in a now-defunct collaboration. Some of it is brand new. All of it is calorie-free.


KP © Disney


I.

Josh turned to see the front doors of Middleton High burst open. He wasn't surprised when his girlfriend flew through the door, holding the hand of her sidekick and best friend, who was screaming in her wake.

"Kiiiim! You're jacking my shirt!" he protested.

"You are so not going to be late for class, Ron," Kim seethed. "The squad needs you at practice, not in detention, this afternoon."

"Arm. Socket. Separating," Ron complained.

"Hey, Kim …" Josh said as his GF ran by.

"Hi, Josh!" Kim said, blowing him an air kiss. "See you at lunch?"

"Uh, yeah," he said as Kim and Ron blew by.

II.

"So, I take it Drakken spilled the beans?" Shego asked the obviously unhappy simulacrum of Mrs. Stoppable.

"Yes," replied the clone, who began to shake her head. "What was he thinking?"

"Sister, you're not the first one to ask that question," Shego said as she dropped into a chair and picked up the current issue of Villains' Digest: Tropical Destinations. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," the clone admitted. "It's not like I have anywhere to go. Legally, I don't even exist."

"You could always ditch the sidekick's mom and take her place," Shego suggested as she looked at an article about lairs and luaus.

"That would be evil!" the clone protested.

"Yeah, well that's kind of what we do here," Shego said as she continued flipping through her periodical.

"That's awful!"

"Hey," Shego said sharply. "Don't knock it till you try it."

The clone looked aghast. Then she began to rub her chin pensively. Then she cocked an eyebrow. "You know what? Maybe I will."

Shego looked surprised. "Really?"

"Why not?" the clone said. "It's not like I have anything else to do. And since you seem to know what you're doing, you could be my mentor."

Shego considered the idea and agreed. After all, being the mentor allowed her to use her master's in education. Even better, it meant someone else got to be the sidekick for a change …

III.

Tara watched as Kim and Ron rushed into class, barely making it to their seats before the first bell.

Ron flashed his GF a sheepish grin then mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry.'

"Stoppable!" Barkin snapped.

"Yes, Mr. B?" Ron asked as he sat ramrod straight in his seat while Rufus popped out of Ron's pocket to give the teacher a crisp salute.

"I see you've developed an interest in the ancient performance art of miming …"

Ron blinked in confusion at the former military man.

"… Perhaps you'd like to spend some time after school writing a report about your new hobby. See you in detention, Mime."

Ron's head hit his desk as Kim glared at him and Tara looked at him sympathetically.

IV.

"W-wh-what have you done to my clone?" Drakken sputtered as Shego entered the lab with her new protégé.

"Excuse me, but I have a name," the clone said.

"You do?" Shego asked.

"Yes. It's Barbara. Barbara Ella."

Drakken and Shego exchanged a look of incredulity, then began to giggle.

"What?" Barbara asked.

"Nothing," Shego said, stifling a laugh. "Nothing at all."

"Yes," Drakken agreed as he snorted. "Nothing at all … Barbara."

Barbara stood before Drakken and Shego, her arms akimbo, her posture commanding. The laughter quickly died down as the two villains became increasingly uncomfortable under Barbara's unwavering, withering gaze. Drakken and Shego each felt like the proverbial child who has just been caught by his or her mother with a hand in the cookie jar.

"Now, you were saying?" Barbara asked as she continued to glower at both her creator and mentor.

"Was I saying something, Shego?" Drakken nervously replied, deciding he'd save his comments about Barbara's green and black jumpsuit and too-cool glasses for another time.

"Yeah, actually I think you were," Shego said unhelpfully, earning a glare from her employer.

Drakken shifted about, then espied his salvation. He turned to his desk, grabbed it and swung back towards Barbara. "Homemade marshmallow square?" he asked as he proffered the plate of treats. "They're dee-lish!"

V.

"I so cannot believe you!" Kim snapped. "You practically asked Mr. Barkin to give you detention."

"Look, KP …" Ron protested.

"Don't 'look KP' me," Kim said as she jabbed a finger into her best friend's chest. "We have the cheer regionals coming up this weekend. We can't afford for you to miss practice. Now I'm going to have ask the girls to stay late."

"I'm sorry, Kim," Ron said as he looked dejectedly at his feet. "I just wanted to say sorry to Tara for not picking her up this AM."

Kim sighed, her anger spent, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry for harshing on you. It's just that Bonnie's going to be all over me, saying I can't run the squad and that she should be captain."

"Well maybe she should be," Ron said earning a death stare from Kim before he added with a disarmingly goofy grin, "And maybe we should go back to Paris and tell Killigan that we're down with him turning France into his own personal sand box."

"Sand trap," Kim said with a roll of the eyes before she smiled at Ron. "Forgive me?"

"'Sha! Of course," he replied. "You forgive me?"

"Hello! Best friend here!" she said as she gave him a hug.

"Hi," Tara said.

"Hey, hey, it's my bon-diggity girlfriend," Ron said, pulling away from Kim so he could give Tara a kiss on the cheek. "Sorry, I missed you this morning. Head winds on the flight back from the City of Lice."

"Ew," Tara said.

"Gorchy," Kim agreed.

"What?" Ron asked.

The two girls groaned.

"It's the City of Lights, Ron, not lice."

"Gotcha," he said. "To be honest, I was wondering why anybody thought lice would be romantic. I mean, they're all creepy and crawly and—"

"Focus, Ron," Kim advised. She then added with mock severity: "Tell her why else you missed her."

"The Ronman needed his breakfast burrito," he conceded. "But how was I supposed to know that this was the day they'd introduce the new automated ordering system and that it would have some bugs?"

"Bugs?" Tara asked.

"It could only take orders in Spanish," Ron explained. "I'd have been Chauncey if we hadn't been bait-and-switched on the whole Latin class thing …"

"It's okay," Tara said. "Walk me to history?"

"It'd be my pleasure," Ron said as he extended an arm. "See ya later, Kimbo."

Kim grinned and waved as her best friend and fellow cheerleader headed down the hall.

VI.

"This is highly irregular," Drakken protested. "I should be her mentor!"

"Oh, yeah, like that would work out," Shego said dismissively.

"Well, I am an evil genius," he huffed.

"And you've done such incredible work," she said sarcastically as she hooked a thumb over her shoulder at two of Drakken's henchmen, one of whom was scratching his gut while the other picked his nose.

"Fine," Drakken grumbled. "You teach her. But please, whatever you do, just make sure she agrees to go with me to Mother's Seder!"

"I'll see what I can do," Shego said as she walked off in search of her new student.

VII.

"How was the mission?" Tara asked as they headed down B hall.

"Ah, same old, same old," Ron answered. "Bad guy tries to take over the world but KP saves the day – thanks in large part to my mad fu distraction skills!"

"Hey," an indignant Rufus squeaked.

"Hey, sorry, Little Buddy. Your doomsday device disarming skills rocked as always."

"So, nothing special?" she inquired.

"Nah," Ron said. "It was pretty run of the mill. Right down to the part where I lost my pants. It vexes me so when that happens."

Tara reddened. She wished Ron would lose his pants around her, but that never seemed to happen.

"Did you and Kim get to do anything while you were there?"

"Nah," he replied. "We had just enough time to stop Killigan before we had to come back. KP runs a tight ship. You wouldn't believe how tough it was to convince her to let me stop at Bueno Nacho this morning …"

"Actually, I would," Tara said. "I am on the cheer squad, after all."

"As if I didn't know. You're only the most beautilicious cheerleader ever," Ron said.

"Really?" Tara said.

"Yeah," Ron said as he gave her a kiss.

"So, you want to go to Bueno Nacho after practice?" Tara asked.

"Ooo, I'd love too," Ron said, "But KP invited me over to watch TV. Her fam's got cable and they've got something like 150 channels now!"

Tara frowned.

"Oh, me busted!" Ron said, slapping his forehead. "You want to come, too?"

Tara sighed, then took a deep breath and prepared to enter waters she'd prefer to have left unexplored. If only she had not begun to imagine Ron kissing Kim …

"Ron, do you like Kim?"

"Of course I do. She's my best friend," Ron said.

"I mean like like her," Tara said locking eyes with her BF.

"L-like like?" Ron stammered.

"Yes, like like. As in you'd like her to be your GF."

"Uh, Tara, I know I'm the master of the Gentleman's C and I've come up short in the romance department on occasion, but even Ron Stoppable knows you only have one GF at a time. And, last time I checked, I had one. Unless … you're not breaking up with me, are you?"

Tara took her now terror-stricken boyfriend's hands in hers. "No, Ron, I'm not breaking up with you. But, well, you and Kim spend so much time together that, well, sometimes it seems like you're, well, dating."

"Me and Kim? Date?" he said. The expression on his face made clear he'd never really considered the possibility before. "Besides the fact that I've already got a badical GF, KP and I have been best friends since pre-K. Dating could complicate things, even ruin our friendship. So, we okay?"

"Yeah, I think we are," Tara said as she leaned in and gave Ron a kiss.

VIII.

Kim and Josh sat beneath a tree outside the school. A combination of beautiful weather and a rumored snout-sighting in the mystery meat had made the decision to skip lunch and chill outdoors a no-brainer.

"So, did you and Ron make it to class in time?" Josh inquired.

"Barely. But he still got detention," Kim said with a grin and a shake of the head as she recalled the events of the morning. In retrospect, the sitch had been kind of funny.

"So, you want to get something to eat after cheer practice?" Josh said.

"Can't. Ron's coming over to watch TV tonight. His dad still thinks cable's a fad so I invited him over."

Josh scowled.

"Okay, spill," Kim demanded.

"Kim, don't get me wrong, Ron's a nice guy," Josh said. "But sometimes I think it's all Ron, Ron, Ron. You were going to blow off my gallery opening …"

"I so was not," Kim said heatedly.

"Okay, that wasn't fair," Josh conceded. "But you were going to miss it because of Ron. You spent Sunday with Ron cleaning up the park …"

"I did ask you first," Kim said. "I'm sorry you couldn't be there."

"Yeah, so am I. But did you even think of asking Monique or Tara or someone other than Ron to go with you?"

"No, but what …"

"You went on another mission with Ron yesterday. Now you're going to watch TV with him tonight. I'm seeing a pattern here, and it always involves Ron."

Kim's jaw dropped. "You're jealous!"

Josh rolled his eyes. "Kim, I'm not jealous. But sometimes I wonder if you're in denial …"

Kim's jaw clenched.

"… About how you really feel about Ron."

"I cannot believe this!" Kim exploded. "So I spend some time with Ron! He's been my best friend forever!"

"Maybe that's part of the problem," Josh said.

"Come again?" Kim asked icily.

"You've known Ron so long that you can't see him as anything other than your friend. Don't get me wrong, Kim, I really like being your BF, but have you ever considered how you really feel about Ron?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "There's nothing to consider, Josh," she said. "He's my best friend. You are my boyfriend," she added as she leaned in and gave him a kiss. "I don't do that for Ron."

Josh suspected he was going to regret what he was going to say next, but he felt he needed to. "Do you want to?"

"Aaaarggh!" Kim replied as she pulled her hair. "Josh, Ron's … Ron. Why would I want to kiss him?"

Josh just looked at Kim silently.

"Okay, I don't know what's going on or who you are, but I hope someone will give me a call when my BF returns!"

"Kim, look, I just want you to be sure about things," Josh said.

"Newsflash," she replied. "Kim Possible thinks Josh Mankey is golden, a real hottie and she's ferociously glad he's her boyfriend. Got it?"

"Got it," Josh said, not wholly convinced.

IX.

"Is this really necessary?" Barbara asked as she looked down at the black commando suit she was wearing.

"It is if you don't want to go to prison," Shego answered as she adjusted her black cap.

"What do you mean?"

"Rookies," she muttered before she answered. "We're trying to sneak in. Blend in with the background."

"I understand that," Barbara said. "It's just that this seems like such an inefficient way to do things."

Shego smirked. "You want money, you go to the bank."

"No you don't," Barbara said.

"What?"

"If you want money, you shouldn't go to the bank."

"You're not making sense," Shego said. "Are you sure you're not a clone of Drakken?"

Barbara shuddered. "Don't even mention his name."

"You still mad at Doctor D?"

"Mad doesn't begin to describe how I feel about him. Why, even if he were the only man left on Earth—"

"Got your drift," Shego interjected. "Now, what was that you were saying about the money?"

Barbara calmed down at the change of topic. "Follow me," she said.

X.

"Hey, KP, you got a minute?" Ron asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke. Cheer practice had just broken up and the rest of the squad had headed to the locker room.

"Uh, sure," Kim said, feeling suddenly unsure of things herself.

"Look, would it be a problem if I didn't come over to watch TV tonight? I thought I'd take Tara to Bueno Nacho, she and I haven't spent much time alone lately and …"

"No big, Ron," Kim answered. "I'd actually like a chance to hang with Josh."

"So, good, good," he said.

"Yeah, good," she agreed.

"Okay, well, I'll, uh, see you tomorrow," Ron said, shuffling his feet.

"Yeah, tomorrow," Kim said. "Well, uh, see ya."

The two best friends looked at one another, the awkwardness between them palpable, then turned to head to their respective locker rooms.

XI.

"Shego, may I talk with you for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure, Doc," she said, turning from the computer monitor and Barbara.

"Er, in private." Drakken didn't like the hostile stares that Barbara continued to direct his way. The clone's expression reminded him of the look that Kim Possible had whenever she was about to hurt the henchmen.

"I'll be back in a few," Shego said to Barbara, who nodded.

The mad scientist and henchwoman left the room with Drakken making sure to close the door behind them.

"Okay, what's up?" a curious Shego asked.

"Is this your idea of being a mentor?" Drakken snapped. "Shopping on-line? You're supposed to be out stealing things!"

"We are," she said.

"What do you mean?" a clearly confused Drakken asked. "You're here."

"Do you know what the buffoon's mother does for a living?" Shego asked.

"Why would I know that?" Drakken replied. "It's not like I needed to know."

"She's director of information technology for a financial services company."

"So?"

Shego slapped her forehead. "She's a computer whiz. She knows everything there is to know about internet security."

"So the next time I forget my password she'll be able to log me onto my computer?"

"Oy, you are so dense," Shego groaned.

"Shego, what have we said about hurting with words?"

The glamorous henchwoman responded by firing up her glow power. "How about I hurt you with my hands?"

"Excuse me," Barbara said, interrupting the two villains.

"Yes?" Drakken squeaked.

"You got something?" Shego said hopefully.

"Let's just say we're in," Barbara announced with satisfaction.

XII.

"Aren't you going with Kim?" Tara asked Ron as the auburn-haired teen hero dashed out of the school.

"Nah, it's a villain-free mission and the Ronman's got a date with his GF," he said. "Got to keep my priorities straight, you know?" he added with a catch in his voice.

XIII.

"This is Tricia Labowski, reporting from the Middleton Commodities Future Exchange where traders are in a panic. With me to discuss the situation is Mo Gull, the successful investor and noted collector of vintage bendy straws. So, Mr. Gull: What's happening?"

"It's unbelievable, Tricia," the clearly unnerved man said. "Somebody has managed to corner the market on both mohair and llamas. I've never seen anything like it! The economic implications of this are staggering!"

XIV.

"Guess who's got two tickets for the Smashmouth concert this Friday?" Kim sing-songed to Josh.

"Bonnie?" he asked with a rakish grin.

"I so don't think so," Kim said with mock displeasure before she pulled out two tickets. "You free?"

"Sure," Josh said. "Wait a minute, isn't Friday, like, your Ron Night?"

"Ron Night?" Kim replied. "No," she said running her fingers through her hair. "Not, uh, officially. Besides, I thought we needed to institute Josh Night," she offered with a smile that Josh thought was slightly forced.

XV.

Drakken, meanwhile, fumed as he read the brief note from Shego:

Doctor D,

Barbara and I have gone to the spa for an eye waxing. See you later.

S.

Not only was he no closer to having a date to bring to his mother's Seder, but now he appeared to be in jeopardy of losing his sidekick.

XVI.

Kim and Ron waved uncomfortably at one another, but didn't stop to talk as they passed in the corridors of Middleton High School.

XVII.

"Hi, Josh!" Tara said brightly.

"Hi, Tara," he said with less enthusiasm.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"Yeah, actually, something is," he conceded. "I feel like I'm responsible for breaking up something really special."

"Oh, no, you didn't break up with Kim, did you?"

"No," Josh sighed. "But I think I'm going to."

"You can't!" she protested.

"Tara, have you seen those two recently?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do," he said. "Ever since I asked Kim how she felt about Ron, she's been all about being with me – and finding excuses not to be with him."

"Well, maybe she's just trying to be a better GF. I know Ron's been paying a lot more attention to me. It's really sweet."

"It's really wrong," Josh said glumly. "They were best friends long before they knew either of us. Now we're coming between them."

"Josh, maybe they're just growing apart," Tara suggested. "It happens, you know."

"Another possibility is that we freaked them out," Josh suggested. "Now that the possibility of their being a couple is out in the open, they're running scared."

"Maybe that means they shouldn't be a couple then," Tara said sharply.

"Or maybe it means they realize they're really meant for each other and if they act on it, it will change everything for them."

The two teens stood in silence for what seemed an eternity.

"You're going to do it, aren't you?" Tara finally said in a hushed voice. "You're really going to break up with her."

Josh grimaced. "Yeah, I am."

"Well, you're on your own, Josh Mankey," Tara snapped. "Things are going great between Ron and me and I'm not giving him up! Not for Kim, not for anyone."

Josh looked Tara in the eye.

"Do you really care about him?" he asked.

"What?" she replied, surprised by the question.

"Do you really care about him?" he wondered. "Or do you care about some dream?"

Tara stared slack-jawed at Josh.

"You don't have to answer," he said as he turned to walk away. Then he looked back over his shoulder. "But if you really care about him, you know what you ought to do," he said, before going off in search of his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend.


TBC …