Love Will Thaw
by C. S. Raine (aka battousai24)
Chapter 4: Olaf It Off
After Anna left, Elsa felt vulnerable. She had broken down into tears. She did not really mean to hurt her sister so terribly by saying so many awful things to her. And while she remained steadfast in her decisions, Elsa knew she could have gone about things differently. But she was frightened, and that had caused her to lose control yet again. Anna's words were causing her well-hidden feelings to resurface and it had provoked her to lash out. The younger girl's feelings for her were, at the least, inappropriate. She could not let Anna think it was in any way okay. Her own emotions were in a mess. How could Anna be so vocal about her perverse love for her? It made her feel so impure, so... dirty. Deep within her heart, Elsa felt the same for Anna, but she would not – could not – allow herself to act on those feelings. She could not allow herself the freedom to even let those feelings come to light. She had practiced concealing those feelings ever since she was a teenager. She could not give into the temptation now.
She turned her attention to her bedroom wall. It was still covered in spikes of ice from when Anna kissed her. The rest of the walls and the floor were also frosted over. That kiss. Elsa touched her lips, remembering the sinful, and yet so wonderful, feeling of Anna's mouth on hers. Her sister had pushed her tongue past Elsa's lips, and had rolled it around her mouth as if tasting her. Elsa blushed. Anna had been so bold. Elsa could only wish she could be like that. Her eyes widened in realization of where her thoughts were leading her. She shook her head, burying them deep down once again. She had to get her mind off the incident. It didn't help her to think of Anna right now. She needed to distract herself from thoughts of her sister, especially her sister's lips... on hers. With a wave of her hand, the icicles and the frost thawed away. She looked at herself quickly in the mirror, checking to see if she looked presentable, and then left the room, heading for her study. Perhaps some paperwork or some reading would be able to calm down the raging storm inside her. It had to.
Elsa was thankful that the hallways were fairly empty. Her eyes felt a little swollen from the crying and she didn't want any of the servants to see her like that. It was almost time for dinner, but she wasn't feeling hungry at all. She wanted to avoid having to run into the staff because then she would have to let them lead her to the dining hall. They would probably refrain from asking her what was wrong, but she knew they would speculate, and speculation was probably worse, especially when she felt so guilty about what transpired between her and Anna.
When she reached her study without incident, she locked the door and headed for the wooden desk. She sat down on the chair and exhaled loudly. She felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. She wished she could just do what she had done years before and isolate herself from the world. She knew it was cowardly and irresponsible, but she felt so exhausted. She wanted to get away. For a moment, she thought of spending some time in her ice castle on North Mountain. Perhaps she would for a few days. It would be good for her, she thought, being away from Anna for a while. It would help her compose herself; help her conceal her feelings for the younger girl. It would also probably give Anna more time to spend with Kristoff. Perhaps it would even be good for the Princess. It would take her mind off Elsa, and maybe she would realize just how crazy her feelings for her sister had been.
Elsa sighed. She came to the study to distract herself from thoughts of her younger sister, but here she was, yet again, thinking of the strawberry blonde. No matter how much she tried, all thoughts would lead to Anna. Even before the kissing incident, Elsa would always, always, think of Anna in the end. She never really gave it much thought before. She loved her sister dearly. She ignored the romantic feelings deep within her heart. She had always just told herself she just really missed her sister, after all those years apart. She did not – could not – allow herself to feel anything more than familial love for her sister, and yet, here she was, still thinking of that kiss... and those lips; those luscious lips. And how Anna's tongue had entered her mouth; how Elsa wanted to wrap her lips around it, suckle on it, and elicit a moan from the younger girl...
She whimpered at the thought. Her cheeks flushed as she caught herself thinking so boldly. She had just fantasized about Anna, her sister. She groaned loudly. This was terrible. She buried her face in her hands, hoping to calm herself down. This was not going according to plan. She was supposed to get some work done, not think about Anna, and then leave the room a better person – a non-incestuous heterosexual older sister... but she just couldn't think straight.
A poke on her leg stirred her away from her self-deprecation. Her head shot up from her hands and looked down beside her, surprised that someone had been there. She saw twig-like arms and knew exactly who it was. While she wondered how he could have gotten there after she locked the door, it was good to not be alone, especially when she had such overwhelming thoughts trying to consume her.
"Olaf? What are you doing here?" she asked, to which the cheerful snowman smiled at her. She smiled back at him, and indulging him in a hug when she saw him extending his arms. She could hear him sigh in contentment and she couldn't help but feel a little relieved at his actions. The snowman loved all things warm, and yet here he was, hugging her, the "Snow Queen."
"Hey, Elsa! I was here when you came in. I was actually waiting for you because I wanted to talk to you about something," he said, his voice as cheerful as ever despite the seriousness of his tone. He seemed excited, like he couldn't wait to tell her whatever it was. Elsa gave him a small smile, thankful for his bubbly personality. He always knew how to cheer people up, oftentimes without even knowing it; saying the most witty and inappropriate remarks, and making such hilariously adorable facial expressions.
"What is it, little guy?" she asked. Elsa could only wonder what the snowman wanted to talk to her about. Could it be about his personal flurry? Sven? Kristoff? Anna? Elsa blushed at the thought of her sister, the memory of the kiss flashing through her mind once again.
Olaf noticed Elsa spacing out a little. He noticed the blush on the Queen's cheeks and decided he would ask about it later on, after he told her about his plan. He wondered what she was thinking about, though, since he knew that Elsa didn't really have any male friends other than Kristoff, and even then, they did not talk often. She didn't have any suitors just yet either, so it couldn't be that. Perhaps it was Anna? 'Must be Anna,' he thought, smiling. After all, the Princess would always manage to get the Queen flustered. He thought it was really sweet for them to be so close again. While he wasn't there during their isolation from each other, he could tell both girls never wanted to be separated again.
"Uhm, Elsa? While I don't want to bother you when you're thinking about Anna, I really need to ask you a favor. It's about your ice castle... and Marshmallow." Elsa gasped and blushed deeper. How did he Olaf know it was Anna she was thinking about? 'Was it that obvious?' she thought to herself. She breathed deeply, composing herself.
"What about my ice castle and Marshmallow?" she asked, ignoring his comment about Anna. Olaf noted the omission, but pretended not to notice, hiding behind his cheery smile. He wondered if something had happened between the sisters. Could they have had a fight? He hoped not. He loved Anna and he loved Elsa. They were his friends. He even considered them his parents, after all. Sure, Elsa created him with her powers, but they had made him when they were children.
"Well... I was wondering if I we could borrow your castle? Technically, Marshmallow is my big little-brother, right? And I'm sure he's awfully lonely out there on his own, and since you aren't really staying at the castle, I thought maybe I could keep him company for a few days. We can talk about summer, and the smell of flowers, and beautiful butterflies, and –" Elsa lifted a hand up, cutting him off. She chuckled a bit and smiled at him, nodding. It was nice of Olaf to remember the snow giant, despite the fact that Marshmallow had chased him off a cliff, along with Anna and Kristoff. Elsa felt bad about almost forgetting about the big guy, when she was the one who created him. It was also funny how Olaf regarded him as his younger brother, but when she thought about it, it was partially true.
"Of course you can, Olaf. Just make sure you two don't tear up the place. I did build that castle. And do take care, okay? He gets a little feisty, after all." Olaf beamed at Elsa for granting his request. He was happy to be able to spend some time with Marshmallow and hopefully, he'd be able to get to know his brother.
"Thank you, Elsa! This is great! I know he seems really scary and he does do crazy things when he's mad, but I'm sure he's a real softy inside, just like you, right? After all, you made him, like you made me! And I guess, like Anna with you, I just want to be able to get to know him. Maybe we could even be best friends, just like you and Anna are! And I may not really know him yet, but I love him 'coz he's my brother. I'm sure you know what I mean, right? Anna loves you, after all. And you love Anna too, right?" Elsa stared wide-eyed at Olaf. He was still smiling widely, showing off his one snow tooth. He was much like Anna; talkative, bubbly, innocent and child-like. He also knew much about what love was, probably even more than she or Anna did. 'An act of True Love will thaw a frozen heart,' she had heard him say back at the fjord days ago. 'Love. Love will thaw,' she thought to herself again. Olaf seemed like a goofy somewhat-airheaded snowman, but he often said things that made him seem far wiser than her, or Anna, or Kristoff. And it was his words now that struck a chord in her. Olaf's words echoed in her head.
'I'm sure he's awfully lonely out there on his own...'
Loneliness. Elsa knew that feeling so well. She guessed that Anna did, too. They were separated for so long. She had pushed Anna away for fear of harming her, but she promised not to do so again. And yet here she was, trying to push her sister away again. She had even planned to run away to her ice castle so she could avoid Anna.
'I know he seems really scary and he does do crazy things when he's mad, but I'm sure he's a real softy inside...'
Her powers were fearful. She was terrified of losing control of it, but Anna never showed any fear. Even when Anna was a child, she always regarded Elsa's powers as something beautiful, something to be awed. She would always coax Elsa out of bed just so they could play with the magical snow in the ballroom. Even that day when Anna had gone to her ice castle to get her to come back to Arendelle, Anna was not afraid. It was Elsa who was scared back then. And even when her ice struck Anna's heart, her younger sister did not show any fear... only pain. There was hurt in her eyes, but Elsa could tell even then that it was more for being shut out than the actual pain of her heart being frozen.
'Anna loves you, after all. And you love Anna too, right?'
Anna had always believed in her. She had always trusted Elsa with her life. From the time they were children and at the ice castle, and at the fjord... and even until earlier, when Anna had confessed her romantic feelings for her, her trust in her older sister never faltered. Anna always believed that Elsa would not hurt her, and even when Elsa did, she always believed the older girl never meant it. Anna was always quick to forgive her. Anna loved her. She loved Anna too, right? So why was it so hard for her to just believe in Anna? To trust her? After all, the girl had laid down her life for her. Was that not enough proof of her love?
Elsa knew that she had done wrong to Anna. She would have to apologize for her outburst. She could not keep treating her sister like this every time she was scared or angry. Sure, Anna had romantic feelings for her, but that wasn't a reason for Elsa to treat her so badly. It wasn't like Elsa didn't feel the same way, anyway. While she always buried her own feelings deep within her heart, she knew that she loved Anna with every fiber of her being, and she knew that her love was every bit as romantic as Anna's was. She felt it in her kiss. Anna had kissed her with so much passion that Elsa could feel the love her sister felt for her... but Elsa had pulled away. Of course, it was just the right reaction, considering how wrong the situation was. No matter how much Elsa was in love with Anna, and no matter how much Anna was in love with Elsa, it didn't change the fact that it was a forbidden kind of love. No matter how good the kiss felt, and no matter how much Elsa longed to feel Anna's lips on hers again, she knew it was not right. There were far too many consequences. Still, it wasn't right to shut Anna out. Before falling in love, they were already sisters who loved each other, right? Surely, they could work something out together. 'Together.' Elsa smiled at how right that sounded. Now all she needed to do was look for Anna.
Olaf smiled to himself when he noticed Elsa lost in her thoughts again. His words must have gotten to her and he was thankful that it seemed to have its desired effect. He didn't know what Anna and Elsa's fight could have been about, but he did know that the two loved each other so much that it would be hard for them to stay mad at each other. They just needed a little push. He walked away quietly, leaving the Queen to her thoughts. He looked back at Elsa as he reached the door and hoped that whatever the problem was, the sisters would figure it out. After all, it was True Love that they had for each other, and for the first time in forever, they were together. Between them, they could conquer anything.
For the first time in forever, we can fix this hand in hand.
