Notes: Apologies, had work and stuffs. Hopefully going to get a few more out this week! A ~
Chapter 4
Donna had spent the remainder of the night tossing and turning, made ten times worse by the awareness of Harvey a mere ten foot away in the other room.
She's had enough now. Sleeping isn't really an option anymore...
She glances at her phone blindly, bleary eyed against the high definition light emitting the 6:22am on the screen.
Now seems like as good a time as any to get up, she thinks, rolling over to the drawn pastel curtains that hide the morning rays of daylight. Unfortunately, avoiding him also wasn't an option during this week. And really, she didn't want to permanently ignore him so much as delay what ever strangeness might now occur between them.
He had set a ball rolling, much to her complete and utter shock.
She pulls on her bathrobe, quietly padding out of the room and through into the lounge, where a coffee maker, and the necessary amenities stand waiting on an old oak table. She fills up the machine, pulling in the coffee cartridges and popping a cup onto the drip tray, watching as the machine gradually pours the coffee out into the cup, filling the room with it's potent aroma the short puff of steam with it. She looked down, noticing her holding a second cup. A habit.
The main door suddenly opens, and Harvey enters, dressed in a pair of slacks and his Harvard sweater. Their eyes lock, until he shuts the door behind him, as she mashes her lips together, at a loss as to what to say.
"Hey." He says, standing there, still slightly out of breath from the obvious run, his eyes overly conscious of her movements. She tries not to notice the way his chest rises and falls and his cheekbones sharpen as he looks at her with that slightly heavy stare of his.
"Hey." She returns, looking straight back to the full cup in front of her, and then to the one still in her hands. "You want a coffee?" She asks.
"Uh, yeah. Thanks." He says, his mouth levelling out into a line, before he gestures to the bathroom. "I'm gonna go take a shower." He says, playing at a mismatched half-smile.
She watches him disappear into the bathroom, before wandering out onto the balcony, the grand view of the lake and mountains giving a refreshing air to the morning; reminding her of their distance from the city as she sits down at a table, the hot mug of liquid consciousness warming her hands against that slight dawn-edged chill.
She wonders how she got here. How they got here. Metaphorically speaking. And then she remembers.
He asked her come. Told her that he 'didn't want to lose her', propositioned her and not in the way she had expected. And somehow, along the way, they'd started to evolve into something more. Something unexpectedly different. Something more serious, that defined them both in a way they couldn't possibly come back from. And no matter what she'd done to throw him off the course - and she had tried - to plant him in the right direction and prep him for taking that step with someone, not even his College sweetheart could knock him off the trail, it seemed.
And she could have ignored it before, pretending they were nothing more and would never be - especially after he'd told her point blank that he didn't want anything more from them when the problems with Stephen had begun. It had stung then, and she hadn't wanted to linger on fact that he didn't want her.
Now...he did. Regardless of when he'd truly made that decision, now,
He wanted more. And not in a 'up your workload kind of a way'...
Part of her was screaming for a woman to completely knock him off of his feet today; to pull him out of this state of mind and shock him into another direction.
He was right.
She was scared. As she should be. She was dealing with a man in flux with his changing self.
He appears at the french doors, dressed in a pale t-shirt and jeans, as he sits quietly at the table, sipping at the cup of coffee she's made for him. Black, one sugar. The usual.
She can't help but scrutinize him, his relaxed posture, the way his hair sticks up in all directions and his face takes on a youthfullness; like he's not really that person he is at work and this is somehow him taking off that 'hat', as it were to reveal something more honest.
"What?" He says, frowning at her clear staring at him; a stare she hadn't even realised she'd partaken in until his eyes found hers.
"Nothing." She feigns ignorance, sipping her coffee once more. "So. What's going on today?" She asks.
"I think...today is just for us to relax. Have a look around? We have team sports tomorrow." He says. She watches the clear enjoyment on his face at the notion of beating his other competitors.
"Oh God. Louis. Louis is always so…" She struggles to find a word to match the man.
"Bad at them?" He offers, smiling.
"I was going to say competitive, but you're not wrong." She smirks, the remembrance of a firm charity ballgame a few years ago and Louis's...annoyingness throughout.
"What are you doing today?" He asks, swallowing the last word in a sip of coffee. Playing at casual.
"I don't know. I'm going to try a catch a yoga class maybe? A massage...or two." She remarks, giving him a look akin to her usual demeanour.
"A...massage?" He says, clearing his throat at the image that must have popped into his head. She watches the thought wash over and off of his face. "Okay." He says, sitting back, the thought visibly entertaining him.
"Don't even." She warns, smiling; embarrassed at how easily the conversation is turning to the the possible chink in their as so far mostly platonic armour. She's actually blushing slightly, and curses the fact, wishing that she had her bangs to at least hide the sides of her face.
When she looks back to him he smiles to himself.
"I don't want to talk about it today." She says, flattening the mood in the air.
His face grows serious at her words, as he nods curtly. "Okay."
"So. What are we gonna do?" She asks lightly, trying to be forthright in the situation, as much for him as herself, to smooth over the uneven groove thats only going to get bigger.
"We?" He asks, incredulously.
"We." She confirms. "At some point we should have dinner with Mike and Rach, right?"
"Sounds good." He says. It only occurs to her that he could have taken that the wrong way, until he's agreeing to it. And then she's over-thinking his over-agreement on the matter. She curses herself, focusing back on them rather than the jumbled up mess of them crowding her brain.
"How about…" She leans back, scouring the itinerary in her mind. "Let's rent a boat! The four of us. We could go fishing, maybe? Get some lunch after."
"It better just be the four of us. I'm not renting a boat with Louis." He scowls.
"I promise Louis will not be present." She smirks.
She hopes that she's right.
They arrange to meet Rachel and Mike at the edge of Mirror Lake. It happens that they can't get boat for the four of them, and instead decided to get two. Alarm bells ring in her ears.
"So who's going with who?" Donna asks. She watches as three faces all look at her, slightly confused. She looks Rachel dead in the eye.
"Uh, well. Donna and I can go together." Rachel says. She sighs at the young soon-to-be lawyer's overly chipper recovery. "You and Harvey haven't exactly seen much of eachother, so." She indicates to Mike. "Time to catch up?" She offers.
"Two guys boating together. That's not going to look at all gay." Mike remarks, elbowing Harvey who merely gives the younger man a stern look.
"Well, you're definitely punching above your weight, I know that." He remarks cockily, eyeing his friend.
"Thats not what you said last night? What we meant to each other?" Mike plays, looking to Rachel and Donna who laugh quietly at the display as Harvey sneers at him, folding his arms.
"Okay hotshot, let's just get the damn boats…" He says, rolling his eyes as he walks in the direction of the Boat hut.
"Did he wake up on the wrong side or something?" Mike asks, turning to Donna.
"How the hell am I supposed to know," Donna fires at him, shrugging non-commitally as she follows Harvey.
Mike feels Rachel lean towards him. "Is it just me or does it seem like…?" She muses, looking to her boyfriend.
"There's something going on with those two? Oh Yeah. Whatever's going on, is on," He remarks, following the other two.
Mirror lake is beautiful, if not a smaller representation of Lake Placid further behind them. The weather is cool and calm enough for them to row without getting too tired in the process, and luckily Rachel had been the only one to bring snacks. Ever the prepared one in the group.
"Hows your Partner heavy retreat going down?" Donna asks Rachel, half concentrating on the follow of the oars, in her fifth minute as rower.
"I've got to admit, I'm a little intimidated about this week," She replies, gesturing the miniscule amount with her hands, that 'Rachel' look about her. "All the Partners in one place," She winces. "I'm not even supposed to be here. Thanks to Louis inviting me it at least gives me a chance to get to know everybody a little better. Maybe stamp my mark?"
"Exactly," Donna remarks. "Like Jessica said, this is your family now. Your home. Time for you to get acquainted with the in-laws." She jokes. "Hows it going over there in the romantic boat?" She calls to Mike and Harvey.
Harvey gives her another stern look, as Mike frowns at one of his ores. "One of my ores is faulty." He complains, wriggling it about.
"Will you just row?" Harvey barks, looking at him like a bear with a headache as he leans back in the boat, noticeably oreless.
"Donna!" Mike shouts over to her. "Wanna swap? My rowing partner is being a jerk. I'd say it's out of the ordinary, but..." He says pointedly, half joking as he looks to Harvey.
She sighs. It's possible she's not going to be able to escape him for even a fraction of their time here...
"You have no staying power, Ross," Donna points out, glaring at him.
"I love you." Mike calls to her, winking at Rachel in the process.
"Damnit. You got me...okay, we're rowing over to you." She smiles begrudgingly, looking at her friend with an exasperated sigh as she chuckles.
They manage to line the boats up, as Harvey holds them together, watching Mike amble over to the girls boat, accepting Rachels help to sit as he gives her a quick kiss on the lips. He holds the boat, waiting for Donna to stand.
"You better hold that boat, Specter." Donna warns, pointing at him.
"My hands are all over it." He says, that double entendre not lost on her. She inhales, passing his comment over as she stands. For a second she feels a little unbalanced as the boats misalign.
"Just step over, Donna." Harvey commands, looking over at her impatiently. "Come on." He presses.
She looks at him, that grain of doubt in her head as she steps over into the other boat, leaning back to sit. Harvey let's go a fraction too early, as she wobbles back, a slight panic as she reaches out for him as he tries to steady the boat.
"Oh shit," He says, stretched with one hand on her waist and the other trying to brace them both as they're friends chuckle beside them.
"Well done, genius," She remarks, shaking her head at him.
"How is it my fault?!" He barks slightly. "You were the one wobbling about up there!"
She stifles her reply with a forced scowl, the humour of the situation pulling her frustration about as they steady the boat together.
She was a foot away from ending up in the lake. Literally.
"You guys okay over there?" Rachel asks, noticing the slight tension erupting between them as they stare each other down. "It looks very fun from here." He remarks, having Rachel lean into him.
"We're fine," They both call to him, huffing heavily at their friend, before glaring at one another, taking seats at each end of the boat.
"We should get some lunch soon. I think we're all experiencing a case of the hungry bear." Mike offers, earning three strange looks. "The story of the hungry bear? No? Nobody?"
"Just paddle, Enid Blyton," Harvey says, finally breaking the eye contact between them.
The row back is oddly filled with calm, the surroundings laying waste for sightseeing and quiet appreciation. She is grateful, otherwise the chasm of silence between them would be deafening. Loud enough even for Mike and Rachel to hear. She takes to looking at scenery as he rows, quietly occupied with the large pot of mixed emotion swirling about her entire being.
They return the boats, agreeing to wander up to Main street for Lunch. With recommendations of a nice little Bistro there it seems like a pleasant and offbeat afternoon. When they reach Main Street, about five minutes walk along the lake, it starts to fill with tourists and day-to-dayers milling about and wandering the many little boutiques and antiquity stores. The Bistro is quaint and polished, with an oldy-worldy feel wrapped up in upper-market tape, it's metal surfaces and jazzed up lighting against old wood surfaces and paintings of lakes Placid and Mirror. It must have been brought up to date for the Olympics, Donna realises. And she's grateful. A little bit of her current life to firm up the lines of their relationship is just what she needs right now.
It's quite busy for an afternoon, as they acquire a four table by the window.
"God, I'm starving!" Rachel says, examining the menu. "Ohh, they do shrimp!" She says, until the three faces looking around the her break her concentration. "Well….they do."
They all know her strange penchant for shrimp on...anything food related.
"Oh Rach, squee away. I'm also in the mood for something fruits de la mer and toasted..." She replies, scouring the menu.
"I don't know about you ladies, but I'm the mood for something...carnivore friendly." Mike says, earning a supportive look from Harvey.
"Pastrami." Harvey offers.
"Exactly. And Pickles." Mike adds leaning his head back to revel in the moment.
"Yeah." Harvey concurs, "Double Monterey Jack."
"Oh yeah. Some of that Jack sauce, too?" Mike offers then, sitting back as his imagination takes him to a very masculine place.
"Yeah. That's it." Harvey agrees, leaning back also.
"You two need a moment alone?" Donna jokes, glancing at the two of them on the opposite side of the table.
"Donna. I've never seen you afraid of a little...meat." Mike says, smirking.
"Watch it Ross. You may not work with us anymore, but I can make your life extremely difficult. You know Marni in your office?" She says, with an evil smile, a little teeth and a raise of her eyebrows.
"Uh...yes?" He swallows.
"Marni and I go waaay back. Think about it." She says.
"Okay. So. BLT it is…" Mike says, leaning back in defeat.
"Where do think Louis is right now?" Rachel asks the table, her fingers picking at the little bit of bread to the side of her.
"Is he behind us?" Harvey offers, frowning.
"I'm serious. Who do you think he's spending his first day here with?"
"I really don't know...I've never seen him connect with any of the other partners." Donna adds.
"I feel so sorry for the guy. Really. making connections is not his forte." Rachel says, slightly piteous look on her face.
"Don't ever feel sorry for Louis, Rachel." Harvey says, giving her a slightly condescending look.
"Rach, he's right. Louis is….Louis." Donna adds, smiling to her friend.
"So. All I'm saying is I know what it's like to be surrounded by people who you don't share a camaraderie with."
"What am I? Filler?" Donna offers, gawking deliberately at her friend.
"No. Not you! I mean with the Partners. And being a faceless paralegal doesn't put you on the map."
"Sweetie, you're on the map. Trust me." She assures her friend.
"Is Louis on the map?" She asks the table.
"Louis is…" Harvey starts, his tone immediately earning a look from Donna.
"Harvey…" Donna warns. Another habit.
He gives her a look back, his jaw hardening before continuing. "Louis is very good at what he does. The partners know that. But in a social arena, he's not necessarily given the same considerations. That's just the difference between playing the game and winning the game." He says, taking a sip of his drink as their prospective food arrives.
Mike had ended up with a Pastrami and Rye sandwich with horseradish and Harvey deciding on a steak sandwich with pickles. Rachel was goaded into going for her favourite goats cheese and shrimp pizza once again and Donna decided on a hot potato salad; with the need to eat healthy and still feel full enough to quash her already uneasy stomach.
She looks over to Harvey's plate, noticing his order, as she leans back, trying to dull another habit that had opened up between them over recent years.
"Pickle?" He offers, sighing.
"Ugh. No, it's fine." She waves him off, trying not to gain the attention of her two friends.
"Give me your plate." Harvey suggests, gesturing to her.
"No. I'm...I'm good." She waves off the offer, trying at nonchalant.
"But you...always steal my pickle?" He says, a slight irritation.
She's sure that he's within his rights to be pissed, but at that moment she really doesn't care about him.
"Not today. Today I'm very much against the pickle." She looks at him briefly, looking back at her lunch and trying desperately not to contact the three pairs of confused eyes boring into hers with different subtexts behind them.
"Donna."
"Keep the damn pickle!" She finally snaps, her cheeks reddening as the table falls silent. She ignores his confused stare.
It's possibly the most awkward three seconds of the day.
"Donna, could you pass the ketchup? Mike asks, trying to diffuse the matter.
"Sure." Donna half smiles, passing the bottle to Mike.
She feels Harvey's gaze throughout the entire meal.
But somethings are better left broken...
Keeping up with a leggy Redhead wasn't easy when you'd had a big lunch.
"Donna," Harvey called under his breath, following her up the hill to their suite. She didn't even blanch, instead upping her pace to counter his catching up with her.
"Donna will you just...stop!" He finally called after her, now losing all the patience he had left.
"What?" She swung around, that fused look on her face. "What, Harvey?"
"I can't help but think that you're punishing me for telling you?" He says, that sharp light in his eyes.
"NO. I'm just,"
"What? Just what?" He gestures, steely eyed.
"I'm…" She stumbles on the words, occupied by his concentrated attention on her.
"Donna," He presses, that agitated look in his eye.
"I don't know what to think anymore, okay? I can't...decide how I feel about any of it."
"Then work it out." He says under his breath, just close enough for her to hear.
"It's not that simple, Harvey."
"You said that a year ago. It was bullshit then and it's bullshit now."
"Harvey, just...You told me you would give me time. I need that Time." She says, swiping her key card into their room as he follows her.
"No, I said I'd let you think about it. And I am." He says, waiting for her to turn around.
"No, you're pushing. Like you've pushed all god-damned day!" She says, her voice peaking as her words echo his.
Finally it breaks. She's just...It's too much, this part of him. It always has been, and it scares her.
"After ten years, you need a little push." He remarks, shaking his head.
She shakes her head, having had enough of this as she fishes for the keycard out of her purse, swiping it roughly as the green light appears for her to open the door, him soon following after her.
"Will you stop saying ten years, like I'm the only person you've ever-" Her eyes unfocus as she tries to pick words out of the air.
"Ever what? Loved? I think that..." He says, his voice quiet then. "You might be."
It catches her breath. And she's not ready. She wonders if she ever will be, and just who's really in the wrong.
"Then what was Scottie?" She fires at him.
"Donna," She sighs, shuffling his footing as he examines her question. "I loved her. But I wasn't..."
"In love with her?"
"No. And that was the problem. Somewhere between leaving Harvard and seeing her again….you appeared into my life. And you made...an impression."
It's possibly the most eloquent thing he's ever said. A honest. And confusing and...
"Harvey," She breathes.
"Donna. You need to figure it out. You're the only one who's unsure." She says, looking at her like she's steadily going insane. Which may not be too far off of the mark. "I don't know what to say anymore." He says frankly, before walking into his room and shutting the door.
Notes: Bit of a filler chapter, have a little more of the flashbacks in the next one. A~
