Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed series.
Happy reading, I hope the grammatical errors aren't too much...
~Chapter - 4~
Winter was nearly come to the end. There was no need for the snowplow truck to come over to clear the road on daily basis. There were no more little ice crystals on trees' branches and there were no more mountains of snow that camouflaged the beauty of Vesalius Town. Greenish buds were starting to grow on the trees' branches and sprigs hinting that spring really were just round the corner.
She wiped the cold window's glass with the back of her palm slowly before staring straight at the red-bricked house that was surrounded by the pine trees.
Finally, she could see his house from her room's window. Even so, the one that she longed for was not there.
Two weeks already passed by since that tragedy. Nonetheless, it felt like years to her. She hadn't seen him since that day. Not even his shadow.
'Lacus!'
She closed her eyes as she vividly remembered how he called her to get under him. She hadn't really remembered what was happening except the sound of the car's windows shattering and the sound of herself panicking. Really, that night she thought she'd died. If he hadn't shielded her with his own body, she probably ended more than just a broken arm.
A hollow sigh escaped from her lips as she looked at his house from her balcony. From his chimney, there was a continuous emission of smoke.
What was he doing right now?
How about his injuries? Was it healed yet?
She took a deep breath after realizing that she had been thinking about him since the last two hours. Let's be optimist, Yzak Joule probably in his house reading some books while indulging his black coffee.
"Lacus?"
She heard someone called her and quickly, she put a smile on her face before turning around. Frowning, weeping, lamenting and the rest of words that gave similar meaning to that were so not Lacus Clyne.
However, she wasn't fond of her hypocrite self either. It was due to circumstances like this that she had to show to the people that she loved dearly that she was okay, although inside, it was totally the opposite of that. If she could, she wanted to bang Yzak's front door, barged into his house and choked him senselessly for making her worried about him. Of course, that is… if she could do that.
"Oh gosh Lacus, didn't I tell you to take a rest?"
Miriallia folded her arms as she walked towards her. There was a worried expression on her face. Her turquoise eyes carefully examined the pinkette from head to toe.
Sensing Miriallia's scrutinizing stares, she poked Miriallia's cheek playfully before flashing her white teeth, "I'm perfectly okay mother hen. I just want to move around a little bit, I had enough lazing on the bed for a week"
"Uh..huh… sure. I can see that" Miriallia replied with disbelieving look. Then, a minute later a gentle smile appeared on her face.
Her father always told her that she was a lucky person and she couldn't agree more. Indeed, having Miriallia and Cagalli by her side was lucky enough. Both Miriallia and Cagalli had been taking turns to help with her chores since one of her hand was currently broken. Not only that, both of her friends had been her emotional support. They slept on same bed, talking about girls' stuff, complaining about their bosses and wondering when they would ever be rich. Of course with their companies, she hadn't feel lonely at all but whenever she walked to her balcony and saw his house, she would unconsciously thinking about him. For two weeks, she didn't even hear anything about him. His friends were also tight-lipped about anything regarding him. Why were they suddenly so secretive about him? What was the thing that they tried to keep as secret from her?
She took a last glance at his house before facing Miriallia, "I want to get out…uhm…grocery shopping"
There was a silence from Miriallia and by the way Miriallia raised an eyebrows, she knew that she was already busted.
"Hmm… really?" Miriallia rubbed her chin while giving her the expecting look.
She sighed tiredly, "I... feel suffocate in this house. I want to get out", then she put a smile on her face, "I want to be in the last drop of snow outside. What do you think Miss Haww?"
Miriallia giggled before patting gently her uninjured shoulder, "That's more like it. Come on, I'll be your chauffer today. I need buy some snacks for myself too"
"Don't. You'll get fat"
"Nah… don't care"
He slowly closed his curtain when her figure disappeared into the car.
It seemed that she was really fine as his friends informed to him and he was really glad that her injuries weren't as bad as his.
At least, the one with scars on face was only him and not her. Or else, he would be feeling guiltier to her. It was him that decided to return home earlier than others. If he just stayed at the hall and went back together with the others, she wouldn't have to suffer any injuries at all.
"You should at least tell her that you're still breathing"
"She asked about you again yesterday"
"Don't be a pain in the ass Yzak. Don't be sorry for her. It's not your fault. It's not her fault either"
He growled before kicking hard the small desk beside him. The vase on that desk fell down and shattered to pieces.
"Stop hiding"
His friends were all wrong! He was not hiding! It's just that, he wasn't ready to face her with badly scarred face. He looked really hideous and ugly compared to her angelic features.
At this time, he really hoped that he was dead as he knew he was screwed when something whispered in his ears that he won't have any chance with her after this.
He shook his head.
Why was he thinking about chances with her? She deserved someone better than him. Maybe, someone with gentler expression than him, someone who can openly showed her how he loved her. Perhaps, she would be better with someone with brown hair rather than plain whitish hair like him, or probably someone who had tanner skin than his own.
He sighed as he took his crutches and walked slowly to his room. Each step was really painful and at every step he took, he denied his desire of wanting to see her.
"Dumbass woman, I'm fucking screwed"
This was the first time she got out from the house since the accident.
The weather was still cold but it wasn't at the level of freezing Antarctica as weeks ago. Spring was just around the corner and it brought anticipation to her, as much as waiting for the first snow to fall.
She raised her right hand at her chest level and made her palm facing the sky. Slowly, she gazed to the greyish sky and watched the snow fell down until some of it landed on her palm. Then, she closed her palm and opened it a moment later. The snow on her palm already melted and wetting her woollen glove.
'Tiny, fragile things, if we don't take a good care of it, it will vanish. And when it disappears, would we try to even remember how it looked like? How it feels like? Would we even realize that it's already gone? Don't neglect simple things Lacus, small things… do wonders'
Her late father's words that echoed in her mind faded away slowly when she heard Miriallia's voice from afar. Her head turned to the left and right to search for her friend and when she saw her running towards her, she smiled.
"Look, I got us some cranberry pickles, crackers and barbeque flavoured chips. Cagalli will come later and I got her some spicy rice crackers" Miriallia dangled the plastic bags right in front of Lacus' face. Then, with a frowning face she continued, "Aww…don't give me that look gurl. I know you'll said something like 'This is unhealthy Miri. You might get diabetes!'" Miriallia mimicked Lacus' voice and the pinkette laughed heartily.
"Yes, I was about to say that but you cut me out first" Lacus folded her arms and gave Miriallia the look that all mothers did to their naughty kids, "And yes it's really unhealthy and you know what will I do as punishment for you?"
"What?"
"Salad"
"What?!"
"I said, salad. Salad as our dinner"
"Hold up lady, I'm the one who does the cooking"
"Not tonight Miss Haww" she winked at her friend, "Salad as agreed"
"I don't remember agreeing about salad" Miriallia eyed put her hands on her waist and stared at Lacus' amused face.
She used her right hand to pull Miriallia's arm and then started walking, "I'm joking Miri. I want to start using my kitchen tonight. You've done much for me"
"Nah… That's what friends for. Anyway, your salad punishment on the other hand is what annoying friend would do"
They went into several shops before she stopped in front of a certain bookstore.
'Joule Books'
She read the store's name in her mind, unconscious that her hand already turning the knob. Her mind pulled her back to the reality at hand when the doorbell chimed. The reality was, Yzak Joule was okay; if the bookstore was opened, then he was alright. The sudden feeling of relieve washed over her she felt like crying of happiness.
'He's here. Definitely'
There were rows of high, wooden bookshelf greeting her sight, this bookstore was Yzak Joule. She could feel his soul here, and thus Lacus couldn't help but remembered the rare instance when Yzak smiled when he told her about his books collections. This small space here, was where Yzak's soul reside. She felt overwhelmed.
"Welcome to Joule Books"
She turned her head and she was disappointed that he wasn't there. Instead, standing behind the counter was a lady, probably in her 50's… smiling politely at her. She observed that lady's features and her mind quickly assumed that she bloodily related to Yzak.
Her silver hairs and those sparkling blue eyes were already an obvious clue.
A moment later, there was a man with blond hair slightly passed his shoulder approaching that lady. She immediately recognized him as the head of the town; Chief Rau Le Creuset when he turned his head to face her.
They exchanged smiled before Chief Rau ushered her to come towards them.
"I believe you two have never met?" he asked, particularly at Lacus.
The older lady's eyes roamed subtly at her before briefly looked at her casted left arm.
"I'm Lacus Clyne" she introduced herself as she offered her right hand for a handshake.
"Ezalia Joule, I've wanted to see you with my own eyes before but you see I'm stuck here taking care of my son's beloved bookstore. You might be thinking why you haven't seen me around these past week" she smiled and her gaze reminded her of her own late mother, "… I stayed at Septemberius Nine every winter. In fact, lots of women here stay out of Vesalius until spring"
Well, that explained why she had seen more women these days. They were gradually returning to Vesalius as winter almost done.
"How's he?" she asked carefully as she stared at Ezalia's blue eyes. Somehow, it felt like Yzak was staring at her. But then, his mother's gaze was unquestionably softer than his.
There was a faint smile crossed on Ezalia's face and Lacus' heartbeat became erratic.
"He's fine. But just… emotionally unstable"
For her, what Ezalia had just said, awfully same like announcing someone's death to her. What did she mean by 'Emotionally unstable'?
Miriallia who stood beside her just kept in silence. She probably was as shocked as herself.
"For that Ezalia, as I mentioned before, there was a plastic surgery clinic in Kusanagi Town that can fix Yzak's scars. And the price is affordable" Chief Rau patted Ezalia's shoulder gently before placing his hands on the counter.
Miriallia and Lacus unconsciously gasped as they heard the word, 'scars'. So, how much damage that he suffered?
"I don't think he'd like that. You know him Rau" Ezalia threw her gaze outside the window. There was some kind of solemn in her blue eyes that Lacus noticed.
"And with his legs crippled…" Rau added but he stopped after seeing Lacus' mouth opened wide.
"You don't know?" Ezalia's eyes widened before she sighed, "No wonder, Yzak must have told something to his friends to keep you out of anything about him. Listen dear, Yzak's face is badly scarred. He never voiced out anything about it but I think he just lost some percent of confidence in him. He doesn't even want to go out! And his legs…"
She tried to find better words to describe how sorry she felt for him, but she couldn't. Part of it was her fault after all. He shielded her with his own body and she could remember how deafening the sound of glasses shattering that night.
"I… I'm sorry"
Rau and Ezalia exchanged looks while Miriallia patted her back.
"It should have been me"
Then, tears flowed from her eyes.
"He protected me…. Always"
She tried to wipe her damped cheek but her tears wouldn't stop flowing from her eyes. Her tears began to wet her woollen glove and her purple jacket.
"It…. Should have been… me…"
Ezalia walked towards her and embraced her. Slowly, she patted Lacus' head, "Hush dear…. Stop crying. Stop blaming yourself"
"But..!"
Ezalia put her in a distance and wiped Lacus' tears away from her cheeks with her thumbs, "Things happened for a reason. You two should meet and talk. I wish the best for both of you"
"But… what if he's mad at me?"
Her sky blue eyes damped from her tears and her cheeks were puffy and red.
Ezalia took her handkerchief from her jacket's pocket and wiped Lacus' cheeks tenderly, "I think…." She gave Lacus a motherly smile, "… he's waiting for you"
His house was empty, dark and cold.
"But your house is warmer"… was what Nicol said two weeks ago. He didn't even remember how the temperature in his house changed from cold, warm and cold again. To him, his house was always colder than his friends' houses. It was just that… maybe it was because she always came to deliver him a basket of hot, baked cookies and cupcakes. Her sweet pastries added together with his bitter coffee…it was just…
"Compatible"
He pinched his nosebridge as he realized that his thoughts went to her again.
The ringing bell at his front door snapped him out of his thoughts. He didn't really want to open the door and scare anyone in the daylights but he wasn't the one who like to entertain a visitor too. Meh… it probably the three morons again, always coming to his place to nag at him. Couldn't they just leave him alone?
-Ding-dong-ding-
-Ding-dong-ding-
-Ding-dong-ding-
'Those morons are so stubborn!' he thought. Probably, this was the best time for him to use the crutches in his hands to spank them in the head. His itsy-bitsy patience was already running out anyway.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT BASTARDS?!"
He yelled not far from the front door. The door was still close tightly and he didn't plan to open it any time soon. If those douchebags wanted a place to hang out, they can choose other damn place!
"Yzak…?"
That feminine voice from the other side of the door slowly calmed him from his anger.
"…It's me"
He was struggling with his crutches as he moved closer to the door. Her voice sounded so weak, so fragile…
"I met your mom at the bookstore, and I thought… I should apologize"
"Don't" He spoke flatly as he stared at the closed door. He could just imagine that she stood in front of her, with her fingers entwined together as she worried about him. He knew she was.
He already heard from those imbeciles about how many times she asked about him at them. And as many times as she did, he asked them not to spill anything at her.
"Yzak, let me see you"
'No. Not with me looking like this'
"Your mom told me about your scars"
"…"
"I'm sorry, it's my fault…"
"GO AWAY WOMAN! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE AGAIN, YOU HEARD ME?!"
He heard her sobs and his heart wrenched. He didn't mean it. To be honest, he just wanted to hold her hands and comfort her, saying to her that it wasn't her fault. If he could protect her more, he would do it. He was glad that she didn't get as much injuries as him. He just couldn't say it, because he was Yzak Joule.
He was the cold beast while she was the warm angel.
He was the blizzard in winter while she was the breeze in spring.
"Yzak! Aren't you selfish?" her sobs continued and he couldn't help but to cry silently.
"I want to see you because I…"
Stop. Don't say it.
"… miss you…"
Dumbass woman.
"… and I'm sorry for hurting you…"
"Clyne, just go. Don't look back" he said rigidly. He was trying to hold in his own tears from continuing to flow from his eyes. It was hard for him to digest all her feelings towards him in one second. What did he do to make her attach to him? He didn't really show his kindness towards her. It was the opposite actually. She was the one who lighten up his days. He never asked her to listen to his stories, to share her pastries and he never asked her to care about him.
But deep down inside him, he was grateful.
It's just that, she deserved someone better.
Someone who was gentler than him.
"Last Winter Ball. I'll wait you there. I dare you to come Yzak Joule"
She challenged him? Was she implying that he was a coward?
He turned the doorknob and opened the door anxiously.
He expected to see the long, wavy pink haired woman standing there...
...But there was nothing, only her cherry blossom scent remained.
She brushed her long pink hair as she stared at the window. The snow began to fall again, drifting against the window, politely begging for the entrance before it landed to the ground with disappointment.
So, it was still snowing, even though not as much as before.
Today was the last snowy day. Tomorrow is the starting of spring.
"Lacus you look wonderful!"
Miriallia came into her room while clasping her hands. She smiled at Miriallia before standing up and twirled. The white-purple dress that she wore twirled, matching to every of her movement.
"Really? Hmm… you look good yourself Miri"
Miriallia was wearing a knee length, orange sleeveless dress. There was a small bow at her chest and on her hands, there was a pair of orange gloves.
Last Winter Ball was an annual festival to celebrate the last day of winter and welcoming the spring. She heard it from Chief Rau when she attended the town committee meeting four weeks ago. It was also to celebrate the return of the town's ladies. The mothers, sisters, fiancées and the girlfriends would reunite with their beloved tonight.
Miriallia and Cagalli were going as well. Part of it, because they insisted to go to accompany her in case that Yzak wouldn't come. The other part of their reason was because they were asked by Dearka and Athrun. She knew how both of their friends at first were very reluctant to accept but when she told them about she was going to wait for Yzak tonight, they immediately agreed to be Athrun's and Dearka's dates.
"Ugh, I hate my hair. Lacus, fix it for me?"
Cagalli barged into the room in her green dress. The dress fitted to her torso like a second skin and the skirt flowed from her waist to her knees. A necklace hung around her neck and the Haumea pendant rested on her chest.
"Come here" Lacus ushered Cagalli to seat in front of the mirror and she started to tie the golden strands into two ponytails.
"I'll punch that Joule's face tomorrow if he doesn't come tonight" Cagalli blurted out. Her eyes showed how annoyed she was.
"Oh, he'll come. I just placed a bet with Dearka" said Miriallia who stood beside Cagalli. She was putting some blusher on her face and she instantly turned to face Cagalli when she heard her snickers.
"What?" the brunette asked.
"Ooh… first name basis now eh?" Cagalli playfully teased the flushing red brunette. Lacus was simply smiling as she heard that. Of course she knew how determined Dearka was. Since weeks ago, all he talked about was Miriallia, Miriallia and Miriallia.
"Don't start Cagalli. I'm not like you. Running away from your suitors"
"I don't like to entertain dimwits"
"Now you two stop" Lacus suddenly interfered and the both of her friends shut up. After tucking a red flower in each of Cagalli's ponytails, she placed a hand on Cagalli's shoulder.
"It's time to stop bickering and move. Or we'll be late"
Athrun and Dearka came in their cars and Lacus went together with Cagalli in Athrun's red car.
"I want to praise your dress Lacus, but I think you'd prefer to hear it from the old man Yzak" Athrun said as he drove to the centre of the town.
"Thank you Athrun" she smiled. To be honest, she wasn't even sure if he came tonight.
She was too confident that it scared her.
"Yzak is such a coward"
Dearka fluidly twirled Miriallia as they waltzed slowly.
There was a huge bonfire at the centre and approximately 300 people dancing around it. All of them had a smile in their face, displaying how happy they were dancing with their other half.
His purple eyes stared at one secluded spot where a pinkette wrapped in purple dress stood, waiting for some idiot named Yzak Joule. Her face looked cheerful despite standing there alone.
And he couldn't help but feeling like to punch Yzak in the face.
"Cagalli and I are so gonna kick him in the crotch tomorrow" Miriallia muttered slowly but very bitterly.
"Whoa… chill down beauty. Kicking the bad guys is supposed to be my job" he winked at her.
"Can I count on you?"
"Always"
The bonfire was slowly getting smaller. It was already 11.30 pm and the crowds were slowly begun to clear. However, there was still a classic song played in the background, accompanying those who were still immersed in dancing with their partners.
"He's late"
Cagalli muttered under her breath as she watched Lacus who was still standing alone. Oh, Yzak was going to get some punches from her tomorrow.
She felt like he was smirking so she raised her head up to face him. And she was correct, Athrun Zala was smirking like an idiot that she'd like to slap.
Since they began dancing, he hadn't say anything at her that it irked her very much. She was really annoyed that he was staring at her deeply and because she felt embarrassed, she had been glancing anywhere but him.
"Why do you keep staring at me? Do I look weird?"
He chuckled and it made her heart picked up a few pace faster.
"I just…" he breathed in, "… want to memorize every detail of you"
She blushed and unconsciously slapped him at the shoulder, "Sugar mouth aren't you?"
"Sugar mouth? You mean… sweet talker?" he chuckled again and her cheeks flushed in red.
"I say whatever I want Zala" she released her hands from his grasp and started to walk towards Lacus. She couldn't bear it seeing her friend stood there alone.
"Where are you going?" he grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him. Her body squashed in his arms. When she stared at his emerald eyes, there was something there that she couldn't even name it but it gave some butterflies in her tummy. She never felt that way when she stared at Yuuna's eyes.
She was about to say something but he leaned in closer that their nose almost touched, "Don't go there, he's making his way to her"
Her eyes widened and immediately, she turned her head towards Lacus. Then, she realized something, there was someone in black outfits from head to toe standing not far behind Lacus. He was wearing a black beret but the silver strands that tucked behind his ears were just a dead giveaway.
"Shall we continue our dance?"
His voice brought her back to him and slowly, she nodded. She wasn't sure whether the fluttering butterflies in her tummy were a good sign for her or not.
But staying here with him, felt just right.
She stared at the ground and smiled.
To be honest, she was a bit disappointed and embarrassed that she was the only one standing there without her partner. But if she showed how lonely she was, her friends would come here and ditched their partners. She didn't want that to happen. After all, she was still hoping for him to come. She was a very persistent person and once she had decided on something, she'd follow through.
Something grabbed her arm from behind and twirled her harshly.
Her eyes widened when she saw him standing in front of her with a crutch under his armpit. His face was bandaged but she could still see his eyes.
"Happy Halloween?"
Initially, she was trying to joke to ease the tension between them, however, a minute later, she aware how cold her joke.
"Uuh… I mean…" she tried to correct her words as she afraid that he'd misunderstood her earlier statement.
However, the sound of his chuckles surprised her.
"Funny" he then, commented dryly.
"I'm sorry"
Fortunately, there was still a classical music in the background blaring loudly to cover the awkwardness in between them.
"Doctor said I shouldn't move much but who cares..?" he shoved one of his hands towards her, "Dance?"
She eyed his cemented leg before staring at his bandaged face, "I think what the doctor said is right. You shouldn't move much. Sorry for making you coming here"
"You, Lacus Clyne dance with me" he tried again, although he almost stuttered. He wasn't used to call girls with their first name but now, it was a different story. He needed to convince her how alright he was.
The days where he spent alone in his room, was used to reflect on himself and think about how to work this foreign feeling he felt about her. Then, he decided that she was right about he was being a coward although, she never really said that on his face. The day when she made a dare to him, was the day when he understood that how dumb he was.
He was a coward.
He was afraid of the possibilities being with her.
He was afraid that he would hurt her.
He was afraid that he wasn't the right person for her.
But now, seeing her waiting for him, it just made his will strengthen and he knew what he had decided was right.
So, he grabbed her hand and put it on his shoulder, one of his hands went to her waist.
Oh, how perfectly she fitted in his embrace!
"Don't look down on me. I can manage one or two dances"
Lacus smiled widely and rested her head on his chest, "Never"
He threw his crutch to the side and put his hand around her shoulder for support. She wrapped both of her hands around him to give more support for him.
"After all, I believe in Yzak Joule"
She could see that their friends were smiling at them and she knew that she couldn't hide her joy anymore that tears started to come out from her left eye.
"You weren't suppose to mean that much to me and I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you" he muttered slowly, but enough for Lacus to hear him.
They stopped for a while when some snow landed on their noses. His index finger slowly went to her face and those snows melted under his finger. He trailed her nosebridge and slowly went down towards her cherry lips.
Their eyes locked at each other and nothing else matters.
People said, the first snow was like a first love but then, the last snow was an eternal love.
~Goodbye winter~
A/N:
1- Finally, the end. I know, I'm a bit late posting this but please excuse me, hectic days in camp aren't helping at all. And sorry if the flow seems fast, this chap is made in a rush.
2- Lacus didn't say the word love, but you know, love isn't just a word, it needs to be proved by actions right?
3- Thank you for those who have been reading and reviewing this story. I know Lacus-Yzak is bizarre but then, I had fun writing this. I've been listening to "Ashita Hareru Kana" Piano version while writing this chapter.
4- See you soon, hope you guys have a memorable spring ^^.
