This story will be brought to a close next chapter. I hope you like it, I'm not to sure about it myself. Again beta'ed by LostInFictionLIF god bless her, and that's about it. I hope it doesn't disappoint, the next chapter will be set as an epilogue about a year or so in the future.

Chapter Three

Neela stood at the post box, letter in hand, Ray by her side. She didn't understand why but she felt better that he was with her to post this. This was her breaking up with her husband for the man she had been in love with from the beginning. She was now being truthful to herself after so many years.

You can do this Neela. She urged herself into throwing that letter though the small gap. Raising it slowly she pushed it into the red box, letting go. IT was done.

It all felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Everything was going to be alright.

888

Neela ran smiling broadly out of the lift on seeing Ray she automatically ran up to him and hugged him, much to the shock of Chuny and Sam who were in the Trauma Room.

"I got it!" She squealed, but Ray didn't seem to share her optimism. His face was solemn, something had to be wrong. Very wrong, normally if Ray was in a bad mood the sight of Neela could cheer him up. But this was something else.

"Neela, I have something to tell you…"

"What no well done Neela? Congratulations? Gees, feel the love in this room." Neela put on a mock hurt trying to lighten his mood, but nothing seemed to be working.

"I'm happy for you, but there's," he struggled to form the words as they moved towards the Admit Desk. "There are some soldiers here to see you." He managed just as her happy expression dropped, she had seen them.

"How can I help you?" She asked, trying not to let her voice waver.

"Are you Dr. Rasgotra?" The soldier asked hesitantly, Neela nodded in response not trusting herself to answer with coherent words. "I'm so sorry to inform you, Dr. Gallant was caught in a roadside bomb explosion when transferring North. I'm sorry Dr. Rasgotra, he didn't survive."

Neela had tuned out from 'I'm sorry'. I'm sorry? Is that all they can say! "I can't do this right now, I'm working." And with that she left, grabbing a chart from the rack and heading towards Exam Three.

888

"Neela?" Ray called out; he had come to the roof as a last resort having looked on all the floors of the hospital and in all the toilets, against his better judgment most of the time. "Neela?" He walked around and found her looking out over Lake Michigan. "Neela, I'm so sorry."

"Isn't everybody?" She snapped, immediately regretting it, it wasn't Ray's fault. "I sent him a letter this morning as best you know, telling him I wanted a divorce, and now this. What is this Ray? He died Ray, he died, that's not what I wanted I wanted him to come back to tell me it was alright that he understood, that I could move on. How can I move on, he died! The man I married died!"

Ray couldn't do anything but let her shout at him, sure he felt guilty about this, the time Michael had been blown up by a bomb, his wife was fooling around with her roommate.

"Neela you can't blame yourself for this, you never know it was going to happen." He spoke softly as he stood next to her. Resisting his urges to put his arm around her let her cry into his chest, he felt as though he had done enough as it was.

"Can't I? It's Karma Ray! Karma. I did a bad thing, now it comes back round and tells me so by killing my husband. God, I say it like I wasn't sending him the divorce papers like I was."

"No you can't. You know that better than anybody, shit happens Neela, you can't stop how the world works."

"You know what, I don't have anything anymore! He was it! I have to get to work." She went to walk off when Ray reach out grabbing a soft hold of her elbow. "All I have is this stupid hospital!"

"You know that's not true Neela. You have me, you have Abby, you have you're surgical residency. You've had a loss, we all struggle with it Neela. We help people cope with it everyday. It's part of our job." He wasn't doing a very good job at comforting her, but he could make her realize what she had over what she had lost.

She had lost a husband she hadn't loved, for a man that she did love very much. She had the best friend anyone could ask for, a woman who had managed to put up with a sofa leech for six months. Managed to put up with Neela when she had quit the hospital. She had the job she had always wanted, she was going to become a surgeon, what she really wanted. She had everything she wanted. But she couldn't help but let the guilt get the better of her.

"I know, I know, god I know. But can you understand that even if I was calling our marriage off, I can't help but think that deep down this is his punishment for me? Like he knew all along, like he got himself killed."

"I know, I understand that Neela, but you can't push what you have away okay? You have me and Abby, we want to be here for you, we want to help you." Ray let Neela bury herself in his chest, her small form shuddering with each sob. He wrapped his arms around her protecting her from anything and everything he could. He rested his head on hers, holding her head into his chest, encasing her in his protective field. The field that always made him feel better. He prayed to a god he didn't believe in that it did too.

888

"Sweetie are you okay?" Abby asked sympathetically.

"I'm fine; I just wish everybody would stop asking me, I'm fine. Michael was never here. I don't even remember what he looked like. I was married to an idea, an image in my head, what sort of a marriage is that, what sort of a relationship is that? What is there to miss?"

"I don't really have a come back for that." Abby smiled, pulling her friend into a hug, well as much as a hug as a 6 month pregnant woman could give.

"I'll be fine honestly; Ray's giving me all the time I need, and its all going to be okay, I know it is." Neela smiled a weak smile at her friend as they exited the Doctor's Lounge, they headed out to the Ambulance Bay, before walking off to the Coffee Stand to buy some really coffee instead of Morris' crap.

"I'm glad you two have worked things out you know, not skirting around each other anymore, do you know how infuriating it was?" Abby said hugging her cup as if it were the answer to all problems.

"Me too, I just wish we had thought about it all sooner, then maybe today wouldn't be so god damn hard. I mean I loved Michael, he was my first proper boyfriend, really. But Ray, there's something different with him, it doesn't matter how bad things get, he just needs to hug me and tell me everything will be okay, and I know that it will. Yes this time around it's going to take longer to heel than anything else, but just because of one hug he gave me on the roof, I know we'll make it through this. I know we will." Neela took a swig of her piping hot coffee before turning back to the hospital. "He made me realize that although I have lost a part of me, I still have a lot, that I won't lose."

"How long are you going to wait to make it official between you?" Abby couldn't help but wonder, she couldn't help but ask.

"I don't know, I mean we've got to consider the fact Michael has died in action, people are gunna be a little sensitive about it, but I think most people think something's going on anyway."

"You mean most people know something is going on, you two are rubbish at hiding things by the way." Abby laughed slightly, she knew deep down Neela wanted to breakdown and cry and just let it all out, but she also knew that Neela wouldn't show her feelings up front, she knew she would hide things, and only breakdown when she was on her own.

888

Neela entered her home and threw her keys at the side table, she knew Ray wouldn't be home for at least another hour. So she reached into the box of Michael's belongings she had been given for a tape with her name written on it.

She put it into the video player and watched at Michael's worn form appeared before her, she let out a laugh as one of his colleagues ran up to the screen taking the Mickey out of him. She continued to watch in spite of herself. She watched as he told her about how much he loved her, but the final piece of information, that she should marry again, and move on with her life that's what hit her in the face like a wet fish.

Tears had already started to fall, but to hear him tell her to move on when she already had made the bucket loads fall. She was sat on the couch the black and white dot battle in front of her, her hands covering her wet face as she let it all out. She had cried earlier but not like this. This was new to her, a new state of vulnerability.

Huddled on the sofa for a few more minutes her tears ceased to fall, she still choked out her sobs, but she had nothing left to cry. She thought if the time ever came it would be harder than this. It wouldn't be this easy to forget him. The only time she could remember his face is if she actively sought out a photo of him, her memory fading of him so fast.

She had moved into her room, and was now sat on her bed, photos sprawled out around her, but she was no longer looking at them. She was staring at a spot of the wall, if she had some sort of laser vision the spot would be burned to a cinder. Her legs up to her chest, arms wrapped protectively around them, her cheeks were still damp, never drying from the quick burst of tears she had cried. Her breathing dangerously calm, and slow, she continued to stare.

888

Ray entered the dark apartment, the white and black dot war still fighting on the television screen. "Neela?" He called out looking around the open plan kitchen/living area, she wasn't on the sofa so he pressed the off switch and the war disappeared. He checked the bathroom as he walked past it, before coming to Neela's open door.

Her room was pitch black, but he could see her figure against her white bed sheets. "Neela?" he said again, but she did not stir from the position she was in. He wondered if she was ignoring him, but making his way to her bedside, he saw all the splayed pictures, he flicked her low-lit bed side light on, to see that the curled figure was firmly asleep.

He smiled sadly as he leant over and kissed her forehead. Gathering the photos up silently he placed them in a neat pile on her bedside cabinet. Pulling the duvet over her slightly more he smiled once more, and turned the light off.

Leaving her room silently he shut the door behind him, she needed her sleep and maybe in the morning she would open up to him, maybe she would shut it all out, but for now, she was grieving, and he knew he had to let her to that.

As always Reviews are love, and I like to know what I could do better. Also I realize that this story is awfully similar to my other Not So Lost in America, don't worrying, ironing that out now It will be very very different.