Crusader: Fireborn
By Icewyche
[Insert witty author's note here.]
Chapter 3: Arrivals and Departures
Lance was sitting on his bed reading; ever since his talk with Commander Ellison, he'd been trying to find out everything he could about Earth, the Galaxy Alliance, the Drule Supremacy, and the Rift War. The ship didn't have much about that and most of it was either boring or confusing – it hadn't really been written for somebody his age – but he slogged through it anyway. He wanted to be as ready as he could for whatever lay ahead of him.
The Tarrant had made its last jump yesterday at something Matt called the Sol breach zone and was now cruising through Earth's solar system on the final leg of its journey home. It had been weird to suddenly feel the ship moving beneath him, but Lance had adjusted quickly; now he barely even noticed it. More important, at least from his point of view, the exit into realspace had meant that the Tarrant's protective shutters had been lifted and he could see out of the viewports. His first glimpse of space had left him both awed and a little unnerved by its vastness and serenity; it was hard not to feel tiny and fragile when you were surrounded by something so infinite.
Of course, reading wasn't the only thing Lance had done over the past few days. He hadn't realized just how big the Tarrant really was, or that it was full of lots of people who did lots of interesting and different things. There was the dining hall crew (they hated the word "mess"), who kept asking him what he thought about new recipes they were trying – their excuse was that the crew was too used to the stuff they cooked and they wanted a fresh perspective. Lance knew they were just trying to get him to eat more, but if it made them happy then he didn't mind playing along. He'd met the navigation crew, who'd showed him how they plotted out where the ship was supposed to go; it involved lots of really complicated math. He didn't mind math, but he didn't think he could ever be a navigator. Plus there was something just a little bit...weird about them; Matt said it was an "occupational hazard", whatever that was. He hadn't been allowed to go into the engine room itself – Commander Ellison would have had a fit – but the engineers had been more than happy to talk to him...one of them had even asked if they could keep Lance since he was the only person who showed any interest in all the neat stuff they did. There were gunners to keep the ship safe from attack, medics to keep the crew well, communications officers who made sure they could talk to other people and planets... the Tarrant was almost like a flying village itself. And they'd all welcomed him with open arms...all except for their commander. For somebody who was supposed to be Lance's "guardian" on the ship, Commander Ellison seemed awfully determined to avoid him. Not that Lance minded; he was way happier spending time with Matt. But it was still strange, and finally he asked Matt about it.
Matt sighed. "Don't be too hard on him, Lance. The commander's been doing this for a long time, longer than anyone on this ship. The problem with that is that it means he's seen a lot of bad things along the way. You know how it was for you, seeing what happened to your village; now imagine seeing that over and over again on different worlds for years and not being able to stop it for good. It's rough, buddy."
Lance hadn't considered that. The commander had said they were at war with the Drules, but "war" was still kind of a hazy concept for Lance; all he knew was that it was a bad thing that involved a lot of fighting. The thought that Valkan VI wasn't the first world the Drules had destroyed, that this had happened before to other worlds, to other people...Lance couldn't bring himself to think too much about that. It was hard enough to completely grasp what had happened to his own world. "But – why does he hate me for it?"
"He doesn't hate you," Matt reassured him. "It's just...if I had to take a guess, I'd say you remind him of all the lives he couldn't save, not just on Valkan VI but on all the other planets that the Drules hit. That's a heavy burden to have to carry around. This is just how he copes – he keeps his distance, tries not to get involved. Some people are like that. I've seen people who drank or messed with drugs or did all kinds of crazy things to try and dull the pain from this war; I can't honestly say the commander doesn't have the right idea."
"You don't really like him, though," Lance observed shrewdly.
Matt chuckled. "Are you sure you're only eight?" he replied, a bit chagrined. "No, I can't really say I like Commander Ellison, but I do respect him. A lot. He may not be the best person in the universe, but he's one of the best commanders around. Keeping his crew safe and protecting Alliance worlds is what matters most to him, not racking up battle commendations or medals. I respect him a great deal for that, and so should you." That conversation had given Lance a lot to think about. He still didn't like Commander Ellison and he probably never would, but...he could understand him. That was something, at least.
A knock on the door brought his head up. "Hey, buddy," Matt said. He sounded excited. "Come on, you've gotta see this!"
Lance put the book aside – it had been really dull anyway. "What is it?"
"We're in sight of Earth now – I thought you might like to see it before landing prep starts and things get crazy. It's quite a sight."
Matt's enthusiasm was catching, and Lance clambered off the bed and followed him to the forward observation deck. Matt pointed at an object in the distance. "There, see that? There it is!"
A small blue-and-white orb glowed softly against the black backdrop of space; Lance could have covered it with his hand. He stretched up as tall as he could, trying to see more, and was surprised when Matt picked him up under the arms and helped him to stand on the railing. "I can see it," he protested mildly.
Matt grinned. "Yeah, but now you can see it better." Lance decided not to argue with that, instead gazing at the distant planet in fascination. He'd seen a couple of other planets as they'd made their way through the solar system, and of course he'd seen pictures of Earth in books, but none of it had really come close to what he saw now. Even from this distance, the planet looked alive, almost as if it was lit from within. "It's pretty," he murmured, wide-eyed.
"Yeah, it's really something, isn't it?" Matt replied. "Gets to me every time I see it, and you'd think I'd be used to it by now. I love traveling the galaxy and all, but there's still nothing quite like coming home."
Home. This was Matt's home. And soon it would be his, too...whether he wanted it or not.
It was something Lance had tried not to think too much about, but now he didn't have a choice. The sight of the approaching world made him realize that his time on the Tarrant was almost over. Soon they'd be on Earth; soon he'd have to say goodbye to Matt and Kelly and Rick and all the other people he'd met here and be handed over to strangers who would decide his life for him. He didn't exactly want to stay on the ship – especially not with Commander Ellison – but at least it had become familiar. He wouldn't have anything familiar on Earth.
Matt noticed his sad expression and set him gently on his feet. "Hey...you all right?"
Lance wanted to say yes, to try and keep up the strong facade, but he found he just couldn't – there was too much unknown stuff looming ahead of him. But at least this was Matt talking to him; Matt understood that beneath the bravado Lance was still a scared little kid, and that was okay. "When we get to Earth...what's going to happen to me?" he asked in a small voice.
"Honestly, I don't really know, buddy," Matt said. "I mean, that'll be up to the people in charge of your case. Look, don't worry," he added, wrapping an arm around the boy. "There's good people in the Alliance, and they'll take care of you."
"It won't be my home," Lance murmured unhappily.
"No, it won't. But that doesn't mean you can't be happy on Earth," Matt replied. "Sometimes we lose our homes, but we can make new ones. You'll always remember your first home and your family, but you also owe it to them to go forward with your own life, to build something new and be happy. That's the best way to honor them, Lance."
Lance looked up, his expression hardening. "I don't want to 'honor' them," he said darkly. "I want to get revenge for them."
Matt drew back slightly, looking troubled. "Lance..."
"I mean it. Someday I'm going to kill all the Drules, or at least all the ones that I can. I'm going to stop them from ruining people's lives. I'm going to make sure they never do this to anybody else!" His voice was rising, but Lance didn't care. Honor wouldn't bring back his family or any of the other people who had died on Valkan VI. And while he knew that revenge wouldn't either, at least it would prevent a tragedy like his from happening to other innocent people.
"Whoa...easy there, bud. Easy." Matt crouched down so that he and Lance were face to face and laid a hand on Lance's shoulder. "Look, I know you're angry at the Drules, and God knows you've got every right to be. But you can't focus so much on that anger that that's all you know. If you do that, it takes over your entire life. You don't want to let that happen, trust me."
"Why not?"
"Because then the Drules have won." Lance stared, shocked, as Matt went on, "We have an old, old saying on Earth...'Living well is the best revenge.' You want to know the best way to get revenge on the people who did this to you? Live your life. Grow up to make a difference in the world – a good difference. Show them that they couldn't break you, that you're stronger and better than they are. The Drules went to Valkan VI meaning to wipe out everything and everyone, but they failed in a big way – they didn't get you."
"They got everybody else, though," Lance replied, his brown eyes flashing angrily.
"But they Didn't. Get. You. An eight-year-old boy, and you were smart enough to survive a Drule assault. You think that's not revenge? Just by being here, you're showing the world that the Drules can fail. That they did fail. Heck, I know I'd be embarrassed if a kid outsmarted me like that. I'm not saying you should forget, Lance," Matt went on. "Don't ever forget what happened to you, to your people. But don't let it destroy you, either. Don't give them that control over you."
Lance considered that for a minute. Part of him knew that Matt was right; how many times had he heard Mama and Papa say that staying angry at somebody meant they controlled your life? Besides, he was just a kid, and the war was almost over anyway – by the time he was old enough to take on the Drules, there probably wouldn't even be any fighting. He didn't even know exactly which Drules had destroyed his homeworld, so how could he really expect to get revenge against them? It made sense, it really did, but...it wasn't enough. Not when he could still see the fire that had rained death and devastation on his world. Not when he could still feel its heat scorching him, could still hear his people screaming as they burned and died. Not when his home was nothing but ashes, when he still burned with anger and hate and the need to make the Drules pay for what they had done. "I don't know," was all he could manage.
Matt seemed to know what he was thinking. "Look, I know this is all a lot to think about," he said. "This whole thing is still fresh for you, and it hurts a lot. You're gonna need to heal and sort everything out, and that's just going to have to come in time. But trust me...it won't hurt like this forever, it really won't. It will get easier, and you'll be able to have a happy life like you deserve. I don't expect you to change your mind right away, Lance. But just promise me you'll think about what I've said, okay? Will you do that for me?"
Yes, Lance decided. He would think about it. It was the least he could do for Matt, after everything Matt had done for him. He didn't know if he would ever be able to let go of his hate, but for his friend's sake he would at least try. "I promise," he replied solemnly, and Matt fought back a smile as he got to his feet.
"Thanks, buddy. I feel much better now," he said with an utterly serious expression, and Lance couldn't help a small giggle. Matt grinned at him in return. "Okay, that's enough serious talk for one day – we're missing some great views here. Ready?" Lance nodded, and Matt swung him back up onto the railing.
The arrival on Earth happened too quickly. Lance would have liked to watch from the bridge, but there really wouldn't have been any room for him and Matt there and he didn't want to get in anyone's way. So after the Tarrant had made it safely into the atmosphere, they went to the observation deck. Matt had brought along a small folding stool for Lance to stand on, so Lance was able to see everything as the ship approached the landing site.
And what an "everything" it was. At first all he saw was just a random patchwork of brown and green and blue and white. They moved through a fog of clouds, and the patchwork became oceans and landmasses. As they got closer he could see the uneven roll of mountains, the flat expanse of plains, green stretches of forest. Rivers cut blue lines through the land; lakes dotted it like blobs of paint. Closer still, and cities began to appear, big sprawling masses of silver and gray and brown and white. Lance saw buildings that looked like toys and vehicles moving between them like ants. Then they were at the landing site, which was a lot of concrete and fences and low-slung buildings and lots of water in the distance. There were people with big flashlights on the tarmac waving them down; the Tarrant descended, there was a slight bump, and movement stopped. Lance could hear the whine of the engines slowing as they began to shut down.
Matt smiled and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Well, here we are. Welcome to Earth, Lance."
They couldn't leave the ship right away, of course; there was a whole lot of other stuff that everyone had to do, so Matt and Lance headed back to the infirmary. Commander Ellison had already said that the people who were going to be taking charge of Lance would be coming onto the Tarrant; nothing to do but wait, then. They'd already packed up Lance's meager belongings, which consisted of another altered uniform and the pajamas he'd worn the night of the attack, carefully cleaned so that they bore no reminders of that awful night. Matt had also given him a small piece of stone from Valkan VI; he'd gone down to the surface with one of the teams while Lance had been lost in his fog of grief. "This way you'll always have a part of your home with you," Matt had explained. Of all the kindnesses Lance had been shown on this trip, that had been the only one that had actually made him cry.
As they waited for whoever was coming, Lance found himself oddly restless. He perched on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs as he looked around the tiny room that had been his for the past two weeks, trying to memorize every detail. Matt saw his fidgeting and sat down next to him. "It's gonna be okay, Lance."
"What if...what if the Alliance people don't like me?" Lance asked in a small voice. "What if nobody likes me here?"
"What? Come on, of course they're going to like you. Everybody on the ship liked you, didn't they? Except for the commander," Matt amended quickly as Lance shot him a look. "But he doesn't count."
"It's his ship," Lance argued.
Matt shrugged. "So? We outnumber him." He bent close and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "And you didn't hear this from me, but...he's just weird anyway." A reluctant smile curved Lance's lips; Matt smiled in return, but there was a sadness to it. "Come here, buddy," he said quietly, sliding an arm around Lance's shoulders and drawing the boy close. Lance huddled against him, and they sat there in silence until someone knocked on the door.
Matt got to his feet as Commander Ellison entered the room followed by a woman. "At ease, Sergeant," the commander said. "This is Lieutenant Ruth Archer from Child Services. Lieutenant Archer, this is Sergeant Matthew Hansen; he's been caring for Master McClain since the Valkan VI attack."
Matt gave the woman a respectful nod. "Ma'am."
"Sergeant," Lieutenant Archer replied, returning the nod with a small smile. Then she turned her attention to Lance, who'd remained obstinately seated. "And this must be Lance...McClain?"
Lance had been eyeing the newcomer as the adults exchanged greetings. She looked friendly at least, he thought. Lieutenant Archer was a bit on the stocky side, with dark skin and deep brown eyes that smiled along with the rest of her face. But Lance saw a tiredness around those eyes; he had a feeling she'd done this a lot of times before. Maybe too many. Over her shoulder he saw Matt widen his eyes just a bit and make the tiniest movement of his head...Oh. Right. Lance got to his feet. "Yes, ma'am," he said, lifting his chin.
The lieutenant's smile warmed and she extended a hand which Lance politely shook. "It's nice to meet you, Lance. Welcome to Earth. I've been assigned to be your caseworker and help you get settled here, so you and I will be seeing a lot of each other. I know this has been a rough time for you, but rest assured that we're going to do everything we can to help you."
"Well then, I suppose that completes my duties," Commander Ellison said briskly. "You're officially in the custody of Alliance Child Services. Good luck to you, son."
Lance wasn't about to let him have the last word. "Don't call me 'son'," he retorted. The commander glowered, then simply turned on his heel and left. It was a small victory, but in light of everything else going on it felt pretty darned good.
Lieutenant Archer raised her eyebrows in amusement, and Matt seemed to be trying to hold back laughter. "Oh, Lance," he said after a moment. "I'm gonna miss you, little guy."
"He's a feisty one, isn't he?" Lieutenant Archer observed dryly.
"You have no idea," Matt replied with a proud grin.
Lance looked from one to the other of them and suddenly it hit him like a blow – this was really it, he was leaving. The trip was over; he was on Earth, where he was going to live for who knew how long, and it was time to say goodbye to his friend. A friend he didn't know if he'd ever see again. He flailed for something to say. "Will...will you tell Kelly and everybody I said..." The word goodbye stuck in his throat and he couldn't make it come out.
"I will, buddy. I promise."
"Are you ready to go, Lance?" Lieutenant Archer asked.
Lance looked up at Matt with a stricken expression. No. No, he wasn't ready. There was so much he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the words.
Matt saw his hesitation, and he knelt down and looked the boy straight in the eye. "Lance, whatever happens, I know you can handle it. Heck, you even stood up to Commander Ellison, and he scares just about everybody." Lance giggled in spite of himself. "Attaboy. You keep that spirit, you hear me? Don't ever lose it," Matt said. "You're a survivor in more ways than one. You're going to be okay, I know you are, and you're going to make your people and all of us proud."
Lance nodded, his throat tight and achy. "Thank you," he finally managed to say. "For...everything."
Matt smiled, but his eyes were strangely bright. "It was my pleasure, buddy. Keep in touch if you can, okay? I want to be sure you're doing all right."
"Sergeant Hansen?" It was Lieutenant Archer, and her voice was gently apologetic but firm. "We really do need to be going now – there's a lot to do to get Lance settled."
"Right." He turned back to Lance, who was trying his hardest to hold back tears. "Well, this is it, Lance. Your new life is waiting for you. Make it a good one, all right?" Lance nodded again, not able to talk at all now. He started to hold out a hand to Matt to shake, then impulsively threw his arms around his friend's neck and held on tight. Matt hugged him back just as tightly, but eventually they both had to let go. Matt stood up, wiping quickly at his eyes. "Okay. Good luck, Lance."
"You too," Lance whispered. Then there was nothing more to say; time to go. Lieutenant Archer laid a hand on his back and led him through the door, where they both halted in astonishment. What looked like the entire crew of the Tarrant was lined up on both sides of the corridor, waiting to say goodbye to Lance. It was really hard not to cry as one person after another ruffled his hair, shook his hand, patted his shoulder, or just offered a smile and a "Good luck."
Kelly was the last one, waiting for them in the loading bay; she knelt down and hugged Lance, saying, "Good luck, little guy. Maybe someday you'll fly your own big ship, huh?" The thought made Lance smile just a little...him flying a huge ship like this one? "Hold still a minute," Kelly went on, attaching something to Lance's shirt. He looked down and saw a pin shaped like a pair of wings with a shield in the middle. "My first wings," Kelly said when Lance looked at her in surprise. "Got them when I was only 16. I wanted you to have something to remember us all by; wear those until you earn your own, okay? Who knows – maybe you'll even be as good as me," she teased.
Lance lifted his chin. "I'll be better," he said firmly.
Kelly laughed. "I'll just bet you will," she replied. Her smile turned just a little sad and she laid a hand against Lance's cheek. "Oh, you are going to be such a heartbreaker when you grow up. Come here and give me another hug, okay?" Lance flung his arms around her without any hesitation, and only a quiet cough from Lieutenant Archer made him reluctantly let go. Kelly shot an amused glance at the woman. "All right, all right," she said wryly. "See? Eight years old and you've already got women fighting over you. Lord help us all when you're legal." Lance couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up even though he wasn't completely sure what she meant. Kelly grinned and gently tapped her knuckles against his chin. "You're going to do just fine, Lance. We're all rooting for you." Lance's eyes misted, but Kelly shook her head. "Nope. None of that. There's a whole big world out there, and I'll bet it's never seen anything like you. Go get 'em, kid. Make us proud."
"I will," Lance promised, straightening his shoulders. Kelly nodded in approval as she rose to her feet and stood aside. Her eyes met those of Lieutenant Archer in an intense stare. "You take good care of him," she said quietly.
"We will," the lieutenant replied just as quietly. Kelly nodded, gave Lance one last smile and a wink and then strode away. Lance stared after her until she turned a corner and was lost to view; he was pretty sure he hadn't imagined the tears in her eyes. Lieutenant Archer smiled sympathetically but only said, "Well, let's go see that big world, hmm?" They headed for the boarding hatch, Lance only half paying attention. His mind was still on the friends he was leaving behind...he missed them already. He stepped onto the ramp without thinking...and immediately flinched back with a small cry of pain, throwing his hands up to shield his eyes as he walked straight into a wall of brilliant light.
Lieutenant Archer immediately crouched down beside him. "Lance? Honey, what's the matter?"
Lance couldn't answer her, not right away. He hadn't seen sunlight in two weeks, but even on Valkan VI it hadn't been anything like this. It was so bright! It blazed off concrete, metal, tarmac, and glass, stabbing his eyes, making them burn and water. He blinked furiously behind the shelter of his fingers, trying to get his vision to clear.
The lieutenant's arms went around him and she started to pick him up, but Lance squirmed free. "No!" No, he wasn't going to be carried around like a baby. If he had to do this, if he had to live on this strange planet far from his home where everything was bright and loud and he didn't know anyone, then he was going to walk onto it on his own two feet. He lowered his hands, scowling in determination as his eyes adjusted to the brightness. When he could see, he stepped onto the ramp again and walked down it. He hesitated for just a second when he reached the bottom, then took his first step onto Earth ground...onto his new home.
The ground felt solid and stable beneath his feet. Now that he'd gotten used to the sunlight, he realized that it felt...warm. Welcoming. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed it. He tilted his face up, enjoying the new but still familiar warmth, and a tiny smile curved his lips. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here after all. This wasn't Valkan VI, it wasn't his sun, it wasn't home, but...maybe it really wouldn't be so bad.
Lieutenant Ruth Archer watched Lance in bemusement. She'd seen a lot of Rift War orphans when they came to Earth for the first time – too many, really. Some of them clung to her as they took their first steps onto a new world, fearful of what lay ahead. Some of them stumbled in a daze of grief. Some of them cried. A heartbreaking few screamed and struggled, knowing that everything familiar to them was gone forever. But none of them had ever stepped forward as bravely as this wiry little boy in an altered uniform that was still much too big for him. None of them had ever walked forward alone.
Lance turned slightly to look at her over his shoulder, a question in his big brown eyes. The sunlight glowed off his auburn hair, turning it to living flame, and Lieutenant Archer caught her breath. For just a moment it was as if she saw two Lance McClains. The child was still there, but superimposed over him was the ghostly image of a man, tall and strong and determined. She didn't really believe in premonitions, but she couldn't shake the sense that she was seeing into the future...seeing the man Lance would someday be. She shook her head slightly and the ghost vanished, leaving the boy standing there watching her with curiosity and a bit of impatience. Mentally chiding herself for her own foolishness, the lieutenant hurried down the ramp to join her charge.
They walked across the tarmac to the waiting car, Lance's dark eyes taking in everything and everyone around him, Lieutenant Archer continuing to watch Lance. As they got into the car and drove away from the spaceport, the pilot's words echoed in her head...There's a whole big world out there, and I'll bet it's never seen anything like you.
She had a feeling Corporal Sorvin didn't know just how right she was.
