Kana: (ish dead)… (Ish very dead)

Disclaimer: I will obtain ownership of Hellsing when the Apocalypse is upon us and flying cheese pizzas waft from my ears.

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Dead, Death, and Dying

Chapter Four: Tea Time

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Radu tried to watch his brother's daily routine, but found him to always be doing the same three things during his waking hours: either away on the missions given to him, beyond the human realm as he watched his master, or just waiting for him to screw up. The only time Radu could see him completely without his guard up was at dawn, when he was lazily sitting on his throne, reading or just waiting for himself to be in that half-conscious place between sleep and waking so that he could drag himself to his coffin and fall asleep instantly.

Getting into the dungeons was the easy part – the Hellsings had been gracious enough to supply him with a crate of Romanian grave-dirt, for he had no coffin of his own, and give him a room, albeit far from Alucard's per prerequisite by the other vampire. It was getting into the room that was the tough part, since the first time Radu had been able to get in had obviously been a fluke.

The door was locked and shielded as tight as possible, and to add to that, the formidable Alucard had strewn white garlic flowers around it since his arrival. The Nosferatu may have been mostly immune to these ailments, but Radu still had his nostrils burned by the smell of the flowers, and the first night he tried to step across the halo they made, he had found himself wiping blood from his nose after howling in pain.

But after much note-taking, planning, and the re-reading of Dracula, Radu found that he would be able to sweep the garlic aside and phase through the door when the sun rose and when it set, when Alucard was at his weakest point as he woke or began to sleep. It was the perfect plan.

So Radu waited in silence inside the walls of Alucard's room, having snuck in the night before at sundown. Now he would get his chance, and he could hear his brother shuffling inside the room, completely unaware of Radu as the latter refused to even breathe.

Radu heard Alucard crack a few joints, and smiled when the familiar sound reached his ears. The vampire then heard him lift away his coffin's lid and step inside. Radu waited for ten minutes until he was sure Alucard was in a 'dead' vampire sleep.

Then Radu phased from the wall, strode over to the coffin, and held back a scream. Alucard's eyes were still open!

Biting the inside of his cheek, Radu tried to think of a way to explain this without being impaled upon his own spine. His thoughts shifted to Dracula, and he remembered how the monster slept; he realized that Alucard would not change his sleeping habits even after a change in status.

Letting out the breath he had been holding, Radu peered closer. Alucard slept with his eyes at half-mast when he was in his coffin, rather than like he did on his chair. His face was like stone, and his head had lolled to the left side, so it was as if he was looking at the wood of his coffin. His mouth was slightly open, and the tips of his pointed teeth cleared a bit of his ruddy lips. Radu grew slightly angry at Stoker, since his book did not do his brother justice.

"You obviously have a death wish."

Radu jumped, swiftly putting the lid back on Alucard's coffin and turning around. The odd, slightly lethal looking child from before was there, a cigarette between his fingers. He puffed once before regarding him with amusement.

"Don't worry, Alucard could sleep through just about anything," Walter said, striding over and hopping on the lid. Radu bristled in anxiety when he rapped on the wood, but settled down when everything remained calm.

"I just wanted to see him." Radu said mournfully. "He's always so mad…"

"He has reason to be,"

Radu flushed as much as a vampire could and fiddled with his shirt hem. "So you've read up on his history."

Walter smirked. "I believe every one has. Even Miss Victoria knows of your betrayal."

"And you all hate me as well."

The smaller man winked. "If you have the gall to come begging back to a wronged one, then you're an ally in our book. But Alucard will not forgive you so easily. I suggest that you let Sir Integra soften him up, then try again."

"How will she -?"

"She has more power over him than just the average 'master and servant' advantage."

OOOOO

Today is Radu's birthday. He is one. And his brother Mircea has just been buried alive.

He and Vlad picture this; as the Dracula's political enemies hold him down and blind him with hot iron pokers; they ignore his guttural screams of pain. Their father is silent as he hears the news.

The messenger tells them of how they threw him into a hole and buried him until he stopped screaming. The former ruler of Wallachia is dead. The news is also broken to the country by means of fast traveling rumors – the oldest Dracula son is dead. Vlad does not care as much as everyone else; the news from his father is much worse.

His father was negotiating with the Ottomans. There was talk of royal captives, and that made his stomach churn. His father cradles his tiny eleven year old body as Radu looks on from his - not - mother's arms. Vlad puts his cheek on his father's chest and smells powder from cannons. This is his most memorable moment, and it replaces the homey smell most children have. His look is sour.

Vlad hates his brothers, his father, and his not mother. He loathes his family.

OOOOO

"Mmmh, Master," Alucard's head was spinning, and the entire world was one heave away from capsizing into a sea of the most delicious smell he had ever had the pleasure to come upon. What was this smell? Why, a scent of perfume that Integra had gotten when she had been twelve and still feminine, then never used once all the girlishness had been squished from her by the Convention.

Integra smirked secretly to herself before donning a serious face for Alucard. The only way to calm a polygamist vampire was to act like a bride. Oh, God, save her overworked soul. She shoved the perfume flask into a hollowed-out book that was kept on her desk along with four others, tucked safely between two bookends. "Don't tell anyone what's in this book, or I'll kill you -." She pointed to the innocent looking bible next to the perfume-case. " – With what's in that book."

"You keep your gun in a hollow bible?"

"You'd be amazed by how many people are skittish of touching someone else's bible." Integra said. "Especially the Vatican."

"Indeed," Alucard strode over to the bible, and reached to open it, only to find his hand erupting in burning pain, as if he had stuck it in the borders of a fire. "Silver?" Holy objects did not give him pain, but silver did.

"Some of the pages are made of silver foil." Integra lit a cigar, and Alucard found himself secretly swooning in the strong smell of violets and smoke. It was wonderful. To keep himself from salivating too much, Alucard swallowed his own tongue temporarily.

"Did you…" Alucard's voice tried to work its way around the tongue lodged in his throat, but failed miserably. He coughed once and tried speaking with his mind. "Did you get word of a new mission?"

Greatly amused, Integra couldn't stifle her snickering. She crossed her legs and hid it with another 'swig' of her cigar. What was the best way to stop a vampire from acting like a stuck up five year old? Why, let him have a go at your neck, of course. The best way to a Nosferatu's heart was through his stomach. Integra swallowed her pride and undid a few buttons on her blouse and exposed more of her throat. The effect on Alucard was instantaneous and amusing.

He coughed up his own tongue, chewing on it as he stared directly at a pulsing vein just under the skin. His Master…his Master…no, she was his Master. Much too young. BAH, he'd said that to himself for years…

Alucard slinked up, getting close enough for Integra to smell his rancid breath. She resisted the urge to wrinkle her nose and craned her neck to the side, letting him have a better angle at her throat. Alucard gave a small cry of joy and began to sniff her skin eagerly; it was as far as she ever let him go. He was extraordinarily jealous of his fledgling, who had no idea what she had been given that one time. Integra was grinning so wide that she was sure each side of her mouth was touching an ear.

When Alucard went too far and stuck out his tongue to lick her throat, Integra grabbed his nose like a dog's and pinched it until he whined in submission, shaking his head when she finally let go.

"Forgive me," Alucard bowed, still licking his chops from her very smell.

"Are you going to act civilly now, or do I have to let you nibble a bit more?" Integra stood akimbo, glaring at him.

"What?" Alucard clicked his tongue once more, still tasting her like the snake he was.

"Are you going to listen to Radu's pleas?" Integra realized her plan was half-assed and underdeveloped. Damn; well, in her defense, she hadn't used it since she was eighteen.

"No!" Alucard looked disgusted, and sniffled, as if to rid his nose of her smell. "I will not forgive him! He killed my wife! She stole my throne! He destroyed my people!"

Integra growled in rage, and slapped him. Alucard sighed, turned his head back to its normal position, and tried to dodge a flying silver ashtray that was aimed for his skull. He had to go down on his belly and slither from the room out from under the crack between the door and the floor as a pile of black, evil-as-hell dust.

"Master…" He whined, nudging the outside of the door. He knelt before it, putting his cheek to the cool wood. "Master?" From deep within his throat, a wolf howled in mourning from a serious loss of pride. "Dammit…"

"How did you have so many brides?" A snide voice said, accompanied by the tapping of snide shoes. "Your romantic skills aren't worth a dime."

"You're getting too cocky for my liking," Alucard snapped at Walter, who was busy working through another box of stale coffin nails. The old smell was nice, but irritating.

"Because we all know that only you can have the ego." Walter said, smirking. He faltered slightly when Alucard continued to give him a cold glare. "Oh come on, I'm only playing with you."

"I liked you better when you were old and serious."

"Maybe if you forgave Radu… -."

"SHUT UP!" Dissolving rapidly, a flurry of bats flew at Walter, making him yelp and flop down on his stomach as a select few got caught in his hair. They screeched at him. "Don't you tell me what to do, you little twit!"

Walter whimpered and just took it like a man.

OOOOO

"No,"

"But maybe if I -."

"No."

"What if -."

"No-o."

"Could I -?"

"Could you just shut up!?" Alucard bristled, growling in fury as Radu ceaselessly bludgeoned him with pleads. He rolled onto his side and faced the warm heat of the fire, his black fur blowing back as he crooned in happiness. No one would spoil his evening, not even his bastard brother.

Sometimes, when he was exceptionally good, Integra let him lounge in her bedroom, and warm his cold skin by the mantle she always kept lit in there. When Radu went to try again, he found that Alucard morphed slowly, and very graphically. His spine would elongate and crack like a travel toothbrush. He would groan as his hands grew, fur erupting on the top as leathery pads formed on the bottom. A rough, thin tongue lolled from his mouth as he curled in a ball from the delicious pain, and enjoyed himself.

Radu was almost sick.

Alucard stretched a hind leg and wagged his tail weakly as Integra entered the room, fresh from a shower with her modest flannel pajamas and steam still rolling off her. He very nearly tackled her to the ground and turned her – but that wouldn't be gentlemanly, and he was all about that. Instead he barked in approval, making her bean him with one of the three throw pillows she kept on her bed as she tossed the rest off.

"Did you need anything?" She asked Radu as he was caught staring at her (practically with his tongue hanging out) as she used a commercial green elastic band to put her long hair into a formal bun.

"Oh," Radu bit his tongue hard to shove him back into reality. "I was wondering if I could acquire more blood."

Integra raised an eyebrow. "Of course. I'll get Walter." She walked out of the room, Radu following.

It only took Alucard five minutes to realize she was taking too long. He heaved himself off the floor with a dog-groan, and trotted for the door, nosing it open. He growled when he saw how close Radu was to his Master.

OOOOO

Radu crept along behind Integra, just close enough to smell her soap and shampoo. He closed his eyes in relaxation and wondered how his brother had all the luck.

"Would you mind if I made you tea again?"

OOOOO

Kana: O.o Did I mention that this might be a very short story? Kind of like Fortune, but with less dying.

I've found a very many nicknames for Alucard's very many forms: Girlycard, Bondage-card, Vladi-card…etcetera. They amuse me with their un-creativeness.

Review Responses: A big thank you to all who reviewed, but some are just too short for me to respond to with my limited time (I seriously have five minutes to do this and get to the bus).

Cannot fathom a PenName: Hun, I upload at a wide variety of hours. The late/earliness of them depends on when or if I sleep that night, which depends on A) If I napped a little after school, B) if I'm chatting with the Major (not that Major. He's must sweeter, and less sociopath. But he had a hat that looks like a Nazi hat), or C) if I'm playing WoW (I have a little 'job' of running instances with newbies and teaching them how to effectively PWN Alliance). And YAYZ, more peeps like this. Seven reviews, SEVEN (Ish happy as a clam).

Master of the Boot: Ah-ah, Ferris is the writing goddess of Yugioh, not Hellsing ('Tis a sad thing). Indeed, Alucard can hold one hell of a grudge, and now, jealousy will come into play.

VampireEgyptian: Good news! A combination of Vault, Ferris, and good stories from good authors who no longer write got me up and moving again (plus, Bakura felt all sad, and when that happens, his hair gets sad. - Bakura: (is sad and has Alucard sitting on him) T-T) By all means, save that poor child and his evil mother (who doesn't like ACDC? Do I know someone who doesn't like ACDC? OMG, do I know anyone who doesn't like rock? (Bloodcurdling scream)) I hates peoples like that, tell her god said so. X3

End Responses

I was only able to answer three out of seven, since they were the longest. But now I only have two minutes, and really need to update and go (sigh) what I do for reviews.

Review please!