A/N: Thanks for your great feedback on the last chapter! I was so excited about my reviews and alerts that I couldn't wait to write more!

This chapter is more serious than the last, but hopefully it's still fun. Here we go!

The words are hushed

Let's not get busted

Just lay entwined here

Undiscovered

Stay quiet, stay near

Stay close, they can't hear

-Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional


November 29

I don't even know where to start. Sorry for not writing yesterday… I'm sure you really missed me and all that jazz, but I was just coming to terms with the fact that I officially no longer have a soul.

Malfoy is my dementor, and by kissing me has left me empty and without a reason to go on in life.

Okay, I'm aware that this may seem like a bit of an extreme reaction considering Malfoy and I have already snogged and, really, we all know that snogging 'isn't cheating'. I wish I had thought to down a full bottle of Firewhiskey before our rendezvous; then I could go on knowing I had kissed him yet being blissfully unaware of what it was like.

Now I don't know what to do.

I suppose it was rather naïve of me to have imagined that kissing him would be less enjoyable than locking lips with a hippogriff; he's had quite enough practice to vaguely understand the mechanics of snogging. I'm also not entirely sure why I imagined his tongue would be all prickly like a cat's… or a cactus… It's not that farfetched, someone easily could have hexed him at some point over his 17 years of being the world's biggest prick. There has been many a time when I would have simply loved to turn his tongue all prickly.

But it wasn't.

I am a teenage girl, and I am well aware of the way hormones work and that it is perfectly normal for me to enjoy kissing – but I should not have found it more pleasing to kiss Malfoy than my own boyfriend.

And now I have to burn this book immediately because if anyone ever reads this I will be expelled from my own family and be made to live in Grampa's muggle tool shed until I eventually waste away from lack of nutrition. Which I may just do to myself regardless, because, as I said before, my life is over anyway.

I just don't understand. I don't understand why kissing Malfoy was so… different from kissing Lorcan. I don't understand why it made me completely lose my head and forget my name and forget his name, which ultimately is the biggest problem here. At first, I was obviously very reluctant and, well, frigid. And everything was fine. But something happened when he pulled me closer and I suddenly just melted and sweet Merlin I am never ever going to read another trashy romance novel ever as long as I live because I am now acting like I'm in one.

Maybe it's just been too long since Lorcan and I had a good, proper snog. Like I just had with Malfoy in the abandoned Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. What with Lorcan doing a riveting experiment regarding whether or not constantly having his nose in a book will actually make him incapable of doing anything that does not involve one, and me, er, avoiding him, there hasn't been much romance between us lately.

But even when we were snogging fairly regularly… it wasn't anything like what I just experienced. If I hadn't been in a committed relationship, he hadn't been Malfoy, and the whole ordeal hadn't been blackmail I would probably consider myself quite blessed to have experienced it.

I guess like how all the other girls at Hogwarts must feel after snogging him. I feel slightly bad for judging them so harshly now. They were powerless, as I was.

Because I could have stopped it much sooner. And I should have. And I meant to. I had the perfect opportunity when three shrieking students ran down the corridor and frantically jiggled the door handle to our classroom, found it locked and, thank Heavens, were either too rushed or too inexperienced to perform the Alohomora spell; they quickly continued on their way.

Malfoy and I stared at the door, frozen in fear, me on the desk and him between my legs and my hand grasping his tie and his hands grasping… everything.

And then we continued on our way. Like there had been no disturbance in the first place. That would have been the time to stop. The opportunity presented itself, as clear as day, and I ignored it. I want to tell myself that I was doing it for Lorcan, for us as a couple…. But it was so much easier to feel like a masochistic victim when I was certain that it would be unenjoyable.

Now I just feel like a hussy. Even more than I already did. I was just letting this go on, enjoying it even, and was doing nothing to stop it as things got more and more… frantic. But Lord, the sounds he makes… at least I know that I wasn't the only one enjoying myself, which, even though it was Malfoy and I hate his guts and don't care what he thinks about me for a second, is gratifying. Lorcan is more the silent type. Which is great too, of course.

Only I know that Lorcan would never feel me up in an empty classroom, or really anywhere else, and whenever he does get… you know… into things, he gets embarrassed and tries to hide it and usually exclaims that he needs to 'use the loo' and runs off in the hopes that I won't notice his reaction to our snogging. It was, needless to say, quite different to have Malfoy making completely sure that I was constantly aware of it.

I don't mean to say that one needs to be felt up in semi-public places to have a successful, loving relationship. I was perfectly happy with the physical aspect of our relationship, and I never really minded when he would dash off because I didn't have much desire to progress further, and figured that I was simply not ready for anything more, and that was normal. I didn't consider that firework electric shock business they're so crazy about in Lily's trashy novels (which I steal much more frequently than I will ever admit) was actually real.

I thought it would be silly to require that burning passion when it didn't exist and I had almost everything else I could wish for with Lorcan. But now I don't know how I'm going to snog him and pretend that it's all great… not now that I know just how much greater snogging can be. I shudder to think how far my payment to Malfoy would have gone had the bell not rung to signal the end of our free period; that was the only thing that managed to wake up my foggy brain. I guarantee that my empty mind was nowhere near considering stopping him in the moments leading up to it.

And now I simply have to trust that Malfoy is going to honour his word and not say anything about my growing number of indiscretions. He's a Slytherin for God's sake! What's stopping him? Other than intense fear of my extenuous magical ability; he hardly has a conscience or any sense of morality whatsoever. Though I must say that my payment was far exceeding anything he could have been expecting, I myself had planned for the whole ordeal to last no longer than 30 seconds. I was ready to count and everything.

Until my brain stopped working and everything. Which appears to be what happened last time as well. I'm not sure that's a trend I'm entirely comfortable with.

And I did at least manage to get a final threat in, after the bell went and I immediately (almost) shoved him off of me. I tried to use my 'I'm Rose Weasley and my parents saved the Wizarding World and you owe them your life and they taught me everything they know and more so Beware' voice, but I was still recovering and therefore I doubt it was as effective as it normally is.

I simply reminded him that I had fulfilled my end of the business transaction and it was now up to him to complete his unless he never wanted to have children.

He just stared at me like I had three heads. I'm worried I was unintentionally using my 'I'm Rose Weasley and I want you to bed me this instant' voice, which Lily and I practiced extensively last summer. You never know when it'll come in handy.

You'd think he would be even more inclined to listen to that voice. Seeing as how he's a slut and all.

Malfoys are bred to be businessmen above all else aren't they? I'm sure I heard that somewhere… unless I'm making it up to ease my conscience. But it is absolutely imperative for businessmen to hold up their end of any and all bargains in order to achieve financial success.

So basically, it's in his blood to honour our agreement. I think.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl Who's Diary is in Danger of Becoming a Trashy Romance Novel.


A/N: Too serious? Not realistic enough? Let me know!

I'm also wondering about the chapter length; I'd appreciate some opinions on whether or not I should make them longer and include more than one entry per chapter… Thanks, and please review! :)