- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
"Damn. That sucks." I muttered while shaking my head to get the white dots to fade from my eyes. If that's what shunsin is like, count me the hell out. I'll run thank you.
When I could finally see again, my heart (and hopes) plummeted to practically nothing.
The Hokage's Office was surprisingly very full.
Aburame Shibi, his son and my supposed team-mate next to him, sat at the far left of the curved table. Following the stoic and motionless pair of bug users were the rest of the village's clan heads: Murakumo of Clan Kurama; Shikaku of Clan Nara; Inoichi of Clan Yamanaka; Chouza of Clan Akimichi; Tsume and Hana from my own supposed clan, the Inuzukas; Asuma representing Clan Sarutobi; and finally, Hiashi and Hinata representing Clan Hyuuga.
Worst of all, Danzo stood silently behind them all with Koharu, Homura, and Kiba's sensei Kurenai. The war-hawk's one visible eye locked on to me with the faintest hints of a smirk on his face.
Well at least I know who turned my ass in.
I did catch a whiff of coal after a moment though, letting me know that if Genma himself wasn't in the room, he at least was here recently.
The Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen himself, held the middle seat, but instead leaned on the table from my side close enough to knee me in the face if he so desired.
"Hokage-dono." I said with a slight bow, despite my position kneeling with a kunai currently held to my throat. This meeting just wasn't going to go well.
"Who are you and what have you done with Inuzuka Kiba?" the enraged kage asked without preamble, his initial wave of killing intent almost enough to knock me out.
Damn. He was PISSED.
"Akamaru." I said out loud while keeping my body stiff and unmoving, "Please speak with Hana-san and Tsume-san's ninken and tell them anything they need to hear. Tell them EVERYTHING I told you." Gambit One played, though I never took my eyes off the enraged kage.
Damn, dude DID look like a monkey and older than dirt to boot. No wonder everybody thought he should retire. Despite not having picked up my glasses yet, my blind-assed eyes still caught the glint of steel from the staff behind his back. That would be the old monkey's Boss-Summon in staff form.
Shit, they really thought I was some sort of S-Ranked spy or something.
A few steady yips and barks were traded between the dogs while I turned to the only man in the room I… HOPED… I could trust enough to pull of gambit two. "Hyuuga-sama and Hinata-chan, please activate your eyes for this meeting."
The Hokage's eyes narrowed, his patience probably wouldn't last much longer, but frankly the old monkey needed to wait.
I frankly didn't want to die.
When my eyes caught Hana and Tsume both stiffen noticeably, their blob-like fuzzy forms shifting in the dim lighting, I spoke again. I just hoped Hana actually followed instructions. "You may call me Inuzuka Kiba. It doesn't really matter."
"WHERE IS MY SON!" Tsume spat, slamming her hands on the table as both her and Hana stood and the four dogs with them growled with barred fangs.
"I don't know." I answered back calmly, squinting to try and see if one of her pups moved or not. It was just too damn dark.
"What is your purpose here?" Shibi asked in a monotone voice identical to the anime.
"I don't know. I have an idea, but I can't reveal that information at this time." I replied smoothly, keeping my eyes on the Hokage even as I spoke. "If I did, my throat would be slit before I managed to answer."
"Excuse me?" the kage asked in a dangerous whisper, his eyes narrowed.
"Your ANBU and almost every person in this room are compromised. Should I speak my death is a certainty." I replied, shifting my eyes to the Hyuuga Clan Head.
"H-He speaks what he believes it to be true." Hiashi confirmed openly, curiosity and no small amount of concern lacing his voice despite his stoic tone.
"And who would you trust in the room at this moment?" The wily Hokage asked curiously, his tactical mind already moving towards multiple ideas.
"Either Hyuuga with their Byakugan active, though Hinata would likewise have her throat slit if she attempted to guard me. Tenten's father Genma if he's still here" My eyes flipped back and forth between the assembled Jonin and the pair of genin while trying to think of an answer. Not to mention stalling. "If Shikaku brought his son I would say Shikamaru, but he didn't. Other than that, I cannot with certainty say that anyone else in this room is uncompromised. Hiashi-sama himself is only uncompromised when his Byakugan is active.
The Nara Clan Head chimed in; his curiosity obviously peaked by the reference to his son. "I notice you did not actually mention your other team-mate Shino."
"He is compromised." It took some effort, but I never once looked at Danzo, instead working to keep my focus entirely on each speaker in turn or the Hokage himself.
"We could easily make you talk." The Hokage stated. It most certainly was not a question.
"I would be happy to talk, but I guarantee I would be killed before I could."
"Why?" Inoichi asked, a slight slur in his question indicating the man had been drinking. Gave me a curious idea about why Ino wanted to leave home so bad for Sasuke though, despite being a Yamanaka.
"That's the root of the question, isn't it?" I asked, my eyes focused entirely on the Hokage, practically begging him to save my ass since I just flung it straight into the fryer.
I threw my head back and racked the ANBU even as I felt the knife stab into my neck for the cut.
Heh. Idiot didn't wear a cup.
The Root ANBU didn't even bother to tie up the hands placed so co-operatively on my head after they placed the chakra suppression seal on my neck. Too bad for him I happened to have lived my entire life without chakra available and knew very well how to fight without it.
My hand whipped into the jerk-off's elbow and squeezed hard enough to force his muscles to spasm even as I snatched the kunai with my other hand, spun around his back and slammed my knee into his ass. Not a particularly damaging attack, but it sent the assassin flying right into the Hokage's twirling and glinting staff.
I kept a stance and growled at just how weak my eyes were as I looked over the room. Hinata covered part of her eyes when I got attacked, but otherwise only the Hokage and the assassin had moved. Even Danzo showed no emotion whatsoever to the attempted murder that took place on his order right in front of him.
"Explain. NOW." The Hokage stated, already running through handseals I didn't recognize. "You will NOT be harmed in there." I only got half a second to wonder what the hell he meant when an upside down prison formed around me, and a right-side up one in his hands. It certainly looked like a jutsu from the series, but at the moment I was focused more on the fact that Danzo just put his cane on the ground.
"BUT YOU WON'T! PROTECT YOURSELF HOKAGE-SAMA!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, not surprising him enough to stop the jutsu, but getting the desired reactions by his ANBU guards as the room burst into a flurry of motion…
… and Danzo's bandaged arm slammed on to the ground even as Tsume's razorsharp claws yanked out his supposedly missing eye, holding up Shisui's Mangekyou Sharingan for the entire room to see. Without his chakra to power the seals in the bandages, I had to assume Hiashi and Hinata managed to see the plethora of regular Sharingan's lining his arm.
I had to give it to the old war hawk, he didn't so much as grunt from the loss of his arm and eye. Tsume didn't look like she was ready to back down until Murakumo, the Kurama Clan Head, whipped out a kunai and stabbed Hana in the shoulder just as a massive cloud of insects headed straight for the old man's downed form.
"FUU! TORUNE! STAND DOWN BY ORDER OF DANZO!" I screamed, hoping their training would disrupt them. Living, breathing, and dying by orders alone prevented a great deal of unilateral decision making in the Root zombies.
Amusingly enough, it worked long enough for Hiashi to disable the hidden Torune (Holy SHIT that man's a badass! I didn't even see him MOVE!), Shikaku to capture Murakumo and Tsume in his shadows, and… One word: EWW! … Chouza to turn Fuu into fish-paste.
Made me think of Naruto for some reason.
Gambit #1 success.
Good thing too, because Gambit #2 involved me getting mind-raped by Inoichi after a nice long waterboarding session and game of hide the snake from Ibiki and Anko. I had a whopping four days. Sue me.
I started to breathe a sigh of relief before a loud thump echoed out from right behind me. A Root-masked ANBU lie dead with a senbon in his neck as a smirking Genma appeared leaning against the wall even as he drew a second senbon and stuck it in his mouth.
It didn't pass my notice that the senbon came close enough to scratch my cheek as it flew by. Jackass.
The old monkey snapped his fingers and three more ANBU dropped from the shadows. Danzo had a chakra sealing tag slapped on his forehead by one, the second had a green glow around his… her?... hands, while the third turned to do the same for Hana. I had to commend Kiba's sister; her wound had already been completely sealed up and patched. She really should volunteer at the hospital sometime instead of spending all of her time as a veterinarian for the Inuzuka Clan only.
The razor-sharp point of adamantine staff at my throat, even throat the jutsu held in his other hand by an open palm, brought me back into the discussion from my mind's silent observations. "I want answers."
New information, he can have Enma turn into a trident too. Sweet. Probably not the best time to be geeking out, but I can't really help it.
"Danzo, and his servant Shisui before him, pretty much turned everyone here except Hinata, possibly Genma and Kurenai too, into his bitches since the death of the Fourth Hokage using an Uchiha kinjutsu of the Mangekyou Sharingan." I said carefully, my hands back behind my head even though I refused to let go of the captured kunai. "I know this for reasons I will explain only to you Hokage-sama, and two others with the highest levels of clearance in the village."
Amusing side-note: The idiot without a cup I took down? It's Sai.
"You will NOT be dictating terms to ME in MY village GENIN." Sarutobi hissed out dangerously, clenching his formerly open palm tight enough that I felt more than a little nervous even as he blasted me with enough killing intent that I could SWEAR I saw a Reaper hovering behind him.
Okay. I can be LIKE a Boss.
The Sandaime Hokage IS a BOSS. He is TOTAL BOSS.
However, answering him in a room full of people I just can't trust isn't happening, especially with what I know of the future. "Akamaru. Tell them about Project Cross." As in Chrono Cross. Not exactly the most original naming scheme, but did you expect anything different when I decided to go by Chuck Norris? I started to go with Project Chrono originally, but I wouldn't have put it past Shikaku or Shibi to somehow put the clues together.
Speaking of, my next alias is SO going to be Bruce Lee.
I could feel the Sandaime glaring at me as I stared at the floor after his blast of killing intent, I REALLY didn't want to see the reaper again like that. Akamaru whisper-yipped in Hana's ear after pulling her far enough away from Tsume so the older Inuzuka couldn't hear.
"KAMI!" she breathed out when he finished, leaving the room in suspense. "I don't believe it."
"It's true." I said quietly, but loud enough to be heard by the room. "And I would much rather not be here thank you." A number of the occupants in the room frowned at the 'in the loop' conversation even as Hana covered her mouth with her hand.
"Hokage-sama." Hiashi said in his monotone voice after a few seconds. "Perhaps the child's suggestion is best. I request to stay."
Child? Child? Seriously? Oh… right… Kiba looks twelve, despite being almost fifteen.
The Hokage looked over Hiashi's face for a few moments looking for something before nodding sharply. "Shikaku, Hiashi, Genma, Hana remain. The rest of you are dismissed."
"What about my SON you old monkey?!" Tsume screamed ferally, her gravely animalistic voice giving absolutely no respect to her superior.
"I SAID DISMISSED!"
I have NO idea what happened after that. Mr. Professor's blast of KI knocked my happy ass the hell out.
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
Returning to consciousness wasn't exactly a pleasant experience since Genma just unceremoniously slapped me in the face.
Jerk probably still thought I wanted in his daughter's pants. Well I did, but not in the way he thought. I don't have a black hakama yet.
"Ugh… anybody get the number on that bus?" I ask, the lame-duck joke falling absolutely flat if the stoney faces of those gathered is anything to go by. Danzo was removed, but I noticed the Sharingan covered arm still lay on the Hokage's desk
OMG. I rock HARD. I took down DANZO! Well not ME, per say, but I made it happen. That counts right?
"Sheesh, everybody's a critic." I mumbled finally, blinking my blind-assed eyes as I noticed the sun already dipping in the distance. Considering I arrived around noon it looks like they left me knocked out for a good long time. "So…. Where do we start?" I finally asked, not really sure how to begin or how much the smirking Akamaru sitting between them next to Hana actually told those gathered.
"Perhaps," the old Hokage stated calmly after taking a large draw from his pipe, "the beginning would be best."
"When a man and…" Yeah, that one flopped too, but I got an amused smirk from Akamaru and Genma. "Heh. Sorry, I get sarcastic when I'm nervous."
"We did not notice." Hiashi said in a dry tone.
Pfft… Too easy. "Then you're blind." I shot right back, getting barking laugh from Akamaru and a look of annoyance from Hiruzen. "Anyway. I woke up five days ago in Kiba's body. Long story short." Taking a deep breath, I decided to go for comparison, comprehension, and embarrassment all rolled into one. "Hyuuga-sama, Hokage-sama. Have either of you ever pictured yourselves as characters within the books you hide so studiously within your desks?"
HOT DAMN! You CAN make a Hyuuga blush!
"HOW DO YOU… err. No, I cannot state that I have as such." The flustered Clan Head stated in a calm tone. The Hokage didn't even bother answering since the trickle of blood running down from his nose answered it for him as he pulled out a handkerchief.
"But you get the idea?" I prodded, getting nods from those gathered.
"Good, then imagine if you wake up one day and it happened, only you did not actually WANT to end up in that book." Looks of comprehension spread across the gathered faces as I pulled out a small sheet of paper and handed to Hiashi. "You don't want to be there because Hinata and Hanabi don't come with you." I whispered mournfully, not bothering to hide my feelings on the subject.
The Hyuuga unfurled the small scroll to show a pencil sketch of a smiling five year old little girl smiling and looking up a sadly smiling man who's hand she held.
The Hokage understood the fastest before turning a mournful look back towards me. "She's beautiful. How old, if I may ask?"
I scrubbed at my watery eyes before closing them and leaning back, practically collapsing in the chair I woke up sitting in. "Six next month." I sighed out mournfully, memories of the joys, and sorrows, of parenthood flashing through my mind. "She was my angel. I ended up a parent at a much too young age, but I loved every minute of it." I smiled fondly, giving up on the tear leaking down the sides of my face.
Five days and four months without seeing my baby girl and now I don't even know if I ever will.
"What was her name?" the Hokage asked kindly, breaking me from my thoughts.
"Hope." I said, smiling a little more. "My Angel and my Hope." I opened my eyes to see a calculating look on the faces of the gathered ninja, thought I noticed Hiashi looked a little green around the gills. "I knew when I woke up after my impromptu flight that something happened to bring me here, so I figured I should play the part until I could figure out a way home."
"You knew things none of us did, and spoke with absolute conviction on Danzo's Root program. I take it you know of our world? If I had to guess, you know each of us intellectually at least, but not personally if you're behavior in the village over the last few days is anything to go by." Shikaku asked, or noted. I wasn't really sure which.
"Yes. Though not in the way you might think. In my world this…" I waved my hands around for emphasis. "…is all a big story. Like the Icha Icha, or Princess Yuki. I'm not only a big fan, because I like the story, but I also wanted to be a writer one day myself so I read a lot of made up stories in the Elemental Nations universe. Thus, I know a lot of background info most people wouldn't. The reason I knew about Danzo was because here in a few years he basically betrayed the village when the Hokage fell into a coma saving it by using the ocular powers in his eye."
"And the story ended up telling how he controlled us all I assume?" Shibi asked, finally joining the conversation.
I gave a bitter chuckle. "No. No, in fact it didn't. But knowing that he had Shisui under his control for so long and paired with his dealings with Orochimaru and I just couldn't take the chance for the old war hawk to get his hands on me. Add in all of your retarded and moronic behavior over the last dozen years and I just couldn't take the chance that you weren't all being controlled at least on a small level."
"Would you care to explain?" the Nara clan head asked politely in a dry tone, his rough deep voice amused as opposed to insulted.
Instead of answering, I looked at the Hokage. "Does Hana have clearance for SS Ranked secrets?"
"She knows of young Naruto's burden if that if your concern." He replied diplomatically, neither denying nor answering the question.
I frowned at his response as goosebumps ran up my legs and arms. Why did that sound so…
Shit.
Young Naruto. Not Naruto-kun. Not Naru-kun.
I tried to summon up my Will and found the… muscle to take a momentous effort to even respond, pushing as much as I dared to the palms of my hands before releasing it all at once. Not exactly a Rasengan, but then again I haven't had ANY training in breaking genjutsu. Ever.
BOOM!
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
The cold, sterile smell of disinfectants and old blood reached my nose before anything else. I collapsed to the ground and blinked the double vision out of my eyes even as my ankles felt like something was trying to rip them off.
Squinting at my legs, I cursed when I realized both legs were bound by hard metal links and it took an enormous, painful amount of effort to lean back far enough to pull myself up and stand against the part metal, part wood rack I'd been bound to only moments before. For minutes? Days? Hours?
What did they learn from me?
Two smoking wooden beams gave testament to the reason for my hands freedom even as circulation started to go back into my wrists. The green walls and wooden roofing thankfully looked like the Leaf interrogation rooms, as opposed to the cold and stark stone that I would expect Danzo to use. A single desk with a couple of papers sat a few feet away and one wall looked like a giant mirror with a small speaker attached to it.
The question however became, am I still in a genjutsu?
What did happen? Have I been in one since Yamato picked me up? Earlier?
Charging my palms again, and wincing at the effort it took, I blew apart the metal beam my legs were bound to and pulled on the top to my outfit tossed carelessly on the floor. I grinned at the feel of the manriki still woven through the belt.
So either they didn't find it am I'm no longer in a genjutsu because they wouldn't have known to include it, OR they did find it and put it in to give me the illusion I'm no longer in a genjutsu.
Damn. No wonder Itachi is so feared. Genjutsu SUCKS.
I stumbled painfully over to the table while ripping the chakra suppression tag off the back of my neck, wincing at the pain in my wrists and ankles before squinting at the papers on the table. I hope nobody knows how to read English here. Sitting on the table were my written plans, the drawing of Hope, instructions for Naruto's training, instructions for Tenten's training, six ticket stubs for the bets on Naruto, and…
Wait what? Hold the phone.
I picked up the sheet with Tenten's training written out on it carefully and read through it. It was in my handwriting, in English, and definitely had phrases written throughout it that someone crafting a genjutsu outside of Itachi wouldn't be able to replicate. Great, so I'm out of the genjutsu.
That's the good news.
I don't remember writing these instructions.
That's the bad news.
So either someone threw a memory suppression seal on me, I wrote these under a different genjutsu and don't remember it, the Yamanaka's have been playing in my head, or….
Ugh. There are WAY too many possibilities for not remembering having written this.
My head hurts.
Figuring its better safe than sorry, I walk back over to the metal rack and blow off another section of it until I've got a solid chunk of rebar. The table leg is swiftly broken with a solid swing giving me a truncheon in case I need to fight my way out through hallways.
"You're going to pay for that you know." An amused, feminine voice calls over the intercom. The amusement alone let me breathe a sigh of relief, but I had to be sure.
Hmm… how to make sure it is actually Anko. "And you are? I apologize for the rudeness, but I'm afraid I might have forgotten your name. Guess you weren't that memorable. Maybe take up kegels."
The intercom's static didn't quite hide the dark chuckle behind Anko's voice as she threatened to, and I quote, 'Rip your man-bits off with a rusty kunai you worthless limp-dicked little peon!'. Lovely girl that one.
"I'm shocked!" I gasp dramatically, already annoyed by how badly my ankles and wrists are throbbing. "Such language in front of children! Have you no SHAME woman!"
I'm not going to bother writing out her reply.
Hmm… no door. Guess I technically could make my own, but I REALLY don't want Ibiki or Anko to kick my ass.
"So… who all joined the party today?" I ask eventually, flopping down in the chair and propping my feet up on the half of the desk still standing to rub the pain from my rather raw ankles. Kiba's body might be weak, but he heals a damn sure faster than my original body.
"Oh you know a few friends here, a few friends there." Anko's amused voice responded with a malicious overtone. "My friend Mr. Kunai is supposed to come, along with Mrs. Whip…"
"Holy crap!" I interrupt with a yell. "She managed to get married? Damn, who'd she lie to."
The intercom went silent after that.
At LEAST an hour later, I gave up on waiting out of boredom. "You know, I'm sorry about your rack and all, but I WILL blow my way out of here soon. There are things about to happen that I HAVE to prevent."
"Such as?" A deep, threatening, yet completely cool voice asks immediately.
"Morino Ibiki. I'm honored." I said with a slight bow to the glass. "In answer to your question, is today before, or after the Chunin Exams?"
"Why does that matter?" Oh… he's good.
But I'm an asshole. "Then I'll go with before. You don't seem to be taking my interrogation seriously enough for it to be after."
"Why does that matter?"
"Why does what matter?"
Silence.
Win.
"It matters because… ARGH. Damn. Are ANBU guarding the cell?" I ask, already fairly certain of the answer.
"Why does that matter?" he asked again, and I detected a faint trace of amusement this time.
"Ugh. Did ANYTHING I remember happen?" I asked out loud unconsciously, frustrated beyond measure at the moment.
"Why does that matter?" He IS a damned sadist.
But I'm still an asshole. "Why does what matter? I'll TELL you why it matters. EVERYTHING is compromised. Top-down, and I really don't want to DIE, thank you very much."
I got slightly startled when I realized I wore my own face while glaring at the mirror, despite having been under the effects of a chakra suppression seal.
Blink. Ugh. This is making my head hurt. I'm seeing myself as I see myself. Which means I MIGHT still be in a genjutsu.
"I believe they call this paranoia." Ibiki observed casually as if speaking on the weather.
"No, I can absolutely promise you that it isn't paranoia if they really are out to get you."
"Who?"
Hmm… how to… OH. That's PERFECT. "Akatsuki. I'll talk with Jiraiya thank you."
Silence.
Thirty minutes later, a thick assed cloud of smoke poured out of the vents. At least I know I got their attention.
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
I woke up some time later trussed up like a pig with suppression seals on both of my arms, my hands, and my feet.
Heh. Guess they're taking me seriously this time.
A stern, grandfatherly voice filled with steel and the promise of death spoke up calmly behind me. "Start talking."
"Jiraiya I assume?" I asked casually, trying to ignore the pain lancing through my rebound wrists and ankles.
A heavy-handed punch like a ton of bricks against my kidney removed an desire I had to joke at the situation.
Right. His Godson. Heh. Forgot about that.
Okay, so not ALL desire to joke. Just the desire to do it out loud.
"TALK." The command came again.
I still couldn't see who it was however, and unfortunately I tried VERY hard to avoid Jiraiya since arriving so I honestly didn't know whether his voice matched the anime or not. Naruto's did, Tenten's didn't. Ayame's did, Teuchi's didn't. Since I didn't actually recognize the voice belonging to my current interrogator, I could only assume (and hope) it was Jiraiya.
"IF you are truly the Toad Sage, summon Naruto's future familiar and we'll talk." His meaty fist drove itself into my other side just as painfully, but gave no reply. My vision kept going blurry from the bone-jarring punches, but I managed to actually access my will. I couldn't use it through my legs, or my arms, or my neck, but…. I COULD feel my manriki still wrapped around my waist.
"This is your last warning." The man ground out threateningly, "Then I get a LOT less pleasant."
"One." I said, slowly drawing out the word even as the interlinked chain slowly unwrapped from around my waist, "You never asked a question. TWO," I shouted when I felt him move, "I don't want to DIE. And THREE…."
I forced ALL of my focus onto the damn chain, even as it whipped around and wrapped around my attackers neck before flying up and over the rack they bound me to. While the older man dangled from the links, I used the non-bladed end of the chain to sweep the chakra suppression tags off and carefully split my focus. The chain remained locked around the choking man's throat even as my palms blew apart the new wood of a second rack, followed as fast as I could by the two around my ankle.
Heh.
Oops.
I went ahead and let Jiraiya down once I turned around enough to actually SEE the person beating the crap out of me.
Stars formed in my eyes and a blastwave of pain erupted from the back of my head. I was being held in the air by a set of razor-sharp steel vice-grips even as a second blastwave of pain erupted in my skull. The stars barely started to fade when I found myself face to face with one angry as hell Sennin connected to a wildly flying mane of hair currently holding me against the wall.
"TALK. NOW." He growled out.
I racked my mind to find out SOMETHING to make the man TRUST me. What the hell was WITH this village? Did I murder somebody or something? Sleep with Hinata? Kill Naru… Wait. That's it. "A-Are you so willing to bet your living, breathing proof of your first book that my paranoia is wrong?" I wheezed out, begging him with my eyes to just fricking TRUST me for one damn minute.
He froze... Thank Kami… before his eyes became even MORE suspicious.
What the HELL!?
"TALK." He commanded again. Since when does the self-important, completely self-centered, and masochistic 'almighty Jiraiya-sama' have a TWO word….
Oh…
Time for a Star Wars moment. I closed my eyes and just FOCUSED. Then, when I could practically FEEL the chain collapsed on the floor a few feet away… I PULLED. My chakra reached out again and grabbed the manriki before wrapping around the man's neck a second time and heaving him back over the rack.
Boss.
"You aren't the Toad Sage." I coughed out, rubbing at my throat with one hand and my neck with the other. "You aren't even a real fucking HUMAN." I spat, turning to rub my wrists even as the nameless berserker struggled against the chain holding him in place. "You're dead."
I couldn't hide my eye twitch when the twitching, spasming man finally stopped moving, but I did my damndest to keep any and all emotions off of my face. I knew my silent watchers were probably looking for any weaknesses they could exploit and a weak stomach would be one of them.
The fact that I wanted to start puking right then and there was ignored.
I knew the man had to be dead or unconscious when Jiraiya's features finally fell away to reveal a… mutant with grey ashen skin wearing a Otogakure hiate-ate and a jonin flak jacket. I made doubly sure when I slammed the discarded rebar blade through his skull.
I had no intentions of tangling with a self-healing Cursed-Seal Beast.
Then came the harder part. Searching the body for anything useful.
Nothing. Not a single damn weapon.
Nice watch though. I kept that.
"Kukukuku… I'm impressed Kiba-kun." A silky smooth voice echoed through the chamber, sending shivers up my spine while bile rose in my throat. HIS voice was EXACTLY the same.
Kabuto.
"OH. I see you DO know more than you should. I'm curious how you found me out. I know for a fact that you didn't know who I was during the first, or even the second exam. I would have noticed."
Shit shit shit shit shit. I've got to get the HELL out of here NOW.
"What, nothing to say? You've been AWFULLY talkative so far. Besides Danzo-kun's tricks and trades, what OTHER knowledge do you have in that head of yours?" Kabuto's smooth voice echoed through the intercom. "And my my…. Just WHERE did you get it? I think I'm not the ONLY one with secrets Inuzuka Kiba."
From what I know of Orochimaru's bases, they are almost all built underground so…
Up.
I grabbed my rebar-sword and stuck it to my back before wrapping my belt back around my waist and ran straight up the glass I knew Kabuto stood behind to the ceiling.
"EXPLODY HANDS!" I scream maniacally with a goofy laugh, pumping as chakra as I could summon through my hands in an ever expanding wave before backing out of the way as the entire ceiling caved in, the most dirt and debris thankfully landing like a second wall against the glass like I'd hoped. I gathered my Will as strongly as I could to bust through the remaining dirt and went as high into the sky as I could before descending in the direction I saw lights in the distance. If luck was with me it would be Konoha, or at least something close.
I leapt out into the afternoon sun and started running towards the small city.
Hopefully I'm not in Oto, but East is as good as any direction when I have no fricking clue where I am.
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
I REALLY hate Inari at the moment.
"I think he went his way!" Random Suna ninja shouted loudly, as I landed on the river and charged ass up stream. When a flurry of kunai peppered the water around me, I took a deep ass breath and dove for one of them, before coming up and resuming my desperate assed run.
Oh no. I didn't find a nice village. I found the damn ARMY Suna brought for the INVASION.
FML.
"Follow the river! Don't let him escape!"
Huh. Random fact. Suna's grunt level shinobi apparently don't do water walking. That's useful.
The massive mud-wave flowing down the river towards me pushed my Straight Running practice to the limits as I ducked, rolled, jumped, and slid through the sticky mess at full speed.
"Did we get him?"
I didn't bother to respond.
"Don't let him get to the Outpost up river!"
OMG! Deus Ex Machina exists!
With renewed determination, I plowed ahead. I managed to get some distance on the grunts by taking a split in the river, but I could already feel that familiar burning setting in to muscles that indicated chakra exhaustion.
I almost cried when I saw the Konoha Outpost. The Leaf emblem proudly fluttering for all to see with a brilliant fire lit underneath it.
I did cry when I slipped in quietly through an upstairs window while Willing my chakra deep in my body just in case it was a trap.
Half a dozen dead ANBU littered the room. In pieces. Three Sound ninja sat on a stack of body parts like chairs. It was disgusting.
"So the Suna team said this guy supposed to be coming are way?" One of the two boys asked in a bored tone, idly twirling a kunai by the pommel-ring. Based on his chosen hairstyle, I think I'll call him 'Mohawk'.
"Yeah. Shouldn't be too tough, he'd already been in Kabuto and Tayuya's loving hands for two days. Some random samurai they picked up in Konoha, I heard." 'Mullet' commented in a similar tone. I decided he would die first.
The woman on the team scoffed loudly, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder dismissively. "Probably some weakling Orochimaru-sama picked up for more experiments. I heard the supposed 'samurai' didn't even have a sword when they brought him in. Just two wooden sticks and, get this, a pussy guard." I decided to name her Goldilocks.
I noticed an arm gauntlet similar to Dosu's on Mullet's arm and made note of it. Based on the way Goldy jingled when she tossed her hair, I figured she got similar training to Kin. The genjutsu user would need to die at the same time as Mullet since I don't really have a very good defense against genjutsu.
Dying after I succumbed to it counts as a defense.
Technically.
The biggest member of the trio, code named Mohawk struck me as a generic thug type. He would die last.
Killing again so soon really sucked, but I needed supplies and, despite their recently deceased owners, this Outpost was laden with them. Not to mention if I had ANY luck there would be a damn map in there, but I couldn't exactly search for it with the three Sound shinobi keeping watch.
I would have liked to summon a shadow clone for the reinforcement, but I doubt I can even USE chakra much longer, much less such a chakra intensive technique.
Resisting the urge to take a deep breath and prepare myself, I crawled silently across the main support beam and readied my single kunai, rebar-blade, and manriki.
Without making a sound, I let go, already swinging the kunai towards Mullet's skull. Even as I landed I released the kunai to let the manriki wrapped around my wrist untangle while I grabbed the rebar in a two handed grip to swing it with enough power to crush Goldie's skull while kicking out towards Mohawk. Without pausing, I launched to the shocked and staring grunt and brought the rebar down towards his head HARD.
"You son of a bitch!"
The crack was definitely satisfying, but Mohawk managed to get an arm up to block in time not to take the intended blow to his head. Unfortunately for the Sound-nin, both the kick and swing were distractions for the manriki already wrapping its way around his neck. Without giving him a chance to protest, I grabbed the chain and yanked hard while aiming a second kick at his face.
Pain exploded in my side when the now black lightbulb covered Mohawk caught my kick and returned it four or ten times as hard. Black spots exploded in vision as I took a second hit just as quickly to my face.
I reached back and grabbed the kunai even as as he landed a third kick to my thigh, effectively frogging me and nearly forcing me to my knees. I swung in sheer desperation even as he started laughing, giving a great deal of thanks that Suna kunai weren't as thick as Konoha's when the slender blade plunged easily through his eye and into his brain.
Not taking and chances with a Cursed Beast, I grabbed the ninjato from one of the dead ANBU and cut his damned head off while he stumbled back in pain.
Huffing as exhaustion started to set in, I forced back my exhaustion by sheer force of will (not chakra) and stripped a bloodied jonin vest from an ANBU's torso before setting about to gather more supplies.
The only ration bars I found reeked of the blood drenching them, but I forced back my nausea and chewed through two of them while searching Goldielocks. Sure enough, a VERY explicit and detailed map lay rolled up in her hip-pouch.
I went ahead and took the whole pouch since I could throw senbon better than kunai anyway. Failings of a misspent youth. Don't ask.
Taking a last look around the base, I decided to grab a couple of the bloodstained and slashed cloaks in case I needed to leave on as a distraction. I felt like shit leaving these guys bodies to just rot like this, but I needed to get back to the village.
From the look of the Sound-nin's map, the journey would be at least five days since, oh joy, I ran the wrong direction up river for half a damn day while trying to escape the damned Sand-nin. No wonder they didn't pursue. Add in evading patrols and I'd probably arrive with less than a week to warn the Sandaime.
Sighing at the sun rising in the distance I decided to use my remaining energy to head up river a little and get a nap. I doubt I could handle another fight at he moment, and what idiot runs farther away from the village when they have news of an Invasion.
I snorted.
This one apparently.
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
I woke up to the sounds of the forest, untying myself from the high reaches of the tree I managed to climb and looked at the sun to estimate the time. Probably some time between four and six o'clock.
I hoped the dark green cloak I wound around my torso would hide me from any pursues and either I didn't have any, or I was damn lucky. My wrists and ankles were thoroughly swollen and I could feel and upraised hand-print on my rather dry and scratchy throat. Opening my hakama caused and addition since at the massive blotchy purple and green blotches going up and down both sides of my torso.
I just prayed there wasn't any internal bleeding.
Boy if Kiba showed back up today, he'd be PISSED.
I took a good hour to thoroughly wrap my chest, but I could move a little easier. I couldn't do anything for the pain in my jaw, but I took a blood pill on the off chance I did actually have internal bleeding. The adrenaline and testosterone shot, or at least I hoped that's what it was, that I pulled from Mohawk's pouch went into my own.
After a quick equipment check, I pulled the hood of the ANBU cloak over my face and put on the tiger mask I found before setting out. I wouldn't have taken it, but sadly, the dead Aburame ANBU had eye-sight nearly as bad as my own and his iconic clan sunglasses were quiet thoroughly shattered.
I thought about checking the Outpost again when I passed, but the very thought of approaching the tomb where I murdered three children caused my stomach to twist painfully. I took the long way around the Outpost.
Leaping through the trees alone in what was effectively enemy territory. I knew I could have flown, but then everything I knew about the invasion would become useless. Straight Running wasn't nearly as fun when you had to keep your shitty assed eyes open for incoming threats. Especially when I had to start dodging Sand patrols around dusk. Either I caught up with the Sand army or...
Hold the phone. This is the SAND army. Argh. If I was Orochimaru, I would have loaded down the army with spies and of my own shinobi to look for betrayal in the rank and file even after killing off the Kazekage.
Oh well. It was a good distraction from the sounds of my pounding heart and feet as I leapt from limb to limb high above the ground. The Sound-nin might be used to fighting in forests, but the Land of Wind is a giant desert. Other than the occasional glider on fans like Temari's I didn't see a single Sand-nin high in the boughs with me.
Well after midnight my energy supply started to wane so I popped a soldier pill for the promised pick me up. Tasted like a rotted ration bar coated in bile and dunked in dog shit. No wonder Naruto couldn't stand the things. The little 'boost' was probably the nastiest thing I've ever tasted in my life. Wanting to ensure I wasn't running on fumes and caffeine I went ahead and downed another ration bar despite not being very hungry. Especially since the entire supply were effectively seeped in the blood of dead Leaf shinobi.
It made me almost understand why the circle of hatred Jiraiya always preached about existed in the shinobi world. The casual attitude and disrespect those Sound-nin had over the death of six people, not to mention the extreme level of disrespect they showed by using by effectively using the dead bodies as couches when there were perfectly good chairs available, it was just... disgusting.
Around two or three in the morning I hovered a few feet above the tallest tree I could find to get my bearings, hoping the Sand's grunts didn't have any chakra sensors as I used chakra for the first time since beginning my journey.
Then promptly dropped back down and started running away from the platoon of fan wielding Sand-nin that rose into the air a few dozen yards away. I must be more tired than I thought. I managed to shadow the whole damned army by less than a quarter of a mile.
Salvation came from the sight of an old battle where I found a blackened and burnt skeleton in the hollow of a tree burned out by an obviously powerful Katon jutsu. The next hour of listening to the heavy footfalls and stops from dozens of shinobi proved that my earlier stress levels were completely inconsequential. I fell asleep without even noticing it amidst shouted orders, angrily shouted responses, and the constant thumps of Earth jutsu as the Sand trackers tried to flush me out.
I finally woke back up around two or three in the afternoon if the sun could be trusted. That is provided I only slept the single day. I chewed through three moldy ration are before setting out, feeling positively ravenous. I checked the wraps on my sides, but they still held strong. The rather potent funk coming from them told me I needed to find a river or pond soon if I didn't want to tip off the Wind Country's version of Inuzukas.
To avoid the army I managed to tip off last night, I headed straight East for a solid hour before turning South again. If the map I took from the three dead nins could be trusted, I only had a day of solid travel left before making my final approach to the village.
"I hope you appreciate this Naruto, Tenten." I muttered as I picked Kiba's sore and beaten body back up and took off again towards the mountainous monument I could finally see in the distance.
I'd figure out when I got closer to the village just exactly how to actually ENTER said village undetected.
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
Two weeks.
I would have two full weeks back in the village to warn the Sandaime by the time I arrived. Which meant my vacation took me outside the village for a full week without notice, warning, or notice. I rather hoped the Hokage didn't mark me as a missing nin.
I bet Naruto, Tenten, and Akamaru are livid by now. Hopefully the blonde menace didn't think I ditched him.
I managed to find the date, the main road, AND my route into the village purely in an absolute reverse of my previous luck.
A genial drunk old man's loud boasting drew my attention and I moved to investigate out of curiosity and boredom more than anything else. Stressed to hell? Yes.
But when you're ADHD, everything gets boring quickly. Why do you think I'm such a damn jack of all trades. Kendo, Jujitsu, web design, sewing (seriously), writing, and loads more. I'm like the ultimate guy for random skills.
The old man turned out to be leading a mule pulling a cart loaded up with lumber with his impossibly hot and sexy daughter and a young boy around ten or twelve.
Did you know Tazuna and family came to watch the Chunin Exams? Cause I sure as hell didn't. Little tidbit never came up in the anime of manga as far as I know.
I'll have to let Naruto know.
Convincing them to let me come along took almost no effort. I just showed them my genin registration and offered to trade stories about Naruto with them if they agreed to give me a ride to the village. It would add a day on to the journey, but a little make-up, a set of sunglasses, and some borrowed clothes from Tazuna left their nephew Haku to join them on their journey. Choosing that name in effigy of the downed Yuki Clan member might have been the convincing hook I needed so they didn't send me away when I pulled Tsunami and Tazuna aside after Inari went to bed and explained that I was on an ANBU mission and needed to get into the village unseen.
I finally relaxed for the first time in four days under the gentle care of an extremely sexy nurse. Say what you will, but Tsunami is one smoking hot M.I.L.F.
Ugh. My libido is back. Joy.
If I could put a guess out, I managed to stay away a full ten minutes sprawled out on top of Tazuna's lumber before passing out that night. So tired and exhausted I didn't even think to hide the acquired jonin vest or the ANBU mask and cloak. I felt like a total ass when I realized that when I finally woke up, only to find the freshly (mostly) cleaned cloak draped over my sleeping form and rolled up slightly to look like a blanket.
Tsunami didn't say anything the next morning, but I could see the bags under her eyes from a sleepless night. I realized why when I noticed she also changed my chest wrappings after I effectively fell unconscious.
Apparently I wasn't the only one afraid there might still be internal bleeding. I think she refrained from mentioning anything because Inari woke up before I did. Kid still thought all ninja stayed invincible super heroes through their career saving countries and princesses alike.
I can't even remember being that naive as a child. I asked my parents why the bad guys always managed to lose after they kicked the Power Rangers butts so bad every time.
Got a spanking for that. Six year olds aren't supposed to say 'kick butts'.
I couldn't help my excitement and amusement upon arriving at the village, luckily without a Sand or Sound ninja anywhere to be seen, because, as I loudly told everyone in excitement, "It's my first time coming in the gates of an awesome ninja village!"
True too! Heh.
I stayed with the trio all the way to their hotel, shocked at his easily I bypassed the Eternal Gate Guards, Izumo and Kotetsu. No wonder Itachi and Kisame came in so 'easy as you please' and even stopped for coffee (and I suspect pocky) during there search for Naruto a month from now.
Hehe. I should buy some pocky if I manage to finagle Jiraiya into taking me along during the Search for Tsunade Arc. Yes. I'm that big of a geek. Sue me.
Once darkness fell, and after ensuring the window stayed lit in the old monkey's office, I donned the full ANBU ensemble despite having no clue just what the punishment, fine, or jail time might be for impersonating an ANBU before bidding my hosts good night and thanking them profusely for their hospitality. Inari demanded that I let Naruto know they are here to cheer him on.
I promised the message had already been passed on.
I needed to see the Hokage.
- 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 - 4 -
