Ah, such a bad week. I wish I can become a cheesecake, or go meet Gorilla-sensei, so that he will give me one of his great ideas about Gintama...


CHAPTER 4.

Sometimes you receive the most important news from the most unimportant person, so treat you enemies and third-rate characters nice, they might come in handy.


Yorozuya.

Gintoki was indeed in a dreamland; he was floating on a big cloud while tearing and eating pieces from it. There was a river of chocolate that he wanted to dig in and drink that tempting, delicious thing to the end. Perm head was preparing to jump inside huge parfait lava when he heard his door getting crushed and someone entering their house.

As an adult he should probably wake up and go check on the intruder, but it was too much bother silver samurai concluded and buried his face in the pillow. Kagura and Shinpachi were both away, Kagura as always sneaking out to go into the Shinsengumi barracks on a secret date and Shinpachi being at his own house, so there was nothing for him to worry about and if that bastard whomever it is wanted his head he could always bother to at least dodge.

A second crash resounded through the room and Gin already realized that whoever it was is inside his room right now. Not bothering to actually open his eyes and check the person's identity, he listed all the possibilities through his mind.

1. It can't be Kagura because she usually walks in shouting, plus she won't be back till morning.

2. Sadaharu will right away jump at him trying to bite his head off.

3. Shinpachi maybe an annoying Megane, but he doesn't break doors.

4. Otae, was also out of question she wouldn't brake the door, she would brake him.

5. It also can't be Tama, Catherine or Otose, because he just paid his rent yesterday.

6. Purple natto ninja was also out of question she never used doors.

7. Zura, well he might be annoying, but he would annoy you by too much knocking and not by breaking.

8. Madao also can't be it, he is probably crying somewhere after loosing in pachiko.

9. It also can't be Tsukky or Kyuubei, since those two never look for him.

10. Maybe a customer, nah, a customer won't break doors and if he does the Gin-san have to charge him double.

11. Ok, it can be Sakamoto Tatsuma, the man always did this. No, not him either, Tatsuma would have broken the whole house down and not just the door, beside there was no one laughing.

12. It can't be Mayora that man has nothing to do here in the middle of the night anyways, unless he and the rest of the Shinsengumi as always came into Yorozuya looking for Zura.

13. Gorilla was stalking Otae, so he can't be here either, no way.

14. Sadistic Idiot, Souichirou, was too busy with his girlfriend to bother with him and he would have blow up the place with bazooka.

15. Well, then all is left is thinking about his enemies. It's not Bakasugi, since the one eye pervert would have killed him right away and not waited.

Geez, I definitely have a whole pack of weird friends. Gin clicked his tongue in his thoughts. That leaves only one person then. Gintoki shifted in his place slowly opening his eyes and looking up only to see the tip of a parasol pointed at his head.

Damn it, I'm screwed.

Silver perm head gulped down, slowly raising his eyes from the parasol that was ready to fire at him towards the man holding the Yato weapon. Gintoki expected to see an annoying smiling face and orange hair, just like Kagura's as he finally looked at his attacker.

Yorozuya's eyes going wide as he saw a gloomy face replace the smile he was expecting and long, lively hair Gin-chan was thinking about was actually black and he was… Bald. Gin-chan's face went pale like sheets as he kept staring at the attacker.

I'm so dead, someone… Help!


"Gin-san, wake up! We have work to do." Shinpachi called out right away entering the yorozuya. Taking out his shoes he walked towards the main room opening the door. "Gin-san, are you still sleeping?.."

Shinpachi froze on his place in the door frame as he saw Gintoki sitting on the couch formally his head bowed down, while on the other couch Umibozu sat arms crossed over his chest as he was glaring at the perm head, baldy raised his eyes to look at Megane.

Patsuan gulped hard as he sweat forcing a smile and with shaking voice said. "I… I just remembered something. You guys have fun… I'll come back later." He turned around to leave when a cold metal was placed against his head.

"Sit down, Megane. I have something I want to ask you two useless two cent guardians." Umibozu ordered poking Shinpachi with the tip of his umbrella. Shin agreed sitting on the couch next to the oldest yorozuya.

Gin-san? What are we going to do? He is going to kill us… Megane sweat dropped as he telepathically sends his thoughts to Gintoki.

Perm head was sweating like crazy not able to think straight. C-c-c-calm down Patsuan! We have to think of something… Lets make a plan… a plan… We should have a runaway route… Yeah, let's make one…. Lets dig a tunnel… No better a rocket, I want to fly to some other planet… Or maybe we should do that, you know…. This like that… That then this and then that and its, you know will be… Well that….

YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE GIN-SAN! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! Shinpachi shouted in his mind.

"Now then…" Umibozu started with a serious voice. "I received a really interesting letter and…"

"What is he talking about Gin-san? What letter?" Megane whispered to silver samurai's ear.

Gintoki leaned closer also whispering. "Calm down Patsuan. Letter can mean that maybe he is here for another reason. Phew! We're saved."

"I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU MORONS! AND STOP IGNORING ME, I'M STILL NOT FINISHED." Baldy shouted, but then calming down continued. "Also I accidentally run into my idiot son during my journey and…."

"That's it Gin-san, he knows… he is here for our lives…"

"Let's runaway Patsuan! On my count!"

Veins started to pope out on violent daddy's head as he shouted. "LISTEN TO ME TILL THE END, YOU JACKASS, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING MEN!"


Shinsengumi HQ.

It was already late in the morning, but Kagura and Sougo were still asleep. China sleeping diagonally where she took the most of the futon, sheets were off her, her arms open wide as if she was trying to hug Sadaharu all at once and Sougo was lying on tatami instead of being in his warm futon. It was always like that Kagura sleeps restless, so she always ends up throwing him off.

Knock. Knock. Yamazaki knocked on the sliding door politely, not daring to open before any of them allowed him to. "Captain Okita, vice-commander is calling for you."

Sadist shifted on tatami dragging the blanket, that was lying somewhere instead of covering the person in his futon, on himself he mumbled with annoyance. "Go away Zaki. I'm in the mood… to wake up."

Knock. Knock. "I understand, but vice-commander said that you have an important meeting and you should be there."

"Badminton freak…" Kagura mumbled with irritation. "Its still early don't bother my sleep, if I get a bad skin I'll kill you bastard!"

"You're already ugly China, nothing can make it worse." Sougo said not opening his eyes or even shifting.

A pillow came running towards him and he so much as turned to his other side, while Kagura still with closed eyes and in same position replied. "Shut up and die Sadist! Do you want me to set your death flag again?"

Yamazaki gulped hard feeling their anger, but still knocked. "Its already 11:00 am. Matsudaira-san is also coming for a sudden visit soon. Vice-commander said to send miss China girl away and call you for a meeting."

"Leave or die, Zaki!" This time sadistic couple said in unison.

Zaki cried knowing what will happen now. If he knocks he will be killed, if he doesn't knock then devil vice-commander Hijikata Toushirou will kill him. Now which is worse.

Probably making the wrong choice Yamazaki knocked, but before he could even apologize. Sougo and Kagura both jumped, high kicking the door and sending it together with Zaki flying away and falling inside the pond, that was actually empty, so Badminton freak crashed to the cold stone. Yamazaki cried. "Why me~?"

"Now my morning nap is ruined." Kagura scratched her head.

"Oi Sougo, how many time should I tell you to not bully Yamazaki…. That's my job." Toushi approached them with Gorilla by his side and lit his cigarette as he stopped near them.

Okita looked at him with a bored look. "Don't be selfish Hijibaka-san, let me borrow him once in a while."

Vein popping out Hijikata shouted. "Who the f*** are you calling Hijibaka?!"

Sougo took out his bazooka and took an aim. "Good by Mayora. I'll be happy as a vice-commander." And he shoots at the raven-haired guy,

Mayora dodged by the slightest managing not getting blown. "DAMN YOU BASTARD BAKAISER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING EARLY IN THE DAY?"

"I'm practicing Hijikata-san. This is like a morning jog for me, Hijikata-san. I can't leave without it Hijikata-san. You should just die Hijikata-san. This world will be happier without you Hijikata-san." Bakaiser kept saying with poker face.

"STOP WITH THAT ANNOYING MONOLOGUE!" Toushi shouted clenching his fists in attempted to not start a battle and break this brats face.

"Che. So noisy in the morning and here I thought that Shinpachi was being loud." Yato female said with irritation. She frowned realizing that Kondo was staring at her, but looked at him with dead fish eyes as she said. "What are you looking at Gorilla? I don't have a banana on my face."

Kondo sweat dropped looking at his second in command, but Toushi just looked away from them continuing his smoking. Still poker face Sougo took out a mirror, that he had with him for some reason, and handed it to Kagura.

As China looked at her face painted with marker face, her devilish aura started to increase. "S-A-D-I-S-T!" Yato female grabbed her umbrella saying every letter of her boyfriend's name with the more and more hatred and anger.

Okita smirked. "What China, failed at doing make up? You're more scarier than usual."

Kagura attacked him, Sougo unsheathing his katana just in time to block her parasol and bullets that fly towards him. They started a full-fledged battle, while tax robber officers just sigh not bothering since this was pretty much what every morning was like. Kondo and Hijikata stood there looking at the two, Gorilla turning to his friend with troubled expression.

"Um, Toushi? I might be getting this wrong, but aren't they dating? And when people are dating shouldn't they be more… you know… lovely-doney."

Toushi let out a long smoke. "As I said those two brats have to much free time on their hands. They're probably doing all this for the fun of it, just wait a while and they will break up after getting bored of it."

Sougo and Kagura both stopped staring at Mayora with pissed eyes and then said in unison. "DIE MAYORA!" Then the sadistic couple both shoots at devil vice-commander, Sadist firing his bazooka and China shooting from her parasol.

Hijikata jumped in time escaping the shoot and while he kept shouting the pair was about to return to their fight when big white bag of fur also known as Sadaharu appeared jumping at biting on Okita's head.
Kagura laughed. "Haha… So lame Sadist! Good job, Sadaharu!"

"You damn dog!" Sadist shouted and attacked the dog, now instead of China he was running after the big dog, while Sadaharu was running away from him obviously playing around.

China kept laughing when her phone rang. Picking up she answered in bored voice. "Yes, Megane I'm awake I'll come home in a…. Eh?"

[…...]

"Baldy has returned? Why?"

[…...]

"It's ok, I'm not afraid of my father."

[…...]

"What do you mean I should be?" She asked in frustration.

[…...]

Kagura looked surprised. "Eh? There is a tradition like that?"

[…...]

"How should I know?" Kagura shouted with annoyance. "Ask Abuto he is the professional one on Yato traditions!"

[…...]

China sigh. "Okay, I got it. Sure." She hangs up. "Sadaharu!"

Big dog run to his master with happy face licking Kagura's cheek. Sougo also approached them giving the dog side looks as he just bark with cute voice.

Kagura grabbed her Sadist's collar pulling him down and kissing him, then she let go, with Sougo arching a brow at her.

Yato female smirked mischievous. "I know you're a pervert, but I'm going away on a mission, so you have to deal with this for now."

"Who are you calling a pervert, you glutton monster?" Okita asked with irritation ready to draw his sword.

She sticks out her tongue as she jumped on Sadaharu's back. "See you later, Pervert-kun! Let's go Sadaharu!"

China, together with her dog, run away leaving not through the door, but by jumping across the wall. As Okita had a vein pope out on his cheek and said with annoyance. "Damn you China, I'll kill you!"

Third in command of Shinsengumi sigh turning around his hands in his pockets. "Well, now I can relax and sle- *Ahem* I mean work."

"SOUGO YOU DAMN BASTARD! DON'T SLACK OFF AND DO YOUR WORK! LAZY ASS SADISTIC KING!" Hijikata shouted as a piece of paper fall in front of him.

"Eh? What's this?" Mayora bowed down picking the convert and opened it reading contend of the letter.

'Dear, Toushi.

Shinpachi forbid me from breaking the 4th wall and talking with you, so…'

"And yet you write a letter to me. That's pretty much breaking the wall." Mayo-freak said with irritation.

'But for the sake of all the love and respect I feel for you…'

"What's this a confession or something?"

'RUN TOUSHI! FAST RUN!

With love, from Author.'

Mayora arched a brow. "Why should I run?"

"TOUSHI~!" Pig squirmed with happiness as she ran fast towards Hijikata.

Toushi's eyes went wide as he shouted to the camera. "YOU DAMN IDIOT! IF YOU WERE GOING TO WARM ME, THEN DO IT SOONER!" And Hijikata runs as if his life depends on it.

Ham woman stopped pouting. "Mo~ so not fair. Where did he go?"

"He went that way." Sougo pointed with his thumb towards the way Hijikata run.

Pig lady looked at him. "Ah, Kagura's boyfriend-san."

"It's Sougo, Pig Lady."

"You're so handsome and cool, you know you're actually my type." She smiled.

Okita arched a brow. "Sorry, I'm already dating and I'm not interested in pigs."

Pig waved a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry I'm not interested in younger boys anyways. But because I like you I feel sad because you and Kagura-chan have to break up."

Sadist frowned. "Why all of you people so hang upon us breaking up? Do you actually want us to separate that much?"

Ham looked at him surprised. "Eh? Haven't you heard?" When he kept looking at her with poker face she continued. "I guess Kagura haven't told you then. Umibozu-san agreed on Shun-chan and Kagura-chan's marriage. So we're getting ready for it."

Sougo kept looking at her his expression not changing. Pig turned around. "Now then, I should go and give Toushi his bento."

Okita catch her collar pulling her back and took her bento throwing it towards Yamazaki. "Zaki, give this and my new bomb to Hijibaka-san. That should make his day."

Badminton freak looked at him with teary eyes. "But captain, I'll be killed by vice-commander."

"Now then miss Piggy! Tell me more about this marriage thing." And Sadist started walking towards his office pulling the woman behind him by her collar.

Ham's eyes went wide as she shouted. "Wait, I still have to go find Gin-san and give him his bento!"

"Danna, have to wait for a while." Sougo said with deadpan voice.

"But… But…" Pig lady wanted to protest, but a devilish stare from Okita made her shut up with silent tears. Help me, Gin-san!


Okay, I know it's kind of short. Please review and tell me what you feel, so i can work on fixing my mistakes. Thank you *Bow* See you next chapter~