Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Never had, and sadly, never will.
A/N: Hey guys. Thanks again for all the awesome reviews ! Here it goes, as I mentioned, my insight on Michael's feelings after the break up.
English still a issue, but you guys know the drill: any grammar/coherence mistakes, just let me know :)
I'm warning you, I had a little difficulty writing Cassandra's thoughts, so pardon me if she's a little out of character.
Hope you guys like it.
Enjoy!
"And then she just…walked away" Michael said with a sigh. Nikita's face flashed on his mind, the hurt look on her eyes cutting deeply through his heart. Michael exhaled, the agony in his chest expanding in almost unbearable proportions. He swallowed back his tears and hung his head in defeat.
"Ohh, Michael" Cassandra handed him a cup of tea "I'm so sorry"
"This is not your fault, Cassandra" he assured her, looking down at his cup of tea.
The blonde held back a chuckle "Ohh, I know. This is all your fault" she emphasized.
Michael looked up at her, crestfallen "What?" he whispered, putting the cup down.
She choose her next words carefully "Come on, Michael… you've been sending her mixed signals since Belarus, what did you think was going to happen?"
Michael frowned "Mixed signals?"
Cassandra held her tongue, deciding against entering a more delicate matter when he was still so saddened about Nikita's departure.
"Look, I'm just saying this was bound to happen. You just didn't want to see it" she said matter-of-factly.
"What's your point, Cassandra?" he asked slightly annoyed; he was getting more and more frustrated with her insinuations.
With a small smile, she shook her head "You know, you're so smart and so grounded most of the time…but sometimes you're such a man"
He gave her a stern look "Your point Cassandra, please"
"My point is, I kind of get where she's coming from" she said calmly, as if sympathizing with Nikita " She doesn't want to be the person to whom Max looks up and thinks 'you're the reason why my parents are not together'. The same way I don't want to be the person to whom she looks up and thinks 'you're the reason why Michael and I are not together'".
Michael sighed and Cassandra watched as all the different emotions; sorrow, anguish, regret; crossed his face forming an expression of pure misery.
In an attempt to pacify his apparent inner conflict, she ran her hand up and down his back.
Misinterpreting her actions, he inched away from her touch, closing his eyes in frustration and putting his head down on his hands.
"Cassandra, look… With all due respect, I care about you, I really do. You're the mother of my son and… " he evaded with sigh, words suddenly failing him "But Nikita is the one I love" he stated at least.
He heard her low chuckle and looked up at her.
Cassandra stared back at him arching one perfectly delineated eyebrow; a small smile playing on her lips "You really are such a man, you knew that?" she said with an amused grin.
Michael stared at her, slightly offended she had made fun of him.
She rolled her eyes with a laugh "Believe me, Michael. It's perfectly clear to me that you don't want to resume our relationship. And for the record, neither do I" she clarified.
Cassandra remained quiet for a while, pondering if she should tell him or not about how his behavior had a big part on Nikita leaving.
"Look, Michael. I know you truly love Nikita" she started carefully "But for your dismay, Nikita doesn't know that. And that's why she left".
"This doesn't make any sense, Cassandra" he complained.
"Ohh but it does, Michael" she stated "You're a man; I don't expect you to understand. But as a woman myself, I think I can say that it does make sense"
He shook his head, not wanting to believe it "No... She left because she believed that Max was in danger with her around. If I was with her, Division would be after us and Max would be in danger. Because she didn't believe I could be around without putting him in jeopardy. That's why she left."
"Michael…" she started, her voice even and calm "We all know Max is already in danger. I have many enemies, and so do you. There are people after you with or without Nikita" she tried to make him understand "I'm sure she had Max's wellbeing in sight as well, but that's not the main reason why she left"
He gave her a confused look "I don't follow"
"She did was she thought it was right. She loves you Michael, and she has seen how great you are with Max. She wanted to give a chance to your happiness, even if it meant she had to take herself out of the equation"
His mind racing through all the information Cassandra had just unloaded on him and on the events of the previous hours, Michael grunted in distress.
"You can't be serious, Cassandra. You don't know Nikita. Do you really think she would think that? That I would fall back in love with you and the three of us would be one happy family?"
Cassandra nodded "Pretty much. No running away, no hiding, no life threatening situations. It's only normal she would want it for the man she loves, even if it was without her. She only failed to acknowledge that my life is as messed up as hers"
Michael sighed, suddenly feeling drained.
"She only wanted to give you the chance to have a family. To make things work with Max and I. It's very noble of her. And maybe in another world where our lives were not so complicated; and you weren't so madly in love with her; it might have worked" Cassandra said, her lips curving in a sad smile.
Michael shook his head again, disbelieving her words "No" was the only thing he could think of.
"Really, Michael? Don't you know that when it comes down to matters of the heart and you're torn and scared, even smart people can be confused" she put a comforting hand on her shoulder "Even smart people like Nikita"
Distressed, Michael ran his hands through his thick brown hair "I can't believe she thought I could be happy without her" the memory of her almost brought tears to his eyes "Didn't she know I love her?" he asked to no one in particular "She's everything to me, Cassandra. How could she not know that?" he questioned.
"Maybe she did" she conceded "But again, mixed signals"
At her comment, he narrowed his eyes "What's that supposed to mean?"
Before Cassandra could answer him, they both heard Max calling his mother. Cassandra got up the couch.
"Just think about it" she told Michael before leaving the room and going to their son's room.
Michael just sat on the couch letting his mind wonder, thinking about Nikita.
Nikita.
He missed her so much it was almost physically painful. The only thing that kept him from totally losing it was being close to his son. But still, he missed her like crazy.
Every single aspect of her.
The way her body fit perfectly with his, the smell of her hair, how soft her skin was against his touch, her smile, the musical sound of her voice, the way her long eyelashes framed her sparkling brown eyes, and mostly the sensation of pure joy he felt whenever she was around him.
His mind suddenly flashed from her angelical image to the broken girl who had left him the day before. Going back a few weeks, his mind showed him a memory of Belarus, when Nikita had asked him about Cassandra. The sadness in her face at the knowledge that he'd rejected her in Russia made his heart ache. The way she always looked so upset when he and Cassandra hugged each other, or even when they exchanged looks.
He remembered then how fragile Nikita was the week that followed; how much she'd cried. Next, he remembered her face when she told him about Max; the time when he, in the middle of the haze of knowing he had a son, had let go of her hand. Just now he realized how devastated she was in that moment.
Then it all went downhill after their last mission, when she had drugged him and they had had a fight. Even Birkhoff had noticed.
Thinking two days back when he'd yelled at her when he thought Cassandra had been thrown off a cliff, he replayed the scene on his mind. Just now he saw the hurt look on her face as she tried to justify why she hadn't listen to him.
At last his recognized how insensitive he'd been when he let go of her to help Cassandra after she was shot. The way she looked away from them, the saddened look in her eyes.
Mixed signals.
"I'm so stupid" he grunted to himself. How could he not notice it before?
"Penny for your thoughts" Cassandra entered the room, startling him.
"Where's Max?" he questioned.
"Doing his homework" she sat by his side again "Don't change the subject. What's on your mind?"
He sighed "Did I ever give you the impression that…" he mumbled "…about us and…" he motioned between the two of them with his hands "you know…the mixed signals?" he managed to blurt the words out.
"When I first saw you in Belarus, yes" she admitted "But after I saw you and Nikita together, I knew you didn't mean it"
He exhaled loudly in dissatisfaction "I screwed up, didn't I?"
"Well, as you friend, I would say no. You were confused and things got a little off hand" she told him " But as a woman, I would say yes. You really messed up"
"I shouldn't have let her go" he said, more to himself "I should've stopped her"
"Yes you should" Cassandra agreed "It's probably what she wanted you to do, you know. Chase after her, don't let her go".
Michael nervously ran his hands through his hair "And I failed her" he whispered, a new wave of sadness overcoming him "What do I do now, Cassandra?"
"Give her some time. Finding out the man you love has a child with someone else is a big deal and a lot to take in. You can't blame her for being hurt and confused"
His cellphone unexpectedly chimed, announcing a new text message. To his disappointment, it was from Birkhoff.
Nikki is with me, and not doing so well. You screwed up, man. Stay away from her until you can get your shit together.
"Great" he grumbled, dialing his friend's number "Birkhoff, where's Nikita?" he asked as soon as the computer geek answered.
"Nice talking to you too, Mikey." The younger man snorted "Nikki is asleep, and even if she was awake, she wouldn't want to talk to you"
"Birkhoff listen to me…" Michael started but was soon cut off.
"No, you listen to me" Birkhoff answered in the angriest tone Michael had ever seen him use "Because of you and your lack of consideration towards her feelings, I had to deal with crying, and sobbing and whining. Nikki is like my sister and I hated to see her like that. Not to mention that I have the IQ of a bath sponge when it comes to girl talk and feelings and this kind of stuff, and still I had to find a way help her. So until you get your shit figured out, stay away from her" he barked "And tell Cassandra and Max I said hi" he added in a way softer tone.
Without another word, he hung up.
Michael sighed and turned back at the blonde woman staring at him "What do I do now, Cassandra?" he repeated his question.
She gave him a comforting smile "Give her some time. You love her and she loves you. You'll find your way back to each other. But until then" she turned around, going to the other room where Max was "why don't you go play puzzle with your son?"
Michael followed her, and sat on the floor by Max's side while Cassandra went to the kitchen. The father-son duo was quiet while putting together a few pieces of the 101 Dalmatians puzzle.
"Почему ты такой грустный? Ты скучаешь по ней?"(Why are you so sad? Do you miss her ?) Max asked, seeing the unhappy look on Michael's face.
"Да, скучаю"( Yes, I miss her) Michael admitted it.
"Не волнуйся. Она любит тебя и скоро вернется" (Don't worry. She loves you, she'll be back soon ) the blonde little boy said with a smile.
Michael couldn't help smiling back at him "Я надеюсь на это" (I hope so).
A/N: Big thanks to KethlinMil for helping me with the Russian dialogue :)
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