A/N: Perhaps this time it will be less humorous and more angsty. For one thing, I'm more in the angsty mood. For another thing, I'm listening to angsty emo. But I'm not sure it will go as originally planned…I dunno. And if it seems there's Chazz and Alexis in here, it's not the way it seems. It's not romantic. It's hurt/comfort type relationship. Just friends. Nothing more. Oh well, whatever, I'll just shut up now.

Disclaimer: I do not own GX.


Chapter 4:

Chazz sighed heavily as he trudged down the path. He felt as though his life couldn't be any more complicated or messed up. For one thing, he found himself falling deeper and deeper into depression. For another thing, his family and classmates were making his life hard for him by pressuring him. And finally, perhaps worst of all, he was falling for another boy. Groaning to himself, he flopped under a tree and stared at the ground.

"My arms still hurt," He muttered softly, rubbing his cuts, "I wish I hadn't sliced so deeply…"

Sighing again, his eyes lifted from the ground back to the path. He blinked in disbelief as he saw Alexis walking towards him. What could she possibly want? Even stranger, she stepped over into the grass and sat next to him.

"Hi."

He glanced over at her, uncertain of how to respond. He was happy that she cared; nevertheless, he put his guard up. "Hey, Lex. What's up?"

She leaned back against the tree. "Not much. I just thought you might want to talk."

"About what?" He asked, frowning and looking away. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Sure there is." She told him, "And you look like you need to talk. You look like you have something weighing you down. I don't know what it is, but whatever it is, I think you should get it off your chest."

He was silent for a moment, just kept staring at the ground. Then, he ran his fingers through his ebony hair and muttered, "I don't know, Lex. I don't know if you want to hear it. I don't know if you can handle it. Or if you even care enough."

"I do." She assured him, patting his shoulder. "Just tell me what's wrong. I'll listen. I care."

Seeing her smiling encouragingly at him, he couldn't hold back any longer. "Ok, Ok," He caved, holding his face in his hands, "My life is hell. I don't know how to tell you, really, but all this has been going on practically from the moment I was born. You already know about my brothers. That's no surprise. And my parents are still on my case to work hard…they're not abusive though, just really oppressive. And it just sucks that I have to work really hard not only for my family, but also so I won't look like a slacker to the rest of the student body. It's just so much pressure, you can't imagine. I have so many people to live up to…and not enough skill. I know I talk a game, but I can't…I can't deliver it. I've just been so, so, self-conscious. I don't even know why. And I'm beginning to realize that life's not gonna change. And, hell, I'm not getting married either. That's obvious. I mean, I don't wanna be alone…but I don't wanna….I don't wanna…I don't know if I should tell you this…"

She blinked, staring at him. "I'm already stunned at what you've told me so far...but don't stop. Go on."

He looked her in her eyes, and shook his head. "I can't tell you. You'd hate me."

"No, I won't." She assured him, pulling his head down in her lap and stroking his raven spikes. "Go ahead. Tell me."

"All right…" He took a deep breath and shut his eyes, "I think…I think I'm falling in love again."

Silence answered him. Finally, she spoke again. "That's not bad. I'm not upset. In fact, I'm glad for you! Who is it?"

He clenched his teeth, feeling sick and hopeless. "Dammit, Lex, I don't want to be this! I tried so hard not to feel this way…I never wanted to feel this way! The thing is…I-I…I'm falling in love with…" He paused, took another deep breath to calm his sick stomach and dropped his voice to a hoarse whisper, "…another boy."

A long silence followed. He bit his tongue, wishing he hadn't said anything. However, she continued to stroke his hair.

Finally, she asked softly, "Is it Aster?"

"How'd you--"

"I saw how you were looking at him at the mall. I saw how you've been acting around him lately. And the way you talk about him…in the way you used to talk about me." Her voice dropped lower and softer as she spoke.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He told her, trying to hold back his tears. "If I hurt you…I'm really sorry…"
"Chazz, it's Ok." She told him, stroking his face, "Listen to me, it's Ok if you're gay. I'm happy for you, I really am. Besides, I'm not hurt. I like you only as a friend. Nothing more. You know that."

"Well, I wasn't sure. From the way you were acting about that…"

"I'm not hurt." She said again, "I'm just shocked, that's all. But if you realize you like boys, that's ok. It's ok."

He opened his eyes and looked up into her sympathetic amber ones. "Thanks, Lex. But I don't think I'm exactly gay. I'm not attracted to boys…just Aster. I don't know what that is. I don't think random guys are hot…just Aster. But then again, I didn't think random girls were hot either. Just you. But I'm over that. Seriously, I'm so confused…what am I?"

She wrapped him in a comforting embrace. "You're you." She told him, "And there's nothing wrong with you. You're just finding your place in this life. It's all right."

"But I'm not straight…I'm not gay…I'm not bi…"

"You're not the type to love everyone," She pointed out, "So I don't think you really have a sexual preference. You will like whomever you do. It's about personality, not gender."

He sighed in relief. "Thanks, Lex. That makes me feel a lot better."

She smiled. "No problem. I hope you can be happy together. You need someone to love you just as much as you love."

"When I do love someone at all," He muttered, "And I know I'm too high maintenance for most people to handle."

"It's fine. Aster can handle it."

"If you say so." He reclined and stared up at the leaves.

Neither of them said anything more, only sat there in silence as they listened to the wind.

----------------------------------------------------

Aster looked both ways as he made his way down the hall. Seeing no one around, he sighed in relief and tapped on the wood door. After a moment, it opened.

"Come in."

Wordlessly, he stepped inside and shut the door.

Sartorius looked up at him. "Ah, Aster. It's been too long."

"Sartorius, I need to talk to you about something." He seated himself comfortably in a chair and gazed at the psychic. "It's important, and sort of embarrassing, so don't say anything until I'm finished explaining, Ok?"

Sartorius sat back and nodded thoughtfully. "Very well. Go ahead and tell me."

"It's this boy…Chazz Princeton. You remember him. Well, I like him a lot, but he doesn't want to accept me. I try to show him that I won't hurt him, but he's loath to open up to me and let me in. He's denying his feelings and he's really hurting. I can see the pain in his eyes. More than anything, I want to comfort him and tell him how I feel without him blowing me off, but I don't know how if he won't let me. I just want to show him that I really care. I just want him to be happy. How can I make him understand that I know exactly what he's feeling? That we have more in common than he realizes?" Aster's sapphire eyes searched Sartorius' amethyst ones. "What can I do?"

Sartorius seemed to be lost in thought. Finally, he sighed. "There's not much you can do if he's denying his feelings. However, I could help you, if you'd like. I can show him that you aren't fooling around. I can show him what betrayal you've been through…if you'd allow it, that is."

Aster nodded, looking down. "It's just, I've said all these things to him, and he acts like I'm joking or something. He acts like what I say has no meaning. He thinks I'm just after him for lust. But I'm not. I care about him. I want to be with him forever! Is that so wrong?"

Sartorius' brow furrowed in concern. "Aster, perhaps you're getting too caught up in this. Perhaps you should wait and try to hold these feelings off. I don't want you to get hurt." He reached out and touched Aster's cheek, gazing into his eyes, and murmured, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"That's exactly it!" Aster exclaimed, "He's hurting me! I'm in just as much pain as he is, but I don't know how to tell him. It always comes out wrong. Everything I say to him sounds like I'm a sex kitten or something. And I don't mean it. I don't know what's wrong with me. And then he gets indignant and cynical, and I can't stop it. It just snowballs and gets out of control. I can't help myself…I try and try not to sound like that, I really do, but the more I try, the worse it gets."

"Poor boy," Sartorius murmured, continuing to stroke his cheek lovingly, "You should just tell him. You need to have a talk with him."

"But I'll just mess up again…" Aster protested, looking down, "I can't do it anymore, Sartorius; that boy is tearing me to pieces."

"I can tell." Sartorius told him soothingly, cupping Aster's young face in his hands, "But all will be well. If it was meant to be, things will work out. If not, then you will move on. And I shall forever be with you."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do." Sartorius affirmed.

"Thanks."

In response, Sartorius smiled and leaned down. Aster closed his eyes, uncertain of what his manager was doing. Before he could protest, he felt Sartorius' lips on his own. It only lasted for a second, but that was all the time that was needed for Aster to make the mistake. His own lips pressed back, holding the psychic's lips in a mutual kiss.

When Sartorius pulled back to look into sapphire eyes, Aster fell back and realized what he'd done.

"I'm sorry," He muttered, standing up quickly, "I should go now."

"I didn't mean…" Sartorius attempted.

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have come. I'll see you later, Ok? I'm not mad; I just have some introspective searching to do…" With that being said, Aster slipped out of the door into the hall.

He hurried to his yacht, then slammed the door to his quarters. Trembling, he leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, holding his head in his hands. Tears dribbled from between his fingers and he shook violently.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He muttered, his voice wavering, "Why do I have to feel like this? I should be fine…I should be normal…why am I freaking out so much? Why does it hurt so much?"

He clutched his sleeves, holding his knees to his chest and took a deep breath to calm himself. "I must be losing it. Why am I losing it? I'm usually so calm…so collected…nothing fazes me! So why now do I…suddenly fall to pieces? How can anyone have such an effect on me? If only someone had the answers…hell, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm drowning…I'm drowning in these hideous emotions…I hate this."

Rising to his feet, he crossed his arms over his chest self-consciously. "You make me so weak. You make me so sick. I'm not myself around you or when I think about you. You make me behave so atypically. It's ridiculous. I need a drink to chill out. Just one…"

Still nerve wracked, he pulled a wine bottle out of his refrigerator. "Just one drink," He muttered, pouring himself a glass of wine, "That's all. Nothing more."
Quickly, he downed the glass, which was not something he'd do normally. Immediately, he felt the urge to drink another.

"No," He told himself, "I'm just depressed, I'll sleep it off. Just so long as I don't drink another…I can't…I won't."

Reluctantly, he placed the bottle back in the refrigerator and sank to his bed. Gradually, he became aware of the boat rocking gently with the ebbing tide. Feeling much calmer, he lay on his bed as his eyelids drooped.

"Things aren't going to be as simple and easy as I'd imagined," He yawned to himself, "Nothing has ever been such a challenge before. But I'll conquer it, just like I conquer everything else. Question is, will he pull through?"


A/N: That was an abrupt ending. And I use far too much aposiopesis and paraposiopesis. I'm sorry. Not to mention it wasn't quite according to plan. Oh well. I felt better about that chapter, even if they were OOC. But I suppose I have a reason for them to be. Please tell me it made sense.