ajsldfkjasldkfjsldfjsf WHAT'S UP BITCHES?! Ahem. Anyways, welcome to Chapter 4 of Naruto: Seinaru Maebure! I was planning to do a ministory with a crossover with Highschool DXD, but I decided against it. I don't know why, but I did. I think I'm going to hold off on the ministories for a few chapters. Leave suggestions on what series I should do a ministory crossover with! ON WITH THE SHOW!
Chapter 4: 66% Failure Rate? The "True" Exams!
"Speech"
Thought/Flashback
Bjiuu/Spirit Speech
Bijuu/Spirit Thought
(A/N: Author's Note)
Jutsu Name
"Alright blondie. We'll start with you, since you just came back to Konoha," Kakashi said. And also because I'll know your weaknesses... I will get revenge for Icha Icha-chan! MUAHAHAHA! Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura stared at him while there was an aura of malice forming around him. And also because he laughing like a madman.
"Um... okay? My name is Naruto Uzumaki. My likes are the wind, the little forest above the Hokage Monument, and ramen. I dislike arrogant bastards who think they own the world, and people who harm others for no reason. My dream..." Naruto spaced out. It had been so long since he had even thought about his dream.
Flashback
It was Naruto's 8th birthday, and Kurama had something special prepared for him. "Naru-kun, close your eyes and turn around. No peeking, and that means no Henged Kage Bunshin either." Naruto pouted and turned around, and his eyes widened in surprise when he felt a small metal object on his chest. He looked down and saw a tiny orange fox with nine tails curled around it. Tears rolled down his face, as Kurama hugged him from behind and whispered, "Happy Birthday, Naru-kun."
"Now, since you are 8 you've got to have some new goals, ne?" Naruto shook his head eagerly. Slamming his fist into his palm, he shouted loudly, "Yeah! I'm going to get as strong as I can, so I can protect Kurama-chan and any other one of my precious people!"
Flashback End
"My dream...is to protect everyone I love. So they may live on in peace. So they can be happy, even if it means I have to sacrifice myself to protect them." Naruto said, with a sad yet determined look in his eyes. Huh. Never pegged him to be the emo-cause-the-world-sucks-and-I-have-to-protect-everyone-in-a-sad-but-noble-way type kid. Interesting...
"Alright, it's your turn Mr. Emo Duck-butt." Kakashi said in a cheerful tone, which Sasuke (oh so surprisingly) scowled at. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. My likes are none of your business. My dislikes are also none of your business. My dream isn't really a dream, but more of an ambition. I wish to... kill a certain man, and avenge my clan."
"Ne, ne! Sasuke, we just met, and I understand that you're mad at me for beating you, but killing me? Isn't that a little extreme?" Naruto asked with an (obviously fake) innocent voice. Sasuke glared at Naruto, and Sakura hit him in the back of the head. "Baka! He wasn't talking about you," she said "although I would understand if it was you..." Oh look, they're getting along soooo well already. We will have no trouble being a team. Kakashi thought as he watched them bicker.
"Oh, shut up! Ms. Self-Righteous Banshee, you go next." CHA! I swear to fucking god, this Cyclops better shut the hell up before I punch him in the nuts! "My name is Sakura Haruno. I like... *giggle* *blush*. My dislike is Naruto-baka and Ino-pig! And my dream... *giggle* *giggle* *blush*" Kakashi facepalmed. Naruto shook his head. Sasuke shuddered. They all stared at Sakura, who began to have a nosebleed and was giggling uncontrollably.
Kakashi cleared his throat, and snapped Sakura back to reality. Naruto just scooted away from Sakura and mumbled, "*cough* Pervert *cough*." "Umm... Anyways... Let's move on shall we? Meet at Training Ground 7 tomorrow at 6 for the Genin Exams." The 3 "genin" stared at Kakashi like he was insane (which he was). "What? But we already took the Genin Exams! Aren't we Genin already?" Sakura asked. Kakashi chuckled darkly. "That was just to weed out the weak ones, the ones who have no potential. The true Genin Exams decide who will pass and who will fail. Each teacher has their own test and mine... has a 66% fail rate." The trio looked shocked at this, which caused Kakashi to laugh at their faces.
As he walked away, he called back to them. "A tip: don't eat breakfast. You'll throw up."
Flashback
Naruto was now 9. He had honed his skills incredibly well, and could now take even Orochimaru in a 1v1 fight. And to have trained for only two years, that was pretty damn scary. He looked like he wasn't moving at all, and the boulders around him exploded. In fact, Naruto looked like he was bored to death. "Mou... For Kami's sake, I wish something would happen! It's so boring just smashing boulders everyday." Kurama smacked the back of Naruto's head. "Ever heard of the phrase, 'Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear?' Yeah, well names have power kit, so don't go shooting your mouth off. You might get trouble when you don't want it."
"Tsk, tsk. I'm no devil, am I now, Kurama-chan?" a feminine voice said after giggling a bit. Kurama's face paled at the voice, and Naruto looked confused. He turned around to see a beautiful woman, dressed in a pure white kimono, and a halo around her head. Kurama bowed instantly, and spoke in a hushed voice. "Forgive me, Kami-sama."
Naruto looked at Kami then Kurama, then Kami, then Kurama. "WHHHHHAAAATT? S-sh-she's KAMI? I always thought that Kami would be a guy or something!" Kurama smacked him in the back of the head and started yelling at him."Baka! She's the creator of the universe! You need to show some respect for her!"
Kami just chuckled at all of this. "Don't worry about that, Kurama-chan. Formalities are useless if you are to stay with me for the next few years." Naruto and Kurama shut up and slowly turned their heads towards Kami. Their mouths dropped so fast, even Skrillex would be jealous. "WHAT? Staying with you? Does that mean I'm dead?! I'm too young to di-OW!" Naruto said as Kurama smacked him on the head again. "BAKA! Listen to Kami-sama!"
"To answer your question, no, Naruto, you aren't dead. Your body was floating in the void, which is a section of reality that is outside the space-time continuum, for two years. Your body is not used to being in an antimatter realty, and for two years, it has been switching in between different spectrums of matter, constantly adjusting to the endlessness that is, well, nothing. You are right now, quite literally nothing but a floating blob of consciousness, but it was being in this form that allowed us to track your location in the void, and to pick you up and reform your body." Naruto nodded like he understood.
"I don't understand. English, please?" Naruto said. Kami shook her head. "Well, basically you were nothing for two years, and we couldn't find you until you became a blob of thought." Naruto frowned. "But that Yasashii guy... I remember him saying I was going to be safe. So how did I end up a floating blob of thought?" Naruto asked.
"Heaven has defenses, just like your shinobi villages do. And with Kurama inside of you, Heaven's defenses detected you as an intruder. And when it activates its security, you get launched into the void." Kami explained. Naruto nodded, like he was fine with what happened, but Kurama wanted to know more.
"Wait a bit. You said we're outside the space-time continuum. Wouldn't that mean space and time don't exist?" Kurama asked. Kami chuckled lightly. "Well now that I think about it, you two are the 2nd and 3rd people to ever exist, even if you are a blob of consciousness. Anyways, I think we should get going before your body decides to dissolve again." Without even letting them get a single word in, Kami snapped her fingers and they were engulfed in a strong white light. Naruto opened his eyes. The first and last thing he saw was a strangely familiar blonde man staring at him. "Dad..." he whispered out before he blacked out.
"Itadakimasu!" Naruto cheered as he picked up his chopsticks and dug into the ramen. Ayame and Teuchi smiled as he gulped down his 20th bowl of ramen, and listened to him ramble on about his insane sensei. "-and he was all like, 'Don't eat breakfast!', oh and did I mention that I set his Icha-Icha book on fire?" Naruto said, half-chewing his ramen. "Wait, Naruto, if he said don't eat breakfast, then why are you eating breakfast?" Ayame asked. "Oh well, he said 'Oh and a tip-' but he didn't order us to not eat breakfast. Either way, he's late like by 3 hours every time, so I would have time to digest my food if I really was going to throw up." Naruto replied.
"You know, it isn't really nice to be badmouthing your teacher when he isn't around." Kakashi said as he dropped down from the ceiling. Naruto just chuckled, making Kakashi give him a strange look. "I know. But you were here the whole time." Kakashi widened his eyes (eye, whatever) in shock. This academy kid could sense him? It seemed impossible, but with this kid, he didn't know what was possible. He had created an incineration seal without using paper or ink. That was a whole new level of fuuinjutsu, and he shrugs it off like no big deal.
"Well I assume you've checked up on Sakura and Sasuke, right? And now you're on your way to the memorial stone to see the list of heroes." Kakashi's eye widened even more. "How did you know?" Kakashi asked. Naruto shook his head. "You're forgetting that there is only one place to go if you are heading south past Ichiraku's. Those are the training fields and the memorial stone, and I know you aren't going to the training fields yet."
Kakashi mentally facepalmed. It was so obvious, and he forgot that this kid had lived in Konoha was notorious for his pranks. He probably knew Konoha like the back of his hand. "Whatever. You can go tell the others where I am. I'm off." Kakashi said before he vanished. Naruto just shook his head, and left a wad of cash on the counter. "I've got to go, Teuchi-jiji and Ayame-neechan. I'll see you later." When will he stop thinking that I'm like his sister? Ayame thought and frowned.
"Naruto! Where have you been? You're late!" Sakura yelled. Naruto walked onto the bridge carrying two bento boxes, full of rice. He tossed one to Sasuke and Sakura and motioned for them to eat. "Are you stupid? Sensei told us not to eat!" Sakura said. Naruto just shook his head. "He said, and I quote, 'A tip: Don't eat breakfast.' He never ordered us to not eat breakfast. And besides, you would be stupid not to eat. Not eating before a mission could be the difference between a success and a failure." Sasuke, saw his point and (grudgingly) agreed, and picked up chopsticks and started eating.
"Sasuke-kun! You aren't seriously going to believe him are you?!" Sakura screeched. Sasuke glared at Sakura, and just kept eating. "Oh, and by the way, I saw Kakashi-sensei. He was heading towards the memorial stone, to pay tribute to the heroes that have served Konoha before. I think he's going to see his old team who died in the 3rd Shinobi War." Sasuke's interest was suddenly piqued, and asked Naruto, "Who was his team?"
"I think his two other teammates were Rin Nohara and Obito Uchiha. His sensei was Minato Namikaze, the Yondaime Hokage. They're all engraved on the stone." Naruto replied. It was silent for a while, until Sakura spoke up. "What are we going to do for the next hour?" Naruto's mouth curled into a mischievous smile. "We're going to trap the place."
Oh dayum! Kakashi is going to have quite some trouble with the test, especially with Naruto trapping the place. Next chapter is going to be part 2, and is going to start off with Naruto having some flashbacks! I know that there isn't much action, and that you're probably thinking, How come Naruto isn't an angel? Well, Naruto is, and most things will be revealed during the Wave Arc. ALSO, I just want to say, that I will bash Sakura until the Chuunin Exams, and the civilian council and elder council during the few times they will be in the story. NO ONE ELSE, so don't leave bashing suggestions in the review. Speaking of review, I would like to thank those that take the time to review my story! PLEASE REMEMBER TO R&R!
-TheU.P.
