So guys, did anyone else watch Degrassi last night? Oh my god, it was amazing, especially the promo for the rest of the season! Anyways, this is by far the longest chapter I've ever written for any of my fan fictions! I was inspired by well Degrassi returning as well as The Hunger Games book series. Seriously, those books really helped get me out of my writers block. Anyways, here is Chapter 4: Mark Fitzgerald! Enjoy
"Dear Mark," Fitz reads and then stops. His hands are trembling so hard that the paper looks like it's about to take flight from his grasp. Fitz's face wears a look of guilt but I don't feel any pity for him.
Why should I? I think bitterly as Vegas Night memories flash in my head. The knife comes closer to me, Fitz's voice "Someone's gotta shut you up" ringing in my ears and I close my eyes to shut the thoughts out. How Fitz escaped jail time I still don't know and the knowledge that he's free to walk around as he pleases still sets up a burst of rage in me. Fitz deserves to feel guilty. Fitz deserves to be blamed.
As if he can read my thoughts, Fitz looks up at me. Our eyes meet and his narrows. The look of guilt has been erased from his face and all I see is hatred.
"Think I did it emo boy?" Fitz calls to me, his voice full of malevolence. I can feel my fingers curl into a fist, my nails digging into my palm. I'm starting to see red and I realize that I'm moving forward when I feel hands grab my arms and yank me back.
"Eli, stop! He's not worth it!" Clare breathes into my ear, her hands still holding on to me. Adam's also got a good grip on me to keep me in place. I wrench out of both their grasps and stand their, regaining my breath. My heart is racing but the red is fading from my vision. Fitz looks at me with a cock of his head, a leer plastered on his face.
"Yeah, I think you did do it," I say calmly, even though I'm gritting my teeth. "What'd you do Fitzy-boy? Hurt her because she wouldn't go out with you? Defenseless Sophia, and you probably messed her up so bad that she had to do this." I gesture at the grave stone.
Fitz's face turns red and suddenly he's lunging towards me. We topple over and I feel my lip bust open as his hand, still holding the letter, makes contact with my face.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY THAT! I WOULDN'T DO THAT. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HER!" Fitz bellows.
Suddenly Fitz is pulled off me and I get up with Adam's help. I rub my hand against my lip and see the smear of blood it leaves behind.
I spit the blood filling my mouth out and I'm about to launch another verbal attack when a loud whistle pierces the air.
Bianca has moved into the center of the circle, two fingers in her mouth, ready to whistle again.
"Both of you, give it a damn rest. We know you hate each other all right? But we aren't here for you, we're here for Sophia so put your dumbass boy drama aside," Bianca yells, glaring at Fitz and me. She steps back to Alli's side and gives me a look, daring me to make another move towards Fitz.
I roll my eyes but remain silent. My heart is pounding frantically still with my fury. Clare tries to hold my hand but I pull away from her. I see her eyes fill with hurt at my rejection but I'm too angry right now. I need to be alone but I won't leave until I know that Fitz is blamed.
"Just read the damn letter Fitz!" Clare snaps and everyone looks at her, slightly astonished at her outburst.
"What? I'm sick of this. Just hurry up," Clare says waspishly and Fitz after muttering a quick "Whatever" starts to read again.
"Dear Mark, my bet is that after Bianca, you're going to be the one they turn on. Can you blame them though? With all the crap you pulled in the past...especially with Eli. It's only common sense to blame you. But guess what? You're NOT the one who made me kill myself. Are all of you shocked? Well, don't be. I'll explain why.
Mark, I bet no one else there knows that I was your next door neighbor when I was alive. I bet you didn't even know that when I first moved in. I can still remember that day actually...
I was standing outside the moving truck, watching all the guys carry our boxes into the house. I was really bored and so far, the neighborhood didn't look very exciting. Then, you came strolling by. You were with two other guys, who didn't look very nice. You stood outside what I assumed was your house with them and talked and laughed a lot. I couldn't help but watch you, after all, you were the first kid around my age I'd seen since I moved. I swear you caught me watching you a couple of times but never showed any signs of noticing me. Until one of your friends, Owen I think his name was, shouted out, "LOOK FITZ HAS A STALKER!" All three of you turned your heads to look at me and started laughing and I just remember running into my new house and never turning back.
The time I lived in that house and went to Degrassi, I learned tons about you, Mark Fitzgerald. At school, you were a bully. The guy no one messed with because if you did, you'd end up being black and blue afterwards. I'd even seen you, a couple of times, smacking kids around. Not to say that surprised me really, ever since the day you laughed at me, I could tell you weren't the nicest kid ever.
No one at school though knew why you were like that. I did though. I knew your darkest secret. My bedroom window faced your kitchen window. Late at night, I could always see the yellow light pour out of your window into my room. I'd always hear shouts and yells. I'd look out my window and see shadows moving around in the kitchen. I'd see the silhouettes of things flying around and I could hear the shatter of them against the wall as they usually missed their target: you. Every single night, like clockwork, I'd watch as the large shadow of a man beat up on the smaller shadow of a boy. I knew your stepdad hurt you, Fitz. I knew why you were so full of anger at school, why you always took your rage out on others. I understood you, when no one else did.
I never spoke to you until the night after Vegas Night. By then, everyone had heard what you did to Eli. All I heard were people calling you a monster, a sick bastard, and all I wanted to do was explain to them what you went through. I kept my mouth shut though because it wasn't my story to tell.
Anyways, that night I was sitting outside on my porch, looking up at the stars. My house felt like it was stifling me and I needed to breathe so that's why I was outside. That's when I saw your shadow, walking past me. You didn't notice me until I called out to you. You jumped, like I'd scared you. Maybe I did.
You didn't look good. You were wearing the same clothes you'd worn at the dance, your shirt was all rumpled, like you'd slept in it. Your hair was a mess and you had the most heartbreaking look on your face. It was a look of desperation and defeat. It's a look I know very, very well.
"Are you...are you just getting back from the police station?" I realized that besides shouting your name, this was the first time I'd ever spoken to you.
You looked exhausted and you gave me this really weary look before replying, "Yeah, I am."
I didn't say anything for quite a bit and we both just stood on the sidewalk, letting the wind cool us.
"I should probably get going," you said and I watched as you looked at your house. I knew you didn't want to go in, because we both knew what was waiting for you inside.
I was scared to tell you what I knew but I didn't want you to feel alone so when you started turning away from me I just blurted out, "I know what he does to you. I know why you did that to Eli."
You didn't turn around and after I stopped talking the wind seemed to stop altogether and it was completely silent. Just me, you, and the stars.
"How do you know?" you asked me in this really quiet voice. Had it not been silent I might not have heard you.
"I see it, every night, from my bedroom," I told you honestly. I was waiting for you to turn around and call me a stalker, like your friend did. I was waiting for you to do what you always did when you felt like you were being threatened, to turn and hit me like all the others. Instead, you just sank onto the sidewalk with your head in your hands.
Sorry Mark, I'm sorry for having you read this out loud. I'm not trying to embarrass you but I want the others to know what you've been through. Because I know that with me dying, you're completely alone again with just you and your secret. I can't have that, I won't do that to you.
Anyways, you told me that since you were ten years old, when your mom married Nathan, you'd been getting the crap beaten out of you. Nathan was a drunk and a mean one at that. He liked to use his fists, and even more liked to use his empty glass beer bottles against you. That explained the thrown objects I watched being tossed around your kitchen every night. You told me that since your mom died when you were fifteen the beatings have gotten worse. Your mom isn't there to protect you anymore. You told me you'd never felt so alone. I told you I knew how you felt.
We sat outside for a long time, I know this because the watch on your wrist said 2:00 A.M.
"Why don't you hate me? For what I did to Eli?" you asked me. I knew it was the question you'd been wanting to ask me all night, because you didn't believe that I'd actually feel bad for you.
"Because...after watching what you go through every night, I can understand why you did it. Eli pushed you to your breaking point. It was bound to happen sooner or later," I said to you. You nodded your head and your fingers fiddled with the hem of your black shirt.
"Desperate people, do desperate things. It doesn't make it okay, but...but it changes things sometimes. If you just let people know-" I started to say but you stood up and walked away from me.
"They won't care! They won't care about what I've been through. I'm a monster to everybody, always have been always will be. Thanks for talking to me Sophia but I got to go. I've got another monster waiting for me in there," you said and your thumb jerked back to point at your house.
I tried not to cry as you walked away, I really tried not to. But I watched as in darkness, your retreating figure blurred behind my tears.
"Please," I remember whispering. "Please, it'll be okay. There's hope for you."
You stopped and you said quietly back to me, "I gave up on hope a long time ago. I'm sorry."
That night, I watched from my window as the glass bottle cracked open against your head. I didn't sleep that night, I didn't sleep the next couple of nights after that.
Mark, I understand what you meant about hope. I gave up on hope for myself. But I still believe that there's a chance for you yet. A chance for you to explain yourself, to get out of the situation with your stepdad and embrace a different life. Give hope a chance, for my sake. Love, Sophia."
Fitz, my blood still on his hands, finished reading. He silently folded up Sophia's letter and put it in his pocket and walked away. I watched his retreating back, we all did, and we all saw as his arm went up to swipe across his face, to wipe away the tears that were undoubtedly falling for Sophia's words.
I hoped this was a good chapter for all of you! By the way, I know this chapter doesn't end with who reads next so you'll just have to wait until Chapter 5 to find out who it will be^.^
And by the way in answer to marleyismyhoney about why I chose the name Sophia I can honestly say I have no clue. It was literally the first name that popped into my head! Okay guys, until next chapter, review this one! Thanks for reading!
