The Promise
x
I arrive at the charred remains of the cottage, knowing already that it is too late. I manage to levitate most of the rubble out of my way as I search.
A flash of red in the soot and I pull Lily into my shaking arms. Her body is broken, the green eyes empty and wide with shock. "Not you," I weep. "Not you."
James is further off. He would have fought to the end, trying to give Lily a chance to escape with Harry. A Griffindor through and through. A quality I can at last admire the man for.
A cry stirs me from my grief and I am almost too afraid to breathe. I throw myself at the rubble, clawing at it with my bare hands until I uncover a crib. The baby had been shielded from the worst of the debris. Little Harry looks up at me, his eyes so much like his mother's, and cries to be picked up. Carefully I lift the boy into my arms and he immediately goes quiet.
He did indeed look like James, but for the eyes. Lily's eyes.
"Don't worry," I whisper. "You're safe now. Daddy has you."
x
Dumbeldore comes bursting into his office, sealing the door behind him. "Thank Merlin you are here! I feared what you might do. Where in the Wizarding World have you been?"
I shift in my chair to rewrap the blanket around Harry, who was doing his best to kick his way out. "I checked into a Muggle hotel. I knew no one would think to search for us there. I needed time to think."
"You should not have gone to the cottage, Severus. If you had been seen—"
"Do you think any of that matters to me now?" I do not recognize the sound of my own voice. "Did you see what he did to her? To my wife? You swore that they'd be safe. I begged you!"
"Only the Secret-Keeper could have revealed their whereabouts. Lily and James put their trust in the wrong person, it appears. Young Black—"
"Sirius Black!" I growl. "I'm going to kill him!"
"Aurors are already out on his trail. They will find him."
"I want justice for my wife!"
"You shall have it, but you must think of Harry. He needs you now. Voldemort may have lost his body, but we both know that he will not be gone forever. A man like Riddle will have taken precautions. And those who support him are still out there. Harry is not safe."
"Let me take my son, Dumbledore. We'll disappear."
"Severus."
"He's all I have left… of her."
"Severus, you know that the job is not yet finished. Otherwise you would not have come back to Hogwarts to see me. You know what must be done."
I hold Harry closer and cannot stifle a sob. "Don't separate us. Please."
"Right now I will trust in Lillian's protection spell, the power that resides in her blood. Harry must go and live with his aunt."
"Petunia?! I know that woman and she's a nightmare! She's the worst sort of wizard-hating muggle. She cut Lily out of her life for being a witch. She'll hate Harry. He'll be miserable."
"He will be safer with his mother's sister that anyone can realize. Surely you of all people know about the old magic? Blood sacrifice for love?"
Tears are spilling down my cheeks now. Harry reaches up to catch them and laughs. For the second time that night I feel my heart break. "I won't be able to see him. Petunia will never let me within a hundred yards of her home. Perhaps that is for the best. Look what my involvement has already done."
Dumbledore clasps my shoulders and stares directly at me. "What happened to James and Lily was not your fault! If you must blame someone, let it be me. I should have insisted that James make me his Secret-Keeper."
I am not listening, not entirely. Nothing will ever dissuade the guilt that I am feeling. Of course it was my fault. I had doomed Lily the moment I got close to her. I had never been able to do right by her, no matter how much I tried.
"Severus, as much as it pains me, I must ask you to leave the boy with me. The cottage was discovered last night. Questions will be asked about why Harry was not found there and what has happened during this missing day. I will tell them that I went to the cottage myself and found him alive and took him somewhere safe to plan. If I could spare you any of this grief, believe me I would do anything in the world. I will give you a moment alone."
Dumbledore stepped into the next chamber and I set my small son upon my knee. The boy had James' untidy black hair, ruddy skin and aquiline nose. He will become a handsome young thing. For that I am grateful. The green eyes stare up at me and I feel as if Lily is watching me right now, demanding to know how I can abandon our son after she has given her life for him.
The lightning bolt scar on his forehead cuts straight through me. An eternal reminder of Lily's sacrifice, and my failure.
"Harry," I began. It was the first time I addressed my son so. "There's nothing I can say to make up for all you've lost, all that you are about to lose. I wish I could be there to help you through it all. Just know that I do not regret that you were born or that you are here now. You are all the love I had for your mother and how much she loved you.
"I… I know that I won't be there for you the way a father should. You'll never understand why. You may even grow to hate me one day, but believe that until the day I die I will protect you. And that I'll always love you, Harry. I promise. Even if you never know that I'm there for you, I will be."
I kiss the boy's head and he giggles, his tiny fists pulling at my hair. "Try to be a good boy, and don't go looking for trouble."
Dumbledore returns. It is killing me to do so, but I hand Harry over to the headmaster. The baby begins to cry. I reach for him, then force my arm down and turn away. Self-discipline.
"I've spoken with Hagrid," Dumbledore says. "He will take Harry to his aunt's while I go ahead and make sure that the way is safe."
I nod. Why must Harry keep crying? Can't Dumbledore do something? I want so badly to take my son back, but I must stay strong. For the both of us.
"Severus, I hate to do it to you, especially after all you've been through, but you know what I must ask of you."
Another nod. "I will go to Knockturn Alley and seek out any Death Eaters and find out what I can. I will continue to be your spy. If Voldemort is still out there, as I believe he is, I will discover it. And I will find a way to kill him, for good."
Dumbledore lingers. "Severus, another reason I blame myself is that a few weeks ago I had discovered that James had in his possession a remarkable Invisibility Cloak."
"I remember the thing. It helped those Marauders get away with everything back in school."
"I've never seen a Cloak to equal it and I had asked James if I might borrow it, for my research. So you see, I had robbed the Potters of a valuable artifact, one that might have help save their lives."
"Black would have known about the Cloak and alerted his Master," I say.
"It remains in my possession. I was hoping that you would accept it."
"Why would I want the blasted thing?"
Dumbledore touches my shoulder and I glance back at him. "Just because you cannot be with your son does not mean that you cannot watch over him from time to time."
"I-I could see him?" I understood the truth of this. I could see Harry even if my son didn't know that I was there. "I will keep it, sir, but only until Harry comes to Hogwarts. It is his, after all. And he will most likely need it."
