Rogue tore down the hallway, her ears still ringing with Angela's siren scream. Students were running everywhere, frantically searching for those who actually knew where the hidden passageways were. She nearly collided with Iceman and Pyro, the three of them making a sudden turn into the main foyer of the mansion. She didn't know just exactly where she thought they would be able to get out, because the mooks were swarming all over the perimeter. Just briefly she questioned why she was wearing such revealing pajamas. Really, who runs around in a dark green silk nightgown?
"I get the picture," she said dryly as she glanced over at Logan.
He had his back partially up against the door, his elbow hanging out the window as he fiddled with his cigar. One leg was propped up over the other, his arm running across the back of the cab seat until his fingertips barely reached the edge of her shoulders. It was distracting.
He smirked. "I'm just trying to be thorough. Anyway, you must've had some fantastic idea in your head to help me an' somehow convince Iceman to help you…"
She watched as Logan pounded against the wall of ice separating him and Stryker.
"An' Stryker, he's the guy you went looking for at Alkalai Lake?"
A dark look clouded his features. "I didn't know it then. But he said some stuff that only me and the Professor knew."
Rogue nodded. Logan told of their escape and how they had taken off to Bobby's family home in Boston. As his narrative filled the truck, she let images come to her mind, not really knowing what to make of them. Some of them were from her perspective, when Logan wasn't in the immediate picture.
Their path led them down to southcentral Alaska, and simultaneously to their rescue of the Professor and the sacrifice of Jean Grey. They now sat in the shadow of another gas station, the only indication that a town was nearby were the rooftops that peeked through the tree line. The trash from their lunch scattered at their feet as they sat side by side.
The truth was Rogue was uncertain how to feel. Sadness at losing a valuable X-man, a strained sort of pity for Logan who was doing his best to glaze over the aspect of unrequited love, and empathy for him as well as he literally had to fight to understand his past.
"Ah can see why you were angry at first- for me not remembering," she murmured quietly.
His brow furrowed, but he didn't look up at her. "Whaddaya mean?"
Her hands gestured uselessly for a moment as she tried to pull out the words. "Well, we've been through so much. We've had people die for us. We've had people love us. It… makes me feel terrible that ah can't remember that."
Logan didn't respond, the usual frown still in place. Rogue bit her lip, suddenly leaning forward to gather up their trash. She blinked back the cloudiness in her vision as she sprang up, and tossed over her shoulder:
"Ahm gonna take a walk, stretch mah legs, you know."
Chicken shit, she thought morosely as she made a beeline for the trees. What right did she have for getting choked up about people she couldn't remember? Her empathy seemed clouded to her now, as if it couldn't connect with her seemingly resurfacing memories without Logan's narrative. She wanted so desperately to remember, and yet she needed him to do just that.
I'm here as long as you need me.
Rogue shook her head; she did not need to be hearing such an enticing voice. Except that traces of Logan were now inside her mind, old and new. They became part of her instinct and if she wasn't careful, she could confuse her consciousness with his whispering two-cents.
She trudged on through the brush until she reached a logging road, abandoned and the scrub crowding the edges. The mosquitoes were out in full force despite the spring weather, but Rogue's skin acted as a natural repellant. She was just thinking of heading back when her ears perked up.
She stopped and watched as a young elk stepped tentatively onto the road a minute later, contentedly picking about the grass. Rogue smiled. Not what she had expected to see first, she had been hoping for a moose or an eagle, but a reindeer would suffice.
The elk suddenly tensed, turning and giving her full attention. Rogue winced; she'd made a noise, or it had caught her scent. Whatever the case, the animal sprinted off down the road and then finally darted into the trees.
She sighed, turning back- that is until she nearly did a face-plant into Logan's shoulder.
Her heart jumped in her throat and she jerked back as he simultaneously reached out to steady her. She watched as his nostrils flared, his amused expression suddenly growing concerned.
"M'rie. It's alright."
She finally took a breath and noticed the reassuring weight of his hand curling around her arm. "I know- you just scared me. I didn't even hear you," she said breathlessly.
He nodded in the direction of the elk. "Sorry, force of habit."
She only nodded, looking up at him as she allowed her pulse to slow.
Logan looked uncomfortable, and she watched him as he scratched the back of his neck, keeping his eyes on the streaks in her hair. "Look ah- just for the record, back there...I wasn't mad at you. I don't think I could ever be mad at ya, Marie. Don't want you to think that."
She was secretly relieved. Even though she figured he wasn't angry, his facial expressions sometimes were hard statements to convince otherwise. She nodded, "Okay."
"Okay?" he was caught off guard. "Really? That's it?" The dubious look he was giving nearly made her crack a smile.
Rogue cocked her head, "Well yeah, what else would it be? I know you don't say much, but you aren't saying stuff to placate me. I just figured out quickly that what you say is exactly as it seems."
He seemed lost for words at the moment until: "Well…that's good."
A thought occurred to her when she still felt his hand on her arm. "Um… since you're not mad at me. I wanted to try something."
The eyebrow rose. His heightened senses told her picked up the catch. "And what's that?" he said slowly.
Rogue carefully worded the suggestion that she had been pondering for the last day. "Before- when I touched you, you said it didn't hurt you. But I also saw pictures, faces of the people you've been telling me about today-" a frustrated sigh came from him and she barreled on, determined to convince him. "I think that if I saw more it would help me remember."
"I don't see how it would help you, they're my memories, not yours."
She had thought about that hitch, of course. But the truth was that she was looking for a trigger for her brain to recognize. If it was true that they had experienced everything together from the beginning, then he really was the only portal to her past. She just needed to find the valve that would release the dam.
"Please, Logan."
Rogue watched as something in his eyes broke with the request, but the stoic mask still held firm. "Ten seconds, that's all your gettin'."
"Thirty."
"Don't push it, Marie."
She sighed and started to pull off her gloves, but his hands stilled her. "Don't bother."
Looking up, she didn't even have a moment to flinch away as his hand cupped the back of her head, the other brushing lightly over her nose as it finally settled on her cheek. Their eyes connected and Rogue was distracted by his intense gaze. She let her eyes slip close as she concentrated.
It was strange now that she was prepared. It was as if glue was drying between them- their skin adhering to each other, and through the connection Rogue saw the strain of images that she had seen in his first touch. They filtered through, shuffling about like a deck of cards. Popping into view and falling back.
Bad one-liners that batted in between him and Scott. Long gazes between him and Jean. Countless times he had looked in the mansion fridge, only to be met with no beer. Danger room sessions as he closely watched Rogue's developing skill, and the ridiculous black leather suits that they all wore. Long miles on the road as he searched endlessly, his mind burning with thoughts of returning to the mansion, but for varied reasons.
Her heart rate jumped as she focused on the backdrop to the memories that flickered in front of her. It was too intense. Too dark. Too violent. Too desolate. It was Logan's first recollection of being the Wolverine.
Rogue tried to focus back on the other memories, because a strong presence began to make itself known, something that she highly anticipated. She was right-
But then Logan tore his hand away. The images broke and her eyes flew open. She was immediately distressed and disoriented- she had been so close- so close- she had felt it creeping up on her consciousness, like a friend about to tap her on the shoulder.
But then she went and did the one thing that would convince Logan otherwise about touching her- for the rest of goddamn eternity.
She vomited.
One thing she noticed, Logan wasn't too graceful when he was worried.
Vomiting had made her lightheaded, which made her dizzy, which made her knees buckle. Which seemed to make Logan think the worst.
"Marie!"
She winced and brought a cool palm to her forehead. "Don't shout."
Rogue had realized she was on the ground only when he had kneeled down next to her, only to be scooped up and heading back towards the main road. Over the growls, she could discern, "Goddammit, I knew this was a fuckin' stupid idea."
She bounced around in his grasp as he covered the terrain quickly, her head and the new memories seeming to rattle loose. "Logan stop, put me down."
"Like hell," came the growl.
"Ahm fine, jus' put me down. You're makin' me sick." Rogue covered her eyes to keep from focusing on the trees flashing past. Of course he ignored her, but it was in mere seconds that they had reached the truck again and Logan had opened the passenger door and perched her on the seat.
She felt the gentle pat on her cheek as Logan tried to get her to focus on him. "Open your eyes, you gonna be sick again?"
Her eyes snapped open and she barked at him, "No! Now that I'm finally still. Thank God-"
Logan had made a sudden movement and rather than flinching, she watched as he kneed a shallow dent into the side of the truck bed.
"Ok, now you're mad at me."
He simultaneously ignored her and cut over her with an angry wave of his hand, bracing his other arm against the doorframe, plainly violating her personal space as he leaned in to prove his point with a growl; "We're going to do this the old fashioned way. You remember when your brain wants to remember, got it?"
She tried the same tactic; "I was so close, you can't just leave it like this-"
"I just did!" he roared in her face. She shrank back against the seat, but did not break eye contact. Something must have slipped through in her gaze, for Logan suddenly seemed to be struggling with his self-control. Rogue watched as he adjusted his stance a few times, huffing in agitation, passing a hand over his face.
"Marie," he stared at her hands. One glove on, one glove off. "I'm not a doctor. I wouldn't know the first thing about helping you with this. But I'm not gonna hurt you just so you can remember your memories sooner than later."
Of course she felt the tears welling up. Even if they were ridiculous, she couldn't help but think that it was unfair that she had found the solution, and then told that she was deemed unfit to shoulder the consequences. That very thought suddenly made her mad as hell. He may have vowed not to say it anymore, but the action screamed 'kid' in her face.
"Move."
"What-" but Logan let her push him aside as she squeezed out of the cab. He watched as she angrily grabbed her duffle from the back of the truck and stuffed her sleeping bag back into it. "What are you doing?"
"What's it look like?" she nearly shouted as she finally felt the tears spill over as she focused on her task. "If you won't help me, then there's no reason for me to stick around, is there?"
He stalked around the truck and stood hovering over her from behind. "Marie, you're just upset-"
She slung her duffel over her shoulder and wheeled around at him. "Damn right ah am! You said you'd be there for me as long as I needed ya. Well I need to remember! Otherwise, what are you to me then? Someone ah don't even know, no matter how much you try to convince me."
Rogue had certainly said enough hateful things to hope some distance was wedged between them, but as she turned and stalked down the road she felt Logan's eyes boring into the back of her head and his tobacco-sweetened breath on her neck.
His words were quick and sharp and directly in her ear, "You wanna tell yourself that you don't know me, well that's a crock if I've ever heard one. You know me better than anyone, even if you don't remember it. Hell- you don't need to remember it."
Rogue's instincts were pulling all sorts of different ways that ultimately made her heart wrench. Her pride and conscience were yelling over her instinct as well as her heart.
Stick with your guns.
Pull your head out of your ass, he's just looking out for you.
You're not a kid! You got through this before him, you can do it again.
You were so close, maybe he's afraid of what you'll remember.
She didn't like what any of them were saying. Which is probably why she didn't believe a word that she said:
"I don't need you, Logan."
"You're lying," and the same hand as before clamped down around her arm, stopping her from tearing off down the side of the highway. "I can smell it on you."
"Let go of me, Wolverine," she spat when she whirled to face him.
His expression was fierce and close to her face, but he was still able to pull out a mocking smile, "What are you gonna do? Hit me, kid?"
Rogue felt like the inner, most primal part of her anger took over and her lips pulled back in a snarl. Her foot shot out and clipped the inside of his knee, making it twist under his weight and collapse. She heard him grunt, but she was watching herself from outside of her body, seeing this warrior with graceful movements take over and elbow Logan in the chest, her arm shooting up and cracking a blow across his cheekbone. His hand finally fell away.
She froze then, hearing the sound and feeling the pain in her hand. Logan was still on one knee, shaking his head slowly like a dog with water in its ears.
Rogue felt a dawning horror as she came back to herself, the blinding anger fading away and realization of what she had done to the one person that had tried to help her. The shame was too much to bear and she spun around, her face crumpling as she snatched up her bag and darted down the road.
It didn't take him long to get his eyes focused again. It was more for show as Rogue stared down at him with horror, dealing with the realization that she was a skilled X-man. At least he could take comfort in knowing that his training had rubbed off onto her psyche. But one thing was clear; she needed some time to figure things out for herself.
This time, he let her run.
