The queen fidgeted outside the throne room. She walked to and fro in front of the throne room door. The king, his ministers, and some princes were currently in an assembly. In fact, they have been debating there for hours and she just could not wait to talk to her husband about an important matter. She felt tense, guilty, and maybe even afraid.
A few minutes later, the door to the throne room finally opened and the ministers and princes started going out. They acknowledged her before leaving. However, she was still visibly tense. She held her skirts tightly, and if it weren't for the cold weather, she would have been perspiring already. Baek Ah and Ji Mong were the last ones to walk out of the throne room, and they spotted her with a seemingly unreadable expression. Ji Mong bowed to Soo and took his leave. Baek Ah turned to her, his face was downcast; sadness and worry was written all over it.
"Are you sure you want to talk to him right now?," He asked Soo.
"I... I have to. It's my fault. We haven't talked properly about the incident two days ago. I...,"
"You don't have to explain to me. But be prepared to face him," Baek Ah bowed and left Soo in her own devices.
She fixed her skirt, her hair, and took a gulp before telling the eunuch to announce her arrival. She entered the throne room with her head bowed down. She wasn't usually like that when she meets her husband, but she was just so afraid to look at him. Upon reaching the front of the throne, she mustered the courage to look at So, only to find him reading scrolls with a neutral expression on his face. It was like he wasn't acknowledging her at all. She looked at him, her lips were quivering. He is never like this towards her. In the past, when he was angry, he would confront her or tell her that he would never forgive her if she did those things again. Even when he left her for two years, he still talked to her before he went away. But this time, the throne room was absolutely quiet. She tried to catch his attention by coughing lightly. Nothing. Soo was already on the verge of tears, but she had to hold it in. She needed to speak to him properly.
"Pyeha," No response. She inhaled again.
"Pyeha, please." the king was still not responding. There wasn't even any reaction in his eyes when he heard Soo's voice. And Soo knew all too well how to read her husband's expressions.
"Husband, won't you even look at me?," this time, the king exhaled and finally took his eyes off the scrolls. He looked at his queen with a blank expression and slightly nodded. So proceeded to read his scrolls again. Of course, Soo was becoming frustrated, but she knew all too well why he was acting the way he is.
"Wang So of the House of Wang, Chungju Yoo, and Shinju Kang, look at me," So couldn't help but look at his wife who very rarely uses his full name. "Look at me, please. I need to talk to you."
So finally looked at Soo properly. His face was strained, his jaw tensed up. Even though he finally faced her, sometimes his eyes would travel to other parts of the room. Soo knows So isn't like this. He never had the difficulty of looking at her. When they were still friends, he would shamelessly invade her personal space, always inching his face too near her while his eyes burned through her. But now, he made it seem like looking at her was the hardest job in the world.
"I'm sorry," Soo finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry for sneaking out. I'm sorry for not bringing enough guards. I'm sorry for being so careless. I'm... I..."
Tears finally started to fall from her eyes. It was her fault. This whole fight of theirs was her fault. But she wasn't going to give up easily. Soo wanted to tell So that everything is alright, she's fine, the wounds have healed, she isn't hurt anymore. She wanted to assure him. She wanted her husband back after not being able to touch him for two days.
"I know you're avoiding me. You haven't gone back to our quarters for two days. I asked Baek Ah-nim were you slept. He told me you sleep here, on your throne. You know how much pain that will give you in the morning?," She said, trying hard not to sound too reprimanding since she knew she was in no place to. "I'm fine, see? The wounds are healing and there aren't nightmares. No one was badly harmed and..."
"But what if you were fatally harmed? What if you died in front of me?," So finally opened his mouth. His words were full of resentment. That steely voice of his was heavy and it lingered inside the room. He was mad. In fact, he was so angry he couldn't even look at her properly. Soo has never seen him like this before, and the sound of his voice raised the hairs on her neck.
"Do you know what you just made me do?," He spoke again. Of course, Soo knew all too well. She could still remember how he elaborately spun his sword, slicing it from flesh-to-flesh like a highly trained assassin. He was in slow motion as he carved the innards of his enemies, blood staining his black king's robe. He was moving so fast, so fluidly, that his sangtugwan and top knot broke loose, freeing his hair. Soo was quelling her sobs as the memory flooded her again.
Soo was suppressing sobs. She saw her husband in the middle of a massacre. He was surrounded by bloody corpses; they were almost unrecognizable because of how they were killed. Although So's face and hands were pale, they were covered in the blood of different men; men who kidnapped and harmed his queen. That was enough reason for him to snap, to be unforgiving. His long hair covered half of his face. He surveyed his surrounding, and finally, he looked at his wife. So's eyes were piercing her, and she knew the meaning of those eyes. They were mixed with hatred, disgust, worry, but most of all, anger. Suddenly, the queen's personal guards came up to her. Some were injured, but none of them died.
"Your Majesty, are you alright?," they asked. Soo only nodded her head. "If His Majesty did not come, I don't know how long we would have been held hostage. Or if worse things would have happened..."
"But we're alright." Soo said, trying to convince herself while tears streamed down her face. Suddenly, palace guards swarmed the scene. Upon seeing the bodies piled up, and their king in the middle unfazed and unharmed, they widened their eyes and immediately knelt down. The palace guard captain approached the king warily.
"Pyeha, we apologize for the delay. A...are you...,"
"I'm fine. Inspect the body of these bandits before burning them. Send me reports tomorrow morning," So turned his back, and began walking away. But he turned around and looked at his wife in the eyes again. "Bring the queen to the royal physician. Guard her with your life or else..." he paused. His nostrils flaring in anger. "I will torture and kill you myself."
That was the first time she saw the former wolf-dog in his bloodthirsty and murderous persona. That was the first time she saw why people were truly scared of the former 4th Prince wolf-dog. He took down at least 20 men by himself effortlessly.
"You sneaked out to the public market without telling anyone. You only brought three companions. You went out in disguise, but you didn't even hide your royal jade bangle! How careless of you!," he finally let all his pent-up anger go.
"Yes. This is better than not looking at me," Soo thought.
"I have not killed anyone myself for years," So said. Self-loathing evident in his voice. "But I'd do it all over again if your life was on the line."
"P...Pyeha you..."
"Go back to our quarters."
"I'm so-"
"I can't talk to you right now. I don't even want to see you. Get out." So finally said. He averted his gaze from Soo so that she would not see how he was almost tearing up.
Soo sat in front of their dinner table. Supper was lavishly placed in front of her, and yet, she had no appetite. She could only see the empty seat in front of her. Suddenly, the doors of their quarters opened. The king finally came back. Wide and teary-eyed, Soo stood up to greet her husband.
"Pyeha," she bowed her head.
"Let's eat," he said monotonously as he immediately proceeded to sit in front of her. The queen also sat down wordlessly.
Dinner was awkward and quiet. Sometimes, Soo would put tea in the king's cup and give it to him. But they would go back to consuming the food quietly. Only the sound of chopsticks hitting the porcelain could be heard. Sometimes, Soo would take a look at her husband, but he was only intent on finishing his meal.
After dinner, they went about with their usual practices. But unlike their usual nights, they carried on without even exchanging a word. Soo removed his husband's headdress, combed his hair, and removed his clothes. So did the same. They proceeded to go to the pool prepared for them; to bathe out the stress that had been lingering in their minds for days. It wasn't that effective.
Thereafter, they dressed up each other in their nightwear. They went to bed quietly. As usual, they didn't immediately go to sleep. So would fetch the books they were currently reading and give one of them to his wife; one is for Soo and the other one is his. So mostly read Confucian doctrines or Chinese government excerpts, while Soo read novels or medicinal records. After reading, Soo finally decided to speak again.
"Pyeha, can we talk?," she asked.
"Let's sleep. I'm tired." he motioned for Soo to lie down as he blew out the candles. Soo thought that he would sleep with his back turned on her, but surprisingly, he hugged her, like how he usually does. Never has his touch seemed more welcome than it has now.
"So... My king...," Soo spoke. Her emotions were starting to choke her. So snuggled closer, the tip of his nose touching her cheeks. She could feel his warm breath on her neck while he pecked a kiss on her jaw.
"It's fine."
"But, don't you want me to say something?," Soo asked, confused.
"I have forgiven you," So told her, tightening his hug while doing so. "I got mad because you were reckless. You weren't thinking of what would happen to me if I lost you. But then I realized, you're not stupid. You know what you did. Things happened, and... Well... Everything is as they were before."
Soo held her husband's hand and tightened her grip. There was a brief pause before she replied. She couldn't help it anymore and she finally faced So, and she saw in his eyes that he has indeed forgiven her. Soo hugged So back, her hands wrapped firmly around his waist.
"What made you calm down? What made you forgive me?," she looked at him in the eyes and asked. So smiled at her, the same sweet smile when they were still teenagers. That same smile when she 'removed' his scar. That same charming smile when they got married.
"Let me see," he tilted his head a bit as if he was thinking. He looked back at her and said, "Because you are my wife. You will still be my wife tomorrow, next month, ten years from now, maybe even after fifty years. In the next lifetime, you will still be my wife, my soul, my person. You are my existence."
Author's note: The last line was inspired by the movie The Young Victoria. Anyway, I hope you got the gist of the last line hahaha! What I meant to convey was that, So was bound to forgive her. I wanted to put the lines, "This problem isn't going to divorce us, nor any problem for that matter." But I felt like it would lose the poetic power of my last line haha. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed!
