Hi Everyone!
I'm sorry for the long wait. I had a few days off and I thought I would be able to work on my fics more effectively but it looks like I slept through the whole weekend... At least I'm super fresh, so the next update might come faster.
Enjoy!
Kurt raised an eyebrow as he looked at Blaine, tapping his foot impatiently beside him. It was early in the morning, exactly two weeks after the night they had decided to have another baby together. Blaine couldn't stop talking about this morning when they could finally find out if they had a baby on the way. He had woken up early and he had been so loud that it brought Kurt out of his peaceful dream, too. Blaine was ready with the pregnancy sticks before Kurt could get a coffee for himself and now they were waiting for the time to pass, ready to learn the result.
"How much longer?" Blaine asked.
Kurt checked the time on his phone.
"Two minutes" he answered.
"This is so exciting!" Blaine said.
"It's just a pregnancy test, Blaine" Kurt said slowly.
"I know but it changes everything" Blaine sighed happily. "Isn't it great? You just pee on the stick and wait a few minutes to get the result. It must be amazing. I wish I could do it, too."
"Well, we have a few more tests if you want to pee on one of them" Kurt smiled.
"Uhm... what?" Blaine asked in confusion.
"Nothing" Kurt sighed. "One minute."
They spent the last minute in silence. Blaine didn't know but Kurt was so nervous. Blaine had been awfully excited in the last two weeks, getting him dozens of pregnancy tests, reading books and articles about babies, just like when they had been expecting Elyse. Kurt was afraid that if they didn't succeed this time, Blaine would be so devastated.
Kurt's phone beeped and both men looked down with wide eyes. It was their time. They would find out if there was another baby on the way within a few seconds.
"Just after you" Blaine said nervously and gently pushed Kurt forward, towards the bathroom's door.
Kurt nodded and walked inside, straight to the sink where they had left the pregnancy stick. He waited for Blaine to join him before looking down at the stick.
"Look, there's a pink line" Blaine said happily. "It's good, right?"
Kurt knew what it meant. One line – not pregnant.
"It's negative, Blaine" he said quietly.
"Are you sure?" Blaine frowned and reached for the pregnancy test.
"Perfectly" Kurt nodded. "There should be another one. See? Somewhere here. But there's nothing else. I'm not pregnant."
Blaine sighed heavily as he raised the pregnancy stick to take a better look. Kurt was right, there was nothing else to see.
"I don't understand" he said, unable to hide his disappointment. "We did everything right."
"Blaine, it's not that simple, you know that" Kurt said. "It doesn't mean anything. Maybe next month."
"We have to wait a whole month?" Blaine asked with wide eyes.
"Well, I'm not really sure how things work for me, maybe we should try again in a few days..."
"I will get a few more pregnancy sticks" Blaine said as his excitement returned.
"We have about a dozen more" Kurt laughed.
"I know but once it turns positive, we have to make a few more to make sure the baby doesn't disappear" Blaine said seriously.
Kurt smirked. He loved his husband's excitement.
"Fine" he said in the end. "Buy a few more."
~ o ~
If Kurt was completely honest with himself, he admitted that he was disappointed, just like his husband. After all they needed to have Elyse had been a drunken night, he hoped that things would go easily this time as well, especially since they seemed to be on a crazy sex drive in the last two weeks. He didn't want to complain, of course, he loved that he and Blaine were back to their old selves, he loved that they had sex in every possible way and it made their fresh marriage a lot more exciting, but still... He convinced himself that he wanted to be pregnant, he was ready for it, and he wanted it, preferably immeditately. He wasn't sure how things worked for him, he still felt uncomfortable when he searched about men like him, knowing that it wasn't completely alright to be able to have kids as a man, but he guessed it worked just like for women. Their first month brought no success, so they had to wait for the next one. And Kurt Hummel hated waiting.
He tried to make himself busy, so he didn't think about the pregnancy too much. It wasn't too hard. Fashion week was coming up, beside his own job, he had to help Joanne a lot, and he tried to be at home as much as he could because his daughter needed him, too. Elyse seemed awfully clingy lately. Kurt didn't know if it was because he worked too much and it was a sign for him to slow down or maybe the little girl felt something, but once he walked through the door of their apartment, Elyse didn't let him out of her sight at all. She went everywhere with Kurt, even to the bathroom, giving him no alone time at all.
Kurt didn't mind, though. Although seeing his daughter brought back that uncomfortable feeling in his chest, reminding him that they had to wait for their next baby to come, it also reminded him that no matter what, they already had a beautiful, smart child and noone could take her away from them.
The days still seemed to pass awfully slowly. Around the end of the second month, Kurt was always moody, making it hard for everyone to be around him. The only one who seemed to love his snappy mood was Blaine. Kurt knew it was insane but Blaine seemingly thought that Kurt's mood swings meant something good for them, even if Kurt didn't believe that at all.
Exactly four weeks after the first morning that had brought them no success, the two men were standing in the bathroom, waiting for the result of the pregnancy test. Blaine was as excited as always but Kurt was sceptical, it wasn't their first test after all and he decided not to be too hopeful, at least until they had something to be happy for.
"How much..."
"One minute" Kurt said, focusing on the little stick in front of him. They didn't even go out this time, they waited beside the test for the second line to appear. But there was no second line. The time was almost up and Kurt knew what it meant.
Blaine sighed and reached for the stick, raising it in front of his eyes.
"Look!" he said excitedly.
Kurt leaned closer, his heart beating faster for a few seconds. Did it mean they would be parents?
"It's just where the second line should be" he said in disappointment.
"Are you sure? I can certainly see something here..."
"There's nothing, Blaine" Kurt said. "I'm not pregnant."
Blaine sighed again and put the stick back down. It was negative again.
"Maybe we should do another one in a few days" he suggested.
"Yeah, why not?" Kurt replied, although he knew very well that the next one would be negative as well. He didn't feel like the first time when he was pregnant with Elyse. There was nothing different this time, so he knew he wasn't pregnant. Another wasted month without success, that was all they had.
But none of them expected to go through the same in the next month.
"Negative" Blaine said quietly as he put down the pregnancy test, the one that seemed like the 100th one.
Or the next month.
"Negative" Kurt grimanced.
Or the next one.
"Okay, I think we do something wrong" Blaine shook his head, staring down at the evil little stick in front of them. It was so not fair. They were ready. They wanted a baby, they so wanted that baby, why couldn't they have it?
"I don't think there's something we should do differently" Kurt pointed out.
"I will make a research. Maybe we can do more to finally have that baby" Blaine said, hoping that he would find a solution.
And he did, or so he thought. Blaine went through millions of articles, forums, stories of people who struggled to have a baby. There were dozens of tips and Blaine suggested to try them all, preferably as soon as possible, so hopefully they would have a positive test in the next month. Kurt agreed, of course, he wanted that baby just like his husband.
Days passed and Kurt realised what a bad idea it was. Their sweet moments together weren't that sweet anymore, not at all. They didn't have sex because they loved each other and wanted to make each other happy but because they had to, because it was the only way to get Kurt pregnant. It changed something and not in the right direction.
"She's asleep" Blaine said as he stepped out of Elyse's room one day and walked to his husband.
Kurt sighed as he felt Blaine's arms around him. He had loved being like this before all the craziness around the baby started. They spent their nights together, drinking wine, chatting, and just enjoying the silence of their home. But it wasn't the same anymore. Blaine didn't pull him into his arms because he wanted to hold him but because they had to be together. Kurt swallowed and forced himself to stay still and not push Blaine away. He was so tired and so not in the mood to be intimate with his husband. He just wanted to be in Blaine's arms, nothing more. He wanted everything they had had back. Maybe this baby project wasn't a good idea after all.
Blaine pressed soft kisses to his neck and Kurt sighed as he slowly pulled away. He couldn't do this anymore. He wasn't some kind of machine, having sex every single night, whether he wanted it or not.
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked in confusion.
"I'm tired" Kurt said quietly. "I don't want to do it tonight."
"Kurt, we..."
"It's not right, Blaine" Kurt said, his voice somewhat louder this time. "Look at us. We aren't together anymore because we want to make each other happy. We only do it because we have to."
"I thought you wanted the baby, too" Blaine said.
"I do" Kurt replied. "I want to have another child but not like this. I don't want to ruin what we have because we can't enjoy ourselves anymore."
"We do enjoy it" Blaine said.
"Seriously?" Kurt asked with a riased eyebrow. "Are you honestly trying to tell me that we have sex every single night because we need it and not because of the baby?"
Blaine looked away, unable to give Kurt an answer. They both knew why they did this and that Kurt was right.
"Look, I'm not saying we should give up" Kurt continued. "Just... take it less seriously. We are young, we have so much time to have a baby."
"I want it so badly" Blaine sighed.
"Me, too" Kurt replied. "But I also want it to be the result of love, a reminder of how much we love each other."
Blaine smiled and pulled Kurt into his arms, without any ulterior motives this time. His husband was so right, they surely needed to take a step back and let things happen to us. He didn't want to ruin his marriage either, Kurt and Elyse were too important for him to give them up for a dream.
"Do you want to watch TV?" Blaine asked. "We have some more wine in the kitchen and I think we could borrow some snacks from Elyse's hidden supplies."
"Baby cookies?" Kurt laughed.
"Sure, why not?" Blaine shrugged. "Stay here. I will get us what we need."
~ o ~
Although they both tried, things couldn't get back to normal. The thought of the baby was constantly in their minds, affecting their days. Kurt was afraid that something was wrong with him. After the horrible birth of Elyse, he was afraid that something had changed and he wasn't able to get pregnant anymore. He decided not to tell Blaine about it, at least until they were perfectly sure that Kurt was healthy. He didn't want Blaine to be worried about him. So he called Sebastian one day from work and made an appointment with him, making sure it was in the middle of the day when he wasn't home anyway.
"Pregnant?" Sebastian asked with a raised eyebrow as he walked into the examination room, looking straight at Kurt who was lying on the uncomfortable bed in his hospital clothes, waiting for the examination.
"Not yet" Kurt sighed. "We've been trying to have a baby for months but nothing. I have about hundred negative tests, although we made everything right to get me pregnant and I have a bad feeling that something is wrong with me."
"Is that why you came alone?" Sebastian asked knowingly.
"I don't want to scare Blaine uselessly" Kurt explained.
"I never understood why people get married when they don't trust each other the slightest" Sebastian shook his head.
"I do trust Blaine" Kurt glared at him. "But I also love him enough not to make him worried when I'm not even sure there's anything to worry about."
"Let's find out" Sebastian said. "I can check you with the ultrasound and if I don't find anything, there's still the blood test."
"That would be great" Kurt nodded.
He fell silent as he watched the screen, glancing at Sebastian occasionally. He got impatient after a while, Sebastian didn't say a word, he didn't even give him a sign that something should be wrong. It was good, Kurt reminded himself. If he was alright, it meant that there was nothing to worry about. He was still worried, though. He hoped that Sebastian would find something that could be cured quickly and he would get pregnant in no time.
"So?" Kurt asked, unable to stay quiet any longer.
"Everything seems perfect" Sebastian said as he pulled back from the screen. "You are perfectly healthy from what I see."
"Are you sure?" Kurt asked.
"Why do I have this feeling that you want me to find something?" Sebastian asked.
"Because I'm still not pregnant and there must be an explanation for that?" Kurt offered.
"You know it doesn't work that simply" Sebastian smirked.
"Well, if you remember, I got pregnant from one night the last time" Kurt said. "I thought it would be that easy again."
"Okay, let's make things clear" Sebastan sighed. "A healthy couple who make everything right have about 20 % chance for a baby every single month."
"That's... awful" Kurt grimanced.
"It's how things work" Sebastian shrugged. "You're not the only one running to me after a few months of trying but I can tell you the same I say to the others: you need to calm down and wait patiently."
"You have no idea how hard it is, right?" Kurt asked.
"Luckily, no" Sebastian smiled. "I have no intention to get anyone pregnant, so I don't have to worry that something might be wrong with me."
"You think that something is wrong with me?" Kurt asked in concern.
"You have a daughter. I don't think you should worry at all" Sebastian said.
"But what am I supposed to do now?" Kurt asked quietly.
"Do you honestly expect me to tell you what you need to get pregnant?" Sebastian asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Of course not" Kurt rolled his eyes.
"I can give you a few tips if you feel like your love life with Blaine is getting boring" Sebastian said.
"Oh, no. The last person I need advice from is you" Kurt said as he got up from the bed. "Thanks for the examination, though. At least I know I'm fine."
"I can run a few more tests if you want me to" Sebastian offered.
"No, thanks" Kurt said. "I think I know what I have to do."
"And what is it?" Sebastian asked.
"Something that I won't share with you" Kurt said and ignoring Sebastian's amused look, he went to change.
~ o ~
"Hey, guys! I'm home" Blaine said as he stepped through the door the next day, shut the door behind him and went to find his family.
The apartment was surprisingly quiet and he frowned as he walked into the living room, not finding anyone there.
"Guys?" he called out again.
"And my handsome husband is finally home."
Blaine turned around and his mouth hang open when he found Kurt leaning against the door, wearing nothing but a very tight and uncomfortable looking, although very sexy leather underwear.
"Uhm... Although I love the sight, are you sure we can do this in front of Elyse?" Blaine asked, trying to gain control over his body that reacted on the sight of his husband before he could form the words.
Kurt smiled and pushed himself away from the doorframe, only to step closer to Blaine and grab his shirt to pull him close.
"She's with your mom and won't be back until tomorrow morning" Kurt said.
"Oh. Oh" Blaine moaned as Kurt's lips found a sensitive spot behind his neck. He reached out to grab Kurt's waist but the man danced out of reach. "Wha... But... I thought we would..."
"We will" Kurt said as he turned around, swaying his hips in front of Blaine a way that drove him crazy. "I cooked dinner."
"You want to have dinner? Now?" Blaine asked with wide eyes. He was perfectly sure that he couldn't sit through a whole dinner if Kurt looked like this.
"And some wine. Yes" Kurt nodded.
He made sure they had everything for a romantic night. He took care of the smallest details, making sure they both relaxed and had some alone time, something they needed so much. Kurt was determined to make themselves forget about the baby for this night, have dinner with his husband, drink as much as they wanted, and then, in the end... have sex with him, preferably all over the place. Just like in the good old days.
"Why are we doing this?" Blaine asked.
"Because I don't want us to turn into an old, boring couple too early" Kurt explained. "We need this. We need some time alone, we need romantic moments and we most certainly need sex without worrying if I would get pregnant or not. Just one night."
"Just one?" Blaine asked, slightly disappointed.
"Are you sad, Mr Anderson?" Kurt winked.
"Well, if it means I can't see you in this anymore, I definitely am" Blaine said.
"I will think about it" Kurt said.
"You know what? I think I have my ways to make you want to wear this every single day of the year" Blaine said and with a sudden movement, he pulled Kurt close to him.
"Do you?" Kurt asked, smiling.
"Just let me show you" Blaine whispered into Kurt's ear and then leaned back to press soft kisses to Kurt's neck, the way he knew his husband loved it.
Kurt closed his eyes and let Blaine make him forget about everything for that night.
