Chapter Four
'Okay, so I think I've figured out how to get you into SHIELD,' Tony said as he sat beside Loki. They were currently occupying the large leather lounge in Tony's living room, boxes of Chinese food spread out on the coffee table before them. Loki was picking through a box of vegetables and rice covered in some type of curry sauce, his fingers easily wrapping around a pair of chopsticks. He just waved a hand at Tony as he popped a vegetable into his mouth, telling him to continue. 'So, you can be my assistant when you're a woman,' Tony said.
'Assistant?' Loki echoed.
Tony nodded as he grabbed a box of food, popping the top open. 'I've had assistants in the past; all hot women. And you're hot as a woman, so it won't be surprising. Only, you have to act like you dislike me, that way SHIELD will try and get you to spy on me.'
'Oh?' Loki hummed, looking amused.
Tony grinned. 'I might have had the habit of... sleeping with my assistants.'
'Is that so,' the god chuckled, eating a bite of rice.
'Yeah,' Tony said. 'That was how Pepper found out that I'm not straight.'
'Pepper...'
'The CEO of my company,' Tony said. 'Pepper Potts.'
'Ah,' Loki nodded. 'Is she the woman always speaking for you during press conferences?' When Tony raised his eyebrows, Loki said, 'I made sure to research each of the Avengers in detail when I returned to Midgard. Know thy enemy.'
'Right,' Tony said, 'makes sense.'
'Mm,' Loki just hummed, scraping the bottom of his box with his chopsticks. He soon tossed it aside and reached for another, wrinkling his nose when he found it full of pork.
'So is the vegetarianism just 'cause you want to conserve your magic, or is it an all-time thing?' Tony asked.
Loki finally found another box of vegetables and rice, popping it open. 'I prefer greens over meat,' Loki said, 'but on occasion I don't mind. Like this morning; I ate pig, did I not?'
'Oh, yeah,' Tony nodded. 'Anyway, as my assistant you gotta make it clear that you have no wish to have sex with me. If you look like you just like the job, rather than me, SHIELD might just try and rope you into spying on me.'
'By offering money, I assume,' Loki said.
'Exactly,' Tony nodded. 'So if I set something up, maybe a back-story that shows you having money problems, SHIELD might just take the bait.'
'I see,' Loki said. 'And I assume you'll give me an apartment?'
'Yeah,' Tony mumbled around a mouthful of... chicken, he was sure it was chicken. 'You already have a place?'
'I can easily just disappear,' Loki shrugged, seeming unconcerned.
'Awesome,' Tony murmured, swallowing his food. 'So, I was thinking that we can have another alias for you; one that would mean you being able to hang around the Tower all the time in a different disguise. Can you change your appearance without being a woman?'
Instead of answering, Loki once again went blurry, green magic washing over him. When Tony could see him again, Loki's hair was short and curly, a dark blonde, and his eyes were light blue. His skin was darker, a nice tan instead of his usual pale complexion, and there was a fine dusting of stubble along his slightly softer jaw. He was shorter, too, Tony thought, and just... a bit different. Tony could still tell it was Loki, but the difference was so startling that nobody else should be able to tell.
'Awesome,' Tony blinked, and Loki smirked before he morphed back into his usual dark/pale self.
'It takes very little energy on my part to change my appearance,' Loki said. 'I can keep that illusion for many days if needed.'
'Awesome,' Tony repeated. 'Be my boyfriend.'
Loki started at that, almost slopping rice and sauce down his... tunic? Some type of tunic/t-shirt hybrid. He'd been wearing it under his armour.
'Just hear me out,' Tony said when Loki turned narrowed eyes on him. 'If I have a boyfriend, someone I'm apparently committed to, then it'll make more sense that I haven't tried to sleep with my assistant.'
'Won't it seem strange, you suddenly being in a monogamous relationship?' Loki questioned.
'Nope, 'cause I've tried it a few times,' Tony told him. 'A bit weird, yeah, 'cause I'm well-known for sleeping with all things beautiful. But I've had three serious relationships in my life; two with men, and one with Pepper.'
'Men?' Loki echoed, and Tony nodded.
'I was younger; it was before I turned into such an asshole.' Loki snickered. 'They both lasted a few months, though, and I told Pepper about them when we dated. So it'll seem more believable 'cause you're a guy.'
'I see,' Loki hummed. 'Do you remember, Stark, me mentioning that I don't share?'
Tony nodded. Oh, yeah, he remembered that; both before they'd slept together and after. Loki liked snarling, "mine!" when they were fucking. Which was ridiculously hot, Tony could admit; a bit different, but hot all the same.
'Anyway,' Tony cleared his throat, poking at his food. He really was hungry, and he'd already eaten half; Loki was right about his sudden increase in appetite. 'I pretend that I've secretly been seeing you for a while, and you move into the Tower. I'll set up a back-story for you, as well as a job, and that way when SHIELD investigates it's on the up and up. Again, it'll work in our favour; you get all access to the Tower, and the Avengers, without Thor knowing. We can also hang out a lot so we don't have to sneak around as much. Also, it'll explain why I've suddenly stopped sleeping around.'
'I see,' Loki nodded, eyeing something green that he'd stabbed with a chopstick. 'I don't like these.'
'Then don't eat them,' Tony snorted.
Loki ignored his comment. 'Fine, I shall be your partner, Stark. I have no desire to be called your boyfriend.'
'Whatever,' Tony waved a hand. 'You got a name you wanna use?'
'Logan,' Loki said instantly, which again made Tony snort. 'I have found that using a name that is similar to my own, even by just a letter, is much easier to remember,' Loki explained. 'Also, Logan sounds more similar to Loki than any other Midgardian name I can think of.'
'No, Logan; that's cool,' Tony nodded. 'I'll make up a back-story for you now.' He tossed the remains of his box into his mouth, chewing as he put it aside, and went to find a StarkPad. When he'd retaken his seat, Loki was still picking through his food, but now had his complete focus on Tony. 'So, full-name...'
'I have been going by Logan Larson,' Loki said, 'however my current apartment is rented under that name, and if I use that name again I'm assuming that SHIELD will find out.'
'Different surname, then,' Tony nodded, eyes on his StarkPad. 'Okay, Logan... Logan...'
'Thomas,' Loki interrupted. Tony glanced at him, and the god shrug. 'It is a name I heard recently.'
'Logan Thomas,' Tony tested the name, 'sounds alright. Want a middle name?'
'What is a middle name?' Loki asked.
'Well, you know... a name between your first name and surname,' Tony said. 'Mine's Edward.'
'Why do you Midgardians insist on having so many names?'
'No idea,' Tony shrugged.
'Do I need one?'
'Not really,' Tony said. As far as he knew, Pepper didn't have a middle name. 'But I'm giving you one anyway,' the genius decided. Loki just shook his head, looking amused. 'Logan... William Thomas,' he decided, typing out the name. 'Birthday?'
'No idea,' Loki admitted. 'Are we using different information for Lady Loki?'
'Yeah, we'll have to,' Tony nodded. 'I'll do all that myself, though. Unless you have any objections?'
'As long as my name isn't something ridiculous, I don't care,' Loki shrugged.
'Got a name for your woman form?' Tony questioned.
'Not on Midgard,' Loki said. He was now sliding pieces of vegetables that he didn't like back into the bag, hunched over the table with his side to Tony. 'On Álfheimr I went by Loptr.'
'Loptr... okay, no, that won't work,' Tony shook his head. 'Can you do an American accent? Making your female alias British might be too suspicious.'
'Of course I can,' Loki snorted. 'I can mimic most voices.'
'Okay, awesome,' Tony nodded. 'A woman's name... how about Lily?'
'Lily?' Loki drawled.
'Yeah, as in the flower,' Tony said. Loki scowled, but didn't say no, so Tony typed that down. 'Lily Walden,' he decided, not letting Loki get a word in. 'I'll make you older than your male alias. You barely look thirty to me,' Tony said, 'but we'll make you a bit older than that so I don't get called a cradle robber.'
'A what?'
'Never mind,' Tony brushed Loki's question aside. 'How about... February 9th 1981 for your male alias?'
'I suppose I'll have to memorise all this information,' Loki said, sitting back and shovelling rice and vegetables into his mouth.
'That makes you 33 as of today, what with it being late February,' Tony said. 'And your female form will be... thirty-five?' He looked at Loki, head tilted. 'Yeah, thirty-five,' he decided.
'Very well,' Loki nodded.
'Birth place... well, your accent sounds English, so somewhere in England,' Tony hummed, more to himself than Loki. 'We'll just say Westminster, that sounds familiar. Okay, so Westminster... a hospital near there... schools...' Tony began muttering to himself over the course of the following minutes, leaving Loki free to pick and choose what food he was eating. When Tony came back to himself, Loki had eaten a further one and a half boxes of food and was now chewing on some prawn chips. 'Okay, got it,' Tony grinned at him, waving his StarkPad. 'I named your parents Dennis and Molly.'
Loki just rolled his eyes.
'I'll go into more detail later with JARVIS and let you review both sets of aliases,' Tony said, tossing his StarkPad aside. He was still starving.
'It all sounds fine so far,' Loki shrugged.
'Awesome,' Tony said. Okay, he had to stop that, he'd said it like forty times this night. Okay, not forty, but whatever; Tony was hungry. In fact, he shovelled down food so quickly that he almost choked at least three times, and Loki began to look concerned when Tony could barely swallow.
'Stark...' he began, but Tony's chest chose that moment to explode. He gasped and dropped his container, spraying rice and meat all over the floor and his legs. He clutched at his chest tightly as another sharp, stabbing throb went through him near the arc reactor. 'Stark!' Loki shouted when Tony dropped to his knees, barely managing to not smack his head against the coffee table. 'Stark,' Loki repeated, suddenly appearing beside him. He eased Tony back onto the floor and pulled Tony's hand away from his chest. 'Besides the glowing thing in your chest, do you have any other serious ailments?' Loki demanded.
Tony was gasping for breath by now, but managed a stuttered, half-panicked, 'Sh-Shrapnel... in-in my chest...' He trailed off to hiss, fingers digging into his chest through his t-shirt.
'Shrapnel,' Loki frowned.
'From a missile,' Tony gasped, 's'what gave me this.' He tapped at his arc reactor and then groaned. God, he was dying. Great, just great; he'd finally found a way to destroy SHIELD, only to die a day later. Awesome.
'You are not dying,' Loki drawled, grabbing Tony's hands and holding them in his own. 'This is the apple.'
'A-Apple?' Tony stuttered.
Loki nodded. 'The apple has changed your body; you now heal much, much quicker and better than any mortal. Your body is healing you.'
'So...'
'It will get rid of any foreign objects in your body,' Loki told him.
Tony's panic suddenly sky-rocketed. 'Reactor?' he gasped, trying to sit, but Loki firmly held him down.
'No, I don't believe so,' Loki shook his head. 'The reactor uses an element that emits energy very similar to magic. Your body, and whatever magic you posses, won't be able to get rid of it.'
'Magic... a-awesome,' Tony muttered, his teeth now gritted, eyes scrunched in pain.
'It will be over soon,' Loki soothed, brushing Tony's hair back from his sweaty forehead. If Tony hadn't been, you know, in agonising pain, he would have laughed; Loki comforting him. Weird.
Loki was telling the truth; within half-an-hour the pain had started to disappear, slowly ebbing away, leaving Tony feeling weak, shaky, and too hot. Loki finally let him stand, but Tony needed the god's help to get back to the lounge. He dropped onto it with a groan and looked down at his shirt. The material was peppered with blood, and when Tony touched it he felt bits of metal beneath it. He lifted his shirt off, only wincing a bit, to find pieces of shrapnel stuck to his smooth, bloody skin.
'Wow.'
'You no longer need to worry about this shrapnel,' Loki said, waving a hand at Tony's chest. The blood and metal disappeared, leaving Tony's skin clean.
'Wow,' Tony repeated. 'That's... okay, that's just really, really cool,' he decided. 'Best side-effect of the apple by far. So,' he dropped his shirt again and reached for the box he'd dropped on the coffee table. Yeah, he was still dying of hunger here. 'I have magic?'
'All Midgardians do,' Loki nodded, 'however you are unable to harness it. Your bodies haven't evolved to that level yet.'
'Yeah, that's what I thought,' Tony mumbled around a mouthful.
'You may find that you are able to tap into it,' Loki said, 'now that your body is more similar to mine than a mortal's. I shall help you, if you wish.'
'M'kay,' Tony nodded. 'Tony Stark; sorcerer. Sounds great.'
Loki rolled his eyes.
'Hey, what am I the god of?' Tony suddenly asked, turning to grin at Loki. 'Sex?'
Loki shook his head. But there was a smile on his lips, so Tony grinned, too.
Author's Note: Yes, I used a lot of Tom Hiddleston's information; both his first and middle name, as well as his birthday, for Loki's male alias. I couldn't help myself :p
Cheers,
{Dreamer}
