DISCLAIMER- gravitation is mine, Yuki and Kaname are fighting over me then I turned around and- … fell off my bed… yeah anything is possible in a dream, including full ownership of Yuki, Kaname, and Gravitation, which no longer belong to me since I'm awake now… sigh.

CHAPTER 4 - Turmoil.

A/N- - SOOOO! This was actually supposed to be part of the previous chapter, aligned, but after a while I decided to separate them, just so that in the next chapter things would make more sense… also this isn't the chapter 4 I promised, just so you know… and beware…

SHUICHI'S POINT OF VIEW (more like what's going in on in his mind…turmoil)

Why? Why? Why did you leave me??? Did you really hate me so much, Yuki? I can't live without you. I try and try but I just can't. Its too painful. Everything reminds me of you. After you abandoned me, I tried following you, I tried to take away the pain, but I couldn't. Touhma arrived just then and threaten me, Yuki. I can't be with you, and that's killing me. I couldn't be with you, and that's even more painful. Its so God damn awful! I just stood there and watched you die!

HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THIS?!?! I can't do anything anymore. I'm here, just sitting, waiting for someone to take pity on me and take the pain away, take my existence away, because my life ended when your heart stopped beating. I pray that one day I can see you again, that I can die just so I can be with you. Is it really over for me? For us? Am I that lost that I don't even know anymore…?

Please, Yuki, I'm begging you! Take pity on me and come back! Even if you still hate me, just come back, please! Return to me! Give me back my life, your life…

Can you see me from wherever you are? Can you not see how desperate I am? I'm loosing myself, and there is nothing I can do. Do you remember me? Will you really just leave me here to die, alone? If I die now, will you be there, waiting for me, arms outstretched…?

GOD!!!! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE SO BAD!

I want to be with you one more time, even if you hate me, Yuki. that's it, isn't it? You hate me so much, you couldn't stand me, so you rather be dead with Kitazawa than with me. You no longer want my body because its dirty, its been soiled, but I swear I did it to protect you, I'm sorry, Yuki, I'm sorry, I really am! Please forgive me, please don't hate me. I need you, I really do. Don't die, don't leave me. It wasn't my fault. I promise I'll be quiet from now on, I won't disturb you, I'll try and be more mature, no more crying. I will do anything you want, just, please, come back to me, don't go like this. Don't give me that cold lifeless stare, cover your wound so it won't bleed. Pick another time so I won't have to walk in on you and see that hate in your eyes. Tell me that you hate me, run away from me because then I can chase you, I can yell at you. This pain, this pain is just too much. My heart feels so horrible, it can't take it anymore, Yuki. Please, save me. Please, come back to me, come and take me away with you, take me out of my misery even if its just out of pity, but just don't hate me.

I want to ask you, are you happy with him? I bet you love him so much, enough to kill yourself just to be with him, huh? I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect lover you wanted, I really am…

Anger! Anger is what I feel! It hurts so much! I just want this to end! I want it to be over. I want to be somewhere, where I don't have to remember, where I don't have to hurt, anywhere but here. I want a nice white place, where there is no you, no me, no no one but instead just be… I want it to go away, so please, Yuki, just take it all… away…

A/N - hey! Okay, so I know that in the last chapter I said I had chapter 4 almost ready, well let me tell you this, this chapter, Turmoil, wasn't supposed to be chapter four as I already explained, soooo, chapter four is now chapter five, which is still almost done, also I know its sort of short so forgive me buuuut! yes again… UPDATE TWICE IN ONE DAY!!! WOOOO!!! What an accomplishment… *bored voice*

Anyhow! This chapter was inspired by Evanescence Tourniquet, which obviously belongs to them and not me… so yeah… Review please???

Oooh!!! and I would like to thank my sort of beta, my one and only conscious and unconscious thought, a.k.a. my Obsession, Shyghost48! (yes, people, I do know her, like actually know her and have bitten n punched her, know her… lol). She puts up with me and my randomness and helps me out when I need itand so much more! So thank you, my beautiful Florecita! IFOU!

•K•L•