Here, as promised, is Chapter four~! Also, since I previously said this in a review answer, I will be updating every Saturday, (hopefully!) without fail! Cross your finger~!

Warning- IF I owned Hetalia, well then, I'd be one lucky bitch, non?


While Francis busied himself with banging his head on the door, Gilbert seized the opportunity, grabbing the book they had been fighting over earlier. Waving Toni over, they took advantage of the Frenchman's obvious misery and opened the book. The moment the books first page was turned, their jaws dropped in sync. For two reasons.

The first being the subject of the drawings the book was graced with. From what they could tell, Francis hated the Brit. Then… why?

The second was the sheer skill and precision the sketches were drawn in. Francis was definitely good, and he obviously cared for the subject of the sketches, as every little detail was penciled with precision. Arthur was drawn with different expressions on his face; shock, anger, happiness, rage (not to be mistaken with simple anger).

Taking one look at the miserable Frenchman banging his head on the door, the problem instantly became clear to them. Antonio knew exactly how he was feeling, as this was what he went through when he first met Romano. Walking over to the teen, he placed a hand on his shoulder, but before he could comfort him, Gilbert beat him to it.

"You fucked up royally; I couldn't have done better myself, glückwünsche." While Gilbert laughed, Antonio slapped his shoulder, muttering something about idiotic Prussians in Spanish. With a smile, he turned to Francis.

"Mi amigo, there's no denying it, you're fucked, but want to know what'll make you feel better?"

"Que?" Francis lifted his head from the door.

Antonio's face turned serious, and he moved to look Francis directly in the eyes, and uttered only one word: "Wal-Mart." When the words left his mouth, Gilbert also turned deathly serious, nodding his agreement. Francis saw something in their faces he didn't want to mess with, so when Toni ushered him to his now open suitcase and pointed to his clothes, he followed the command wordlessly.

Grabbing a black tank top, purple button up shirt and dark grey jeans he made to change in the bathroom, but, wanting to test something, stayed right where he was and began to strip. Smiling when all he got was a wolf whistle from Gilbert and a joking 'I call slut' from Toni, he continued to get dressed. It was confirmed, these were his people. Although it was slightly surprising at how quickly he became comfortable around them.

Gilbert and Toni followed his example, changing in the open bedroom. When they were done, they each hooked an arm through his, and together they skipped to the door.

"So, mes amis, how do you plan to reach this magical Wal-Mart? I don't suppose either of you own a car?"

"Nicht, but my bruder does." Gilbert said.

"Ton frère, the potato bitch?" Gilbert smirked.

"Ja, I love that transgender bitch to death." Sharing a laugh, the three made their way to Gilbert's brother's dorm, which, Francis learned on the way, he shared with Romano's brother and a small Japanese boy.


Francis watched the German shouting match with mild interest, wondering how exactly this was supposed to make him feel better. And why was he so upset about this to begin with? He, as a rule, was well versed in romance. Yet, he supposed, when it came to his own love life, he was completely and utterly hopeless. That was just the effect Arthur had on him. He had never had trouble with emotions before, but with Arthur, it seemed as if everything were different, new. It seemed like starting over, like learning to decipher his own emotions again.

And, not to mention, the solution to this was Wal-Mart. Despite his best efforts, he had not been able to get Gilbert and Antonio to tell him what Wal-Mart was. Great, ANOTHER thing to confuse him, running around his mind, mingling with thoughts of Arthur, and how he had, in the words of the poetic Gilbert, 'royally fucked up'.

He had, hadn't he? There was the boy he had been… infatuated with since almost the very second he met him, giving him a wonderful, perfect opportunity, and he blows it! And not only does he blow it, he does so in a way that sets the stage for thousands of fights full of regret. Idiot! He had called him a humourless bastard, for God's sake!

Turning his attention back to the argument, he realized he had missed it, as Gilbert was now grabbing a set of keys from his brother, ruffling his hair and disturbing the meticulous way it was slicked back.

"Danke, bruder!"

"Ja ja, just don't crash my car. Again." Gilbert grinned.

"No promises." Ludwig rolled his eyes, shoving Gilbert, then Antonio, and finally Francis out the door, slamming it behind him. Antonio grinned, and leaned close to whisper in Francis's ear.

"It's always like this with them, it kind of endearing, si?"

"Oui, it's less of an argument and more of brotherly exasperation."

"That is not an argument. What you and Arthur just had was an argument." Francis groaned.

"Don't remind me. I think I called him a fuck-face at some point."

"Si, you did. Where'd you learn that one?"

"Some jackass at the airport when I got here."

"Sounds like America." Antonio smiled, and Francis couldn't help but laugh.

"Now, let's make you feel better!" Antonio said in a sing-song voice, dragging him to the brand new BMW. BMW! Francis had been saving up for a car for years, and he still didn't have enough to purchase a used Ford!

"So Gilbert, in what part of this conversation can I casually slip in a question about whether or not you're rich?" Gilbert immediately stopped moving completely, halfway through opening the door.

"Ah… we don't talk about that." Antonio finally said, slapping Gilbert on the back, jump starting his motor skills. Francis noted Gilbert's reaction, and, not wanting to upset the boy further, got in the car without another word, and the first half of the drive to the mysterious Wal-Mart was spent in silence.

Francis, who was seated in the passenger seat beside Gilbert -who was driving- leaned his head on the window, enjoying the feel of the cool glass, and just thinking.

He was curious about what had just happened to Gilbert, but he didn't want to fuck up twice in one day, and ruin the friendship he had with the boy. Because Gilbert – and Antonio- were different. He hadn't known them long, yet here they were, driving to some unknown place, to make him feel better. And it wasn't just that. He truly felt that he could do anything around the two boys; they were the most accepting people he had ever met. He had stripped in front of them (two openly gay teens) and they had taken it in stride! He had never gotten so close to anyone in such little time. He had never really been this close to anyone.

Today was really just a series of too-fast feelings, wasn't it? But friendship was different. Usually, you had to work at it, but with Antonio and Gilbert it just came naturally. It seemed that he never had to get to know the two; every time they talked it was the first meeting all over again, but in a good way. He never felt he had to keep appearances with the two, he could genuinely be himself.

Dieu, he was such a girl. Fucking feelings and shit.

About halfway to their destination, Francis couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Did Arthur call me a dick-weed?" And that easily, the ice was broken, and the rest of the drive was spent in laughter as the trio came up with creative insults. Gilbert said they were for the next time Francis saw Arthur. Francis was only slightly amused.


In only twenty short minutes they reached Wal-Mart.

"A superstore. You brought me to a fucking superstore." Grins spread across the albino and brunette's faces as Antonio pulled out a paper from his pocket. The paper was folded almost ten times, and was wrinkled out of use.

"We printed this out a long time ago, but we never got around to doing any of it." Gilbert offered a completely useless explanation.

"Printed out what, doing what?" Wordlessly, Antonio handed him the paper. It was simply titled "500 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART". And suddenly it was all clear. They were going to do everything in their power to get kicked out of a superstore. Gilbert and Antonio were right; this was going to make him feel better. After all, what was more uplifting then fucking with poor, innocent flunkies working for minimum wage?

"Attendez, cinq cents? Five hundred?"

"We'll work down the list. Today we do ten; the rest shall be completed throughout the year. Männer, ARE YOU READY?!" Gilbert yelled. Antonio and Francis saluted, and the trio ran into the store, the automatic doors opening as the approached, adding to the effect of men on a mission.


1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

They smirked as they read the first item on the list. Each grabbing a shopping cart, they first made their way to the women's section. The first cart, Antonio's, was filled with all the lacy bras in the women's clothing section and topped with a bra with Homer Simpson on it. Arranging the bras artfully in a tower, they looked the cart over thrice before deeming it worthy.

They ran down the aisles, jumping on the bottom of the carts and gliding down the rest of the aisle. Shopping cart races. That was all that needed to be said. After racing around the store (and picking up fallen bras), they decided the best place for Toni's cart was in the electronics' section, right in the middle of children's games.

Next, they filled Gilbert's cart with baby products, everything you would need to take care of a new born. They then strategically placed it right in front of a shelf with condoms. After running all the way across the store to rip out a sheet of paper from a notebook (sorry, Wal-Mart!), they grabbed a pen and ran back to the condom shelf, leaving a note that said 'Good luck!' on the cart full of baby products.

Francis's cart was filled with one of everything from twenty random aisles, and then left right in front of the store (how were people not noticing this?) with another sign that read 'Forgot something? Take it and run fucker!'. They ran off, not getting to see the reaction to the carts, but still giddy from the very act and knowledge of preforming the prank.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

This one was slightly more difficult to get away with. They slowly tiptoed (in plain sight – but it was the thought that counted) to the front of the store, setting themselves in the little cars. Gilbert immediately shouted at the top of his lungs, attracting the attention of everyone in Wal-Mart, and promptly driving his little car into Francis's, then taking off.

This started a twenty minute race through Wal-Mart, albeit an incredibly slow one. Francis finally caught up with Gilbert when the albino crashed into a shelf of Tide detergent. Francis rammed into him with a satisfied shout of: "THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!"

Antonio, meanwhile, was amusing himself by rapidly turning his little car in circles. Francis rammed into him, causing the Spaniard to spin off course, setting him after revenge. Gilbert and Antonio teamed up on Francis, cornering him between two shelves of high heels. Antonio, laughing, shoved him off the cart and into the shelf, where heels fell down onto him, burying him. Francis made a show of getting up, acting as if the heels had hit him in the eye. Gilbert and Antonio, as predicted, rushed to his aid. But then the two were close enough, Francis pulled them into the pile of shoes.

"Francis what the-" He cut Gilbert off by shoving his head into the pile of shoes, allowing him to resurface a few seconds later.

"Security guy." Was the only explanation.

"I think I have a shoe up my ass." Antonio said, causing the three to burst out laughing. After calming down, they decided that they should wear disguises from then on, for two reasons. One, because it would be utterly hilarious (because you know Francis wouldn't let them get away without at least one of them wearing a skirt) and two, because if they were spotted, they wouldn't want to be recognized.


Sneaking off to the women's section, Francis and Antonio successfully got poor, Gilbert in a skirt and large pink shirt (over his school uniform, of course). Proud of themselves, they chose clothing for each other. Purple Justin Beiber shirt and sequined, sparkly purple track pants for Francis and neon green booty shorts (over his school trousers) and a neon orange tube top (also over his button up shirt) for Toni.

"Shouldn't we… pay for these?" Francis asked while pulling on a pair of comically large, sparkly silver glasses in the shape of stars.

"Or we could leave another note beside a used pile of clothes?" Was Gilbert's answer, muffled by the Spongebob Squarepants watch he was trying to strap to his face.

"Or that, that sounds good." Francis took pity on Gilbert and slowly removed the watch, wondering why he had brought it in the change room in the first place. Smirking as the thought change room entered his mind, he turned to look at Antonio. The Spanish teen immediately understood the look, and the two turned to Gilbert. By some sort of unspoken communication, the three had the same idea.

They were three teenage boys, in a change room. More importantly, the woman who had given them the key to the change room knew they were all there, together.

They suddenly broke out into the most ridiculous, over the top sex noises they could possibly make. Sure enough, within seconds of moaning and Antonio's foot shaking the door, the lady who was in charge of the change room came up and began to bang on the already shaking door. Francis covered her up with a loud moan, shouting Gilbert's name. Said Prussian had a look of mixed horror and respect (it was a very real sex noise, he sounded like the perfect slut, it was quite sexy). Antonio, meanwhile, tried to cover his giggles (it would ruin the act), overcome with the thought of what it might sounds like if his two friends were to actually have sex, and who would top. Antonio joined it the moaning, decided to contribute muttering incoherent, breathy sentences in Spanish.

The poor lady didn't know what to do. She couldn't very well use her key and open the door in the middle of what she thought was an awkward, cramped threesome between three teenaged boys. God knows what they were using those clothes for. After a minute of being covered up by loud groans and erotic pants, the lady had had enough. Grabbing her key and steeling herself for what she was about to see, she let out a final warning, loud enough to be heard over Francis's screams.

"I'M COMING IN!" She immediately regretted her choice of words. The trio, on the other hand, could barely contain their laughter, despite the imminent doom. After another shared look and silent communication, the tree simultaneously made a loud finishing sound, and, a mere second later, flung the door open.

Needless to say, the lady was shocked when, instead of the after sex mess she expected, the door revealed three completely (if ridiculously) clothed teens.

"What… what is going on?" She finally managed to sputter out.

"We were just changing." Antonio said, his picture perfect innocence almost swaying the woman.

"You were doing more than just changing." Antonio pretended to be surprised, eyes widening and jaw unhinging in 'shock'.

"How could you assume we would do something like that and in public?" The Spaniard was, again, the very picture of innocence.

"But… the moans…" The poor lady couldn't connect the sounds she knew she heard with image of the thoroughly unfucked teens she now saw.

"Madame, I regretfully inform you that you, no matter how good of a person you are, are a pervert." Francis kept his face completely strait, but it took all of his self-restraint to not burst out laughing.

"I… I am not!"

"But you thought we were having sex!" The minute the 'horrified' words were out of Gilbert's mouth, Antonio cowered in his shoulder.

"Désolé, he's so innocent. Please ma'am, we need to go." And that is how the trio passed through the change rooms without the lady wondering why they were still wearing the clothes, and stopping them. She was just too frozen in shock to really do much of anything.


At first, Gilbert was shy about the skirt, blushing madly. But he soon became accustomed to it, even going as far as to strut down the aisles, hips swinging and hair flinging over his shoulders. Francis leaned in to whisper in Antonio's ear.

"I'd still hit that."


3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

Now, fully clad in ridiculous disguises complete with sunglasses, the trio rushed to complete the third item on the list. Deciding to modify the third item slightly, as they wouldn't get to see the repercussions, they decided to set them all off at the same time.

Making the mistake of staying in the middle of the hallway, the trio immediately fell to their knees as every fucking surrounding alarm clock went off. The sound rung in their ears, painfully reverberating in their skulls. When it was over, the three picked themselves off the ground. Gilbert tentatively checked his ears for bleeding after the godforsaken ringing finally stopped.

"We are never doing that again."

"But what if we-"

"NEIN!"

"So… it's unanimous?"

"JA." Gilbert's tone left no room for argument, and, quite frankly the other two members of the trio couldn't agree more.

Although, the pain did pay off slightly when frantic Wal-Mart employee's came running, screaming bloody murder at whoever was responsible for this. The trio took off running, security on their heels.

'Level up, bitches' was the only thought in Francis's mind. They were now wanted in Wal-Mart. There was nothing more fulfilling in life then being able to say that sentence.


4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

There was a hurdle in their plan almost immediately. It was much harder then it looked to get the balls out of the nets. It took them about five minutes of grunting, pulling and swearing to finally get a soccer ball (they had managed to snag a 'football' about seven time, but fucking lot of help that would be – as Gilbert eloquently put it). They had decided to play European football, meaning soccer to Americans.

Gilbert held up the soccer ball victoriously, mirroring the opening scene in Lion King where the monkey holds the baby cub up to the sun.

"After a valiant effort, VICTORY IS OURS!" Smiling, Francis stole the ball from Gilbert's hand, placing it on the ground and running off, dribbling the ball. Francis was fairly good at soccer, but hadn't been playing recently, choosing to focus on his music and art. Gilbert, who he quickly gathered was very skilled at soccer, came up and stole the ball, shoving Francis playfully.

Antonio was extremely skilled at soccer. The boy quickly snatched the ball from Gilbert, bouncing it on his foot before quickly flicking his heel, and starting to bounce the ball on his head. He smiled widely, bouncing the ball on his nose like a seal.

"Show off." Gilbert said, but he was also smiling, the sight was just too ridiculous not to. Antonio was bent forward slightly, ass sticking out (Antonio really did have such a nice ass). Francis and Gilbert just couldn't resist walking behind the Spanish teen and slapping his perfectly positioned ass, sending the poor teen stumbling forward.

After a few minutes, they recruited about six more people, with strangers going in and out the game. The trio was in the lead, of course. They made the mistake of playing in the clothing section. Needless to say, within minutes the men's clothing section was in ruins.

This led to the reappearance of security. The burly guard focused on the ridiculously dressed teens (now that they thought about, they looked like newbie trannies), chasing them around the clothing section. Laughing all the way through, they grabbed sweaters and pants, throwing them behind them in a desperate bid to lose the guard.

Of course that in itself was a failure, as you'd have to be deaf to miss the shouts of triumph from the trio. The finally escaped, their breathing turned ragged, by hiding together, squished between a wall and a floor rug. They waited there, pushed uncomfortably and undeniably sexually together, until they were sure the guard had given up.


5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him I need some tampons!"

They decided to skip this one… despite looking like ugly girls. There were some boundaries even gay guys weren't willing to cross. Even gay guys with a tendency to cross every boundary in existence just for the pleasure of screaming 'How do you like me now, dickheads!' to the people on the other side.

In other news, Francis had realized that America swear words were rubbing off on him much quicker than he liked, with the help of Gilbert, of course. As his eyes scanned the next question on the list, he smiled, the large, smirking grin that came with the thrill of mischief.

There was really nothing better to make anyway stop feeling terrible than to mess with the poor unfortunate souls stuck at Wal-Mart.

…Or that crime on food, McDonalds.


Well, there ya have it! Know, I feel the need to explain a few things in this chapter.

1) This was my longest chapter yet, at over 3 600 words! Yahoo~! But I assume I will always be making this long chapter's, as opposed to my previous 1 000 something word long chapters, because I have an entire week to write. So merci for being so patient and waiting a week!

2) I will explain Gilbert's issue with his apparent richness is the next chapter, so be patient, my darlings!

3) I just HAD to make them destroy a Wal-Mart. I just think that as a teenager, it's simply a right of passage. I myself have no done so, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY fucking want to. Oh, and the list they're using is actually a real list, I found it online.

4) DA, they WILL be going through all the 500 things in this fanfic~! Because come on! Plus, I'm the author so what I say goes, bitches.

5) Oui, I realize that I made three European teens swear in English but I think that after living for even a week in an English speaking country, the habit would be picked up.

6) I'm sure there's more, but I forgot.

7) OH! Now I remember. I just wanted to say that I realize that when they entered Wal-Mart I switched to more third-person point of view, but that WAS intentional, so please no one ride my ass about it, m'kay?

8) OH OH OH! I ALMOST FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOTNOTE! I don't necessarily like the title, so the next time this is updated, it will be under the name of 'The Typical Problems of one Francis Bonnefoy'. Zhat is all!

Now, review answers!

Mr. Grell Michaelis - Lo siento! I would LOVE to update daily, but I just know I'd cock up and start updating monthly, and since you and all my readers are so amazing, I really want to make a problem I can keep! And I am so so so so so so SO sorry I couldn't do any of this chapter in Iggy's point of view! BUT, I plan to insert lots of Iggy-vision into the next chapter, so here's hoping! And thank you so much~! Ditto, I have about a total of maybe 5 friends? One who is in another school, three of which are in a whole other year then me, and one who is a dude, and therefore can only stand to be around be for so long. Even though, he's more of a girl then I am ;) Many thanks for reviewing!

Flarfenshnargen - I hope I can take that a good thing? ;) Thank you for taking time out of your day to review, every little bit counts!

Leylani-sama - Don't worry, I love the laugh. I myself do it all the time ;) As for the update, nici o problema! (lo siento, I like to speak in other languages. That one being my native one, Romanian, and meaning no problem) Well thank you! I'm so glad you like my characterization of them! Yup XD That's pretty much it :D Because really, I HAD to include the fighting, because they do fight, a lot. And that's why we love 'em! Merci, I myself am a huge lover of the BTT close friendship AND threesome ;) Ditto on google translate. I realize I should try to translate the French myself from now on. :P So, bear with me on zhat~! I am cruel? Oh noes! I dearly hope I am cruel for a good thing! As always, many thanks for reviewing :D

Madame Perv, perving out~! (still don't know what it means, still love it!) Lo siento for the long AN!