**Wow, thank you guys so much for all the love! This chapter is dedicated to the guest reviewer noob, whose kind words inspired me to finish chapter 6 and finally move on to chapter 7 last night. Read & Review folks, it really works to unblock the writer's block!

Chapter 4: Talk


"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." ~Dan Rather


"Carrie. ORTIZ?!" JJ exclaimed, her usual calm blue eyes reverberating her anger.

She watched as Emily swallowed nervously but refused to let up on her questioning nor her grip on her friend's shoulders, "Well?"

"I- she-" the usually assertive and composed agent could only sputter before saying, "We kept in touch…?"

"And what?" JJ spat out in disbelief, "You let her come here by herself? What is she even doing here?"

"Jayje, I can explain everything. I was going to explain everything but then…" Emily trailed off, not wholly prepared to have this conversation.

"Then I had to puke, right?"

Emily winced at the tone. It was the 'No matter what you say, you're going to be in hot water' tone that she had heard often from various women in her life. "No! I meant, I got distracted, Jayje. You were here and we had food and fun and I just got distracted."

JJ eyed the brunette with scepticism but she let go and backed away, "Okay, explain this to me."

The gravity of the situation, as well as the location and wardrobe hit the brunette and she was rendered speechless. "Uh…" Emily blushed and looked in every direction but JJ's.

"What?"

"Can we just do this after you finish showering?"

JJ looked down and noticed she was indeed still in her towel, hair wet from her first attempt at showering. She reddened and then mumbled, "…you don't have anymore shampoo."

"Okay, I'll get you some shampoo and then after you shower, we can talk about this." With that Emily gathered her what was left of her wits and left to retrieve the shampoo from the hall closet as well as the extra shirt she had promised previously.

Once the sound of the shower running started again, Emily leaned against the wall and sighed. This wasn't how she'd hoped to tell JJ and deep down, she knew why her friend was so concerned.

Hotch was right when he said that they had to maintain objectivity. They helped out and they left. It was a job. Carrie Ortiz was supposed to be one of the many people they helped bring closure to when they caught the unsubs. But Emily saw something in Carrie's eyes that day when they interrogated Ervin Robes. A need to know how and why. It wasn't that Emily had a hidden agenda. There were no recruiting conspiracies on her end. There was just understanding. That look didn't fade in the year Carrie spent in Los Angeles.

Hell, in a year, Carrie managed to test ahead and graduate early.

So lost in her thoughts, Emily didn't notice her young charge come out of her room and nearly jumped out of her skin when she spoke up.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of Agent Jareau. I'm sorry."

"Jesus, kid!" Emily clutched at her heart, "Wear a bell next time, well ya?"

"Sorry," Carrie apologized again, "You were banging your head against the wall. I was starting to get concerned… and a little grossed out."

"Huh?"

"You could have been…" she dragged off before gesturing with her hands nonsensically, "Ya know, doing stuff!"

Emily cocked her head, genuinely oblivious to the implications. "Doing what?"

"All I heard was periodic banging noises on the wall. What else would I think you were doing?"

"Oh God, no!" Emily reddened for the umpteenth time that night upon realizing the implication, "Care, I told you we weren't together! She has a boyfriend and a baby on the way. There's no way-" she broke off helplessly.

Carrie winced, "Oh."

"Yeah," Emily sighed, "Oh."

"I'm really sorry, then."

"Why's that?"

Giving a half smile and a shrug, Carrie explained, "Because you must really be hurting right now."

Emily could only stare at Carrie for a good minute before shaking her head and saying; "You're profiling me already. I should tell you now that profiling family and friends is going to get you in a lot of trouble."

The older woman was avoiding the statement but didn't dismiss Carrie's claim, still Carrie had a feeling that she should push a little further, "You should tell her, Emily."

"Tell her what?"

"Playing dumb doesn't work with me, Agent Prentiss, we both know that we are too smart to play that game." Carrie had switched to Spanish once she heard the shower turn off.

"It couldn't hurt to try." Emily shrugged and looked over to the closed bathroom door, a far off expression written on her face. "It's too late to tell her anything, Carrie. I don't want to ruin the relationship we have now. She's my best friend."

Carrie shook her head, switching to English in hopes of emphasizing her point and adding finality to her argument, "The only way it could be too late to tell anyone how you feel about them is if they're dead."

With that she nodded and bade her new guardian good night, leaving Emily wondering who exactly was the grownup in the household.


After a glorious and much needed shower, JJ felt refreshed and was inspired with new resolve. Penelope sent her here for a reason and she knew that it was necessary. Her heart raced when she remembered the leering gaze Emily had when she realized that JJ was clad in a towel and wet from an incomplete shower.

Although she wasn't quite the profiler that the SSAs were, it doesn't take one to know when somebody is turned on. She smiled with the knowledge that she had that effect on a woman like the unflappable Emily Prentiss.

The mist on the mirror from her hot shower began to clear up and JJ took a moment to look at her reflection. Most mornings she would be in such a rush to get ready and most nights would be a sleep walk through the routine. To an outside party, JJ didn't look pregnant or at least at the stage that she was supposed to be but she could still feel it. Her baby was there and he or she was just waiting to come out into the world. She could feel him or her growing and it amazed and terrified her simultaneously.

It was because of this baby that JJ was here tonight. Because he or she would be born into this world and JJ had the power to shape that environment. She wanted her baby to be brought into a world of love and happiness and truth.

Will couldn't provide that, not in the same way that JJ knew Emily could.

There were other factors but JJ knew Penelope was right. She couldn't go on without knowing and having Emily know as well.

She couldn't live with the "what if" any longer.

Emily had taken shelter in the living room, hoping to shake off the conversation she had had with Carrie before JJ was done showering.

It was one thing having these feelings; it was another thing entirely to convey them, something Emily has had trouble with all her life. A part of that was based on upbringing. Being told to rein in every impulse and desire from the time she was born would harden a person.

Another part was feeling like letting people in would just be a burden on them. With what happened in Rome as well as Matthew's fallout, Emily knew that it was just a matter of time. No matter what she did, the people she cared about would be burdened with the weight of the consequences.

What was it that they said about the road to hell?

"Sorry about the shampoo thing," JJ apologized, plopping on the couch as she dried her hair with her towel and breaking Emily's inner lamentation. "I knew your old place like the back of my hand but this one is much bigger, I had no idea your storage closet was way down the hall."

"Yeah, I know. It takes some getting used to."

JJ stopped mussing up her hair and took a look around. It really wasn't the same. "I miss it, the old place."

"Yeah, I miss it too."

Emily made it a point to never live in the same place for over a year. The good memories with JJ that were created in her last apartment made her reconsider her once ingrained survival routine. Her uprooted upbringing combined with the stress and paranoia from her time at Interpol seemed to dull in the blonde's presence. But those nights didn't last. Not when the weekend sleepovers suddenly occurred less often than before.

As a profiler, Emily couldn't help but notice the signs. JJ had met someone. She deduced early on, followed by the other BAU members, that it was Detective Will LaMontagne Jr. from New Orleans. And suddenly the apartment that held those memories of warmth and home and love, felt so much emptier than before.

She moved out soon after their return from Miami.

"The only way it could be too late to tell anyone how you feel about them is if they're dead."

Damn it, Carrie.

"What happened, Em?" That was a loaded question and had JJ not continued, Emily might have had an ulcer, "With Carrie. Was something wrong with her relatives in LA?"

Emily unconsciously glanced in the direction of Carrie's room, knowing that the girl was currently giving them as much privacy as she could. She sighed and shared the story of the young girl that lost everything and the woman connected with her. How she gave Carrie her cell phone number so she can let her know how she's adjusting. How Carrie never really felt like she could adjust. Emily told JJ about their coast-to-coast conversations and the slow evolution from confidant to friend to mentor and family.

Once she was done she waited with baited breath for JJ's reaction, half-expecting a Hotch-like scowl of disappointment from the blonde.

"You're amazing." JJ said at last, unable to keep the feeling of complete and total affection and admiration from her tone.

Emily's jaw dropped, "What?"

"You are constantly saving people, you know that?"

"No, I'm not." Emily argued, fighting down a blush.

"Yes, you are!" At her disbelief, JJ continued, "How about work? Because you work way too hard and that's coming from me…" They both chuckled and then JJ grasped Emily's hand with her own, "At first I thought you were just trying to prove yourself but that wasn't it. You want help people. And you don't stop until you know that you've done everything you could and beyond to help them."

Emily started shaking her head again, the way that she does when she doesn't know how to deal with what she's hearing.

JJ's eyebrows furrowed in frustration, "You saved me, Emily. And don't shake your head; you know what you did for me after the Henkel case. You still save me." She smiled warmly and glanced up in the direction of Carrie's room, "And you save her. Everyday. You're here for us whenever we need you and we know that you care because you never stop reminding us with your words and your actions. You put other people's needs before your own and you do anything to make them feel better. That's why you're amazing."

"I…"

Having had enough, JJ got up and embraced Emily, "You're amazing and I never really got a chance to tell you before. Or thank you for everything you've done for me."

Emily pulled back, moving the connection by intertwining their hands, "Never thank me for being your friend, Jayje."

JJ looked down at their hands, still joined. It was now or never. "Emily…"

"Yeah?"

No more running away.

No more "what ifs."

She squeezed Emily's hand for strength before asking the question they had left unanswered for so long. "Why don't you bring hot chocolate to my place anymore?"

Emily's eyes widened and JJ's mind did a mental face palm. Whatever unanswered question she wanted to get out there, hot chocolate was not it.

"Everything has been such… a mess lately and I just- I miss the hot chocolate. And your old place. And the nights when you let me hide from the world there. I'm sorry I didn't notice that before but now it's all I think about. I miss it all."

"Jayje?"

"Please… let me get this out." Once Emily nodded, albeit shakily, JJ continued, "I- I miss you. I miss us."

She felt her heart stutter its beats, trying to catch up to the racing thoughts and the words that were still ringing, "I'm right here, Jayje. I've always been here. You're my best friend."

"It's not the same though and you know it. We don't sleep over each other's places anymore, we don't hang out like we used to. We don't even talk like we did before."

"I-"

"And I just want to say I'm sorry for being the reason why we're pulling away from each other." JJ sniffled, trying to keep "You were there and I took that for granted."

Emily tilted her head, not entirely willing to accept what this could be about. It couldn't be. "JJ… What are you saying?"

"I didn't see it and it was because a part of me was afraid to but I don't want that to hold me back anymore." JJ shuffled closer, "All my life, I thought I could go beyond what anybody expected of me and still settle into what they thought was a 'normal life.' But when Will asked me to marry him, I couldn't say a word. The thought just made me sick. I just couldn't-"

Emily shook her head, every instinct telling her that this couldn't be happening. She wasn't that lucky. She wasn't worthy of this chance. "You're starting a family, Jennifer. You're having a baby."

"Please, Em. Just listen."

"But-"

"-No buts." JJ leaned forward, sealing any vocal protests with a soft and brief kiss, "I've been hiding behind all of the worst case scenarios in my head but I realized that there could be nothing worse than going on and not letting you know how I feel."

Emily didn't want to move. She didn't want to blink. She didn't want to do anything that could possibly wake her up from this moment. She must be dreaming.

JJ continued, "I thought I was scared of a relationship with Will. Of committing because that's what I do and that's what I always did. But what I was really hiding from… who I was hiding from… was you."

Emily moved forward, shaking her head and grasping the blonde's hands in her own. "Jayje-"

"Please… Let me finish." Emily nodded, keeping her distance but still keeping their hands entwined. "From the moment we met, you got me, understood me… without even trying." Tears began to well up in their eyes but JJ continued. "Deep down, I understood why we drifted apart. I allowed it to happen. I let you push me to Will because I thought that was how it was supposed to be. And once I found out I was pregnant… I thought I was stuck. Stuck in the life I was supposed to want. But I don't want that. I don't want Will. I want you, Em…"

JJ took a breath but Emily finally moved in and beat her to the punch, "I love you, Jennifer."

This was it, Emily thought to herself. Her breathing became a more and more difficult task when she looked into those eyes that have always seen through her with an ease she never thought was possible with all the walls she had built up. In return, Emily memorized every patterned breath, every crease on her forehead, every stray hair out of place on JJ's head. The seconds after her confession felt like ages and she could do nothing but stand there. Arms held out but never touching JJ, much to the blonde's dismay.

It wasn't just the moments that played out in front of them that night. No, it was JJ's never-ending obsession with those damn cheetos. It was the way her shoulders would slump in relief after she gave a press release. When JJ would dance around her old living room in triumph after trouncing her in one of their dangerously competitive games of Scrabble. It was the enormity in seeing a rare half smile in the midst of a case; the enthrallment in the blinding beam when JJ would grin, wide-eyed in amusement and joy.

It was all the moments they shared that played through her head and it all disappeared when JJ finally lost her patience, clutching Emily's head with both her hands and pulling her in close so her lips would collide with her own. Gasps and moans littered the air, both women so lost in the pent up emotions just now released.

The sharp shrill of JJ's phone ringing broke the intimate atmosphere and both women jerked away and cursed at the interruption before JJ got up to take it.

The interruption served to restart Emily's normal breathing functions, which were lost somewhere between hot chocolate and the kiss. The tingle from their kiss reverberated throughout her body. Her heart was going freestyle, veering off it's regulated pattering. She was breathless, flying and falling then flying again.

JJ felt the same way. She lov-

She looked over at JJ, who had walked over to the kitchen and was now pacing angrily while talking in hushed but furious whispers. The blonde hung up and threw the phone across the room.

"Jayje?" Emily ignored the eddy of duelling emotions that was bubbling underneath the trembling in her entire being. As always JJ came first. Not that Emily would have it any other way.

The woman in question came into view, slowly as if walking in a funeral march.

"JJ? What happened?" Emily rushed to her side, the vacant expression betrayed nothing in the blue pools of her eyes, which only served to make the profiler more worried. "Jen?"

The pools overflowed then, tears coming down in streams, "Will… They- He's not leaving New Orleans."

Before Emily could even process what she said, JJ was in her arms bawling. Leading them over to the couch to sit down, Emily just let the blonde cry, whispering words of comfort and soothing her with her touch.

Will wasn't moving to Washington.

What was going to happen now?

In between sobs, JJ hiccupped and whispered, "What am I going to do?"

Emily shook her head and pulled her closer, fearing the answer to that question more than anything.


"Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change."

- Mary Shelley