Keigo decided that from this point onward all of his internal monologues will begin with 'Kisuke is an asshole'.
He didn't pick up any of Keigo's 14 missed calls since he got back from the hospital, did not reply to any of his frantic texts, and given the annoying voicemail message on the shop's landline, had closed the damned store for an indefinite amount of time. Keigo's never hooked up with anyone before and he was already being ghosted like nobody's business.
Keigo belatedly wondered if he should pull the desperate boyfriend act and stop by Urahara Shop anyway, but he had the distinct impression that there would be no one to welcome his loud banging on the front door with a death glare and granite-hard rice cakes. There was also that thing where he was now on an intelligence organization's radar so he would have neither the privacy, nor the time to see Urahara himself. Instead, Keigo resorted to spending the rest of his late morning by downing painkillers and googling anything he could about SHIELD.
Unsurprisingly, nothing useful popped up, just a bunch of clip-art images of poorly drawn medieval weaponry and links to old Captain America fan-art that he wished he'd never clicked. He then tried searching for the actual name of the agency, but couldn't remember past Homeland, and so instantly gave up; he figured if they wanted to get info out of him, they'd have to cough up some too. At least he knew they were American now. Keigo trusted the Japanese government to not use ostentatious acronyms if they aimed for subtlety.
Before he knew it, it was almost time for Penta-man to send his minions to pick him up. Keigo probably should have informed his sister, but since she didn't know about hollows and shinigami - which, really. She ought to be smarter than this. It wasn't as if Madarame was actively hiding it from her - Keigo decided to make up an excuse about meeting Mizuiro for a bit. After some initial resistance with her trying to forcefully tuck him into bed, Mizuho relented and told him to be back before dinner. She also planted his meds in his pocket with narrowed eyes and a threatening 'I'll know if you don't take them."
Geez, if only she spoiled him like this on a regular basis.
The driver was an unassuming man with dark sunglasses and the trademark black suit, who expertly swerved the car out of its hiding spot and onto the road. Keigo made it a point to remember the directions to this 'office' all while secretly hoping he wasn't being led to a dungeon. It was a terrible habit but he did trust Penta-man, and hoped he wouldn't come to regret it. Much.
They reached in about 20 minutes, surprisingly fast since they were in central Tokyo now. The driver entered an underground parking lot of a large corporate building, creating a dull shadow over everything. Keigo suppressed a shiver and ignored his thumping heart.
It was just a parking lot. No big deal.
Except murders and abductions happen in parking lots. Keigo watched enough Criminal Minds to know that.
"Where are we going?" he demanded suddenly. The driver did not respond and kept going into the lower floors. " I-I'd like to get out now…" his voice trembled and he reached for the handle.
"We're almost there," came a gruff reply. The sound of the car doors locking shut reverberated in Keigo's ears. Swallowing the gigantic lump of foreboding in his throat, Keigo prayed to kami to not end his life yet. He'd just acquired the new Super Mario game and preferred not to die before even playing it.
Two and a half antagonizing minutes later, they finally reached an elevator which automatically opened and led the car inside. Before Keigo could react, the elevator was heading lower - way lower - into the ground.
What. the. fuck.
No building should have parking that below the earth, Keigo inwardly protested. Then he remembered Urahara's training facility and almost banged his head against the front seat in frustration. Spies and their fucking basements.
They abruptly stopped and the doors opened to revea- Holy motherfucking shit on a stick.
He was inside Spy Headquarters.
Holy shiiiit.
That was the only thing this place could've been. With chrome walls that went across the large area, seemingly endless in its sleekness, gigantic computer screens that looked like belonged to a spaceship in a futuristic sci-fi universe - all decked up from top to bottom on some corners, while the others held actual holographs of some kind that twirled delicately at the touch of nimble fingers. There were desks that held more workstations and trolleys that were constantly moved (Keigo was pretty sure one of them carried a handful of guns he'd never seen before, even on the internet). But the people. Oh god they were all sorts of professional and dangerous. Some were dressed in the same suit-and-tie combo while others donned black combat uniforms and bulletproof vests, apparently leaving room through a door on the extreme right that Keigo knew wasn't there five seconds ago.
Screw FBI. He was in 00- Heaven.
He so desperately wanted to capture this image in his head (being absolutely sure that this would be the last time he'd see this) that Keigo automatically went to reach for his phone. Only to find that it wasn't there.
Blinking in puzzlement, Keigo looked up to see the driver, still in sunglasses, coolly slipping the phone into his breast-pocket and nodding his head towards the room. "Follow me," he didn't wait for an answer as he walked past Keigo, the latter snapping back to the present and scrambling behind him.
They walked past several of said professional and dangerous people and the teenager didn't bother masking his ogling. One of the holographs was handled by a very attractive but also extremely frazzled woman, who was mumbling some complicated English words beyond Keigo's understanding. Although by the looks of the projection - a map of tents encircling some strange object that was giving off readings that definitely weren't numbers, the woman could be worried about the gavel-like thing exploding.
He passed the next screen in a hurry, catching up to Agent McBroody, but Keigo swore they were studying a black cat.
Oh. Well.
Maybe the cat could also explode? Who knows. Keigo just guessed that's what spies worked on so.
McBroody stopped outside the first office that gave way to a corridor and ushered Keigo in. It was a lot smaller that he anticipated. Just a desk, a large, empty leather chair behind it, and two smaller ones for people who weren't the boss. Keigo unceremoniously took a seat and waited for whoever was going to question him.
Whoever came exactly 30 seconds later in the form of Penta-man who looked like something a very posh cat coughed up, still looking professional as all hell. He dismissed the driver and greeted Keigo with the same formality as he had for the last two days.
Jesus, was that just two days ago?
"Mr. Asano," Penta-man - Keigo should probably call him Fujikawa now - began, "I hope you are feeling better since this morning."
Keigo shrugged nervously, "Um. Sure."
"I'm afraid we must cut right to the chase. Last evening you were found in the Yamaha building while being viciously attacked by an unknown species we like to call 0-8-4. Is that correct?"
"0-8- W-what?"
"It's code for objects or living things that are not classified on any database in the world yet. However, if I remember correctly, you called this species a Hollow. So you are already aware of them." It wasn't a question and Keigo wasn't sure he'd be able to deny it if it was.
"D-did I really say that?" he tried anyway, although why he refused to admit the truth was beyond him. It felt quite like betraying his friends for some reason, even though Keigo knew that Shinigami business went further than just Ichigo. Spewing out this stuff to outsiders simply didn't sit right with him.
"You did. SHIELD would greatly appreciate if you could tell us more about these creatures as where they come from. You will be compensated for your cooperation, of course."
Did this asshole just.
On any other occasion, Keigo was above receiving bribes, especially if it came in the form of gaming consoles, dates with hot girls or Kurosaki Yuzu's baking. But now knowing how tight-lipped SHIELD possibly was, being practically a ghost organization told him a lot about their desperation for any sort of information.
He'd seen enough Hollywood movies to know that these guys were usually up to no good.
And like hell would Keigo grass up his friends. Relying on Fujikawa for saving him was one thing, involving him in something possibly did not need Human Intelligence was another. Wasn't this stuff supposed to be a secret from humans in the first place?
Taking a deep breath, Keigo felt himself somewhat calm down. His loyalty just might cost him his life - and Keigo was loyal to a fault, if nothing else - but it wasn't his secret to tell.
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, Sir-" he stated, "-I don't remember saying anything of the sort."
Pen- Fujikawa's expression did not change apart from a small twitch of eyebrows that Keigo only noticed because he was looking for it. He did not say anything, apparently assessing the teenager; probably wondering how he could torture out the truth out of him, Keigo gulped at the thought but tried to remain as stoic (ha.) as he could.
He almost jumped out of his seat when the agent leaned forward, almost conspiratorially, "Mr. Asano, I understand why you would not trust us," Keigo inwardly scoffed at that, he'd trusted this guy enough to come here, "-however, as an organization that aims for world peace on a much large scale, your help is necessary. I'm not supposed to tell you this but-" the long sigh he gave made Keigo feel kinda bad, "-there have been events… very recent ones… where we believe knowledge about this Hollow might be extremely useful. There's a high chance of these two occurrences being related and we would not have disturbed you had we no other choice."
Ah. So they did try to rope Urahara in. See? Keigo wasn't stupid.
But if Urahara didn't say anything then…
Keigo feigned a helpless shrug, "I'd love to help you man, but like I said. I don't know anything about that monster. I was just walking home and suddenly that thing was chasing me." A thought occurred to him suddenly, "Besides, you guys pretty much destroyed that thing, so obviously you know something about it. I just dunno how I can help."
The agent's lips thinned and he looked a lot less polite than he did a moment ago. Keigo prayed that he didn't decide to just strap him to this chair like he did the first time and beat him to submission. Loyal he might be, and his threshold for pain was tremendous, but he'd rather leave this premise unscathed thanks very much.
"Nothing that a little science can't fix." Fujikawa grimaced, "Very well, if that is your decision, Takashi will escort you out." And just like that, Keigo was… let go.
Keigo visibly deflated, something that even the dumbest person could see, but he didn't care. Since Penta-man (his real name just wouldn't stick) could see right through his charade anyhow, Keigo could drop all pretense and just shakily make his way out of the office.
Of course, the thought of this being too easy did cross his mind, but Keigo was too tired and in pain (he forgot to take his pills, shit.) to care. Agent McBroody was waiting by the hallway to lead him back to the car, from a different path now: this corridor being mostly empty and not nearly as exciting.
He was dropped outside his flat without much fan-fair and now that he was back home, all Keigo wanted was to plonk on his bed like a sack of potatoes and sleep for 10 hours straight.
Mizuho was gone for the evening (thank fuck) over to her latest conquest's lair, Keigo shuddered at that. He quickly made his way to his room and decided to fire a text to Urahara just in case the slimy fucker decided to show his face.
Then he realised that, although he had his phone now, it was under SHIELD custody for total of 10 minutes. Which, for an agency with the fanciest tech equipment and actual military personnel, was more than enough time to go through his contacts and find his plenty missed calls and very-much-not-deleted messages to Kisuke.
Fuck.
Keigo skipped dinner, his appetite lost somewhere on the way to the shop as he thought about the consequences of his accidental slip up. His heart was hammering against his rib-cage in anxiety and he felt so fidgety, he began picking at the small bandages over his palms. Kisuke would be pissed, obviously. Keigo hoped that despite this whole fiasco, the man - who was a lot better at dealing with jackbooted thugs - would just take over the reins and be done with it.
He somewhat expected the striped bastard to be absent, but the shop was still surprisingly open. Keigo entered the place only to be met with the terror twins sitting by the table next to Big Friendly Giant, Tatsuki, Chizuru and… Don Kanonji?!
For a moment Keigo completely forgot that he was being stalked by spies who dealt with supernatural shit and squealed in excitement because it's not everyday you get to see your favourite reality show star!
His arms did that weird, flail-y thing that often got him punched in the face and dramatically pointed towards the celebrity in question. Don. Kanonji. Right in front of him. Keigo briefly pondered if SHIELD had drugged him on the way back 'cause a) there was no way this could be real and b) he'll need to get back to them and ask for more because this shit was good.
"Y-you! Oh my God it's-" Keigo crossed his arms against his chest in the trademark post and half-shouted, "BOHAHAH- Ow! Tatsuki. What the hell?"
Tatsuki only muttered an 'idiot' before sitting back down, her knuckles unsurprisingly unaffected whilst Keigo's head took the brunt. "We're having an important discussion at the moment. What are you doing here anyway?"
"I- uh…" suddenly, six pairs of eyes were on him and it made Keigo largely aware none of these were Kisuke and would therefore not be able to help him. "I'm looking for Urahara?"
"He's out of town on business," Keigo almost rolled his eyes at that. Almost. Psh. Business. Yeah right. "I am in charge of the shop until then. Is there anything you wanted?" Tessai was unbelievably polite despite the ruckus Keigo had made.
"No. Just wanted- Ah. Never mind. I'll come back la-"
"Wait a minute! You can see hollows too right?" Chizuru piped up.
"Uh… yeah?"
They all shared a knowing look before turning back to him in terrifying synchronization. This was not going to end well.
Keigo all but took one step back before Tatsuki was all up in his personal space and coercing him to join their pseudo-superhero team with an effective mixture of threats and guilt-trips.
"What?! N-no way! I can't defeat hollows, I could barely-" get away from them. He realised that no one here knew about his little altercation from yesterday.
"Asano! We're the only hope Karakura has. There aren't enough shinigami to protect the whole town and the number of hollows incoming are massive." Tell me about it. "How do you think Ichigo and Ori-everyone else would feel i-when they come back and see this town destroyed?!"
Hook, line and sinker. Keigo had nowhere to go but down.
Fuck SHIELD, fuck Tatsuki and especially fuck Kisuke.
These guys were going to be the death of him.
Fuck them all.
A/N: Sorry nothing much happens here except him turning SHIELD down, but next chapter is all about how that might change, so don't fret! Poor renditions of badass!Keigo will be coming up. And yes, SHIELD let him into their HQ and feed him sensitive New Mexico-related info. even though realistically its unlikely. I have reasons for that which will be explained later in the story if it isn't self-explanatory already so yeah, I'm using the excuse of artistic license for this purposeful inconsistency.
Reviews are always appreciated and headcanons too.
Until next time,
-SA
