Hey! another drabble to submit here hooe you enjoy as we go through the various time points of my Rogan universe. As always, please read and review!

disclaimer: marvel characters are Not mine!

Talking About: Chapter Four

I find him at our bench around one in the morning. That damn bench that seems to constantly be our place to debrief. Maybe he knew I'd come looking for him and wanted to be where he could be found. Maybe this is a habit and we subconsciously just show up with how often we've come here to figure stuff out.

The funeral was the afternoon before, leading into a long evening. It was quiet and of course somber. It faded into an early supper where the students could hold a memory service for her, but neither Scott nor Logan showed up to that. It was on us X-men paras and teachers to run and console our wards for the remainder of the night. Five hours later after talking with my last kid, I head here knowing exactly where to find him, hunched over rubbing his hands together.

"This is what I do Marie, I hurt people." He says into the wind as I come up behind him.

"I take what good there is around me and use it and twist it until it's mangled and dried up and unrecognizable. Time and time and time again."

I find my seat next to him and curl up one leg underneath me as I turn towards him. I hold out the neck of the bottle of bourbon I've brought out for him and softly smile as he glances cautiously at me before taking it. We sit for a few in the dark as he takes a few swigs. Listen to the crickets and night noises around the pond and tree line.

"You also save people Logan. You do what you can to help those around you. You do what's right."

"Yeah, but at what cost?"

"She knew what she was getting into Logan when she signed up, we all did."

"But this whole mess- Stryker, the mansion, Jeannie..." he half chokes the last word "it's all my fault."

"Yeah? Stryker would have come for us one day, with or without you being around. You saved a lot of us that night. You saved a lot of people in general last week Logan."

"I'm not talking about all that saving the world bullshit Marie. I'm talking about people I care about- people I consider family. Jeannie and I, whatever we were to each other- I thought it mattered, and this is what happens. Fuck, I don't even like Scott all too much and I can't look at him- I've ruined him too. What's the point in saving the world if I can't even get to experience it with people I love?" He finishes out with a choke.

I ignore the sting that comes with this acknowledgment. It's the sting that comes up on a rare occasion that fades when I remember the promise to myself I made two and a half years ago. What they had did matter, whether it was real or not, right or wrong. Who am I to be judge and jury on him?

My heart aches for the loss of my mentor and friend, but I can't help but co opt some of his pain. What if it had been Bobby? Hell, I'm sure at one point he was even considering it himself- taking on the damn. What would that have been like?

I put a hand on his shoulder and feel the start to the sobs that shake his body. Wrapping him in my arms, he curls up holding my stomach much like a small child would. The mighty Wolverine, no more than the ashes of the feral mutant he was just a few days prior.

I hold him like this for a time, rubbing my gloves hands through his hair while whispering reassurances.

" It's not your fault."

"There's nothing you could have done."

" She wasn't going to let you stop her."

Finally he calms and allows himself to lag across the bench, his cheek on my lap as I play lazy circles into his hair. The bourbon long forgotten in the grass.

"Don't let this break you Logan; Don't let what she did end in vain with you giving up- ya ain't done fighting yet. It's not what we do-you and I. It's not who we are."

" But how?" He half croaks, half whispers "How do I do that?"

"We'll figure it out ya old raggedy man. We start towards small things to work for and then the big stuff comes after. We'll figure it out." I finish, letting my words linger in the air.

We lay like that for another two hours. Me, playing with his hair. Him half dozing, half shutting down. Nothing but the crickets and fireflies on this warm morning to keep us company.