A/N: So, sorry you guys had to wait so long for an update I was a bit stuck but all your reviews really helped so thank you. And a special thank you to my beta- Lesley, she has been great and I could not appreciate her efforts more!

Lastly; enjoy!

Chapter Three – I'm Not Alright

She remained still in his arms; eyes wide open looking at the moon in the sky outside their window, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

The day did not reflect her mood.

Outside was bright; the sky was the kind of blue that really made you stop and look up in wonder. It made you feel so insignificant and so special at the same time. With the sun edging its way through its journey in the sky, it looked to be a good day, weather wise.

And as far as Taylor was concerned, that was where the good day stopped, with the weather.

She had woken to find herself alone in bed. Squinting at the clock she realised it was because she had spent the better half of the morning asleep. Ryan never slept in late and normally neither would she; sleep was unproductive.

Grabbing her terry cloth robe from the back of the door, she shuffled her bunny, slipper clad feet into the kitchen following the aroma of fresh coffee like a zombie.

That's how all hangovers started with Taylor, the first few moments were spent cursing alcohol and seeking out her favourite caffeinated beverage. Then, once the caffeine had made its way into her system she became somewhat human again, able to hold conversations, and brave sunlight.

The smell of coffee was strong in the kitchen and she had expected to find Ryan there, but as she entered she found it was empty. Pouring herself a cup, she sat down on the bar stool at the end of the worktop.

She was glad that Ryan wasn't there, they had a lot to talk about, things they should have talked about last night, but this was important stuff, stuff that could have a monumental effect on their relationship and she'd be damned if she was going to be half cut or anything less than 100 when it happened.

As Taylor sipped her coffee, she wondered how Ryan must be feeling. Having spent the night processing everything, she pushed her own thoughts and feelings aside to think about him.

Ryan could be a father.

There, plain as day. He could possibly be a father to a child he didn't even know he had; to a child that his ex-girlfriend had kept from him. Taylor knew that, even though he shouldn't, he would be wracked with guilt for having not been there for his son. For having missed so many years and important events of his life. All this was after he got through the anger he was bound to be feeling towards Theresa for lying to him for so long.

Taylor couldn't understand why Theresa had kept Ryan's child from him; didn't she think that Ryan had a right to know? Was she that callous, to bring Ryan's child into the world and not even tell him? That was if the child was actually Ryan's.

Drinking the last of the cold coffee, she stood up to get another. As she poured the black liquid into her cup she heard the door to the apartment open and close, followed by heavy footsteps. She turned to find Ryan walking into the kitchen wiping the sweat from his furrowed brow and the back of his neck with a towel. He made his way to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of mineral water, downing half the bottle in one go. So deep in thought, it was obvious he hadn't noticed Taylor.

"Hey."

He looked up at her, startled, and for a moment his face showed confusion as though he didn't recognise who she was. Then his features softened and he attempted a smile.

"Hey, you're up. How you feeling?" He moved over to the bar and pulled out the second stool, sitting down heavily he began to rotate one shoulder.

"Fine," she replied breezily, thinking it better for him to lead the conversation. They needed to talk and she didn't want Ryan shutting down on her. "Well, I will be after the caffeine from this coffee works its way through my system. Lord knows how much I drank last night, cos it seems like one cup isn't enough today."

She sat back down again and cradled the steaming cup in both hands.

"How was your run?"

"Good."

There was a pause in the conversation, each knowing what had to be brought up and neither making a move to do so. Ryan was unsure of how to start, Taylor's reaction last night hadn't been good when he tried to explain, but then again she had been drunk and told him that the morning was when they would talk.

And now, here it was, morning, and he had to say something.

"Taylor, about last night…" He trailed off, he wasn't good at talking at the best of times and right then, he had a million thoughts and emotions running through his mind.

Taylor waited for him to continue. Ryan came from the class of schooled features, but after years together, she could read his eyes, they told her everything he didn't. Right now she could see he was struggling. She laid a hand over his fist and squeezed gently.

"It's ok Ryan, I'm ready to hear it all now. Why don't you just start from the beginning?" she encouraged.

He opened his fist and entwined their fingers, doing just that.

He told her how when he and Theresa had been together she had gotten pregnant and he moved back to Chino to be with her. But then when he had gone to visit Seth in Portland, she had called and told him the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. She had lost the baby.

Ryan explained that Theresa had told him to go back to Newport with the Cohens; that he had a life there and he didn't belong with her. He didn't want to be with her. His guilt began to creep onto his face.

"I shouldn't have accepted everything so easily, I should have gone back to Chino."

"Ryan, don't. Don't feel guilty for something that's not your fault."

"How could it not be? We were going to have a baby and instead of thinking about that I was too wrapped up in the life I'd left in Newport."

"That didn't give her the right to lie to you."

Ryan stood up and began pacing the length of the kitchen. He needed an outlet for his anger and frustration at the situation, his run having relieved none of it. He was angry at himself for walking away without questioning anything and for not going back when Theresa told him they had lost the baby. When she had lied. How could Theresa have done that; how could she have kept something so important from him?

"You could question every decision you make but it's not going to the change the situation you're in. There's a child to think about now, feeling guilty isn't going to help, neither is being angry at Theresa when you have to sort this out."

Taylor's reasoning stopped Ryan short, she was right, there was a child to think about now, his child. His son.

Ryan had spent so much of his time focusing on Theresa lying to him and feeling guilty about the way he acted at the time, that he had completely neglected to let the fact that he was a father sink in.

Now that he had, it floored him. There was a little boy that was going to be calling him "Dad", and relying on him completely. It was enough to scare anybody.

"Woah." It came out in all but a whisper.

"Are you OK?" Taylor asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I just didn't think about it before."

Now she was confused, "Think about what?"

"That I'm a father. That I have a son." Ryan rested his palms on the edge of the worktop as if to support the extra weight from saying it out loud.

Taylor frowned, she knew he wasn't going to like what she was about to say but someone had to bring it up. It was now obvious that Ryan hadn't even thought about it, he had accepted the whole thing already.

"So, when are you going to talk to Theresa?"

"Today. This afternoon."

"And, um, are you going to ask for a paternity test?" Taylor held her breath as she waited for a response. It was a logical step, to have a DNA test confirm that Ryan was actually the father, but it implied so many things.

"I've known Theresa a long time, she was my best friend growing up. She wouldn't lie now, about this. Plus, you saw him, how could I not be?"

This was what she had been afraid of. Taylor wanted to make Ryan see her point but she didn't want to fight with him about it. Walking over to the sink for time, she rinsed out her cup.

"It's just that this is going to have a massive impact on your life, Ryan." She started slowly, "On all our lives. Don't you want to know, for sure, on more than just looks? And it's not as if she hasn't lied to you before."

Ryan turned around to face her, arms crossed.

"You don't understand. She lied before because of me, thinking that it would have better for her to raise the baby alone because I didn't want to be there. I know he's mine, I'm not asking for the test."

"Ryan…" Taylor reached out her hand, but before she made contact he moved.

"I'm going for a shower." He picked up his towel and bottle of water before heading out the kitchen for the bedroom.

Taylor heard the slight bang of the bedroom door being shut as she was left standing alone in the kitchen.

The afternoon quiet of the apartment was broken by the sound of the phone. Irrationally the thought that it could be Ryan flashed across Taylor's mind. After their disagreement that morning he had showered and got ready, briefly letting her know that he was heading to the office to pick up some paperwork and then he was going to meet Theresa.

Taylor had wanted to go along with him but she knew he would have said no, even if they hadn't fought.

She picked up the phone with a 'Hello' that lacked all her usual chipper-ness.

"Oh my god! You'll never believe what happened to me last night." A voice squealed from the other end of the line.

Sarah. Her dear, oblivious friend, Sarah.

They had met on Taylor's first day working at The Berkeley Herald. Taylor had been offered a job to write a weekly column after the features editor had been shown her blog and was impressed by her writing style. Sarah had been a researcher at the time and the two had met after passing each other several times to and from the coffee machine. And that was just on the first day.

A bond was formed over their love for coffee, which Taylor picked up her second year in France, and their friendship grew from there.

Sarah was so unlike Taylor in many ways; she was unorganised, perpetually late, flighty, and at times oblivious to some of the things around her. That's not to say she was a bad person or friend, these, some times annoying, traits were done with such innocence that they were what endeared her to so many people. And her good qualities far outweighed them; she was kind and caring, considerate and loyal to a fault. If you needed a friend she was always in your corner.

"Ok, I'll tell you. I think I met my Ryan at your party."

"Excuse me?"

"You know, my equivalent to your Ryan, 'The One.'" Taylor could hear Sarah practically grinning down the phone. As troubled as she was with her own situation, she couldn't help but be happy for her friend. Sarah's bad luck with men was somewhat legendary, she never seemed to find a good guy.

The last guy Sarah had dated had gone on and on about his 'weekend house' that he was renovating. After a month of dating he had asked if she had wanted to go with him there for the weekend. When Sarah came back she refused to talk about it at first. It was only after much cajoling from Taylor and with the help of a couple of after work Cosmos, that she revealed the details.

He had in fact taken her, then promptly disappeared to play golf, but not before asking if she'd like to help out a little bit, to which she replied 'of course', after all she was trying to impress him still. He had handed her a paintbrush and pot of paint and told her she could finish one of the bedrooms if she had worked fast. Taylor had been suitable horrified, and her shock only increased when Sarah told her that she had done the painting instead of high tailing it out of there! Sarah's story finished on a high note though, after the guy came back, he berated her about her brushwork- she smudged a bit because the ladder wasn't long enough- to which she replied by dumping the rest of the paint on his head and strutting out, taking the first taxi home.

"Really? What's his name?" Taylor questioned, running through the possible guests in her mind that it could be.

"James, he was really sweet, just perfect. Why haven't you told him about me before or tried to set me up? You know I'm always asking. Anyway, we got to talking and the next thing I knew we were back at his place."

"Sarah, there wasn't anybody called James at my party because I don't know a James. Wait, you ended up back at his place? Did you sleep with him?" Taylor asked incredulously. She was all for the sexual revolution and women seen as sexual beings without being scorned, but she worried about Sarah, she always started relationships with rose tinted glasses.

"No. Well, yes. But you don't have to say it like that, we just got on so well. There was that click. Are you sure you don't know him? He was at the club."

"Inside or out?"

"Inside, I met him asking for directions to the bathroom."

Taylor shook her head laughing a little. The Yacht Club wasn't small by any means but to get lost finding the bathroom was something only Sarah could accomplish.

"No, I don't know him. The guests for the party were outside."

"Well, that's neither here nor there. He's definitely The One. Except," There was a pause as Sarah took a deep breath, "Except, he's divorced. And has a child, a five year old girl."

Taylor was stunned for words. Sarah hadn't been kidding when she said she had found her Ryan. A small sound escaped her lips, a hybrid of a laugh and a hiccup. It was followed by another more distinguishable laugh. Then before Taylor knew it she was crying from laughing.

"Taylor," Sarah's worried voiced cut through her hysterics, "Sweetie, are you alright?"

Then the dam broke and her tears were followed by small sobs.

"N…no. I…I'm n…not alright."

TBC

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