May 23 of 1979 - April Showers, Bring May's Flowers
For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home. – Stephanie Pertkins
It would be easier for Marlene to admit that she was just a little rattled by the recent attacks and by the horrors of the world that, but she was never one that would go through and attempt to take the easiest road that was in front of her. In her thought, it would be easier to crash and burn that admit that she might be over her head in joining the Auror program. These days, there was little comfort in the fact that they were doing the right thing for the right reasons when she couldn't even begin to imagine sleeping anymore and wasn't able to close her eyes and remember the good things about her life.
Merlin, Marlene would have never said that it was necessarily a normal feeling to be able to just feel as though you were floating through all your activities, but Moody had put her on enforced leave for the time being until she got everything just a bit more sorted. And as a result? Marlene was stuck with the knowledge that it didn't mean that she was forced out of being within the Ministry's walls, but that it also included everything that she worked on with the Order as well. She was exhausted though, and she wasn't too proud to admit that.
Her eyes were half focused on the fire that was in front of her, the occasional chattering of other Order members coming in and out of the study that was carefully organized within their Headquarters wasn't even fully registering to Marlene before she felt someone ruffle her hair and the couch take a sudden dip next to her, causing the blond to become ridged. "Fucking he… James," she said simply, rolling her eyes and slouching back against the couch, letting out a heavy yawn.
"Mckinnon," James greeted, "I heard that you got benched," his voice was gentle while he was speaking, a soft smile on his face. For all the teasing, and the fact that Marlene may have known deep down that the that the likelihood that James would side with her over his best friend was unlikely, Marlene knew that she also could count on him when push came to shove.
There was a harsh chuckle that escaped her lips before she shifted on the couch so she could rest the back of her head against the arm, rolling her eyes slightly before letting out a sigh. "I haven't been sleeping much, it's apparently called enforced leave," she admitted, biting her lip.
James' shoulders tensed barely, his eyes now completely focused on Marlene with the playfulness completely hidden beneath its depths, this relative quiet of the room falling on them for a few long moments before nodding, "Nightmares?"
There was a small nod that Marlene gave him before shrugging her shoulders, trying to not let the images invade her thoughts like they so often were. It was hard for Marlene to even begin to believe that this was the place that they had somehow got to, or they were in the middle of something that she could never quite understand or fully grasp, no matter how hard she may end up trying. Her breath was almost shuddering for a few long minutes, biting down hard on her lip and letting out a heavy sigh before nodding her head, "I never thought… when I signed up for all this, I didn't think of all the horrors that people would be subjected to."
"Marlene, we're fighting this for a reason," James said gently, tugging the small woman against his chest and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, nuzzling the top of her head affectionately for a few moments before continuing, "They aren't happy, fluffy reasons either. They are nitty gritty, get down on our knees and question how we're human kind of reasons because we want this world to be better for everyone. We're out in the middle of this fight to make sure that this world is a better place for our children and grandkids, we're here so we can have those happy moments and know that everything isn't about to crash down in a moment."
For a few moments, Marlene wasn't sure if she was even going to be able to speak, or if she was going to end up breaking down and crying yet again when she nodded gently and let out a heavy breath, blinking rapidly as she tried to keep the tears that filled her eyes from falling. "I don't think that I'm going to have that," she admitted softly. "You and Lily? That's a no brainer. I would be shocked if you guys didn't get that happy ending, but me? James, I'm not built for that, everything with Sirius proves that and how I'm so bloody careless with myself and others? I'm not built for the happiness and fluffy reasons, I'm built to dive in and five and see the horrors of war because I won't make it out."
"Marlene," she heard a feminine voice say sharply, causing the blonde to jolt out of James's embrace and peer behind the couch for a few moments before letting out a sigh when her gaze landed on Lily, her auburn hair pulled into a messy bun being held together by what looked like a quill and her arms crossed against her chest while her hip was pushed out. "You are not allowed to talk like that. You aren't allowed to say that you're not going to make it. None of us are, because even though we might not, we're going to do our damnest to make sure that all of us make it through this bloody hell that we're in the middle of, and frankly I'm not going to have my maid-of-honor be halfway towards depressed at my wedding and I will not be finding another halfway through."
"You're…" Marlene said, the word half spoken as a question and the other half a realization of just what it was that her friend was telling her before Marlene was smiling, her eyes falling on James. "How the hell did you talk her into something like that, huh?"
Lily's giggles floated through the room for half a second before she realized her eyes at James, a fond smile on her lips when their eyes connected and he finally spoke, "Well, I didn't. Lil actually asked me before I could muster up the courage to be shot down. Again."
The happy moments were few and far between when it came to Marlene the past two years since she'd left Hogwarts, she was more than aware of how complicated this was, and the fact that she was half involved with the Ministry and half with the Order had sent a chunk of her family into hiding and the only one that she had left was really Adelais, but she wasn't about to deny the fact that she certainly still did have James even when everyone else had to leave, and apparently now she was going to be able to really call Lily that.
"Bloody hell, you're getting married," Marlene said suddenly, hitting James' shoulder and grinning over at Lily's. "Have you guys let Dumbledore know?"
There was a pause in her friends movement before Lily nodded, giving a shrug of her shoulders, "I think that he was more excited about it than James was once he realized that I was the one that was caving," she admitted, "He'll be the one officiating, actually."
Although Lily's parents had passed while they were in their final year of schooling, apparently from some Muggle accident and not Death Eaters, that was one of the last things that Marlene would have expected to come out of her friend's mouth. The redhead frequently was one of the few that would question Dumbledore's decisions, needing to know just what it was that he thought he was doing to their lives, and for her to give Dumbledore that kind of position? Well, Marlene was surprised. "You've… thought this out?"
"James asked six months ago," Lily said softly, moving over to stand next to the couch, one hand playing with the strands of James' hair and massaging his scalp while the other one helped her keep her balance. "I told him that we should wait until the war was over. It's not over, I'm tired of waiting and it feels right. Remus and Sirius are still arguing over who is supposed to walk me down the aisle and they don't even know that we are finally getting married."
"Hey now, I resent that, you made me promise that you could tell Marlene so she could…" James said, gesturing his hands as he tried to remember the words that Lily had used, "Bugger, what was that phrase, Lil?"
"Lord it over Sirius, love."
Marlene couldn't help the laugh that burst from her chest and out of her lips, grinning for a few seconds before leaning forward and hugging James, squeezing Lily's hand when she pulled away. It didn't take much effort for her to slip away from the pair, not that she would have tried to if it had but with something like their engagement floating around, but Marlene was happy for pair.
When she reached the kitchen, it was almost unsurprising that there was already a pot of hot tea sitting on the stove, or that there were a few cups sitting out around the counter as though there had been people earlier with the tea before disappearing to other parts that were unknown. It was a strange feeling knowing that she wasn't allowed to be in the throes of everything and that she was going to be unable to even sit in and strategize with anyone until she had got herself more stable. Really, Marlene thought that it was downright ridiculous.
Muggles were not something that you often saw in the middle of Saint Mungo's, though it was becoming more and more common the longer that this war went on. There were only so many stories that you could use to cover up magical accidents, and Mungo's had begun to set aside a certain amount of rooms for anyone non-magical, and as a result Mary Macdonald had been spending a large amount of time helping out in that particular ward.
It wore on her. Emmeline had seen it more often than not in her cousin the past few weeks, and the fact that the woman was disappearing after work to parts unknown right up until Evan Rosier had made mention of seeing the woman when she had run into him in Diagon Alley one evening. Mary, on the other hand, was almost thriving on the fact that she was getting to see the wonder on people's faces when they realized just what it was that their family members had available to them on a regular basis. The fact that she was becoming more and more aware of the fact that there was something more going on with civilians than sitting back and waiting though… Emme wasn't going to deny that it scared her more than she would normally admit.
There was a silence that hung between the cousins as of late, the unspoken questions remaining unanswered because of the difference of opinions that they held on Mary's involvement and now Emmeline had more questions as to what the woman was doing involved with someone that she would be willing to bet was a Death Eater than she cared to admit. Her former classmate was someone that Emme would likely trust to the moon and back, a fact that she had argued with Sirius about on more than once occasion the past few months, but she wasn't entirely comfortable trusting him with her favorite relative.
The ward holding the Muggles had been heavily guarded by Aurors after the first Death Eater had snuck in and killed one of their targets, and it wasn't uncommon for her to find that it was an Order member that had been assigned to keep an eye out. Each Muggle's life was different now, and Emmeline couldn't blame the fact that there was a certain amount of protection that was now given to them regardless. Giving Caradoc a small wave when she came around the corner did little when she leaned against the doorframe as Mary was helping one of the older men climb back into the bed and underneath the covers.
Mary may have noticed Emmeline moments after entering the room, it was hard not to when there was a certain amount of their lives that were now spent on guard, but she didn't bother to acknowledge the blonde until she had checked in on the last couple patients and motioned for Emmeline to follow her out. Fingers buried in her hair once she was out of sight of patients, Mary's eyes were tired and startlingly focused when she turned to look at Emme, silence passing between them for a few seconds before finding her voice, "Mare, I need to talk to you something."
"I swear, if McClaggin is asking about me again, I'm…"
"No, Mare," Emmeline said, chuckling as she shook her head. "I actually needed to talk to you about Rosier, and the fact that you're apparently doing… something with him, and please, dear Merlin, don't even tell me what's going on because I don't want to know if you're having sex."
"I wouldn't tell you if I was!" Mary said, shaking her head. "And Evan and I… it's none of your business, Emmeline, besides, I thought that you liked him."
"I do. He's a decent guy, but he's not a good guy, Mare, and I just… don't want to see you hurt by him and ending up," Emmeline started when Mary glared at her and her voice caught in her throat, clear that she had crossed some sort of line between the pair that had been unspoken for a length of time.
"You have no room to talk, Emmeline, you're doing what exactly with someone like Sirius Black?" Mary spat, rolling her eyes. "Don't talk to me about Evan, that's a matter that doesn't even involve you and I'll stay out of the fact that you being involved with Sirius is almost comical."
"That isn't a fair comparison," Emme said softly, forcing herself to keep from setting back to distance herself some from Mary, not able to say much more given the implication and intensity of what it was that Mary was implying. Realistically, she knew that her and Sirius were just as much of a bad match together as Mary and Evan were, that there simply were not many people that would really grasp what it was that had pull them together, but she hadn't considered the fact that maybe it was the same situation that her cousin was in the middle of, after all… how could she think that maybe it was the same thing when Evan was possibly on a different side of the war then they were?
Mary nodded once before huffing in annoyance, "I don't judge the fact that you're clearly hiding things from me, so I would expect you to offer me the same."
"I…" she said, hesitating to argue her point that while Sirius might be dangerous to Emmeline emotionally, that there was a real possibility that she might have given him the opportunity to break her in ways she had never given another man, it wasn't the same kind of damage that Evan could end up exhibiting to Mary, not in a long shot. "Okay, I'm sorry."
"Thank you," Mary said, a small nod of her head almost signaling that the conversation was going to be dropped before she sighed softly. "I do have a question for you about something I saw in one of the charts," she said, tilting her head back towards the main section of the hospital, waiting for Emmeline to lead them towards their offices.
