Chapter 4:

I'm woken by the sound of a continuous hammering on our front door.

"Leave it." Nick groans, trying to pull me back into bed but I kiss him briefly before hauling myself up.

"Ok I'm coming!" I yell, confused as to how they got up here. I open the door to the flat to see Sarah, standing with Lewis in her arms.

"Do you have any foundation?" She blurts out and my eyes move from the baby to her, it was too early to function. "I'm supposed to be going to the job centre this morning, but I can't find it anywhere and Bethany's taken hers on this trip she's on."

"...Come in." I mutter, beckoning her forwards and closing the door behind her.

"It's six thirty." I point to the clock on the wall, yawning as I do so.

"Yeah I know and I'm supposed to be there by seven." She hurries me. "I can't leave the building in this state, you're my only hope."

"You make it sound like I'm an alibi." I raise my eyebrows.

"Who is it?" Nick calls from the bedroom.

"Sarah." I reply and the door opens after a couple of seconds.

"What are you doing here?" He rubs his eyes.

"I need foundation, urgently." She pesters and I huff before heading into the bedroom and retrieving mine for her.

"Thanks you're an angel." She takes it from me before lumbering me with Lewis, who I hold like a potato in the position she had handed him to me in. I adjust my arms so that he was lying comfortably against my chest and give Nick an awkward look. This isn't what I needed right now, of all the things.

"So, day out to the job centre ey?" I ask Lewis, despite the fact he was fast asleep, it was really just to dig at Sarah, who was applying her make up in the living room mirror.

"Ah, about that." She bites her lip before turning to me. "I was wondering if you would have him for a few hours?"

"Why?" Nick frowns at her.

"Because I can't take him with me!" She exclaims.

"Why not?" Nick indicates to the baby lying in my arms. "Free... Promotion and all that... Job centre's love a woman with a kid, helps you pull off the sob story."

"I'm being serious Nick!" She replies, placing my foundation back on the side. "Bethany would usually do it, with it being the weekend and all, but she's off on this trip and David and Kylie are taking the kids to Alton Towers for the day."

"Why can't they take Lewis to Alton Towers?" Nick persists. "Or what about mum?"

"Nick it's fine, we'll have him." I sigh, doing anything to shut them up.

"You will?" Sarah beams. "Oh thank you so much!" She claps her hands in appreciation and I force a smile. "...You wouldn't happen to have any eye liner would you?"


"Dirty nappies, ew." I screw my nose up as I plonk it in the plastic bag. This was something I had never done before, it was so below my persona and if any of the factory girls could see me now, they'd have a field day.

"How you getting on?" Nick asks, coming out of the bedroom once he was dressed.

"Ah, walk in the park this." I mutter, not acknowledging his presence as I hand him the dirty nappy in the plastic bag. "That's going in the outside bin, it's going nowhere near ours."

"Yes boss." He salutes me obediently before disappearing outside the flat.

"See, we can do this can't we?" I smile at Lewis, fastening the final flap over on the nappy and gazing at him in amazement. "Hey? I did it. I actually did it." I exclaim before picking him up and shaking him slightly like a doll. "Stays on and everything... Wow." I hold him closer to my body, standing up and jigging him around gently. "I actually changed a nappy. Who would have thought, ey?"

"Impressive." I hear Nick's voice from behind me and spin around.

"That was quick..." I mumble, slightly embarrassed that he had witnessed me rejoicing something that other women found so simple.

"It's good practice, this." Nick smiles, coming over and wrapping his arms around my waist. I don't appreciate the comment, despite the fact he was only trying to be nice. It had been almost two months now and I had witnessed more negative signs than a student's maths book.

"Yeah well... Just trying to keep things ticking over." I shrug, as he pulls faces at Lewis over my shoulder.

"I was thinking..." He trails off and I squeeze my eyes shut in anticipation. "Why don't we go to the Red Rec this afternoon? Your comment earlier made me think."

"What comment?" I frown.

"About it being a walk in the park." He laughs, before retracting his arms from around my waist.

"When do I ever go for a walk in the park?" I ask him.

"Well you don't." He shrugs. "But you'll be doing a lot of it when you-"

"Ok stop." I snap at him, which I immediately regret and Lewis looks up at me, his eyes wide. "Oh God sorry..."

"No uh..." Nick mumbles, apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'll quit banging on about it."

There's a short silence where we avoid eye contact. Nick coughs awkwardly and I adjust Lewis' fluffy socks to busy myself. Why was I so on edge? We had been given the opportunity to spend a day with our nephew and I was ruining everything as always.

"Come on then, let's get you in your push chair." I pipe up, strapping him in before clicking my fingers at Nick. "Shoes, come on, we're going to the park."


"Can I say something?" Nick says quietly, as we walk through the park, pushing the pram in front of me.

"Can't promise I won't bite your head off." I smile at him, stopping in the middle of the path to place a hand on his shoulder. "I am sorry about... How I've been."

"...I'd say it was hormones but I don't want to..." He mutters, so quietly I can barely hear him. It was as if he was scared of me. I didn't want that, ever.

"It's just because I'm so... Well it's big, you know?" I sigh, his gaze meeting mine. "Every day that goes by, it's like more hope is just slipping away and it's taking its toll... I'm sorry about that, honestly I am. I just want to make us both happy."

"Carla." He whispers, leaning his forehead against mine. "You will always make me happy. No matter what happens, ok? I love you."

"I love you too." I smile, kissing him for a few seconds before a set of footsteps begins to near us.

"What a beautiful little darling." An old woman beams and we snap away from each other instantly. She peers into the pram, pulling back the blanket to get a closer look. "Sorry to interrupt you."

"No, no it's fine." I cough, as Nick squeezes my hand gently.

"What's his name?" She asks me, not making eye contact.

"Lewis." I inform her and she makes little humming noises contently.

"Hello Lewis." She smiles at him. "Mummy and daddy are lucky to have a beautiful boy like you, aren't they?"

My blood freezes.

Nick is stood, wincing beside me.

We wait for each other to correct her, but neither of us does.

And it stays that way.

"Nice to meet you." She nods, waving us off as she walks away. I dare to look at Nick. I felt guilty and I didn't know why. He's biting down hard on his lip, chewing it awkwardly before finally formulating some words.

"Well..." He mutters and I start to laugh then, and he is laughing too. We're both shocked as to what has just happened, but it felt warm and it felt right and now we were both absolutely sure of what we wanted. "So that's how it feels."


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