Rating: T (PG-13)
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and intend no infringement.
Spoilers: Journey's End (Doctor Who), Exit Wounds, They Keep Killing Suzie
A/N: alas, this is the best I can make of it. For those of you who prefer happy endings, stop reading after this chapter. I mean it. Don't read chapter 5. For those of you who think you can take it, go on to the last part. Enjoy.
--
...lessness
It was Gwen, who else would it be, who suggested going to the pub that evening to get to know each other better. Although, Mickey technically was the only one new to all of them except Jack, the team didn't know Martha very well either. Jack relented, seeing that the team seemed to need this bonding. He remembered that they used to do this, with Tosh and Owen, even with Suzie before Gwen, and it had seemed a good idea those times as well.
They chose a pub not far from the Plass, and Jack willingly went along with that choice, buying the first round of drinks for the team. It didn't take long before Gwen had pulled everyone into conversation, telling the tale of her wedding the previous year and making everybody laugh. She even pulled out a photo of Rhys from her wallet to show to Mickey and Martha, and in response Martha pulled out a snapshot of Tom, her fiancé, and it was passed around the table as well.
Jack was grateful for the fact that he was sitting next to Ianto, the younger man's thigh against his under the table as they sat squashed in the booth, providing a reassuring presence in what otherwise seemed a little too loud and a little too far removed from his life.
Mickey was asking the girls about their partners, about combining the job with having time for a girlfriend, and asked of Ianto, "So, mate, are you seeing anyone then?"
Martha and Gwen exchanged a glance and suppressed a chuckle. They looked at Ianto and Jack, then at each other again and burst out in laughter. Mickey looked from one to the other and then back at Ianto, saying, "What did I say? Did I miss something really obvious?" He looked at Ianto's right hand, lightly clasped around his pint glass, and back up to Ianto's face. "Are you married then? Engaged?"
Gwen and Martha were laughing louder now, making Mickey blush. The Londoner threw a glance at Jack, as if to say save me, and said, "Come on, what did I miss?" He looked at Ianto again, "You're not all kinds of religious, are you? So what's the harm in asking?"
Martha and Gwen's giggles were subsiding somewhat and Ianto gave Mickey a polite smile before glancing at Jack, seeming to enjoy making the Londoner guess.
"Oh for god's sake," Gwen said between bursts of laughter, "put him out of his misery, Jack."
Jack smiled and put his glass down on the table, sliding his arm around Ianto's shoulders. Mickey looked from one to the other, still baffled, until Ianto said drily, "I am seeing someone. I'm with Jack."
Mickey looked from one to the other again, then back at Gwen and Martha, his eyes finally resting on Ianto. He blurted out, "You're with Captain Innuendo over there?"
Ianto raised a quiet eyebrow at this comment and looked at Jack, who knew that this had to mean something, somewhere, but the memory eluded him for a moment and the pain of that sat hollow in his chest. He ignored it, pushed it under, and gave Ianto a fond smile before focusing on the rest of the team. To cover it, he offered to buy another round of drinks, something the team eagerly made use of. When he came back, he slid his arm around Ianto's waist again as if they'd never been any different.
--
He lost all track of time after he climbed up to the Millennium Centre roof that night. The stars were out in full force, and he looked at them, wishing he could find some answers among the bright specks of light. There were none, he'd known there were none, just as he knew he needed to find his own way back to sanity and a normal life as far as that could be had. It didn't stop him from being inordinately reassured by the wind through his hair, the drops of rain that occasionally splattered on his face, the sounds of the city, anything but the memories of earth, gravel, and dust. He'd always liked the unrestrictedness of roofs, felt somehow that this planet wasn't quite so constrictive, restrictive, if he could see more of it, be closer to the stars, feel the elements. He'd started the habit of climbing on to rooftops early on in his career at Torchwood, when he was even more restricted than now that he had his own team. The habit had stuck.
The service door open behind him, soft, hesitant footsteps on the metal, and Jack turned, knowing who was behind him. Ianto, fully dressed but without his tie, his coat buttoned up against the strong winds this high up, was cautiously making his way toward Jack. He held out a hand as soon as the young man came closer, felt Ianto's fingers clasp around his and he pulled him close. Ianto wasn't afraid of heights, but anyone who wasn't immortal would be intimidated by the slippery curved roof of the Millennium Centre.
"Couldn't sleep?" Jack said softly, still holding on to Ianto's hand as they stood side by side.
"Missed you in bed."
Ianto's tone betrayed little, but he wasn't usually prone to emotional statements, and that meant a lot. "Sorry," he offered. "I know I haven't been exactly -- lately --"
Ianto looked at him sideways, and Jack forced himself to meet the young man's eyes. "It's all right, Jack."
There was that resigned tone again, the tone of voice in which Ianto had told him, whatever you need, that had then and did now give Jack shivers down his spine. "No," he tried again, "I'm sorry for what I've been doing to you -- for everything --" He made a sweeping gesture as if to encompass not just the city, but the events of the last few months. "I don't make things easy on you."
A dry chuckle came from Ianto. "If I wanted easy, Jack, I never would have propositioned you."
That memory, unlike so many others, was all of a sudden crystal clear in his mind, and brought an unexpected grin to his face. "I remember that," he said. "For a moment there, I thought I'd stepped into a parallel universe."
"Was the thought of me propositioning you so alien to you?"
Jack shook his head. "In hindsight, no. We'd been turning around each other since -- well, since the beginning. But after everything that had happened, and happened that day, it was the furthest thing from my mind."
"I know," Ianto said quietly. Something in his eyes betrayed a hidden guilt. "I knew then, that you wouldn't be thinking, wouldn't see it coming," he blushed, "I thought that improved my chances of not being rejected."
Jack laughed. It felt good to laugh, it felt like he hadn't laughed enough lately, and the memory of everything that had happened suddenly came to the forefront again. It sobered him up too quickly.
Ianto squeezed his hand, seeing it, sensing it, the moment between them lost too soon because of the demons Jack was still facing and fighting. He felt guilty at that.
They stood quietly for a while, letting the wind and slight drizzle howl around them, letting the lull of Cardiff's late-night traffic wash over them. Finally Ianto said, "Do you think you're coming back inside?"
Jack looked at him, taking a proper look at him, the kind of look he hadn't given Ianto in a long time. Ianto's cheeks were red from the cold wind, droplets of moisture were clinging to his short hair and even his eyelashes, his blue eyes were warm and filled with affection, and something more, something Jack knew was love, directed at him. It almost took his breath away, this young man, so young, so vulnerable, the trust he saw in Ianto's eyes, the sacrifice he and Gwen had been willing to make.
"Jack?"
He realised he'd been silent too long, nodded, shook his head, trying to remember what Ianto had asked him. "I don't know," he finally said, wishing for a moment he could build a bed right here under the stars, hold Ianto close and just stay like that forever. But nothing lasts forever, and no one knew that better than Jack Harkness.
"I've got to get back," Ianto said at last, an apology in his tone. He pulled his hand slowly out of Jack's, and took two steps away from him.
"Maybe I'll join you," Jack said, but made no move to do so.
Ianto turned and looked, surprised, but when Jack didn't move, he went inside.
--
tbc
