I know this a short one, so my apologies. But I hope you enjoy it anyway!
They went home and ate dinner in silence. Alex caught up on some paperwork and Olivia watched some television, but soon abandoned it. She couldn't focus on anything other than Joshua right now.
Alex soon gave up on her paperwork, too. "I'm getting in the bath," she told Olivia. "Want to have one with me?"
Olivia nodded and followed Alex to the bathroom. Alex ran the bath and they both undressed, then climbed into the warm, soothing water.
Alex leaned against Olivia and closed her eyes. "This is nice," she murmured.
"Yeah, it is," agreed Olivia, pulling Alex closer to her and gently massaging her tense neck muscles.
"This is going to be a tough case," commented the ADA.
"Yeah, it will be," responded Olivia, sighing.
"And he has to go back to another home in the meantime. You know what? I don't think that's such a good idea."
Olivia's head snapped up. "What?"
"No," said Alex quickly. "You misunderstand me. It's – the trial will go a lot easier if Joshua is comfortable and secure. Another foster home would destroy him."
"Mm," agreed Olivia. "You know what? I think the trial will go a lot easier if he's comfortable with us. Maybe –" She hesitated, unsure how to phrase her idea. Finally, she decided to just come out with it. "Maybe he could stay with us in the meantime?"
Alex was silent for a moment, for so long that Olivia feared Alex thought her idea was ridiculous. But finally Alex said, "I think that might be a good idea."
Olivia hardly dared to breathe. "Could you – could you make that happen? Or would it be a conflict of interest?"
"It might be," admitted Alex. "But I can get it taken care of. Don't worry, Liv. It'll work out."
Olivia let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, baby," she whispered. "You have no idea what this means to me."
Alex paused. "We have a lot of child vics, Liv. We can't bring all of them home." She needed to make sure Olivia understood that these were an entirely different – and temporary – set of circumstances.
Olivia nodded. "I know. But this one – this one is different."
They went to bed together, holding each other tightly. Neither one could sleep, both preoccupied with Joshua and the day's events.
Out of thin air, Olivia said, "Sometimes I hated my mother when I was little."
Alex had no idea where this was coming from, but she nodded anyway. "Sometimes she did some things that she shouldn't have done."
"I still hate her sometimes," she confessed in a quiet voice.
"But she gave me you," said Alex gently, kissing Olivia's cheek. "Without her, I wouldn't have you."
"With her, you almost didn't. Do you know how many times she came close to killing me?" Olivia swallowed, than admitted something she'd never admitted to anyone before. "Do you know how many times I wished she had? That was why I lost my faith. Because every day, I wished that God would answer my prayers, and he never did."
"I'm glad He didn't," whispered Alex, hugging Olivia even more closely. "I can't imagine life without you."
The detective sighed, resting her head on Alex's shoulder, and she could see that Olivia was trying not to cry.
"I'm going to tell you a story," said Alex softly. "There was this girl I knew when I was younger. She'd had it pretty rough, maybe more internally than externally, but there you have it. When she was a teenager, she started to hurt herself, because she figured that if she did that no one would be able to hurt her. It didn't work." Alex sighed, suddenly unsure where she was going with this. "The point is, you need to let others help you. You can't try to deal with your pain by yourself, because it won't work. Hurting yourself – physically or emotionally – doesn't make it any better."
Olivia snuggled closer to Alex. "You don't fool me, Cabot," she mumbled.
Alex's breath hitched, but Olivia clearly wasn't focussing on what she had just said. Within minutes, the detective was fast asleep. When she was sure Olivia was no longer awake, she kissed her forehead and murmured, "I hadn't meant to."
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