Chapter 4 "Thursdays pessimisms, a boy optimisms, and a bouncing boy."
I sat on the floor of the bathroom it was around 10 o'clock in the morning and hadn't left the bathroom because of severe morning sickness. James brought a flurry of food that made throw my guts up so violently I thought baby would come up through my mouth. Harry played in his play pen with his penguin Arthur let him have, to quote him, "Ron has enough toys believe me." Between bodily adjustments I stared at my stomach, "Funny."
"What's funny, lil's?"
"Last time I was pregnant, I knew for two months and this time I had no idea."
"That is ironic and somehow I was still in the dark," James realized the change in my eye color, turning evergreen, he knelt down beside me and held me, "James I can't do this."
"Yes, you can."
"I'm scared. There is this beautiful life is inside me," My hands found my belly and begging rubbing it, " and I'm practically the carriage to her death." I began to sob into my knees. "STUPID HORMONES!" James rubbed my back until my sobs ceased and my raging hormones subsided, for now. James, picked me up and put me in his lap. "I named her James. Even though I know it makes it harder."
James pulled my red hair out of my face, "What did you name her love?" His burning hazels met my green. He had been crying, I could tell.
"Ivory Antoinette Potter, Ivy for short."
"Ivy...Ivy...Ivy...Ivy...Ivy? Why Ivyeeee?"
"Well, I don't bloody know. I feel like she'd grow on people. Like she's growing on me."
"What if it's another boy?"
"Gabriel Xerxes Potter!"
"Awesome, my kids named after a god!"
"I thought you might like that one."
All of a sudden an old man appeared in the doorway. Smiling and carrying balloons. "I didn't know if these muggle floating devices would be appropriate."
"Where did you get balloons?"
"I had to visit the Prime Minister about a case of muggle deaths. He's getting worried."
"Don't talk about death. I won't hear it." My hormones began to take over my mind like the mixture that was taking over my airways. I released myself from James hold and flung my face into the toilet. Dinosauric sounds filled the room as I motioned for everyone to leave. Curse this baby. When the vomiting subsided, I felt defeated. I had gone an entire 10 minutes without getting sick. An aroma that smelled like rain and tangerines, smoked bacon. Uh-oh. Once-again, my head was dunked into the bowl of putrid acid. James snuck in and held my hair back. "What are you doing in here?"
"When I married you I vowed in sickness and in health. I'm leaving off that first part." James stayed for twenty minutes as I threw my guts up. I was surprised I could keep going I didn't think there was that much left. Finally, it stopped. James carried me to bed. Dumbledore had folded back the sheets and James tucked me into them. He left for about two seconds and returned with a trashcan. He set it down next to the bed and kissed my forehead. "Get some sleep honey, you're exhausted." I looked at his kind eyes. All of a sudden my eyes began to deceive me. There was two James and they were extremely blurry. Then my world fell black and silent.
I was walking down the halls of Hogwarts, towards the stairwell that led to my favorite class, potions. Unfortunately, in doing this I had to walk past the Slytherin hall that led to their gloomy common room. There was always one or two packs walking my way as well. Ever since Snape called me that horrid name, Mudblood. I was scared to see him. I was so angry at him even though it had been roughly 5 months. He disappointed me. I wished he go away. All of a sudden my books were knocked to the ground. I stared up, Emerson Fiddleton, a seventh year boy who always had the likings for me. He lived by the status of Pure bloods were, are, and will be always better. "Hey, mudblood," his index finger traced my quivering jaw line, "you know you are the most beautiful ginger mudblood I have ever seen." His hand began to slowly get a grip on my on the back of neck. The rest of his pack of immature friends walked away with smirks on there faces. Emer's teeth and lips were gnawing on my small ear, "Why don't we get a room, love?"
"Don't call me that," I tried to free myself from the beater's grip.
"Why, love? You like it when that idiot Potter calls you that. So why can't I?" His hands began to trace my waist line and move their way up. I once-again tried to free myself from his grip. His grip moved from my neck to my hair, he pulled it back. I whimpered. "You like that?"
"No," I began to cry, "I don't."
"Oh shoo, shoo, don't cry," He put his index finger under my chin in order for me to look at him, while thumb wiped away flowing tears, "why don't we find a dark room darling mudblood?" He had such grip on my hair that I couldn't say no. "That's a really good answer, filth."
"Please, stop calling me that." I begged Emer's to stop. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. This wasn't supposed to happen. Emerson didn't loosen his grip on my hair as he went behind me. He told me to walk so I did but not before I made one final attempt to break free. Emerson's forearm held me by my waist. I kick my legs up, head butted him and screamed, "JAMES! JAMES! SOMEONE! HELP!"
Emer's grip around my waist tightened cutting off my air. His other forearm moved around neck choking me, he pinned my face against the cold brick wall, "You yell like that again and I'll twist your dainty little neck." His bulky fingers found his way to my mouth. I bit his hand. "OUCH. OK someone likes play dirty. You're going to pay for that though." His dirty calloused hands grabbed my neck and hair. He pulled hard. I screamed as loud as I could with his hand over my mouth. I kicked and squirmed as he choked me. I began to cry. He found an unoccupied room and dropped me on the ground. I began gasping for the air which I desperately craved.
"James, someone, anyone, please!" I begged to the air as I began to attempt to crawl away. Emer's was assessing that damage I gave him to his head. I got to the door turned the knob and ran. I got about halfway down the hallway when a curse hit me from behind. I managed a yell as I turned to see how close Emerson was when I hit the floor with the back of my head, hard. My head was throbbing. Before I knew it he was on top of me.
"Stupid, filthy,mudblood." He kissed with such force it hurt. I couldn't breath with such weight sitting on my diaphragm. I longed for anyone, even, Snape to come and save me. His hands began to feel there way up my side. "Isn't your little boyfriend coming? I was hoping so much that he was going to so that he could see what happens when he's not looking, mudblood." All of a sudden a rough hand struck my face and then knuckles punched my gut. The next slap came across my other cheek and the other punch felt like he went under my ribs. He slapped me again until I was raw and bruising. Then a splicing pain came from my right cheek. His family ring had cut my cheek open. I screamed out in pain. This time I was heard.
"GET YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFF OF HER!" A blue light flew at Emerson, knocking him off of me. I rolled over gasping for air, holding my face as tears would sting the open cut. I cried, I couldn't stop crying. My vision began to blur. All of a sudden James' face came into focus. "Hey, baby girl, how you doing?" I could see Sirius and Lupin going after Emerson with wands drawn. I smiled a weak smile, "Sirius and Lupin are going after him. Pettigrew went to go get help. Dumbledore will very much want to make sure you're o.k."
"How did you find me?" I asked weakly. I could only manage a few words. I looked up at my rescuer and saw something about James I never saw before. In those hazel eyes, they were filled with a powerful kindness. They were gentle and warm. I could trust them instead of the black eyes that just desecrated me. A feeling of safety wrapped around me like neither wind nor fire could hurt me, like no one else was there.
"When you didn't show up for potions I got worried, that's you're favorite class. I remember when you had Pneumonia and you skipped every other class except that one. So I asked Professor Slughorn if I could go look for you. Annie said she saw you leave and walk down here but then you just disappeared. I rallied up the gang and we went to look for you when I heard you scream. I also saw the curse that hit you, he will be expelled for that one. Don't worry lily pad, he won't hurt you again." He ripped off a piece of his robe and put it on my cheek.
"James the pain."
"I know, dear, I know."
I knew then I was going to marry the boy with kind eyes..
"JAMES, WE GOT HIM!" I could hear Remus shout from down the hall.
"THAT'S WHAT UP! 2 curses and this perv was down!" I could vaguely make out the shapes of two boys and some sort of heap floating in the air. The floating mass was a tied up, squirming, conscious Emerson Fiddleton. I pushed myself into James' body. Afraid the boy would break free. "How is she?" Lupin bent down to my level. "It's o.k, Lil's I'm not going to hurt you, let me take a look, just to see how deep the cut is." James bent his head down and whispered in my ear.
"It's o.k love." I screamed and began crying again.
"DON'T EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN. HE CALLED ME THAT!" I pointed up toward the wriggling mass.
"STUPID MUDBLOOD!" Emer's spat in my general direction, but he missed and hit James instead. James anger overflowed. He got up with me in his arms and handed me to Remus. Then my world fell into a pit of darkness.
"Dumbledore, can we hide, move again?"
"I thought you detested moving."
"That's before Lily was pregnant."
"James I can't, it' s chaos in here. Right now, we are so overwhelmed with what Peter did-"
"What he did was the past we cant change that. We can change fate though."
"What Peter did affects your fate. I don't know how much he told the Dark Lord. Also the Longbottom's were just tortured not but three days ago over information about you. They haven't woken up yet, I don't know how to assess damage right now."
I rolled over and my clock read 1pm. I had only slept 3 hours. It felt like more. Thankfully, I thought the morning sickness had resided. I was starving as well yet I wanted to hear what my hubby and Albus were quarreling about.
"Peter told the Dark Lord where we live now. So what if we hid at someone else's house?"
"I can't let you!"
"WHY...why not?"
"There may be more spies in the Order the just Peter. Some may be under a spell one which he would protect very deeply. Snape came to me earlier as well. Says he changed side."
"How long was that?"
"About three months time, he's actually the one who warned me."
"Couldn't he detour Voldemort from the house then? While we escaped there is a cottage on the ocean front that the Weasley's own."
"Does Peter know?"
"He might. But, he wouldn't know that we were there."
"If you're not here that's the next place he would go James."
"We don't know that, James please understand."
"I understand that my close mate just betrayed me, I understand that I can't handle situations like this very well, I understand that it's chaos in both Muggle and Magical worlds. I don't understand why I can't change Lil's, Harry's, and Ivory's fate. I die to protect them. I'll stay behind."
"Ivory?"
"Lily named her Ivory Antoinette Potter."
"If it's another boy?"
"Gabriel Xerxes Potter."
"Aww after a judge and god. He would be a wise child."
"Thank you, so let me protect her."
"Potter, your stubbornness hasn't change since that old hat put you in Gryffindor."
"Thank you, put them in hiding please. I don't matter."
By this point I had had enough. I threw back the sheets and knocked over the trashcan as I stomped towards our oak door. "How dare you."
"Lily? How long have you been awake?" "Long enough and you matter to me. I couldn't raise two children on my own."
"You'd have Sirius, Remus, and Pe-, I mean Arthur and his wife."
"I want you not them." I touched the place on my face where there was a scar from the cut I had received so long ago, James' hand met mine. "Till death do us part."
"Don't say that."
"James, if he kills you he wont stop looking for us. You'd die in vain. They say he's growing weaker but I don't believe so I believe he's growing stronger. He has horcruxes he'll never fully die."
"Don't say that."
"James we have to face reality."
"Don't say that."
"Lily, James." We turned to look at Dumbledore. The old symbol of hope, comfort, control, stability now turned to a symbol of unknown, despair, coldness, and chaos. If Albus Dumbledore and all of his wisdom couldn't save us what could? "You know what to do." Albus enveloped us in hug. "It has been a pleasure and great honor to fight this fight with you." Then he apperated, leaving James and I embracing each other with silent tears streaming down our faces. We couldn't speak, this life we knew was over, our live would end at just the start. We knew we going to die.
After a couple hours of silence and sitting here on our maroon sofa. We looked at each and knew what we had to do. We patronused Dumbledore as a sign we were ready to continue in our arrangements. While we waited for him to come to our house we tidied up. I had the tried patience to teach my husband how vacuum Muggle style. That took about an hour seeing as every time it would start he'd run away like a Cornish Pixie. Then we got to the laundry, he would ran away, like a deer, fearing the dryer would eat him. To quote "Bloody Merlin that device will suck my soul like a muggle dementor." Fortunately, Albus came about an 5 minutes later and judged the looks on our faces we knew what was about to happen.
"Hello Potters," Albus embraced both of us and choked back a sob, "It is good to see you again. Yet, I am burdened with the fear it may be our last."
"Oh, Albus, people always say they wish to know their future but to know your future can leave you in an uncontrollable spiral towards depression."
"A wise way to look at things, Mr. Potter."
"Albus you know to call me James, we are friends."
"O.k, James."
"Would you like some tea Albus? We have lots."
"I would love some."
I went into the kitchen and began brewing tea. Slowly I started realizing whats happening and the extremes of it I was 21 years old and I was practically on my death bed. To know was fate was to deal with it. I pushed back the tears. MY only hope was that we had evaded Him three times already. Perhaps we could do it again. Yet, an ominous feeling told me we were. I was so zoned out that I didn't hear the tea kettle going off. I was just staring off into a black hole.
"Lily?"
"Yes, sorry." I brought tea to the headmaster and my spouse.
"Well, this is the fourth time we have done this maybe we could get a fifth."
James and I managed a weak smile. We had already thought of this. We had already began to pack up our belongings. The half empty shelves, clothing we wouldn't need we gave to the Weasley's, the pictures of Harry, my family, James' family, our family all off the walls and packed away tightly. Our stories, memories, hopes, and dreams packed away in boxes once again. A fake smile is truly all we could muster. Harry played in his play pen once again oblivious to the fact that at any point he could be orphaned or dead. "Albus. How well do you know old magic?"
"Not well my dear, it 's been a while. What can I help you with?"
"I read an article talking about how a mother once sacrificed herself for her daughter and when the killer tried to kill the daughter after he mother the curse rebounded. It protected the daughter and when the killer got out of Azkaban he could touch her. Thus again defeated."
"Oh, my dear Lily. That is old magic most say its a myth and can't be done. Some say you have to be so pure at heart that one piece of self indulgence wouldn't let it happen. It's the hardest magic to do."
"Thank you."
James looked at me think the same thought. "All we have to do is look over his trust fund and who shall take care of him in case of our death..." James lingered on the word 'death.'
"Yes, it states here that Sirius Black is to take care of him."
"We are going to change that."
"O.k to whom Lily?"
Dumbledore sat across from us. He looked calm but his eyes burned with a fire of fear. A man by the name of Voldemort was slowing gaining power in the muggle and magical world. Werewolves were at his dispense, infrels used at his leisure and giants carrying out his commands in he forest, and a team of "Death Eater" making death calls and acting like the Grim Reaper. We knew why we were there. Two months ago there was a prophecy made about a baby born at the end of July. "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..." When Harry was born at the end of July. We weren't allowed to take him home for a couple of days. They put him under lock and key in order to protect him in case of an attack. Minerva had taken Harry to "play" with. James and his paranoia made him think he was going to transfigure our two month old and kept insisting on go to check on him.
"You know why your here."
"Funny, you said that when I was in trouble."
"You are...in a way."
I chimed in finally, "Albus we know the problem, what's the solution?"
"Always so analytical Lily Evans Potter."
"I just want to know what is going to happen to my son."
"If worse comes to worse you'll have to go into hiding. You will have to cut ties with all family members, friends and your lives as you know it. I'm sorry for this. If there was anyway to stop him... there is another who had a child around the end of the seventh month. A sweet family, Alice and Frank Longbottom-"
"Alice... Alice as in Alice Puritt? She in any danger?"
"Some the same amount as you are. They had a son named Neville Longbottom. We have already placed them in hiding. A certain witch by the name of-"
"Let me guess Bellatrix Lestrange."
"Excuse me, James?"
"Bellatrix Lestrange," James stood up, "Cousin of Sirius Black also known as deranged pyscho path, to her very close... haters."
"How did you know about her?"
"She came to my house one time. Walburga, beast of a women, sent her over to 'reclaim' Sirius. They wanted to convert him back to the loyally dark House of Black. Sirius wouldn't hear of it. He slammed the door in her face and didn't open it until she left."
"Well, she has taken a sudden interest in the Longbottom's. There's something else we need to talk about."
James was still pacing around the room in anger the thought of this deranged lunatic had come back into his life. So I answered the questions. "What's that Albus?"
"A will."
"A will...?"
"Yes, something that states what is to happen to your belonging when you die. Most importantly what happens to Harry in case of an incident."
"Like a guardian?"
"Yes, Lily, like a guardian."
"Sirius that's easy."
"Excuse me James but why not someone from my family."
"Well, seeing as you're a witch and only your parents and melodramatic sister know about that. I see your muggle family being potentially problematic."
"Excuse me! MY FAMILY YOUR PARENT ARE SO OLD THEY WERE AROUND WHEN THE FIRST DRAGON POX EPIDEMIC HIT!"
"Petunia Dursley, my sister," James looked at me in confusion, "Sirius will be hunted, he can't have Harry with him. Petunia has separated herself enough from the wizarding world and myself. That Harry will be safe there."
"And the case of his trust being held at Gringotts bank?"
"Freeze it with interest. No one is to touch until gets his letter. Then and only then can that vault be opened." I was happy James was letting me make all the decisions. It soothed me. I felt my the baby jump. I squeezed James hand letting him know I couldn't go on. I left room to go clean more already clean dishes. "...umm we probably should wrap this up we have to finish packing up our belongings."
"Yes, well, good luck Potters." Albus and my husband embraced one last time. I longed for my parents to hold me. For my mothers quiet breath to tell me everything will be o.k. I needed my fathers lanky warm arms around me telling his princess that I was going to be o.k. Part of me long to know what death felt like. If it hurt or was painless, if it was quick or slow.
"Stop thinking about it. Lily you must stop thinking about it." I looked up at my husband and wrapped my arms around him. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. Monday we were making out on changing tables and laughing and throwing pillows at each other . Four day later, we were packing up our belongings and making plans for our 15 month old son, in case we were to die. "LILY!" James had my face in his hands, "You must stop, we have a son to be strong for. Just thinking happy thoughts."
"Remember how you first asked me out?"
"How could I forget."
"You got the entire frog choir to serenade me to each class."
"Yeah, I did."
"Remember when you saved me?"
"I saved you?"
"From Fiddleton."
"That day you saved me Lily. That day I realized I couldn't live without you. I can't live without you. So no matter what Voldemort does, he can rip the bloody world apart and I will always be with you no matter what. If we lose all of our belongings and we become homeless I will be with you. Even in the afterlife I decided that day I would be with you. I didn't know about you but I fell in love with you that day."
"I did to."
Sirius knocked on the wall, "Hey." James ran to his brother and embraced him. The two held each other for support. "I'm sorry but I bring news."
"What news."
"Regulus reached out to me. He says that the Dark Lord is preparing to strike."
"Do you know when?"
"No."
"How's Regulus?"
"He's in hiding, he left the Death Eaters said chasing around an innocent family to kill them isn't what he signed up for."
"What did he sign up for then? Cakes, crumpets and tea."
"HEY! THAT'S MY BROTHER!"
"I DON'T CARE HE WAS IN LEAGUE WITH HIM."
"BOYS, stop." Both turned to me, "It doesn't matter what he did what matters is what he is doing. He's helping us. Sirius can you help pack?"
"Yeah, sorry."
"It's o.k."
Sirius ran to the basement and brought up more boxes.
By 5 o'clock we had the entire living room packed up. As the day went on Molly Weasley brought us food. She never came in though she'd leave at the door in the secret passage way. I think she couldn't bear to see what was happening. It was to hard for her. She was a mother of boys as well I think it was to close to home. Arthur came over around six and made dinner for us and helped back up our bathroom, bedroom and half of Harry's small room. Andromeda and Edward Tonks came over around eight to help clean silver, gold and clean the house, in-general. I asked specifically to this all muggle style it took us longer but it felt familiar. It felts good. Dusting, vacuuming, cleaning dishes and wrapping china dishes all by hand. The wizards and witches didn't understand or reciprocate the feeling but for the sake of a stressed pregnant girl they went along like children playing a game of hide and seek. Only this time it was a game of hide or die. Soon my entire living and family room was 2 empty shelves, one sofa and boxes full of our lives. In the kitchen we only had the fridge filled with basic necessities in case we ran. Our cabinets and counters were barren. Not even dust. Arthur left around 10 and the Tonks left around 11. So we sat in our empty, hollowed home with our sleeping child. Eeriness filling every creak, rattle or wind swept scratch.
