"So it's really quite simple to throw your weapons with unerring accuracy," I told Axel a few months after I had joined the Organization. Now that he had gotten over being beaten by a girl, I was giving him a few pointers in fighting. His tongue was sticking out of his mouth slightly as he attempted to get his aim better. I had to admit, it was really cute. Then, he threw the wheel and it hit the target dead on.
"I got Zephyra!" I gave him a small smile and nodded my approval.
"Very good. Now, just practice everyday and you'll be able to do that quickly and accurately." His shoulders sagged a bit, but then he straightened up. He nodded, and then caused his weapons to vanish. He looked up at the sky.
"It's getting late," he said. How he could tell, I never knew, seeing as this world was always dark and rainy. Still, I took his word for it and went to my room. I left the door open a smidgen as I opened the window in my room. That was Axel and Roxas' sign that I was willing to talk to them that night. They were always such idiots that there were days where I kept my door and window closed. Still, I was in a good mood today and Axel came walking in after a few minutes. He was wearing dark pants and a dark tee-shirt. They contrasted so well with his light skin. He closed the door behind him. "Roxas won't be joining us... He's on a mission for Xemnas." I nodded, I knew we couldn't always talk all three of us. Sometimes, it was just me and Roxas, other times... it was just me. I had only gone on one mission, and all I had to do was observe a place called Hollow Bastion and see what sort of restoration they were doing. I also had to study the Heartless there. Apparently, they were important to us. We sat on the roof next to my window, looking up at the sky.
"Hey Axel," I said, "Do you think that this is all there is for us? That gathering hearts and observing the Heartless is all we're good for?"
"I think that this is the only way we'll be free to live our own lives. When we become real, we'll be able to choose for ourselves what we do."
"Well, why can't we do that now?" He looked at me intently for a minute, and then looked up at the sky again.
12
"Thinking of betraying the Organization? That would be most unwise. They would destroy you."
"That's not what I meant. I just mean that there has to be more out there than meetings and Heartless and Kingdom Hearts. We remember what it's like to have hearts right? Well, why can't we just go and try to live like a human being? Like, why can't we try to pretend we are real; that we do exist?"
I had to admit, her question had merit. Her questions were questions I had myself. The Organization gave me a purpose, but does a person need only one purpose? Can there be more for me out there that I'm not experiencing? I knew better than to go find out. Roxas had been getting some ideas though. He wanted to know why the Keyblade had chosen him. But I didn't think he'd go to extremes to find out. I thought it would be a passing phase and then he'd be his old self again. "I have a question for you Zephyra," I said as I leaned back so I could look at her better, "could you keep up the charade? Could you honestly live with yourself living a lie?"
"Well, I guess not..."
"I wouldn't want the foundations of all my friendships to be on lies. I'd want them to be more real than that."
"I guess I would to. But Axel," I looked at her closely then. There was a strange look in those orange eyes. I had known for a while that she had emotions, but, knowing how the others would take this news, I never brought the topic up into open conversation. "Didn't you ever want to know what it would be like to live somewhere away from all this rain? To live in the sun? To see other people; to make new friends? Don't you want to know what that's like?" She was making me uncomfortable with her questions, mostly because they were my own. What WOULD it be like to live somewhere else; to meet new people? I looked away from her then.
"I suggest not asking those questions anymore Zephyra... they only get you into trouble."
13
I wanted the answers to the questions I had in my mind, but I knew better than to press Axel into telling me his thoughts. I sighed and leaned back a bit, looking at the stars.
"So...why the sudden interest?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked away.
"No reason," I mumbled.
"Liar," he said, nudging me with his shoulder. "Come on, you can tell me."
"Look, just forget it okay?" Axel chuckled a little bit.
"There's no fun in that. So come on, tell me.. Why so interested all of the sudden?" I stood up and said,
"Look Axel, It was NOTHING! So just forget I even mentioned it." I went inside to signal I was done talking, but then he didn't leave. Instead, he sat on my bed. He looked at me with his pouty eyes again. The ones I always have to force myself to say no to, yet I wasn't always successful. I rolled my eyes and silently cursed him and his good looks. I sat on the bed next to him, so close we were almost touching.
"I...I want to know if this is all I'm good for now Axel... Am I only good for controlling Heartless and getting hearts? I want to know if that is my future." Axel looked at me, into my soul... if I had had a soul.
"Zephyra," he began, his voice barely a whisper in the night. His ungloved hand touched my cheek and instantly fire roared through my bloodstream. My eyes leapt to his lips unbidden; his sensual curving lips, looking absolutely delicious as he pulled a corner up to do a half-smile. "I think there is more for you to do, but for the ORGANIZATION. You are a brilliant fighter...Xemnas and the others only need to see that. Now then," he said as he removed his hand from my cheek. (I almost whimpered when he did that.) "I want you to lie down." I dared a glance at him, and then I obliged. "Now, close your eyes." I did so. "Now, I want you to think of things you could do, if you weren't with the Organization." I cracked open one eye.
"NOT with the Organization???" Axel nodded. "why?"
"It will help you focus. Now just do it." I sighed, but did as I was told. At first, all I could see was me wandering the worlds once more. But then, another vision came. I wasn't wandering alone anymore. Axel was there with me, and we were smiling and laughing and having a good time. We were sitting watching the stars, we were eating a picnic lunch together, we were swimming. We were lying on a bed together, his arms around me, whispering in my ear and kissing my neck. I couldn't repress the sigh that escaped my mouth this time.
13
I was watching her through this whole little exercise. At first, her face was neutral, but then she got a small smile on her face. I had to admit, I was really close to kissing those full round lips of hers. I was wondering what she would taste like and before I realized what I was doing, I was bending towards her. I realized how close I was when I was only an inch away from her lips. Do I dare...I thought to myself. She sighed then. I wondered what she was thinking about. I whispered, "Did that help at all?" She opened her eyes, her eyes looked dark and liquid like. She didn't seem at all surprised I was so close.
"Yeah, it did a bit."
"Well, do you feel any better?" She smiled, her head tilted up a bit. Our lips were so close, so very close. Did I dare make the move?
"Oh yes, much better...Thank you." She was looking into my eyes. I was sure she could see my internal struggle. I had always found her form appealing, but right now, desire hit my body like a tidal wave. I forced myself to keep my extremities in check, but the desire to kiss her was becoming overbearing.
"Zephyra," I whispered, wondering how much longer I could go on. I was thinking of the most polite way to exit the room when she closed her eyes and tilted her head to kiss my lips. I froze for a moment, but then I groaned and softened my kiss. Oh my Kingdom Hearts, she tasted like sea-salt ice cream. She was sweet and salty at the same time. I rested my arm under her head, supporting her a bit. My head was screaming at me while my body was screaming for her. My head was screaming, DON'T BE AN IDIOT! YOU'RE A NOBODY! SHE'S A NOBODY! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO WANT THIS! Currently, my body was ignoring my brain. I came up for a breath of air and we both came to our senses, judging by the confusion and the little fear in her eyes. I stood up suddenly, pacing a bit, looking at her. "I...I'm sorry Zephyra. G-Goodnight!" I said this as I raced out of the room into my own room. If I could cry, I probably would've cried myself to sleep.
14
I didn't realize I had done it. I didn't know what I was doing until he came up for air. His eyes were so dark I thought they were black. But then, he got up and basically ran out of the room. I felt awful. How was I going to face him again? I couldn't. I am such an idiot sometimes.
