Split: Ranma and His Many Face's.

Chapter 4: Bokken Brains and Motor Mouths

A/N: In the Anime, no one knows about Ranma's curse at school during this episode so let's just say that no one knows about it in this fanfic as well.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ in any way shape or form and I am not trying to use this to make any money. Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and not by me.


Ukyo Kuonji was livid and it wasn't because she had to open up her restaurant early this morning before school just to make enough money to afford rent this month. It wasn't even the fact that Ryoga had walked into her restaurant this morning four times and didn't order a damn thing. It was the fact that when she got to school her Ranchan was saying his or her name was 'Red Lighting' and how beauteous Ranma thought her beloved Tendo Akane was.

Nabiki couldn't believe how stupid her little sister was being right now. Akane should have known better than to bring male Ranma to school where everyone and their mother knows his name and will say it to get his attention. So, she was running down to the courtyard to try and prevent a disaster from happening, and right as she exited the front doors she saw a disaster about to happen. There was Ukyo face all contorted in anger and battle spatula at the ready about to attack her Ranchan.

Ranma wasn't going let the evil magic that the one known as Kuno used to make her a woman come between her and her true love. She would either get used to it or find a way to break the spell that the Wicked Warlock put on her, but right now her Tendo Akane was more important than this womanly body that she now possessed.

Ranma ran up to Akane and got down on one knee, "Forgive the Red Lighting for I do not know how I came to inhabit this demonic body," Ranma paused, stood up, and took Akane's hands in her own, "But, fear not because my love for you runs deeper than this mere vessel that I now possess," Ranma got closer and looked Akane straight in the eye, "My beauteous Tendo Akane date with me."

Akane was about to say something along the lines that they are both girls right now and standing in the middle of the schoolyard, but just as she opened her mouth a giant spatula came flying down between her and Ranma breaking the two of them apart.

Ukyo jerked her spatula back out of the ground and turned to face her Ranchan, "What the hell you Jackass I thought I was your cute fiancée!" She snarled as she swung her spatula at Ranma.

Ranma jumped and landed on Ukyo spatula. She then leaned down and gazed into Ukyo's eyes all but freezing the okonomiyaki chef in her tracks. Ukyo could have almost sworn Ranma had streaks of red and yellow in her blue eyes but didn't get to think about it too much before Ranma started speaking, "You are right how could I have forgotten," Ranma jumped off of her spatula stepped closer to Ukyo as she continued, "Your beauty knows no bounds. Date with me my spatula-girl and we shall make all the commoners envious of our love."

Akane's eyebrow was twitching with anger as she couldn't believe Ranma was saying those things to Ukyo right after saying them to her. Her building rage made her completely forget why Ranma was acting this way as she brought out her mallet and ran towards Ranma trying to knock her into the sky, but Ranma stepped back right before the blow was going to connect and turned to face Akane exclaiming, "My beauteous Tendo Akane fear not I have plenty of love for the both of you." Ranma paused then snapped her fingers as if she had an idea, "Hizza that is it I shall date you both!"

Ukyo went from being so glad Ranchan was telling her these things to pissed off beyond belief. Akane couldn't believe Ranma had become a two-timing pervert.

Ukyo screamed, "Ranma Honey you two-timing Jackass!" As she hit Ranma in the side with her spatula.

Akane screamed, "Ranma how could y-you PERVERT!" As she swung her mallet that connected with Ranma's other side.

Ukyo froze at the sight of Ranma on the ground. She knew she hit Ranma hard but didn't think that she hit Ranma hard enough to make her fall to the ground and start shaking uncontrollably. Akane's eyes went wide as she watched Ranma thinking, 'oh no I forgot about Ranma's condition... well as long as it's not Kiyoko we should be fine...'

Nabiki who had been watching the whole thing smacked her forehead as this was the problem she was hoping to avoid. 'Can't be helped now I guess... we just have to see who we get next. Sorry, dear sister but if it's Kiyoko or Yuko you are on your own.' She thought.

Akane had a few seconds to think about the situation while she was waiting to see what Ranma they were going to get next. The main problem is should she tell Ukyo? If she did tell her would Ukyo abuse it like she figured her father and Genma would? But, Ukyo has been Ranma's friend for the longest amount of time and hopefully, that would be enough.

So, Akane quickly grabbed Ukyo and whispered in her ear, "Something is wrong with Ranma I will explain more about it later just whatever you do, do not say his name."

Ukyo turned to stare at Akane like she was crazy and didn't believe anything as they both turned their attention back to the redhead who rose rubbing her head for a moment before running up to them smiling.

When Ranma got close she was practically beaming as she spelled out, "M-E-G-U-M-I that so, like, spells Megumi and that's, like, totally my name," she then quickly shook Akane's hand and continued, "Hi oh my gosh you must, like, be Akane-chan," then quickly turned and shook Ukyo's hand as she said, "And, like, you must totally be Ukyo-chan. I am so, like, totally very happy to meet you both."

Ranma then stepped back and smiled waiting for them to say something and when Ukyo and Akane didn't instantly reply she glared at them both while she screamed, "SAY HI BACK NOW!" as she stomped her foot.

Akane jumped slightly from being yelled at like that and was the first to recover. She was just glad this wasn't 'Kiyoko' at least so she forced a smile as she said, "Umm hi Megumi it's very nice to meet you too…" she then saw Ranma smile at her then turned to glare at Ukyo.

Akane nudged Ukyo breaking her from her slight shock. Ukyo then blinked at Ranma not knowing what to do, but Akane did say something was wrong with Ranma and not to say his name. So, she nervously said, "Uhh, h-hi Ran... I mean Megumi?" she finished it almost asking it like a question.

Ranma nodded her head and her face relaxed as she said, "Like, oh my gosh isn't this, like, totally B-E-T-T-E-"

Nabiki cut her off as she approached them saying, "Hurry up you two grab her and come on! class is about to star-" she had to stop as her cheek started stinging.

Ranma was fuming how dare someone, like, totally cut her off that is so, like, totally impolite so she ran up to Nabiki and slapped her as she said, "Oh my gosh! How dare you, like, try to interrupt me that is, like, so totally RUDE!"

Ranma then ran back to Ukyo and Akane and beamed as she continued, "So, Like, I was totally saying before I got, like, rudely interrupted. Isn't it, like, B-E-T-T-E-R now that we are, like, so totally best friends?" When she saw both of the girls slowly nod their heads she ran back to Nabiki not even noticing the weird gazes she was getting from them both and a nod was all she needed to confirm their friendship.

When she approached Nabiki who was holding her cheek she said, "I am like so totally sorry, but you, like, cut me off and I, like, do not, like, to be interrupted at all." She then paused and smiled as she shook Nabiki's hand forcefully, "My name is M-E-G-U-M-I that spells Megumi and, like, oh my gosh you must, like, totally be Nabiki-chan."

Nabiki swallowed a lump and she did not like being slapped, but it wasn't that hard of a slap, to be honest, it just stung a little. She did know two things though this wasn't 'Kiyoko' or 'Yuko' and she had also been around girls like this before so she knew how to manipulate them.

She quickly straightened up and smiled as she said, "No, no my fault Megumi-chan it was rude of me to interrupt you. Now, how about we all head inside and go to class? I am sure you can meet a bunch of new friends in school." She finished with a smile.

Ranma nodded her head and beamed as she said, "Like, oh my gosh totally that is so, like, a totally great Idea your, like, so smart Nabiki-chan!" she then ran back to Ukyo and Akane practically dragging them as she followed Nabiki into the school.

When all them entered the school Nabiki pulled Akane over and whispered to her, "How could you be so stupid to bring male Ranma to school. He would have been switching all day long." Akane was about to say she never thought about that but never got a chance as the redhead started talking.

Ranma immediately gasped as she looked down at herself saying, "No, no, no this is totally not going to work, like, what am I going to do?"

Nabiki turned around and saw Ranma looking down at her clothes and smiled as she said, "Oh, don't worry Megumi-chan follow me and I can get you something to wear." She then paused as she looked at the time, "Hmm we will have to hurry though." Then turned to her sister and continued, "Akane, Ukyo leave Megumi with me and I will get everything straightened out. Also, Akane fill Ukyo in on what is wrong with… umm your fiancé."

Ranma turned around and was practically jumping up and down as she said, "Like, oh my gosh you have a fiancé Akane-chan? That is so, like, totally romantic is he handsome? Oh, I bet he is a pretty girl, like, you I bet you so, like, totally snagged a hunk."

Ukyo mouth was hanging open and was too dazed from seeing her Ranchan acting this way to say anything at all. Akane merely sweat dropped as she said, "Uh-huh he is good looking I guess…"

Ranma nodded her head ferociously but realized that she totally needed to hurry. She, like, did not want to go to school dressed as a Japanese military officer or be late to school on her first day. So, she quickly said bye to Akane and Ukyo then started to follow Nabiki.

Nabiki took Ranma all the way to the school store and bought her a girl's school uniform on Ranma's tab of course. Then went to the administrator's office where she used her connections to get 'Megumi' enrolled in Furinkan High without the entrance exam. Which she also added to Ranma's tab. Nabiki got this all done in record time as she was able to drop Ranma off dressed in her new uniform at her homeroom and make it back to her own homeroom right before the late bell rang.

Akane had told Ukyo everything about what happened while Nabiki was doing whatever she was doing with Ranma. Ukyo didn't know what to think about the situation, but from this mornings antics and when Akane told her about 'Kiyoko' she promised she would try to not say his name. Now they were both sitting at their desks waiting for class to start. This was just when Ranma walked in dressed in the Furinkan High school girls uniform.

All eyes were on the cute little redhead who entered the classroom as she ran over to the teacher smiling and handed him a note, but before he even said anything she ran to the front of the room and started introducing herself, "Hi," she said with a wave then continued, "M-E-G-U-M-I that, like, totally spells Megumi and that's so, like, my name. I have, like, three B.F.F's Akane-chan, Ukyo-chan, and Nabiki-chan. Well, me and Nabiki-chan, like, totally got off on the wrong foot. She was, like, so totally rude and interrupted me when I was so, like, talking so I, like, slapped her, but we are so, like, totally best friends now. She, like, took me shopping and then, like, got me enrolled then, like-"

The teacher cleared his throat as he said, "I think that is enough Megumi-chan you can take you-" he got that far before his cheek started stinging.

Ranma ran over and slapped the teacher after she got so totally interrupted again, "THAT IS, LIKE, SO TOTALLY RUDE!" she screamed at him then went back to the front of the room and sighed before putting on a happy smile and continuing, "So, like, I was saying before I, like, so totally got interrupted me and, like Nabiki-chan…"

Akane and Ukyo both sighed as Ranma continued talking for the rest of the class period and the teacher tried to get her to stop but gave up after she slapped him four times for, like, so totally being rude and interrupted her.

Eventually, it took three class periods before Ranma was done introducing herself and talking about her three best friends. She had also slapped every new teacher about six times each for, like, so totally interrupting her. So, now she had just got done introducing herself and she was waiting for her peers to answer. When they didn't respond right away she screamed at them, "SAY NICE TO MEET YOU MEGUMI-CHAN NOW!"

Every student who had pretty much fell asleep after the second teacher came in jumped and said in a slightly monotone chorus, "Nice to meet you Megumi-chan…" and plopped their heads on their desk glad that the new girl was finally done talking.

Ranma beamed now she, like, totally had a whole classroom of, like, friends so she was, like, practically skipping over to the empty desk beside her, like, totally B.F.F Akane-chan and sat down waiting for the lesson to start.

The rest of the day went by in a blur for Akane and Ukyo and it was hell whenever the teacher would ask Ranma a question. It was clear that she did not know the answer what so ever, but would somehow tie it into her B.F.F's. Then she would slap the teacher for interrupted her if they tried to get her to stop or tell her they were talking about problem five not how totally gorgeous Akane-chan's blue hair was, how shiny Ukyo-chan's spatula was, or how totally amazingly smart Nabiki-chan was.

When the school day was finally over Ukyo practically ran away after the bell rang saying she needed to go to her restaurant. She did not want anything to do with Ranma anymore until he was better and she was also dreading coming to school tomorrow.

Akane, on the other hand, was walking home wanting to stab her own eardrums so that she wouldn't have to listen to Ranma talk anymore, and her sister was making the situation worse. It seemed 'Megumi' and Nabiki got along perfectly fine and her sister was smiling the entire time as she kept the conversation going. Akane figured her sister was trying to get payback for the whole 'Yoko' incident.

Akane sighed as she entered the household and promptly told Nabiki, and Ranma that she needed to do some homework but mainly it was just to get away from motor mouth. Nabiki quickly told her sister Kasumi, Ranma's new name and she was surprised to see that Kasumi seemed upset that 'Sergeant Sato' wasn't here anymore. But, shrugged it off as nothing as she brought Ranma into the main room to show her to their fathers who were standing in a salute when Ranma entered the room.

Ranma immediately ran over to Genma wrapping him up in a hug as she said, "Daddy I, like, so totally had a wonderful day, like, let me tell you about it…"

Nabiki sat there and watched their fathers for a good thirty minutes and each time Genma and Soun would try to interrupt Ranma she would immediately scream at them and slap them for, like, so totally being rude. Eventually, she couldn't take it anymore and went up to her room barely able to control her laughter.

Ranma told their fathers every detail about her entire day. She talked all the way until Kasumi called saying dinner was ready, then through dinner, and all the way until everyone was about to get ready to go to bed.

Genma and Soun were both slamming their heads on the table in the dining room after Ranma had finally got done talking. They were also very glad when Akane came down and snatched Ranma away.

Genma then turned to his friend and smiled as he said, "look Tendo it's not so bad the schools will be joined soon enough."

Soun raised his head and glared at Genma saying, "I don't know if I want to join the schools anymore Private jelly-belly..."

Akane who had been trying to tell herself that 'Kiyoko' or 'Red Lighting' could come back if she said Ranma's name couldn't take it anymore. She was almost hoping 'Kiyoko' would come back just so she wouldn't have to hear 'Megumi' say another damn word. So, she waited until Ranma was done talking and dragged her into her room. She then said his name twice hoping for anything really, she just didn't care anymore.

When she saw Ranma stop convulsing, stand up, and shake her head she immediately asked, "Who are you tell me your name?" because even if it did turn out to be 'Kiyoko' she could stop her before the situation got out of hand.

Ranma stood up and shook her as she faced Akane, "Huh uhh… it's... Ranko... You know that Akane, and I'm sorry I shouldn't have gotten angry about Ryoga-kun. I promise I won't let a boy ever come between us again."

Akane sighed in relief as she said, "I am so glad your back Ranko." And ran to hug the redhead.

Ranma blinked a few times before speaking, "Oh Akane I never went anywhere..." she paused, "Did I?"

Akane stepped back and shook her head as she said, "No you didn't Ranko it's just umm... you should probably get ready for bed it's really late and you can sleep in my room. Your father is sleeping in the guest room and I know you and him don't get along that well."

Ranma looked saddened and nodded her head as she spoke, "Alright thanks, Akane I think I'm going to go wash up before bed though."

Akane smiled as she said, "Okay Ranko go get washed up and then we can have a little slumber party."

Ranma smiled and giggled as she said, "That's a wonderful idea Akane I'll be right back."

Ranma then left Akane's room in a happy mood as she walked down the hall and into the bathroom. She quickly took off all of her clothes and entered the separating doors into the furo. She then grabbed a bucket and a stool and started cleaning herself making sure to use cold water because she did not want to turn into a boy while she was naked.

When she got done she dried herself off and donned a white bathrobe. She exited the bathroom with a smile on her face as she was practically skipping down the hall and up to Akane's door. When she was about to grab the knob she grimaced when she saw the greasy hand-prints, but forced a smile as she opened the door entered and closed it behind her.

"Akane I know all I have is boy clothes and umm... do you have any clean clothes I could wear to bed?" Ranma asked.

Akane was sitting on her bed already wearing her Pajamas when she said, "Sure Ranko I think I have something that would fit you," as she stood up and went to her closet.

To be continued…


A/N: People seemed to like the weirdness and a Reviewer named Kirbyfan1996 kind of left a suggestion about a cheerleader and this is what ended up happening. I got a valley girl type one who would so, like, totally never shut up. Haha anyway sorry for that and hopefully Megumi won't come back as I'm afraid if I keep writing her I will, like, so totally start talking like her... To be honest she was fun to write though.

-If you have a personality suggestion leave it in a review and I just might use it.-


Fun Fact: The word "Like" was used 64 times in this chapter. Well, 65 now I guess...