Disclaimer: If I owned Utena, would I be writing this? No! It would already be a show! It would be much more insane. But, alas, I don't own it, which I'm okay with, but I wish I owned Saionji's and Touga's hair. And Mikage. He's cool, but I didn't know about him at the time that I wrote this fanfic, so he's not in it. Oh, well.
At the radio station…
"Today," said Akio the Great, "we have a special episode of 2HOT4U. For today, I'm handing over the show to Touga."
"That's right, folks!" said Touga. "It's The Touga Show!" (Dun-dun-duhhhn!) "Anyway," he continued, "I-"
All of a sudden, a flaming ice-cream truck flew by outside the window. The man inside was screaming, "Remember the Alamo!"
"Well'" said Akio the Great, "gotta go!" Akio ran off yelling something about the Spanish Inquisition.
"...Yeah," said Touga. "As I was saying, I brought along my sister, Nanami, to discuss some very important issues. Nanami?"
"Yes, onii-sama," said Nanami seriously. "I am here to discuss animal abuse. Not our abuse to animals, oh, no, THEIR abuse to US."
"Care to explain more, nee-chan?" asked Touga.
"Certainly," she answered. "I have formed an organization called the APETAO, which stands for the Anti-PETA Organization. We are against PETA and their animal-loving ways."
Touga sighed. 'This is gonna be a long day,' he thought.
Later, at Utena's house…
Utena was at her house alone. She was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Needless to say, she was bored. She decided to call up some of her friends and have a sleepover. She walked over to the phone and quickly dialed a number. "Anthy?" she said.
"Hey, Utena, what's up?" Anthy answered.
"Wanna come to my sleepover tonight?"
"Okay! Who else is coming?"
"Well, that's the thing. Can you help me out by calling some people up?"
"Sure! I'll also tell me brother, 'kay?'
"Thanks! I need you to call Saionji-"
"Saionji?" whimpered Anthy.
"Uh, I'll call him," said Utena. "I need you to call Touga, Akio, obviously, Juri, and tell Touga to invite Nanami. I'll take the rest."
"Okay. 'Bye!" said Anthy.
"Bye!" said Anthy.
"'Bye!" Utena said. She hung up, picked up the phone and dialed another number.
Ring, ring… click! "Hello?"
"Hi, Miki!"
"Hey, Utena! What's goin' down, homie-g?"
"Nutin' much, home dawg! Just havin' a party in da house."
"A party?" asked Miki.
"Yup," said Utena. "Well, actually, it's just a sleepover, but you get the idea."
"So, who's coming?" Miki asked.
"You, Anthy, and hopefully Akio-"
"Akio?! Are you kidding?! Akio at a coed sleepover??!!"
"Oh, uh, yeah… and Touga, Juri, Nanami, and Shiori. Oh, and Saionji, too."
"Okay," Miki said. "Well, see ya!"
"'Kay, 'bye, Miki!" said Utena.
Later, after a few interesting phone calls…
"Hey, Miki!" greeted Utena. "It's about time you got here!" Miki was the last one to arrive.
"MUSIC TIME!" announced Touga. He pressed PLAY on his boom box.
"I LOVE ROCK 'N' ROLL! Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!" everyone sang.
"Hey," interrupted Saionji, "Why did we start singing the chorus? There's a whole other verse before it."
"Uh, that's just where tape was at!" reasoned Touga.
"Yeah, whatever," said Saionji.
"Hey, I have a fun idea!" said Utena.
"What?" asked everyone else.
"If it's going into a carwash and seeing if we'll turn into cars," said Akio, "then forget it. I've had enough of messing with cars."
"Um, no," said Utena. "Let's go onto e-Bay!"
"And do what?" asked Shiori.
"Sell stuff!" Utena answered.
A few minutes later…
"Okay, we're on!" said Akio. (A/N: He's only "the Great" when he's on 2HOT4U.)
"Ooh, let me see!" said Saionji. He clicked a few buttons and chuckled evilly.
"Saionji…" warned Utena. "What did you do?"
"I sold Touga's hair!" he answered.
"Nooooo!" screamed Touga.
"Why, Kyouichi, WHY?!" shrieked Nanami. "That's it!" she screamed. She shoved Saionji over and clicked a few buttons and laughed hysterically with a crazed expression on her face.
"Um, what did you just do?" asked a frightened Juri.
"I SOLD KYOUICHI'S CAT! BWA HA HA HA!" screamed Nanami insanely.
"I have a cat?" asked Saionji.
"Not anymore," said Touga.
Wakaba shoved away Nanami. She sat at the computer and clicked furiously. Then she cackled evilly.
"Oh, my gosh. What now?" asked Shiori.
"Well," said Wakaba, "I sold Nanami's Anti-PETA Organization!"
"NO!!" screamed Nanami. "ONII-SAMA!!"
Touga sighed and drop-kicked Wakaba out of the computer chair. He say down, and a few minutes later said, "My work here is done, nee-chan."
"Yay, I love you, onii-sama!" said Nanami. "What did you do?"
"I sold her Saionji fan club," Touga responded. Wakaba went pale.
"Hey!" shouted Anthy. "Wakaba's my friend!" She wound up Touga's hair, let it go, and he flew out through the living room door. Then, Anthy sat down, clicked some stuff, then said, "I sold Touga's underwear." There was a shocked silence.
Then, Saionji said, "I think I love you, Anthy."
Anthy smiled cheerfully. Shiori got mad and picked up Anthy and threw her at Saionji, who caught her for a second, then tripped on his pants and dropped her. Shiori was typing and clicking like crazy when Utena looked at the screen and said, "You sold Anthy's BRAIN?!"
"No! I sold her glasses!" yelled Shiori. "Sheesh, you people can't read!"
"I knew that," muttered Utena.
Akio got very upset at his little sister's misfortune. "NO!! I'm blind!!" Anthy went around screaming.
Akio spun the computer chair, and Shiori went flying. He sat at the computer, clicked a few buttons, and then said, "Sorry, Saionji, I just saved Touga."
"How so?" asked Saionji.
"I just sold Shiori's marker."
"NO!!" screamed Shiori, who loved to draw little creatures on Touga's back in permanent marker. "So many things to draw, people to vandalize!" (A/N: Watch that part of the movie and you'll get it. Then again, considering how confusing the movie is, maybe not.)
"Guys?" interrupted Utena.
"Yeah?" answered everyone else.
"For safety reasons, we should probably go to sleep right about now."
"Yeah."
Thanks for reading! Thefifth and final chapter will be up soon. Please review, and read my other stories!
