Chapter 4
I.
I slept with Lear yesterday.
Well, only literally. He was sick so he couldn't do anything anyways. I'm would be more worried about me-I was afraid that I would pounce on him at his weakest moment and eventually eat him up.
Luckily, I didn't. I am glad of that. I didn't wake up first though. He did. But he didn't say anything so I continued on sleeping until it was around 11. He said he already called our director and asked to have the day off. At the time I was still acknowledging the fact that we're in the same bed together, so I didn't comprehend it for the first few minutes.
I got up and felt his forehead-the temperature has faded, but it still is above average. I got up sleepily and took a quick shower before fixing some porridge for breakfast. Meanwhile Lear stepped into the shower, and I went downstairs and got him a men's pajama package. He put them on, looking like a young boy.
I laughed as we had breakfast together, then he took his pills, put on a jacket, and we took a walk around the neighborhood together.
It's a quiet neighbourhod during the day, because most people went out to work. I have a small guilty satisfaction in my heart knowing that I am able to skip work today, yet the understanding that I need to make up for the lost hours later-perhaps next week, perhaps this weekend.
Was it my imagination or was it that Lear looked more and more beautiful when he's sick. He's paler, and cheeks are a bit more colorful than usual. His hair still hangs down and hiding his face, yet his eyes are brighter than ever. Whenever I look at him he would divert his eyes over to mine too, and this electric shock would come over me that I find it to be purely magic.
Lear spoke first, "Yui, I think you have a nen ability that you are not very aware of."
I nodded along, "I think I do too, but it's not something to brag about. I can't seem to control it, and I don't think I could control it."
"How come?"
"Well, for one, it's an elemental ability, and it only comes out when I'm in crisis." I replied. "It doesn't come out consciously either. Remember when I was with Hisoka the other day, and I desperately wished fire would shoot out from my hands-and I didn't even feel a single trace of smoke. But I dipped my hand inside a champagne basket once, and my hand starts sizzling, evaporating all the water and melting the ice before I could realize what was going on."
"The fire itself." Lear pondered, "describe it to me."
I thought about it, and chose the best words to convey it. "It seems like normal fire-and instead of burning on logs, it seems to be burning on my hand. to my knowledge, no where else on my body could produce flames. It's not that I wave my hands and immediately there are flames appearing before me. But it's that the fire itself seem to be shooting out from beneath my skin. I remember I was asleep out on the streets once. It was extremely cold, and when I woke up, the wooden railing was burnt to a crisp."
"Do you still feel heat from a normal flame?"
I nodded, "I could feel heat, if that's what you mean."
"Your hands, do you ever find burnt marks on them?"
This I can confidently reply, "never."
"I see..." His left hand stroke his chin as he said, "Well, pardon me for saying this, but Yui, your ability seems quite... useless."
"I know." I sighed. "It doesn't even appear when I want it to. I think my ability is a living being, and it does not recognize me as its owner."
"That's an interesting way of putting it."
"I'm sure it doesn't apply to everyone. A lot of people develop abilities that they can fluently use."
"I've never heard of anyone who couldn't control abilities they wished for."
"It's a mystery." I ended it at that.
It is not a mystery to me at all. The simple fact of the matter was that I was not supposed to be in this body. I was forced in when the owner of this body almost died. Also it wasn't my choice to have this power, and I could feel the reluctance of me using it. I wish I could develop nen abilities of my own. That's why I bought "Nen: how to" the book last week. It's sitting on top of my dresser too. I recommend Lear to read it yesterday. Lear is exceptionally smart. I thought he could figure out why I have this ability, but his questions doesn't seem to help when he doesn't know what my circumstance was.
There are various things that I want to keep a secret, but I am not exactly sure why. I think maybe there is an innate self preservation within me. Although I think there isn't possibly anymore reason for me not to trust Lear. I mean, he's been with me for almost two months now, and he has been nothing but kind to me.
Maybe life is going upward for me after all.
II.
Well scratch that last sentence.
Something awful happened today-and I don't know if I am ready to write it down yet. I am too afraid to even be at home alone-that's why Lear is sitting across from me on a not so comfortable couch, reading. He said he enjoyed my collection of books, that's why he likes spending time here. But he reads at a very fast speed too. My books are from the course selection and also the ones I enjoyed from when I was still in university-in my own world. I find that in this parallel world, authors and names are often the same-but with some letters slightly changed. I went to the bookstore and library and tried to sound out the authors I know the name of clearly, or briefly explains the story plot, and more than not they will find the books for me. I didn't really buy the well known ones, because I've already read them over and over. Instead I bought ones that are by lesser known authors in the past. It was a difficult task, but I am slowly accumulating my collection. Luckily books doesn't cost much in this world-probably because most of them are already online. I bought the paper thin versions too.
I raised my head up to look at Lear just now, and he smiled at me in a reassuring way before going back to his book. I don't know why but whenever I meet him in the eye he always sense it and look back at me. I hope he doesn't know how much I like him-it's been almost another month since my last entry, and I am still scared to confess. I must do it soon, however, because what happened today made me realize how fragile human life is.
I can't wait to jump to the climax of the day, but I must wait. I think I should gave a report of what happened between the last month and this.
Well first, I didn't meet any character from the books. The main ones. I don't think I did. If I did, I should remember them. Well, other than Hisoka. He is always present among people, and everytime he visit the arena, he becomes famous overnight. And then when he leaves, he forces the staff to erase his existence, therefore when he comes again he begins as a rookie. He seems to enjoy the feeling of people don't take him seriously, and when he makes a move they all have their jaws dropped. I didn't know there's vanity in his joker blood-but apparently that is the case.
Hisoka came and have conversations with me once in a while. I mean, not that often, but around two times a week.
Huh, now that I think about it, it probably is often. Most of the conversations are extremely short. We just happen to be in the same elevator, or when we meet each other in the hallway. Sometimes he orders me to bring him stuff, like food. Sometimes he orders me to do stuff, like register his name under a fight. He seemed to be to lazy to think these things are worth his time. But anyways, in just a month he leveled from 1 to 200. His first nen-fight happened today. And that's what led to the incident that happened today.
Sometimes I think it's better to quit this job, but I find in dismay that I spent all my salary. Half of it went directly to my family, and the other half I spent on various things such as books, blankets, some clothing, pillows, decorations, and food. Plus I tried very hard to tame my hair, so decent conditioner and shampoo. Note to self, find another job where Hisoka isn't here all the time.
Today started out as an ordinary day. I woke, made myself some green tea, added milk and sugar, and that's my breakfast. I put the sandwich I made yesterday in my bag pouch, and wore a long trench over my uniform, and walked out.
My neighbourhood is between two very large sky scrapers that is entirely residential. I estimate several thousand residents live in these buildings, because they are so cramped. There is a small park that I have to go through every time I take the short cut to work, and I do so today too. I see kids playing by the shallow pond, the play ground, and elderly people coming out to practice something resembling Tai-chi in the park, and I smile. Knowing that his place is becoming closer and closer to being like a home.
I continued to walk on, and turning a corner, I saw the large tower arena. There are some people with large hanging platforms on the side either washing windows or replacing them-I don't know. But it's a common occurrence because the fighters themselves breaks something every now and then.
So I walked in, got out of my ID card and put it through the slot, checking in. Then I went to the usual binder and look over what needs to be done today. Someone already took the elevator and delivering shifts, and now I have to sort through a lot of paper work and put them in alphabetical order. Knowing this, I took the stacks sheets of paper and came to the back room. The back room is a dusty place filled with shelves and shelves of hard copy files. There are files of all the fighters that appeared, and every day there are so much filing to do. Fortunately I am used to this, and I imagine things when I'm doing it, making time going faster.
Lear came into the back room too and offered to finish the rest for me when I take a break. I said we should do them together, but he insisted. I think I stared at him with heart shaped eyes whenever he offers to help me with something. He is the epitome of a good person.
When I was about to take a break, my director walked over and gave me stack of letters asking me to deliver them to each individual rooms. I thought I should do this first before taking a break, so I took them from his hand and promised to take them over.
So I took the elevator, and some people also came in, excited. They kept talking about the fight today, and I couldn't help but ask them, "Excuse me, I am curious. Which fight are you guys talking about?"
They replied, "the first 200+ right that Hisoka is going to be in. Everyone anticipates this is going to be an exciting fight-all the seats are full!"
I thought I should watch it, but I should deliver these letters first. So I raced around the tower in the fastest speed I could, and when I raced to 201th floor, and saw that the fight was almost over.
It was very disappointing, but that feeling disappeared about two seconds later when I saw the state the opponent was in. Hisoka really didn't leave any mercy for his opponent. That guy is in a large coat and apparently missing his right arm. He is currently using nen to seal his arm so blood won't flood out, but his hair is messy, eyes slanted, and extremely angry at Hisoka.
Hisoka seemed to have been going through some damage too, but none of his body parts are missing. I couldn't see clearly, so I focused my eyes on the monitor, which has Hisoka speaking, "you are too weak for me to continue on fighting, this state of yours is pitiful."
To which that fighter struggled to get up, "You can't walk away! Unless you kill me!"
Hisoka's response is flinging two poker cards over to his chest-and I am guessing only missing his heart. Because that man fell down and stopped moving.
The winner was announced, and Hisoka seemed smug as he walked down from the stage. I shivered a little. It's the first time I see someone dying in front of me, despite that it's so far away.
Everyone scattered away from the arena, and I also turned around, taking the stairs to one floor below, 200th, knowing that it's the nearest cafeteria and I need something in my stomach before I continue on.
I bought myself two oranges before heading back to the elevator, but that's when it all happened.
Suddenly, the entire arena is filled with a deafening alarm sound, with all the red lights within the hallways shining all at once, and everyone is panicking by running up and down the hallways, reaching elevators and stairs. I stood still, a little dumbstruck as to what's happening, when I heard a loud crashing noise coming from above me.
Right in front of me, there was a large crash-and the ceiling was broken down-with all the cement and ash flying around. I covered my face with my arms while crawling down to the ground-and when I removed them, I saw that man, that man Hisoka was fighting with, in front of me.
Only now he is obviously insane and not in his right mind. His eyes are rolling backwards, and hair flying every direction. His mouth has this unnatural grin that terrified me, and his only hand-is holding onto a fire drill axe. It's infused with his nen while dripping blood, which meant-he already slaughtered more than one people.
I couldn't scream because of how afraid I was. You see these things in movies-actually I've never even saw them in movies since I refuse to watch horror flicks. It's entirely something else when it's happening right in front of you. The atmosphere is surreal it's screaming in my face for me to run. I could sense his nen-it's mad. I could sense his splattering blood, I could see the white of his eye, and yet not the pupils. There are debris flying at me, and I felt the dust clouding up the entire hall way.
The most terrifying thing of all was the fact that people all ran away, and I was the only one left.
I scrambled to get up and ran. It didn't occur to me to scream-there are so many other people screaming already, I thought it was unnecessary.
I got to the elevator, fully aware of that monster chasing me, and saw that the elevator was full. I tried to squeeze in, but I felt hands pushing me away, and people yelling at me to get off. I was pushed down onto the ground as I see the elevator closing in front of me. I was too scared to look back, because I can feel-I can feel his nen, I can feel his breath. I can hear the sound of dripping, and I can see my death.
I must've stayed in that position for more than two minutes. Because after that, I realized I was still alive, and looked around-only to find Hisoka shuffling his cards behind me, with an expression that was seemed half smiling and half teasing.
Behind him-when I see the dusts settled, I see Lear.
I don't think I have ever seen such a welcoming scene in my entire life. I ran to Lear as fast as I could, jumping in to his embrace. He caught me and places his hands over on my head to calm me down. I burst out crying with inaudible words, "man...Hiso..killed...revenge...I was so scared, so scared.. I... death... I...want ...I just want.. food..."
Lear calmed me down and distracted me, "what's that in your hands?"
I looked down and saw two crisp, coal like round substance with a burnt citrus smell.
"They're oranges." I sobbed, wiping away my tear, "I bought two, one for you..."
"Thank you." Lear took one from me, which I knew was very hot, so I quickly said, "they're hot-"
"It doesn't matter. Thank you." He said, smiling.
I met his eyes for a second, and I knew what exchanged between us. He knew that I could've dropped them, but in my state of emergency I didn't want to because they're for him too. But frankly I don't think carrying two oranges mattered much on how fast I could get away.
But I let go of my burnt orange, and threw my arms around his neck hugging him as close as I could.
"I like you, I like you very much-Lear, I-"
I didn't finish my sentence-because I could see, in front of us, stood a pink haired and fox-eyed girl.
She raised he hands and wrapped something on her arm, and even with my teary eyed-ness, I could see the nen threads.
Now, if I didn't say those words, everything would've probably be just as it was at the beginning of the entry, I sit at home, writing in my diary when Lear sits on my couch and read over my books. But everything isn't like that. Life isn't like that, it's unfair to me, and it's unfair to everybody else.
Which is why now I am not at home, instead I'm in an abandoned ruins building, cold, hungry, and wanting to die. I should not have said those words. Those words that sealed my fate with Lear. But how could I have been so stupid? How could I not recognize him? How is it possible that I was fooled? I suppose it did occur to me at some point, but the idea of a spider working within the arena was ridiculous.
As I was hugging him, I said his name, "Chrollo, Lucifer..."
And everything changed after that.
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A/N: Finally. Happy Holidays Everyone.
