Nicki was aware of nothing, and then there was something. She had no idea how long she had been fully unconscious, and therefore unaware, of what was going on, but she knew the moment she was back. The darkness wasn't quite as dark…her eyelids didn't feel quite so heavy…her senses, not quite as muddled. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her body to respond. So she sat there, frustrated and able to hear and aware of the tension of a certain more-than-slightly stressed former Navy SEAL. She wanted to reach for him…but her hands were limp and lifeless. Her patience was absolutely gone, as she heard the depth of his breathing, sensed his worry, and felt the warmth of his hand on hers. She would kill to just be able to give him a sign, somehow, that she was there, that she was with him, and that she would be okay.
The ringing of his cell phone made her twitch, but in his rush to answer the device, he didn't notice. She cursed her miserable luck in every language she knew as she listened to him speak, and strained to hear the other end. Again, her luck failed her, as did her hearing.
I need to get my damn ears checked… If she could have growled her anger, she would have. Even her lungs refused to obey. The shriek of the chair on the floor grated on her nerves, and suddenly he was gone.
He's leaving? No… The sudden burst of panic that filled her had at least one small benefit…sort of. Her blood pressure plummeted, and her heart started racing. All at once, machines were shrieking, and people were running, and there was shouting. Then she sensed that he was back. She could hear him, fighting with someone as he tried to get to her. They held him back, much to her chagrin, and his fury. A blinding rage filled her, and she fought with everything she had to do something. Anything, if only to show all of them that she was there. Finally, her body responded, and finally, they noticed.
Nicki's face twisted into a snarl, her teeth grinding loudly in spite of the chaos in the room, and her fists clenched, causing her knuckles to crack like popcorn in the sudden silence that had fallen as they stared at her in shock. A grunt, then a growl rumbled from her chest, and she thrashed her head back and forth, trying her hardest to shake the oxygen mask from her face as her eyes cracked open. She immediately closed them again when the lights blinded her, then she reached for the mask with the full intent of ripping it off of her face. A big, calloused hand stopped her, and she opened one eye cautiously to look up.
Swirling steel blue greeted her, so close that Nicki tried to sink further into the bed to get a little distance between them. Steve was so close that his breath blasted across her face, and she growled lightly, sucking in a breath to speak but he spoke first.
"Hey there. What can you remember?" She blinked, trying to twist away before her body reminded her that she was hurt. Quite badly, in fact. She sucked in a breath in pain and surprise, looking at Steve and blinking stupidly for a second. His face fell, and she suddenly realized what he was trying to ascertain. Without thinking, she reached up, her hand falling on his cheek as he turned away. Instantly he froze, and his eyes came back to hers. She rubbed her thumb along his cheekbone, huffing out a heavy breath as she looked into his eyes fondly, grinning beneath the mask as his eyes lit up with the realization that she was still herself, and that she would be okay.
"Stupid…animal. I'm…here." Nicki said, cursing that her throat still felt like raw hamburger as his eyes got brighter…if that was even possible. They looked at each other for what seemed like forever, but that she knew was only a few seconds before she took a deep breath and tried again.
"Steve…I owe you…something. You deserve…to know." Running out of air again, she closed her eyes, growling angrily at her misfortune and near strangulation. She nearly missed what he said as she cursed her utterly bad luck in her head.
"No, no. It can wait. You'll be fine." Nicki shocked him when she snapped her eyes open to look at him fiercely, and then she all but snarled at him.
"No. Now. Get them out." Her chin snapped towards the doctor and the nurse still monitoring her first moments awake. Her eyes didn't leave Steve's face as he looked over at the medical staff and gently motioned for them to leave. They did so, but by the look in the doctor's eye, Nicki knew he'd be back in a few minutes to more thoroughly evaluate her condition. Steve looked back at her, finding himself staring straight into gray eyes as stormy as a hurricane, yet calm, in a way.
"What is it, Nicki? You really shouldn't be speaking…" Shocking him yet again, she reached up and ripped the mask from her face, taking a deep breath in and staring at him hard as she worked up the nerve to speak, and to tell him what she so desperately needed to tell him.
"There is something…you should know. I should have told you…long ago. But at the time…it didn't feel right. Yet I…I know better. Time…waits for no one. It never has." Nicki's eyes flashed; she was desperate, now. Her lungs were improving, but not fast enough for her. He tried to shush her, but she swept it aside, a snarl crossing her face as she snapped at him.
"No. Let. Me. Speak. I agonized…over this. I was aware…for much of the time…I only knew darkness…but I knew…knew you were here. Dying now…would have been…my greatest regret. I owe you this. I always have." Stopping again, and agonizing over her jumbled words and erratic thoughts, she closed her eyes, breathing in and out heavily for a few seconds before she stared into the SEAL's eyes again.
"Steve…I care for you…far more than I…I should. I've never known…feelings this strong…somehow, someway, fate…had a hand, in everything. From the time we met…I've been stable. Whole. At peace. I've never been so…right, you know? So many things went wrong…but this? This went right. This is how…it should have been. This is where…I'm supposed to be. I couldn't die…not without telling you. I fought so hard…just to return. So I could tell you…whether or not it…would change anything...I had to. I had to." Nicki was still looking at him. She had seen every emotion that had flitted through his eyes, but she couldn't read him by the end. He was so still, she would later swear he wasn't even breathing. She didn't know what to do, or think, so she just waited, hoping he would come to his senses and say something. Anything, if only to acknowledge that he heard her, and that he understood what she was saying.
The moment was broken when the door opened and Danny barged in, his light blue eyes glittering so fiercely that Nicki had to blink at the intensity. Steve's head snapped around to face the Jersey native, and his eyes narrowed when he saw the look on his partner's face. Before he could ask, Danny was already speaking.
"The cousins found him. He tried to run, but HPD cut him off and cornered him. He's barricaded in a crappy little house on the North Shore. Steve, we need you." The big man nodded, and Nicki felt her heart sink a little, already knowing that Steve would use the distraction to try and get his thoughts in order. She needed him off balance to get an accurate read on what he was thinking, and how he really felt. She sensed that she may never get another chance, but it was already too late.
The Commander got to his feet and strode from the room without a backward glance, Danny following resolutely. Nicki felt the tears filling her eyes even before the door closed, and she sighed as she let her eyes fall shut.
At least if I die, now there will be no regrets…
A/N: So, a much shorter chapter than I have previously written. The idea kind of came out of the blue, and I wanted to focus entirely on this conversation between Steve and Nicki. From what I've seen of Steve (mind you, I've only just recently discovered Hawaii Five-0, and I'm only just a couple episodes into Season 2), he dodges emotions and emotional situations like a friggin' ninja. I thought the little interruption at the end, with him just up and walking out, was about what he would do in a situation like this. Maybe I'm wrong?
Anyway, confrontation with the ass with the big hands next chapter. I'm debating over having Steve beat the shit out of him, or simply shooting him. Thoughts, dear readers?
As always, love if you will, hate if you must. I will take anything that you care to dispense.
Until we meet again...
Kani
