Chapter 3
"Padfoot!" James yelled through the bathroomdoor, "You almost done in there? We're going down for dinner in half an hour and Moony and I want to shower too."
James tried the handle again, but Sirius still hadn't unlocked the door. He sighed and banged his fists against the wood, "Come on Padfoot!"
"Yeah, yeah," he heard Sirius grumble, "I heard you the first three times too."
"Then why didn't you answer?" James demanded, as he let Remus first to shower.
"Didn't feel like it," Sirius answered with a shrug. He yawned, "You have no idea how tired I am."
"Anyone up for another game of wizarding chess?" Peter interrupted. Sirius nodded.
"This time I'll beat you, Wormtail," he said with a playful glint in his eyes.
"No one beats our Wormy, you know that," James grinned. Peter was almost as stupid as he was clumsy, they all knew that. But he was the chess-master. And the potions-master. His father had, before he ran away with a young blonde muggle, brewed hundreds of potions with his son. And they also had spent hours and hours playing wizarding chess.
"Hurry up, Moony!" James yelled, "I'm hungry and I'm not going to the great hall before I've showered."
"The bathroom is all yours, your majesty," Remus grinned as he left the steamy bathroom. James slipped inside and he happily jumped under the stream of hot water. He had been almost dry from the former rain, but now he was all wet again. Wet and loving it.
His thoughts wandered to Lily. He could see her beautiful eyes if he thought about her hard enough. He had tried counting her freckles once. She had slapped him in the face, because she didn't like the staring. She didn't like anything about him.
Like last year, when he had given her a beautiful necklace for her birthday. She had worn it for a couple of hours, until she found out who had sent it. She had forced him to watch how she destroyed it. He had died a little on the inside when she did that. He had really hoped she would love and wear it. He had even asked his mother to help him buy it, because she knew better what girls wanted than he did.
"Shit!" he yelped, as he got shampoo in his eyes. He hopped up and down and wiped his eyes profusely. Lily seemed to always hurt him, even indirectly. He dried his body, got dressed and told his friends they were ready for dinner.
"I'm starving," Peter moaned.
"You're always starving," Remus answered.
Peter grumbled something in response and yelled 'Food!' on top of his lungs as they entered the great hall. James laughed and they all sat down, not too far from Lily, Laura and Caroline.
"Oi, Evans!" James yelled. Lily looked up, obviously bored, "You ready for rounds tonight?"
"For rounds: yes, for you: no," she answered coldly. Caroline patted her back as she shot James a glare.
"Ouch," he said with a smirk, and he put his hand over his heart.
"Oh, go to hell, Potter," Lily sighed and she cut her sausage more forcefully than she had to. Laura smiled and winked at them. Caroline shot her a glare and then glared at the Marauders. James shook his head.
"When will she finally realize that we're made for each other?"he asked his friends with a sad sigh.
"I'm afraid that time will never come, Prongs," Remus answered with a sorry smile, "I'm sure you'll find yourself a better girl once we're out of Hogwarts."
"I don't want a better girl," James pouted, "I want Lily. Padfoot, pass me the lamb, will you?" Sirius gave his friend what he asked for and went back to his food.
"Well," James said gleefully, "at least I'll be spending the night with her tonight. I'll be able to watch her and smell her and…"
"Yuk Prongs," Sirius interrupted, "We really need no details."
"Of course you do," James laughed, "You want to know all about my dirty thoughts about Lily."
"Please," Sirius begged, "Don't start about your dirty thoughts."
"You sure?" James laughed, "Your loss, mate."
"I don't want to spoil my innocent mind," Sirius grinned. James burst out laughing.
"Innocent mind, my ass," he guffawed, "Wormtail, pass me the pumpkin juice.
James was still snickering as he poured some juice in his glass. Sirius was his best friend, but he was crazy as hell. No one who could still think clear would call Sirius innocent. They finished their meal joking about Sirius so called 'innocent mind' until he seemed to get really annoyed. Or maybe they only stopped after Sirius had yelled at them so shut up about his sexlife.
"See you in a couple of hours, my Lilyflower," James winked. Lily glared at them and waved her wand under the table. When James wanted to walk on, he went down because she had jinxed his shoelaces together. His face burned with embarrassment, but he joked about it and acted as if nothing had happened. Sirius got his revenge by teasing James all the way to the common room about the incident.
"Bloody Evans," James grumbled as they sat in the fluffy couches in front of the fire, "I love her, but sometimes, I could choke her."
"Women," Peter said wisely. This made the other three boys crack up. Peter knew less about women than about muggles. But it made James feel happy that his friends tried to understand what he felt. They chitchatted a little and Remus took out a book on a certain point. A little later, Sirius was fast asleep with his head in Remus's lap. Remus grimaced, but he let his friend sleep. He had been complaining about his lack of sleep after all.
"You have rounds in ten minutes," Remus said from behind his book, "Maybe you should start getting ready. We both know how Lily gets when you're late."
James scrunched his nose at the thought of it, but got up and went to the bathroom. When he came back, several minutes later, he smelled strongly like Sirius's cologne. Remus and Peter grinned. Sirius always got mad when the other three used his precious cologne. Well, since he was asleep he wouldn't be able to complain about it anytime soon.
James climbed out of the portrait hole and made his way down to the great hall. Lily was talking with Laura and Caroline. She looked beautiful: with the lights of the great hall shining behind her, she looked like an angel on fire. James sighed softly and looked at her with longing eyes. If only she would realize he would do anything for her. She was his everything, but she seemed to hate him more than getting slime on her shoes. It was so unfair.
"Hi ladies," he smiled casually. Laura smiled back, Caroline glared at him and Lily sighed.
"I guess I see you two later," Lily softly said. Her friends nodded and Caroline wished her a lot of strength. Caroline had always hated them. He didn't know why, but ever from the first time they met, Caroline had been mean to them. Luckily, she, Lily and Snape seemed to be the only three who really hated the Marauders. Laura and the other two Gryffindor girls didn't hate them. Stacha Nichols and Mary Macdonald even wrote them love letters. Laura was on the Gryffindor quidditchteam, so she wasn't as crazy as to write love letters. She never stopped flirting with Sirius though, and the entire school thought they had a secret relationship. The only thing that didn't fit, was the part where Laura had a boyfriend and Sirius, who claimed to have slept with a quarter of Hogwarts, but never with Laura.
"Are we going or are you just going to stand there staring at me?" Lily interrupted his thoughts. She sounded really annoyed, so James gave her his best smile to cheer her up and walked slowly away from the great hall. Neither of them spoke a word for over half an hour. James nervously fidgeted with his wand and hoped she would break the tension soon by saying something. He was afraid if he would say something, she would get annoyed with him again.
"We need to talk," Lily said out of the blue somewhere on the third floor. James was so happy, surprised and shocked, that walked straight into a statue. Lily giggled softly at his red head and clumsy performance. His hand nervously shot to his hair.
"Yeah?" he tried to sound casual, but failed miserably. His voice shot up an octave or two and Lily looked at him strangely.
"It's about Laura," she said.
"Oh," he answered, a little disappointed. He had hoped she had finally seen the light and was about to declare her love for him. Apparently not.
"Is Sirius upset with her?" Lily asked.
"Not as far as I know," James frowned, "Why?"
"She says he always looks so angry at her, and when he doesn't look angry, he ignores her. She wants to know what she had done wrong, so she can make it right again."
"I don't know what bothers him," James thought hard about it, "But I'll ask him."
"Good. Thank you," she said, and then she shut up for another ten minutes.
"So, Evans?" James asked her. She looked at him with a questioning look and he noticed once again how beautiful she was.
"You still don't want to go out with me?" he asked. Lily looked flabbergasted, then as mad as he'd ever seen her.
"You… I… You… I can't believe my ears," she spluttered, with her face as red as her hair, "How many times do you want me to say it? No! I don't want to go out with you. I would rather date Snape then you!"
"You don't mean that!" he gasped, "You'd rather date Snivelly? That git?"
"Yes," she snapped, "He's much nicer then you will ever be and way more mature. At least he doesn't hex everyone whose face he doesn't like!"
"I do not…" James started angrily, "He hexes me!"
"You deserve it," Lily said coldly. James was beyond shocked. What kind of a monster did Lily think he was? Besides, he had stopped hexing people for the fun of it last year. He had done that for her! How couldn't she have noticed? And he was not immature! Peter, he was immature. But James wasn't! Not James.
"Evans," James softly pleaded.
"I don't want to hear it," she snapped, "Just shut up."
"Fine," James sighed. It was so unfair. He wasn't a mean guy and yet she told him he was. He tried so hard to make her notice how he'd changed for her, and all she would see were the things she didn't like about him. The things that weren't there anymore anyway.
They arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady in silence. Lily immediately went to her friends and complained loudly about the things James had said and done. He hadn't even said nor done much.
"I'm guessing it didn't go well," Remus said with a sorry smile when James sad down with his friends. He sighed and glanced at Lily. She and Caroline were currently glaring daggers at him.
"You're guessing it right," he answered moodily. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep it off. He wouldn't feel so terribly lonely and sad anymore tomorrow morning. He would see everything in perspective then.
"Are we going up?" James asked, "Moony, you wake up Padfoot."
"It's your adoptive brother," Remus complained. None of them wanted the wrath of a Black with a lack of sleep over them.
"He's asleep on top of you," James shot back. Remus poked his friend in the ribs and Sirius woke up glaring."
"We're going to bed," Remus told him, and he shoved Sirius off his lap. Sirius grumbled something and he stumbled up the stairs to their dorm. He didn't even undress, before he dropped on his bed and fell asleep again. Remus shook his head disapprovingly.
"See you all tomorrow," James grinned as he closed the hangings around his bed. As soon as he was out of sight, his grin disappeared. He trembled as he curled into a ball and went over the conversation he and Lily had had. He had ruined it all. He had thought that, since they were acting nice to each other, she might have wanted to give him a try. Apparently, he had been wrong again. Rather date Snape… Her words in his head stung like bees. You deserve it… He tried so hard to make her like him and yet she said such things.
All of the sudden, the tears came. He didn't want them to, but they ran over his cheeks like salty rivers. He tried to wipe them away, but they just wouldn't stop falling. After a few minutes, he stopped fighting them and just laid there, weeping silently. He hoped and wished none of his friends heard him. They probably didn't, since they didn't check on him. He would feel even more embarrassed even they saw him like this. They wouldn't understand.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Lily."
He shivered and closed his eyes. He wished he could turn back time. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He never meant to hurt her, and yet he did, over and over again. He should apologize first thing tomorrow morning. She had to know he wished nothing but good things for her. He didn't understand why she didn't like him, while he tried so hard. He also didn't understand why he always said the wrong things when he was around her. He probably wouldn't like himself either, if he was her.
He wished his mother was here. She would tell him what to do. Then, she would make him a nice hot cup of cocoa. She would hug him and rock him and whisper nice, soft things into his ears. He almost smiled at the thought of it.
"Be a man," he whispered to himself. He bit his lip and wiped his face dry. He took a few deep breaths and hugged his pillow. He was a man; he wouldn't lie here crying like a heartbroken puppy. Sirius was the puppy. James was the stag. Puppy time was over. James rolled onto his other shoulder and fell asleep.
Author's Note:
Reviews are much loved!
English is still not my mother tongue, so all mistakes are mine, so please point them out to me if you see any.
