"Oh! Yes! So, rule number one is no stabbing." Pegasus proclaimed, interrupting Otogi and Honda's idle exchange. He cast his gaze over Yami Malik - though the gesture was utterly lost on the young man. In fact, he didn't seem to be interested in listening in the least, letting loose with a loud and obnoxious yawn that Otogi almost mimicked, but somehow held it in.

"Number two, at least try to avoid profanity." This was quite obviously a rule directed at Seto Kaiba, who was a push away from cussing out Pegasus's entire lineage, but the man on the screen glanced at Jounouchi as well, and Otogi decided that was a good call too. He couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle as Jounouchi began to wave his fist, only to be held back by his younger sister.

"Number three; mind controlling is only okay if I don't notice that you're doing it. I know that some of you don't believe in it, but it could happen." There were more than a few raised eyebrows at that rule, with the exception of the now semi-dozing Yami Malik. Otogi supposed that the restriction may have also been a rule for Malik, or "That-Egyptian-before-his-hair-went-weird", but Pegasus's gaze was instead firmly fixed on Anzu, whose cerulean eyes blinked in surprise at the sudden attention.

Mind control...?

Otogi barely got time to think about what that could have meant, however; Pegasus simply ploughed onwards through the rules with little pause for thought. "Number four, all cooking must be within the time limit. There are no exceptions, and no extra time will be given to anyone - I don't care how crazy things get, the show must go on! And number five, an ingredient list must be created one hour before the start of each challenge, so that I can go shopping. If any ingredients are missing, the time it takes for you to get your ingredients from the shops will be taken out of your cooking time - so you should be careful!"

At this point, Kaiba decided to let out another animal-like sound; this time, a horse-like snort. Whether the CEO was even aware of the strange noises he was emitting, whether he was simply let them out instinctively or making them deliberately, Otogi couldn't quite be certain; but at any rate, it was certainly entertaining to listen to. "And how exactly are we going to go grocery shopping - jump out of the blimp?"

"You're free to do that if you like, Kaiba-boy." And there it was, the mocking "Kaiba-boy" that the CEO despised so much. Otogi made an effort to avert his gaze from the enraged teenager.

"Why, you little-"

But Pegasus paid him no mind; in a beautiful display of ignorance, he continued onto the next rule. "Aaaand that brings us to number six! No illegal substances that could affect the judges' decisi-"

"What sort of substances?" To Otogi's surprise, that was the younger Kaiba now speaking up, making the teen wonder if the eight year-old had any previous experience with illegal substances; and if so, what exactly these were; though there was definitely an odd look in Mokuba's eye, one which made the raven-haired teen shift uneasily; something in the back of his mind telling him that the little boy was in no way opposed to using poison in order to get what he wanted. And the realization of that - well, to say that it freaked Otogi out a bit would be a severe understatement.

Pegasus gave the boy a hard look; "You know what I mean." And as much as the teenager didn't want to believe that one, something told Otogi that Mokuba really did know.

"Oh! And also -" - here Pegasus directed a look at Kaiba that practically screamed that a terrible joke/insult combo was now forthcoming, and Otogi found himself rubbing his temples in anticipation - "-don't go screwing the rules just because you have money! Rule seven is 'No Bribery', after all."

A dreadful silence followed that statement, so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. You could certainly hear the clacking of several jaws dropping at Pegasus's pure insolence; Otogi could almost see the man quite literally picking up Kaiba's dignity and hurling it onto the floor, then striking a pose and laughing impishly as it shattered into a million pieces. The silence stretched outwards, the raven-haired teen keeping his gaze firmly trained on the floor-

-and then the room exploded.

It was something absolutely nobody expected; but there it was: Seto Kaiba, the very CEO of KaibaCorp, host of a tournament, master duelist second only to Yugi and Pegasus...

...burst into the most vulgar of hissy fits known to mankind - the sort that started world wars and obliterated teddy bears, the sort that annihilated rainbows and created psychopaths. His mouth was moving at hundreds of miles per hour, spewing insults that Otogi didn't even know existed, words that even Jounouchi wouldn't dare say. He was a whirlwind, a tornado of verbal destruction that absolutely nobody in the room wanted to get in the way of - not even Yami Malik. In fact, the storm of insults was something he actually paid attention to; he stiffened from head to toe, every part of his being seemingly trained on Kaiba, eyes alight for the first time with a strange, wicked sort of fascination.

Somewhere around the twenty-second mark after Kaiba had started his barrage of profanities, Jounouchi began to snigger; turning it into a full blown guffaw as the rest of the group joined in; some members gasping in horror as the CEO used this particular word or that word. Shizuka in particular gasped a fair amount; for she was obviously very offended by the language that was being thrown around before her big, brown, oh-so-innocent eyes. Trying desperately not to laugh himself, Otogi reached over to the girl and covered her ears, seeing that her brother obviously had no intention to.

The giggling, gasping and general vulgarities were halted abruptly by an incredibly feminine squeal, and Otogi performed an automatic double take to make sure it really had come from Pegasus and not Anzu or Shizuka - both of whom had been getting more and more troubled as Kaiba went on. To be honest, the raven-haired teen highly doubted that either of them would have been driven to the point of squealing by the insults; but the older man was an even less likely candidate for producing such a noise.

However, all doubts were put to one side and slated for an early grave when Pegasus threw his hands to his cheeks, crying out in some attempt to appear horrified; "Oh, oh, Kaiba-booyy! I think you just pulled this fic- I mean, I think you might have just pulled my poor show's rating up to M!"

'This fic'...?

However, there was no time to think on the matter - for the comment sent Kaiba's anger to an all-new high, as his temper exploded once more upon the television screen; the guard behind it shifting his weight, trying to look away with limited success.

Kaiba's rant began thus: "I do believe you were asking for it, you -"

BLEEEP!

"-lollipop-"

BLEEEP!

"-your father's old-"

BLEEEP!

"-custard!"

Otogi watched in amusement, as every attempt at a swear or graphic description of violence was subsequently BLEEEP-ed out by a tall, skinny girl holding a megaphone in one hand and - and yes, that was a fan in the other - looking all too happy to ruin Kaiba's fun.

But still... a fan? What could that possibly be for?

Kaiba's expression was utterly indescribable, as he slowly and surely stepped away from both the female and the television set; opting to back down for the moment in order to assess the situation. The girl, on the other hand, was shooting sly glances at Yugi and giving him a one-thousand watt smile, which might have been endearing had it not been mixed with a crazed, almost psychopathic grin; an expression Otogi knew all too well, worn across the faces of the girls who followed him about at school.

At last, the CEO let loose: "How dare you!"

And there he goes again...

Kaiba went into his rigid I'm-really-upset-right-now stance, aiming a chilling glare at the poor girl, or she would be a poor girl if she wasn't returning that same glare right back at him boldly, standing on her tip-toes to meet his gaze. The young man huffed; "Who do you think you are? Some sort of-"

And Otogi finally had his previous question answered, as her fan went flying straight towards Kaiba's face, knocking him off balance, surely making the girl the winner of whatever battle those two were now apparently fighting.

"Language!" she screeched; a shrill noise that made Otogi's head hurt.

Pegasus laughed, as though the girl was simply some puppy that had just performed an amusing trick. "I nearly forgot to introduce you! This is our pretty hostess, Vivian Wong. Due to budget cuts, she's also our censor." Needless to say, any sort of fondness the teen might have had for that girl and her ability to size up Seto Kaiba went straight out the window at the sudden thought of having her around during the cooking competition Pegasus had planned - and Pegasus's explanation did little to dull the ringing in Otogi's ears.

"And Yami-whammy's rival!"

...Oh, good grief.

Could things really have gotten any worse? Otogi watched the unfortunate Yami take a couple of slow steps back, desperately trying not to alert Vivian of his escape attempt, his face betraying a look of silent terror. The teen knew that look all too well, too - Yami was imagining all of the things Vivian doubtlessly had in plan for him, in the event that he ever fell into her waiting hands. It was the look Ryou showed when his fangirl club caught him in the corridor, the look Otogi himself had to fight to keep down.

Or rather, the look, Ryou used to show, before he couldn't show emotions any more, because he was in a coma and so was Mai and Rishid too and everyone was dying-

Seto put his hands firmly on the ground and heaved himself up, glowering at Vivian as he did so, his voice now becoming somewhat petulant. "But I'm his ri-"

"Not anymore! I like him better than you do!"

Oh, brother...

Otogi tried to ignore their argument, Pegasus's running commentary, and focused his attention on Honda in the name of distracting himself. "This is some competition, eh?"

The teen's failed attempt at small talk was utterly pathetic and undeserving of a reply, of course; and yet Honda spared him a few words and a nod. "If Kaiba and Vivian keep fighting like this, it's gonna be a blast." He winced a little and grinned. "That girl's kicking his butt."

From somewhere in front of Otogi, there was a loud thud, as Kaiba was flung onto the ground for the umpteenth time, completely incapable of laying a scratch on his foe. "You don't slap a girl!" they heard Vivian holler, sounding less like a lady and more like a demon who had risen from the tenth circle of hell; and this was followed up by a loud series of bangs amidst pained cries and whimpers. If only those cameras were on, this would be quality entertainment, Otogi thought to himself - and judging by the giggles coming from the television, Pegasus completely agreed with this view.

To be honest, the girl seemed to be more of a living weapon than the 'somewhat annoying fangirl' stereotype Otogi had initially pegged her as. A champion of many fighting styles, some of which the raven-haired teen recognized, she dodged the CEO's attacks with graceful ease, and flinging professionally executed blows back, meeting her target every time and in general making Kaiba look like a little boy on the playground going up against a bully. Otogi might even have felt sorry for him at one point; yes, repeat, the teenager actually felt sorry for the billionaire, now battered and bruised. And if that wasn't enough to belittle Kaiba in the eyes of every individual present, Vivian sent one final deadly blow to to Kaiba's gut, making him drop pathetically to his knees and fall face forward onto the marble floor. Otogi thought he might have seen a little drool, though that could have been his imagination.

"Wait, so who let this girl on board?" Jounouchi finally asked, having calmed his laughter to a point where it was possible for him to formulate coherent words without choking on air.

Otogi eyed the unconscious billionaire, who finally looked at peace, something he wouldn't have expected from a man put through a long morning's routine of shouting until he was blue in the face. "Well, it obviously wasn't Kaiba here."

Pegasus looked down at Kaiba for a long moment, a glimmer of folly in his eye before looking back up at the rest of the people and raising his shoulders in a shrug. "Oh, well... You know what they say! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Isn't that right - Vivian, darling?"

In one swift movement, the girl stepped beside the television and turned on her heel to face the contestants, crossing her arms with a curt nod. "He had it coming," she replied; Otogi's jaw dropped at the sheer dismissiveness of the insult.

Pegasus cracked a wide smile and shook his head at his hostess, though he did seem to be sane enough not to attempt to tell her off. "Well then, we'd better stop dilly dallying and get on to the teams, eh?"

"I'm sidin' with Yug' here!" Jounouchi declared, grabbing onto his friend's sleeve and pulling him closer.

"Hold your horses, Joey-boy," Pegasus interrupted, drawing out the "boy" at the end and waving his hand next to his face, making the blonde's eye twitch. "I'm going to be deciding how you pick your groups - if you don't mind!" The 'if you don't mind' was snapped out with a certain sort of force, something which clearly said 'Don't mess with me'. Of course, the blonde bristled in reply to that, Otogi wincing a little; he seriously didn't like being bossed around, after all.

"Oh, yeah?" Jounouchi's tone was almost getting in a place to rival Kaiba's tone, if that was possible. "Well, get on with it!"

"Hmm..." Pegasus looked up thoughtfully, placing one slender finger upon his chin. "First of all, we're going to have to pick team leaders... But, oh! Whoever should I pick? So many choices! I'm so confused!"

Otogi let out an exasperated sigh and rested against a wall - it looked like the game master was going to draw this out for as long as possible. He thought Pegasus was only out to tick Kaiba off - but apparently, he was more than satisfied to annoy the whole group while he was at it.


END

(How 'bout them Yami fangirls, eh?)


And thus ends another chapter. Alas poor Seto, I knew him...

Anyway, if you haven't checked out Spooner's chapter... WHAT HAVE I EVEN BEEN TELLING YOU TO DO FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF CHAPTERS? JESUS CHRIST! JUST GO, OKAY. You people...