T h e P e n T a l k
B a n d i t - W i t h - A - B r o o m
P A R T 4
F r o m T h e C o r n e r O f A P a g e
Summary: This school is more like a funny farm, a loony bin! I thought I was coming here to avoid prison; this place is the exact replica. Now I'm stuck in a hell with group counseling and a really hot cellmate! AU SasuNaru
'Treasure torn out paper
From the corner of a page
Measure worn out epigrams
For signs of change with age… '
Holy poo! I express my surprise in quite an intelligent manner, as you can see. What is up with this dude's eyes? I've never seen anything like them. I wonder where he goes to buy those contacts… I want some! Wait, no I don't. Can't you honestly imagine a Naruto Uzumaki with white lavender eyes? Maybe some red ones would look cool… Or gold ones! With slit pupils! Yeah, that'd be pretty fly. Okay, okay, I just went way off track again for a second. I circle the Minty Man (Another creative nickname thought up on the spot by yours truly!) and give him an up-and-down. Okay, I give up. He looks normal. But then again, I've always been taught that normal is a very, very rare thing. Is it like Halloween or something in his country? Where is he from, like…Lavenderabia? Do people usually have creepy (And yet somewhat sexy in a strange kind of way) eyeballs? My eyes stray to his butt. Okay, so he may have scary eyes, but he has the best ass I have ever seen!
I may not know who this guy is, but if asked on the streets, I would totally give him 11 out of 10 on a butt rating. I'm serious. His behind could inspire the president. Hell, it inspires me. I could write a book on it. …Is it just me or did I just have an entire train of though focused solely on some guy's butt that I have never met? Never met the guy, not the butt, I mean. The Minty Man coughs politely and my eyes are pulled away from the real Statue of Liberty. Because let me tell you, that is liberty, ladies and gentleman. I look up to realize that Minty Man has a raised eyebrow and a somewhat patronizing smirk. 'What, am I not allowed to check you out or something?' The question falls out of my mouth something similar to diarrhea. I mutter a couple of shits and stalk back behind Sasuke. My dear Sasuke, who will not let the Minty Man eat me now that I've hit on him without really meaning to hit on him. For a minute, I kind of even forgot that Sasuke was there.
Naruto Uzumaki, you are a fickle, fickle boy.
Alas, though, I am also an incredibly lucky boy. Despite being thrown into a school for troublesome boys, I am quite pleased to find that most of the boys are flaming hot. I just hope some of them are actually flaming. I probably sound horrible right now. I mean, I didn't come here to just evaluate every person that I meet on a Sexy Scale. I just hope that some of them will understand that being gay is a part of who I am. I've been made fun of enough in the past, okay? Having eggs shoved down your pants and then being whooped is not one of the most enjoyable experiences. But at my old schools, that's what happened. If you were gay, you were a fag. I'll have you know, I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality, though, and… How did I get on this again?
Okay, so it takes me a few minutes to catch the fact that Minty Man is trying to tell me his name. "Neji Hyuuga." 'What?' "Neji. That's my name." 'Ohhh. I'm Naruto. And this is Sasu-' Neji cuts me off abruptly. "Sasuke Uchiha." Minty Man's voice is cold like icicles, probably purple ones. His eyes are cold too, I think, but it's a little difficult to tell since they're such an insanely light color. I also make a guess that he's glaring. I tread softly out from behind Sasuke, watching the almost palpable tension between them when their eyes connect. "Neji Hyuuga." Sasuke says in an equally sinister voice. It's the kind of voice a mother uses right before she threatens you with grape licorice. It is not a pretty sight… Or sound. I shiver, which I seem to be doing a lot lately. Either I'm always cold or always horny or always scared or always disgusted. I should call myself The Shivering Sack of a Sorry Excuse for a Man.
My brain ponders on the fact that these two obviously know each other. 'Have you guys met before or are you just psychics?' My question sounds a little stupid, I must admit. But I'm curious. Last time I checked, you don't send hate glares of doom at people unless you have a reason to. Then again, this is Sasuke Uchiha and he doesn't really seem like the kind of person to be all hugs and smileys when first encountering a stranger, either. Neji turns to me. "Cousins and bitter enemies. It's nice to meet you, Naruto. Are you new here?" Neji tries to sound pleasant despite the fact that his hated cousin is standing only five feet away from him. 'Yeah, I'm new. Nice to meet you too, Neji, but you don't have to be so formal.' He smiles slightly, the first real smile I've seen. Luckily, it contains absolutely no trace of a smirk. If it had, I might've had to hurt myself.
"Oh, but I do. Have to make a good first impression on new students, you know?" That kind of makes me laugh a little. I nod my head, unsure of what else to say. I can practically feel Sasuke fuming behind me, heat and flames and an aura of terribly woeful DEATHDOOMTERROR radiating from his deliciously manly figure. That sounded extremely queer of me, sorry. 'So, are you going to breakfast, or just leaving?' I ask, trying to sound friendly. I guess that in a school like this one, it's good to have lots of friends and a small amount of enemies. But I already have Creepy Man on my ass about staying away from his little brother… I shudder. I don't want to recall that scene until I'm alone and in a proper place to think about it. And I certainly don't plan on informing my new roommate that I'd met his brother. How would one go about that, anyhow? 'Hey, your brother kidnapped me, told me to stay away from you, and then molested me. Any idea as to why?' For some reason, I do not think that'd go over well.
Oops, I didn't even realize Neji was talking to me. Want to eat with us? I don't even wait for Neji to answer if he's already eaten or not. Maybe I should intentionally try and piss off Sasuke… Who knows, maybe he'll get mad jealous that I'm flirting with other guys and drag me back to the dorm room and shove me against a wall and have his wicked way with me. I blush. Mm, wouldn't that be nice? Sasuke breaks in before Neji can answer. I sigh, pushing my perverted fantasies to the back corner of my mind. "He is not eating with us. In fact, you're not hanging out with him at all." I frown, turning to Sasuke with a hand on my hip. This is the second person Sasuke has told me not to hang out with. What, is this Neji guy trouble too now? Although I think the jealousy daydream was rather sexy, I know that that is definitely not the reason Sasuke doesn't want me hanging out with people. I growl. He's probably just trying to be an asshole and isolate me.
'You mean he's not sitting with you. You know what, Sasuke? I just don't get you. I've known you for a mighty two days and you're already telling me who not to be friends with and what to do. We're roommates, not friends. I don't even know if I want to be friends with someone who's as controlling as you're turning out to be. You are not my keeper, okay?' Well, maybe that was a little harsh. I can't help it if this Sasuke guy keeps trying to control who I'm friends, no matter how fine he is. That's just unfair. He's not my freaking mother. Who I choose to associate myself with is absolutely none of his business. Two days is an extremely short amount of time. I don't care if he cleaned me up and helped me out and if he is the hottest guy on the face of this planet. That doesn't give him any right to act as if he's my master, no matter how fun that sounds.
Sasuke's eyes are narrowing at me. I don't see any hurt, but I sure do see a lot of anger. And his eyes were so gorgeous before… I kind of feel bad now for ruining them. Then I remember that I'm angry. "You're right, Uzumaki. Just because we're roommates doesn't mean that I should look out for you. Have fun." He spits out at me coldly. I can almost feel my heart shrinking a little bit, being torn up a little. I just did the dumbest thing in the history of existence. Even dumber than when I smarted off to Creepy Man. I said some evil stuff to one of the hottest guys on this earth. The guy that had helped me up and tended to my aches and pains last night. The guy that probably would've been a close friend if I hadn't just acted like an asshole. Maybe Sasuke was trying to look out for me. And maybe I did just make a complete fool out of myself.
I sniff indignantly, trying to sound not-hurt by my own stupidity and what I'd just done. I try and play it cool as Sasuke walks away, but the scent of his Tag is wafting back and hitting me in the face along with the indisputable urge to bawl like some kind of sissy. But I shouldn't be surprised, I am a sissy. In fact, I'm most likely the biggest sissy in the history of forever. Neji, who has been silent throughout this entire spat between Sasuke and I, coughs politely. I wonder if he does that often, and if it's like one of those annoying habits people have that start to become your pet peeve. I turn around, steeling my face and making my eyes hard and light. "So are you coming to breakfast, Neji?" He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it just as quickly. "I'm sorry, Naruto, but I've already eaten. I have some business to attend to now, if you'll excuse me." My face drops. He can tell my disappointment, because he looks honestly regretful. I can't tell if he's being sincere or lying about the 'business.' I smile in a fake kind of way, a little downhearted. I just lost my roommate and I probably just scared off another potential friend with my snobbery.
'Aw, okay. I'll catch you later then.' I don't wait for him to apologize or say goodbye or whatever the hell he plans on saying. I just walk into the cafeteria. I stare at the ground as I wait in line for the free breakfast that they serve, because the floor is so much more interesting than my life at this point. I get a muffin. You know the really yummy blueberry kind? The booth invites me over and I kind of sink into my own emptiness. I just totally messed up. I'm going to be living with Sasuke for the rest of my time at this school and I already muddled everything up so bad. He's got to hate me now. Maybe this whole Creepy-Man-commands-you-to-stay-away-from-Sasuke-thing will work out even better than I planned. After all, being roommates doesn't mean we're friends.
T h e P e n T a l k
P A R T 4
F r o m T h e C o r n e r O f A P a g e
It's time to go back to the dorm now. I feel somewhat calmed down after a nice long period of silence. Okay, so maybe calmed down isn't exactly the right word for me to be using in this situation. I feel mad at myself. I feel mad at Sasuke. I feel mad at my toe (Which I stubbed earlier, by the way). I feel mad at the world. I feel mad at Neji. I feel mad at Creepy Man. I feel mad at everything. Except maybe Gaara. Maybe I should just warn him of how much of a jerk I can be in advance.
Maybe this wasn't the best place to come. There's nothing I can do about it now. I rack my head for things to do, but everything just points to heading back to the dorm and apologizing to the bastard. Okay, maybe he's not a bastard, but he's just as much of a jerk as I am! Sasuke may have been looking out for me, but he could've told me stuff in a nicer way instead of commanding a bunch of crap from me. Naruto, stay away from him. Naruto, you can't sit there. Naruto, yadda yadda is dangerous. Naruto, you are weak and puny and girlish and you will get stomped on before the week is over. Guess Sasuke was right about a couple of things. I still fail to see why Sasuke and Gaara don't like each other or why the Smirkling Redhead is dangerous or why I can't sit with Neji or make any friends because he finds them all evil. Am I missing something, or is there really no reason at all?
I'm actually walking up the stairs before I even notice it. My feet move of their own accord, of course. My footsies of minds of their own and do not like to obey me. After all, I could've gone out and seen a movie. I could've tried to find Gaara's dorm again and hung out with him. I could have gone to the record store a street down and looked at music. We're allowed to do that stuff on weekends, so why didn't I? But I didn't and now I'm facing the Black Door and my throat is constricting. I pull out my keys and unlock the room. Oh, it wasn't even locked in the first place. I'm pretty surprised. I guess that I figured Sasuke would've locked me out and left a note on the door saying 'Move out.' Apparently not. Although I'm afraid I'm going to get the worst of it now.
'Um, Sasuke?' My voice is meek as I walk into the living room. He's sitting on the couch, engrossed in the book that I'd seen him reading this morning. The cover is black, so I can't exactly tell what the title is. Sasuke doesn't even look up as I walk in, his lips closed in a thin line but his face looking as nonchalant as ever. I can tell he's really pissed off, though. He kind of reminds me of Pyro from X-Men. He gets all hot and stuff when he's mad and looks like he's about to pull out a Zippo and blow the whole place up. Of course, Sasuke manages to pull off this look without ever even attempting. If you were a casual observer, you'd just think he looks normal. But I can tell. I've always had one of those abilities, you know? The ESPN kind. Nah, nah, I'm just pulling your leg. I'm not really stupid enough to call it ESPN. (Despite the fact that that's what I called it all through elementary school when I wanted to sound cool.)
I sit on the couch next to him, avoiding eye contact. Avoiding eye contact is probably a pretty stupid move though, seeing as though I doubt he'd look up anyway. "Sasuke, can you please look at me?" I whine pitifully while peering at him, trying to sound hurt and irritating enough to get him to look. Sasuke does look up, but it's definitely not with humor in his eyes. I kind of drop the puppy eyed thing and make watery fox eyes instead. Creepy Man would approve. I'm fitting his personification (or metaphor, whatever.) thing right about now. 'I know you're probably madder than a wet hen at me right now, but I wanna apologize. I didn't mean to imply that you are a controlling, stuck up, obstinate jerk. (Even though you kind of seem like it.) I'm just mad because I don't know why you're so grumpy to everyone I meet. If you don't like them, then don't talk to them. I want to be friends with Gaara and Neji. I don't know what all happened between you guys, but don't involve me in this little rivalry.'
I don't think I even said sorry in that entire little speech. I just said that I wanted to apologize. I'm still kind of mad, so I guess that it'll have to do for now. "Whatever." What an articulate response. I frown. 'Don't be like that, teme.' I say, slipping back into my Japanese. The entire school system around here is set up with English, but the schools were originally founded by the Japanese, hence the names. My mom was Japanese, but I got my dad's looks. I'm pretty glad, I guess. I'd look strange with black hair and brown eyes anyway. Okay, just a little off topic now. But oh well, it doesn't seem like Sasuke is going to grace me with another word of acknowledgement any time soon.
Yep, I've totally screwed myself over.
Nothing new, right?
