Chapter 4
Beca Mitchell was happy that for one day she had the recording studio all to herself. Building up a brand, dealing with artists, having friends for coworkers, it could all add up and be a bit overwhelming for the girl who was used to a quieter side of life.
Today, however, she had no artists to record, no business deals to discuss, it was just her alone in the recording studio, working on a project two years in the making, the finishing touches being put on an album she had poured her heart and soul into.
Beca sighed as she sat in the studio, one headphone over her ear as she heard her own voice blaring through. She had to admit that when she knew she would be producing music in her life, she never thought she would feel so inspired to write and create her own album. She guessed that's what heartbreak and troubles did. It broke you down into little pieces, and then gave you something to write about.
Beca finally paused in her notes about editing one of the songs, looking up at the clock and shocked to see that it was already the afternoon. She pulled her oversized headphones off and ran both hands through her hair. She couldn't believe how the day flew by, but then again, she completed working through two more of the songs and they came out amazing.
She sighed yet again, deciding she needed a break. She went to lie back on the couch in the studio, throwing an arm over her face. It had been really difficult sneaking around her own label to produce an album, one that she had not wanted to share with a soul until it was perfect.
The album had come unexpectedly one day as she was sitting in her office at night, humming tunes and writing her feelings down in lyrical form. Before she knew it, she had written something that actually worked, and after working two days straight on it, she knew she had no other option but to keep going. This was going to be her way to get through everything she had been through.
Beca was too distracted and tired to hear two people open a door and enter the room, and before she knew it, Fat Amy jerked her and scared the crap out of her, jolting her out of her daydream and causing the smaller girl to fall on the floor.
"HAHAHA! Jeesum Beca, didn't you hear us?!"Amy said, now sitting on the couch cackling while Stacie attempted to swallow down her laughter.
Beca just shook her head at Amy, but couldn't hold the glare for long as a smile reached her face and she fell into the group laughter as well.
"God, you guys are such jerks," she said jokingly, Amy reaching her hands out to pull her back onto the couch as Stacie sat in one of the rollie-chairs.
"Ay, I told you gals when I helped start this thing up, allowing my epic pranks and jokes to go unchecked was part of the deal," Amy said, grinning like a loon.
The group quieted down and they finally fell into a comfortable silence.
"So, what brings you both here?"
"Well, we could ask the same of you," Amy said. "What's all this here?" the Australian asked, gesturing to the room.
Beca finally remembered why she was in here, and stood up to move things around the room.
"Oh, it's just some stuff for Emily's new album, nothing big."
Stacie threw Amy a look, Amy just shrugging her shoulders.
"I thought Emily was on break?" Stacie asked, making Beca pause before continuing her gathering of belongings.
Stacie eyed one of the cds sitting on the desk next to her, and when Beca wasn't looking, snuck it into her purse. She had a feeling she knew what Beca was working on; she had been suspicious for a while. Since Stacie worked with several of the artists Beca worked with, she had picked up more and more that Beca would mention working with a particular artist who she knew for a fact was not doing what she said. Stacie was at first worried it was a relapse, but she soon noticed Beca going into the studio to record during the alleged time she was with others. Whatever Beca was working on, she clearly was not ready to share, but still, Stacie was curious.
As Beca finished putting her things away, she turned to look at the pair.
"So! What brings you guys here, did you want to go out for dinner tonight or something?"
Amy awkwardly smiled and then looked at Stacie, who gave her an incredulous look in response. They were doing really well in the department of subtlety. Beca quickly picked up on the looks and started chuckling.
"Okay, what the hell did you two do now? I honestly am too tired to care today."
They stayed silent, both in a stare off.
"What? Was it something to do with Daliya? I saw her in earlier today."
Stacie was glaring at Amy but shook her head, taking a deep breath before putting her purse down and smoothing out her dress.
"Beca, why don't you sit next to Amy?" she said softly.
Beca paused, her face paralyzed as she looked at them both. Whatever bad news this was, it wasn't the typical joke gone wrong that they would laugh about next week. This was actually serious.
"Okay… what's going on? Seriously guys, you're freaking me out now."
Beca walked slowly to the other wall, leaning against it and crossing her arms as Stacie looked at the floor and Amy pretended to look anywhere else.
"Guys! Seriously, spit it out, what the hell is going on?"
"Chloe is coming home Beca," Amy said, looking at the smaller girl, clasping her hands together.
Beca stood absolutely still, taking in the words Amy had spoken. Chloe Beale, the one that got away, was now coming back to the US. Beca began to smile.
"W-Well, that's great, guys. I mean it's better than wherever she's been. How did you find out?"
"She called Aubrey this morning," Stacie replied, speaking up. "I guess she is going to grad school for education."
Beca slowly smiled, happy that Chloe was still living her dream. Deep down, it gave her hope, a hope she had hung onto for years.
"Okay, well then what's the big deal? Shouldn't we all be happy she's not in a third world country and risking her life?" Beca said, trying to lighten the mood.
Stacie and Amy exchanged looks again.
"Is she going back to Barden, Stace?" Beca asked curiously, trying to figure out why they were so weird.
"Um, no, actually… she uh… she's moving to LA to go to school. Apparently she wanted to be close to Aubrey again while she's in school for two years."
Beca's face dropped, but then a huge smile came to her face.
"Guys, why are you so upset? This is GREAT news. I mean… look, I know things have been weird with Chloe, the past just… it sucked, there's no way around it. But this is great, this gives us all a chance to be together again, like a family."
Stacie looked up at Beca and tried to speak, but Amy interrupted her.
"Beca… are you still in love with Chloe?"
Beca's happy face paused. It was something they never spoke about, but knew was there. After Beca went through rehab and had many real conversations with the girls about her feelings for Chloe and everything she felt back then, she always said Chloe was the love of her life.
Beca hadn't been with anyone serious since Jesse. When she was going through her pills phase, she hooked up with girls at clubs and went around to numb the pain, but after being sober, she accepted the fact that Chloe was the only person she had ever really been in love with and who had understood her, but she was just too scared to do anything about it back then. So Beca chose to wait, to stay sober, focus on music, and then write an album that was going to put into words all of the pain and sorrow she felt without the feisty redhead in her life. And maybe, just maybe, if Chloe heard it one day, she would understand and finally hear what she never gave Beca the chance to say, which was that she loved her. If Chloe had stayed back three years for her in college, Beca knew she could wait as long as she needed to, and had for the last several years.
"I… look guys, I get it. You don't want me to go crazy or fast or weird, but how weird is it that she's moving back here after all this time? I mean-"
"Beca," Stacie interrupted, stopping the girl's excitement from taking off.
Beca just looked at them both, not understanding why they were being this way after supporting her belief all these years.
"Oh, so now you guys think I'm crazy?"
"No Beca, that's not it, we know how you feel about her, about how you've felt all along-" Stacie said.
"Then why are you being so weird? This is my chance, we can finally talk about everything that happened."
"It won't do any good, Becs," Amy said, getting serious.
Beca was stunned into silence.
"Wh…What are you talking about?"
"Beca," Stacie said, standing to be near her friend, planting a hand on her shoulder.
"Chloe is engaged."
"You push away anyone who could possibly care about you. Why is that?"
Jesse's words had been reverberating in Beca's head ever since she went to speak with him at his dorm room. She didn't know what to make of them, but she could acknowledge one thing; he was completely on the money.
Beca frowned deeply as she paced around Barden, the reality check and truth of Jesse's words hitting her to her core. It was true. Beca did push people away. It was why it was so easy to push Jesse away, her dad away, and even the friends she had made within the Bellas family away. The only remaining thing to wonder was the other part of Jesse's statement. Why exactly was that?
Ever since her parent's messy divorce when she was younger, she had found it difficult to open up and trust others. Her father had been a cheater, and after watching her mom struggle to raise her and pay for the two of them as her father went around the country teaching with his floozy of a new wife, she felt angry. She felt as if, no matter how deeply you could get with someone, as much love as you could have with them, a person could still walk out on you. And this… this was something Beca refused to experience in her life for a second time.
So throughout her years of junior high and high school, she focused on music, focused on making herself happy, keeping people at a distant, and finding happiness in her goals and dreams as opposed to her relations with other people. It made life easier that way, less painful, and that was the mindset she brought when she headed off to college.
As Beca continued to wander around campus, she knew there was only one other person she could turn to for guidance at this point, a certain ginger-haired beauty who essentially barged her way into Beca's life, and heart. Beca smiled to herself as night set across the campus, realizing Chloe was the first person, outside of Jesse, who she had grown to know and care for.
Though, when a woman storms into your shower naked, demanding you to sing in the nude with her, Beca pondered that it could create some sort of instant connection… or instant restraining order.
Before Beca realized it, she had gone to her dad's and gotten some sage advice, driving her to go back to the Bellas and heed Chloe's text to return to the group. And as she rounded the Bellas up to blend some songs, she felt instantly better being back home with her friends.
When she sang with Chloe in front of the girls, she didn't realize she could feel so much love in her heart for other people, and how in sync she could be with another person. Chloe matched her harmony, and matched her personality, and in the night before nationals, Beca went to speak to Chloe about everything that had transpired.
Beca went to the room Chloe shared with Aubrey, hoping the older blonde wasn't there. Even though she and Beca had made a peace of sorts, she still didn't feel comfortable spilling her soul to the other girl. Chloe, on the other hand, was the warmest person Beca had ever met in her life, and they had grown into fast friends, just as Chloe predicted at the start of the year.
She didn't know why she felt so comfortable with Chloe. Maybe it was just her warmth and perky attitude, her comfort with herself and ease, or just the fact that no matter what Beca said or did, Chloe always seemed to understand her and not judge her. She had never had a friend, or really a person, in her life like Chloe, and she was deeply appreciative of the fact that they had crossed paths.
Beca knocked on the door, and to her dismay, Aubrey answered it.
"Hello Beca, everything okay?" Aubrey said pleasantly.
It was rather late, so she understood why the girl seemed slightly surprised to see her at her door.
"Uh, yea, everything is good, sorry," Beca was awkward, noticing Chloe poke her head around the corner, her face lighting up.
"Beca!" she said, hopping off her bed and heading to greet the girl.
"Hey," she said with a small smile, and Aubrey picked up on the body language, realizing the younger woman probably wanted to speak to Chloe.
"Come on in," the blonde said, stepping aside to let Beca enter. "I was just stepping out, one of the other girls wanted to see me."
Chloe frowned, her and Aubrey just being in the depths of a deep discussion.
"Bree, it's-"
"No, no really," the blonde said gently, welcoming Beca in and giving Chloe a reassuring look.
"Stacie wanted to chat with me, Beca wants to chat with you. It's our job as captains to be at their disposal," Aubrey said in a good-natured tone.
"I'll be back in probably 30 minutes or so, and then we are all hitting the hay. Tomorrow is the big day after all."
Beca nodded at her, watching Aubrey grab a hoodie off her bed and depart with a small wave. Chloe shook her head with a smile, proud of her friend and how much more relaxed she had become in such a short amount of time.
"As much as you pissed her off the whole year Beca, I have to say, you really helped her out," Chloe said, uncrossing her arms and closing the door, giving them some privacy.
"Is that what you call our relationship? Me blessing her with my bad attitude?" Beca asked chuckling, going to sit on Chloe's bed, her back against the wall.
Chloe laughed, grabbing one of her pillows as she sat next to Beca on the bed.
"Believe it or not, sometimes the people who give us the hardest time in our lives are the ones who have the most to teach us," she said, turning to look at Beca, the younger girl twiddling with her thumbs.
"I think you were a curse for Aubrey because you made her deal with a bunch of stuff she had been avoiding, but a blessing because she's a much better person for it. As type A and strong and protective and amazing as she is, she had some stuff she needed to work out. You and Stacie have really changed her."
Beca turned her head.
"Stacie?"
Chloe just nodded with a smile, making Beca frown and nod her head, not seeing that one coming.
"So! What brought you over here? You're not nervous are you?" Chloe asked gently, shifting her body to face Beca more.
"No, no… I think we're gonna kick ass tomorrow. I really think we're going to win."
Chloe nodded, noticing Beca's fidgeting.
"I think we will too," she said softly, looking the brunette up and down.
She let the room go silent, Beca clearly working something out in her head as her foot shook. Finally, she glanced at Chloe, and then stood, beginning to pace.
"Okay, so obviously I didn't come here to talk about that, but, I, um…"
Chloe shifted, giving Beca her full attention.
"Beca, relax and take a deep breath, come sit back down," she said patting the bed.
The smaller girl complied, never having been good with emotions and certainly never having known how to talk about them efficiently.
"Hey," Chloe said, making the girl turn to face her, Beca's brown eyes showing a nervousness as Chloe's bright blue ones communicated love and acceptance.
"This is me Becs. I've seen you punch guys out, get arrested… I've seen you naked," she said with a wink, making Beca roll her eyes and blush with a smile.
"Nothing you say to me will change the way I feel about you, I promise. So whatever it is, it's okay. Just tell me what's going on, hm?"
Beca's small smile stayed on her face, and as she looked at Chloe, she felt something she had never felt before. It was odd, a feeling of total belonging, of love. Her mind began to wander as her eyes flitted to Chloe's lips briefly, stopping as she remembered why she was here.
"Jesse…I um… I hurt him, and I don't really know what to do about it."
Chloe nodded her head slowly, looking away to think about what she wanted to say.
"Did you guys fight or talk after regionals?"
"I went to go see him," Beca said, taking a deep breath and rubbing her hands on her pants. "But he uh… he said something that really struck me, that I haven't been able to shake, and as much as I want to try and work out whatever it was that was happening between us, I just don't feel like I can until I get what he said, like really get it."
Chloe nodded.
"What did he say?"
"He said that I pushed away anyone who could ever possibly care about me, and then he asked why I did that," Beca said quietly, back to twiddling her thumbs, head focused on them.
"I went to talk to my dad right after, I mean, he's an expert in being cut out of Beca Mitchell's life…. But I don't know. I guess it's my parent's divorce; I just don't open up or trust people easily. The Bellas is the closest thing to a family I have, and the closest people in my life are Jesse and you, so-"
Beca paused, realizing she just admitted to Chloe how much she cared for the girl. Chloe reached to her lap and grabbed her hands, squeezing them and giving Beca a reassuring smile.
"Hey, outside of Aubrey, you're the closest person to me in my life right now, too. I get it; it can be hard and scary. But I'm going to be here for you no matter what, and if you haven't noticed, your attempts at pushing me anywhere? They haven't really worked so far, have they?"
Beca looked up at Chloe's smiling face. Sometimes it astounded Beca that she had so much happiness in her, it was like the girl was a radiating beam of light or something. Beca chuckled, Chloe right as usual. As soon as she met Beca, it was like she had decided they would be friends, and nothing would stop that, and as much as Beca resisted at first, in the end she was grateful that someone had fought so hard for her.
"I just don't want to get hurt. I like Jesse a lot. He's safe, goofy, he's like the perfect guy. It would be crazy to let that sort of person go, wouldn't it?"
Chloe looked at Beca, really looked at her, and Beca wouldn't realize it until much later in life, but that statement had said everything about her relationship with Jesse and what it would become. He was safe, he was perfect, he would never hurt her and she would be comfortable. Little did she realize that settling did not make a true love, and while Chloe in that moment understood that Beca, who was struggling with opening up, would need to take baby steps towards relationships, like being with someone kind like Jesse, she knew deep down it wasn't something that would last.
"I think that," Chloe slowly began, "if you care about him and your friendship, and the possibility of more, he is a person worth taking that risk for. He is a really good guy Beca. I really like him. And if anyone is not going to hurt you in the way you're scared of being hurt, then it's definitely Jesse."
Beca nodded.
"What about you and Tom? Did he ever hurt you or do anything to you?"
Chloe looked at Beca perplexed and then chuckled, making the smaller girl look at her in confusion.
"Aw, no, Tom's a sweetheart. But I'm also not in a relationship with him, we're just buddies who like hooking up once in a while."
Beca felt confused.
"How are you single? I mean really, you? Jesse? You're like the most perfect people I know, how do people not flock to you?" she asked incredulously.
Chloe laughed a little more, patting Beca on the leg.
"Well, I can't speak for Jesse, but I spent college just enjoying myself, finding out what I liked and just tried doing what made me happy. I never worried about a relationship or finding somebody."
"Have you ever been in a relationship?" Beca asked. "Been in love and all that jazz?"
"You know, I haven't. I've had many flings and encounters, but I've never felt the need to be with somebody… except this one time. There was, or I guess is, someone who I can't seem to shake off," Chloe said, turning to look right into Beca's eyes. "I've never felt anything like it, and I'm just doing what I've done, waiting until something changes. This person seems worth waiting for."
"Who is it?" Beca asked quietly, and as she stared into Chloe's eyes, she had no idea what the girl was communicating to her at the time.
The door opened suddenly, and Beca jolted up, the trance between her and Chloe broken as Aubrey came back into the room.
"Oh, sorry girls," Aubrey said, walking back into the room as Beca jumped off the bed, feeling somewhat unsettled from her conversation.
"No, no, it's cool. I, um, I need to hit the hay. Big day tomorrow, right?" Beca said, full of nerves once again, Chloe watching her.
Aubrey just nodded and Chloe stood, ushering Beca to the door.
"Well, thanks for talking to me Chlo… I feel a little better."
Chloe smiled, leaning against the frame as she watched Beca.
"I think you should try and go for it Beca, as scary as it may be for you," she said, making Beca look up at her, nodding in agreement.
"Yea… yea, I will. I think that's the right thing," she replied.
She paused before giving Chloe an awkward hug, pulling away before walking down the hall to head back to her dorm. She was a few doors down before Chloe called out to her.
"Oh, and Beca?"
"Yea?" the girl said, turning to face her.
"You'll figure out who it is."
Chloe gave her a small smile, breaking the stare and waving gently, before going back into her room. Beca stood in the hallway for a few moments, not quite understanding what had just happened, but feeling like Chloe had just done what Jesse had did; leave her with something to figure out, something she clearly did not see, yet.
"Beca… Beca…. BECA!"
"Woah, uh, what? What?"
Beca shook her head, looking up at Amy and Stacie's concerned faces.
"You zoned out there for a minute girl, I thought you went catatonic or something," Amy said.
Beca shook her head, her surroundings coming back to her, her brief stint down memory lane having caused her to space out momentarily. Stacie was still rubbing her shoulder, and Beca remembered why she was there, why they were there.
She went to the couch and slowly lowered herself, leaning over her knees as her hands covered her face. This was not how she planned for things to happen. This had not been what she expected.
"Dammit," Beca said, tears starting to flow as she shook her head back and forth.
She felt Amy scoot next to her on the couch, patting and rubbing her back. Stacie kneeled down on the floor in front of her, giving her a moment. Beca sniffled, trying to make sense of it all.
"Sh-She… she told me she would wait. Years ago, when she told me she liked someone, really liked them, that she would wait for them because no one had made her feel that way before," Beca said, looking at them both, tears coming out in full force.
"I-I thought that… I thought that meant she would wait for m-me, like I've been waiting for her. I thought it meant something, I-I… I never thought she'd actually-" Beca choked on another sob, hands going back to face as she shook her head.
"I know Beca," Stacie said quietly. "Truthfully, I think we all did… even Aubrey."
Beca looked up.
"D-Did Aubrey even know she was seeing anyone?"
Stacie shook her head.
"No. I mean, even though Chloe chooses to communicate with Bree, it's maybe once every few months and it's limited. It's practically a courtesy call, it just pisses me off," Stacie replied, her face annoyed at thoughts bubbling up in her mind.
Beca wiped tears from her eyes, and Amy dared to speak up.
"Maybe not all is lost shorty," she began, Stacie looking at her and practically glaring, the last thing she wanted was to give Beca false hope.
Beca started laughing sarcastically.
"Right, of course. I haven't seen her in four years, she flew off to the other side of the globe to avoid me, and then I became a drug addict, which I'm sure will be highly enticing to her, and now? Now, she is engaged to some other person, who I'm betting is a child saving globe trotter just like her."
Beca couldn't help but laugh, her bitterness coming to the surface, wondering about the years she had wasted in pain and the others she had spent on this damn album, the one to 'win her back.'
"Fuck, I can't be here right now," she said standing, hands running through her hair.
"Becs… I don't want you to be alone tonight," Stacie said gently, and even though Beca wanted to lash out at her for even worrying about her relapsing, she knew it came from a good place.
"Yea Beca, why don't you stay with me and Bumper tonight? We have a ton of chocolate from our trip to Belgium and I'll make your favorite dinner," Amy said.
Beca wiped her eyes, shaking her head, thinking back to her flashback from earlier. Why hadn't she noticed what Chloe was saying then? Why couldn't she have just gotten over her fear and gotten what was really happening? If only she could go back.
"Yea… yea, Amy, that sounds good. I, uh… I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days, guys."
Stacie stood up, going back to her friend and turning her to face her, hands going to fix her running make up.
"We are both here for you, no matter what. And Aubrey, Lily, Bumper, Emily and Benji. We're all here and have your back; we're only a phone call away, okay? We will get you through this, I promise."
Beca nodded as she looked at her friends, turning to Amy who was smiling like a proud mama bear, Beca's declarations for assistance having been something hard for her to admit.
"Thank you guys. I love you both, I don't know what I would do without you," she said, choking up again as Stacie pulled her into a hug, Fat Amy standing and getting in on the action.
"We love you too Beca."
Short chapter, I know! But the next few are quite long and will make up for it. This is just a slice of the pie that is Beca. :D
We're going to get a glimpse of everybody's view in a way, including Chloe's, and then once everyone is in the same area, you'll see the story focus on more present day incidents. I just love using flashbacks to give context, build history, etc! One of my favorite things to do when writing a story. Read and Review!
