Chapter 4
Bella sat nervously waiting for Aaron. This was it. Meeting him today, kissing him again, couldn't be dismissed as nothing. She knew it meant something. Bella was on the precipice of something.
The memory of standing on a cliff, of looking into the stormy water off the coast of La Push flashed in her mind. The metaphor and similarity to now didn't escape her.
But this is different isn't it? Then she had been close to choosing to give her heart—or what was left of it—to Jake. But Edward wasn't dead. He came back. Jake's never coming back.
"Bella!" Aaron greeted. His smiling blue eyes snapped her from her thoughts.
Immediately his arm wound around her waist dragging her against him.
"Hi," she whispered. His smile was so full of affection and heat, she nearly melted.
"Hi," he whispered back. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.
When they parted, Bella felt dizzy and a little breathless. Heat smoldered in Aaron's eyes, turning them a dark delicious shade of blue.
"Want to go watch a movie at my place?"
Bella stiffened. His place? That's a little fast.
Aaron loosened his grip on her waist. He chuckled. "Just to watch a movie, I promise I won't pressure you to do anything..."
Suddenly Aaron blushed and stepped away. He looked uncomfortable, fearful that he'd said the wrong thing. He knew this thing with Bella was a delicate dance.
Bella smiled. "I'm sorry. I didn't meant to think...It's just—"
Aaron reached for her hand. He gently gripped her fingers. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward or rushed into anything. I just really like you Bells."
Bella flinched. Why did he have to call her that?
Sighing, Bella sat and tugged on Aaron's hand so he'd do the same.
"I have to be honest with you, Aaron," she started. Bella swallowed hard as she searched for the right words to say. "I really like you. You're the first guy in three years that I've considered letting in."
Aaron scooted closer and squeezed her hand. Focusing on their joined hands she continued.
"Three years ago I was engaged. His name was Edward," she confessed.
"Bella," Aaron spoke softly, his free hand lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. His brow furrowed. "I don't care that you have a past."
Bella pressed her lips together. "There's more. I couldn't marry him because I was in love with my best friend, Jacob."
The crease between Aaron's brows deepened.
"He died," she revealed in a rush. Bella shut her eyes. Saying that out loud punched her in the chest. Tears fell from her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks.
After several long beats of silence, she felt Aaron's hands cup her cheeks, his thumbs brushed away her tears.
"Your heart was broken," he whispered.
Bella nodded.
"More than once."
She nodded again.
Aaron leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. They stayed that was for a long time. He let her cry soft, regretful tears.
"Bella," Aaron murmured. "I can fix it."
Bella shook her head, "How?"
"Let me in," he coaxed.
Unbidden, the mistakes she's made with Jake flashed through her mind.
She was eighteen again at the movies with Jake.
"I'm not giving up, Bella. I've got loads of time."
And in her truck the night she jumped off the cliff. That single moment when she thought...
If I just turn my face to the side—press my lips to his bare shoulder...
Right before the phone rang.
As she was leaving to go to Italy. "Don't go, Bella. Stay with me."
The first time he'd tried to kiss her.
"Bella, I love you and I want you to pick me instead of him."
On that snowy mountain top when she kissed him back. When she finally knew her own heart.
And the last time she saw him. Broken and defeated. "Maybe even then..."
Maybe she should try. Maybe she should let Aaron in instead of pining after Jake's ghost.
Bella opened her eyes, tilted her chin up and kissed Aaron's waiting lips.
~000~
Jacob roared as he exploded. Fur covered his back, and his massive paws hit the ground. Under the cover of trees, Jacob ran.
The image of Bella, lifting her chin to kiss another man was burned into his retinas. He should be happy for her. He should be able to let her go. To live a normal life.
Instead he was spiraling out of control. Instead he was falling apart. Broken and angry, he ran until he couldn't feel anything. Until the rage and frustrated, the desperation and hopelessness that burned in his veins started to wane out of pure exhaustion.
Jake managed to sneak into his apartment with only a few witnesses to his nakedness. Their shocked expressions barely registered though.
Jake walked straight to the shower, turned the water on full blast and climbed inside. He pressed his palms against the cool tiles and hung his head, letting the water cascade over his shoulders.
It was too much. This lie. This life. Every day what he'd let happen ate at him. He'd left his home, his friends, his duty, and his father. The sunny carefree boy he'd once been had been replaced with a stranger. He was angry, bitter, alone, and still heartbroken. A ghost of his former self.
What am I doing?
Jake turned off the spray of water and grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist. A reckless energy began to vibrate inside him.
He should call home. Call Embry. Even Sam. Someone to calm him down, to talk him off this ledge. Instead, he pulled on his jeans and shrugged into a black t-shirt. He grabbed his leather jacket and his keys to his motorcycle.
Twenty minutes later he found himself at the local bar all the guys at the shop hung out at, downing another shot of whisky.
"Hey Jake," a curvaceous girl with bright red hair and a nose ring purred.
"Amber," Jake slurred. "C'mere."
Jake pulled Amber into his lap. She used to be the receptionist at the shop, until she started sleeping with one of the other guys. It didn't end well.
Right now, Jake didn't care. His hand glided up her side, along her curves. She felt good. He leaned forward and ran his nose along the muscle in her neck, nuzzling behind her ear. She smelt good too.
Before Jake could second guess himself or sober up, he found himself tearing off her clothes and burying himself in the temporary respite her body offered.
The next morning, Jake groaned as he woke up. Bright sunlight shone like a beacon on him, highlighting his shame. Jake blinked his eyes open and looked at the soft sleeping girl next to him.
Jake rubbed his palms over his face and dragged his fingers through his hair. What the fuck am I doing?
Hurriedly, Jake dressed and silently slipped out of Amber's apartment. Shame and guilt and heartache still churned in his gut as he swung his leg over his bike and it came roaring to life.
I can't live like this anymore, Jake thought. I gotta tell her the truth.
