Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all respective characters belong to SMeyer.


Monday morning comes too soon. Life is cruel in that way. I contemplate faking sick, not wanting to see Jasper. Not wanting to face reality. I'd done a pretty good job of hiding from it yesterday. I didn't tell my dad anything. I couldn't. And when he asked me about the marks on my neck I blamed it on the barrel we used for bobbing for apples. No one had heard me scream, or paid attention if they had; maybe because it was only once, and it was Halloween. It was probably chalked up to teenagers messing around. Which was somewhat true … I suppose.

I've debated with myself whether or not to even tell Jess. I mean, what was there to tell? I hadn't been raped. So he got a little handsy and ripped the top of my body suit a bit … would anyone even care? It seemed so much worse, so much more intense in the moment.

Then there was me mentally. Was I ok? Yeah … I think I am. I really feel okay. I keep replaying the look of mortification Jasper had. He seemed as shocked by it as I was. I tell myself over and over he was drunk. Drunker than I thought he was when he first started walking me home. So I push it all down. Deep down, and lock it up where I can't think about it anymore. I decide if anything seeps out in the next few days I should tell someone. If not, it's fine, no one was harmed.

My subconscious knows this is bullshit. The feminist part of me is enraged. But these are all voices easily ignored when you're too close to them so they barely register and are slipped into the locked box with the rest of it.

As I grab my backpack from its spot on the floor, faded blue leather catches my eye. Crumpled in the corner is Jasper's lettermen jacket. The sight of it causes me to pause, a lump rising in my throat. This means I'll have to see him, speak to him. "Fuck," I mutter. Knowing this is a shitty start to my day I shove the jacket to the bottom of my backpack and resolve to push everything out of my mind. I need a distraction.

Rain tick, tick, ticks lightly against my windshield as I pull onto the road towards Forks High. The rhythm picks up pace as I drive reminding me of another drumming sound. Or feeling rather. Edward's finger against my pulse point. I can almost feel it. For the first time since Saturday night a smile curls my lips.

By the time I reach the school's parking lot I've tricked my brain into just about forgetting anything having to do with Jasper. Everything is Edward and I am thoroughly distracted. Mission accomplished. I climb from my car, backpack in hand and trail to my locker like any other day. I don't notice the eyes on me, the hushed murmurings as I pass. I'm too busy thinking of stolen whispers and crooked smiles.

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"What Jess?" I drone.

I'm not in the mood to play her games today. I know by the tone in her voice the next sentence out of her mouth will have to do with me guessing the newest bit of juicy gossip fluttering around the halls. I know I'll close my locker, turn to face her and she'll have that wide-eyed 'you'll never guess' expression. Her grin will be practically eating her whole face and she'll burst before I can even begin to speculate, gushing every last morsel with ardent fervor. For someone who doesn't really care about the happenings at this school she puts on a good show - it's fun for her.

A metal clang. Swivel on my heels. Goofy face. All the same. I smile at her predictability but her eyes slant, a suspicious tilt to her head throws off the typical production.

"What?" I ask shrinking back, feeling defensive.

"Oh nothing. You didn't call." And that is Jessica's version of making me squirm. It was meant to have an excruciating pause so that when she feigned 'nothing' I'd freight over what I could have possibly done - simmer in my assumed guilt. However, Jessica lacked the dutiful patience that kind of torture warranted.

Scrunching my nose, I hitch my backpack onto my shoulder. "Oh, I had a lot of homework yesterday and Charlie wanted me to watch the game with him." I shrug to signify how unremarkable my day was, that it was no big deal to not have called her.

Totally believable. Normally. But I knew there was more than a good enough reason to call my best friend yesterday. And I was beginning to get the feeling, to my utter mortification, that perhaps Jess did as well. Her eyes narrow to tiny pinpoints, mouth quirking to the side in an awkward half frown, half contemplative gesture.

"So … have a nice walk?" Jessica was also not known for beating around the bush. I start walking, heading toward first period in hopes she'll leave me alone. I'm not that lucky, and also she's annoyingly persistent.

"It was fine Jess, I'll see you at lunch." I pick up the pace, able to see the doorway to my classroom. The florescent lights from inside beckoning me, a glow of salvation. Jess yanks my arm, pulling me into a seldom used bathroom. In slow motion my safe haven disappears behind pale green tile and white cinder block walls.

"Bella! What is your problem?"

Back pressed against the wall, I am very literally trapped. I shake my head. "What? Nothing. What is your problem?"

"My prob- why are you lying to me! I know okay," her voice goes from shrill to hushed whisper in a hasty diminuendo. "I know about you and Jasper."

All the blood in my body drains to my feet. "He told you? Why? Why would he?"

She bites into her bottom lip, her expression becoming slightly embarrassed. "Well, no he didn't tell me. But I overheard him Sunday morning talking to Emmett McCarty. He was going on and on about you two. Bella, I think he really likes you." She smiles. I feel sick.

A million questions drown my thoughts. I can't pluck one out to speak it. What do I say? What did he say?

"Anyway, I'm so excited for you Bella, Jasper Hale! I mean," she pauses, touching my shoulder, supplying me what's intended to be a leveling stare. "I'm still pissed you didn't tell me. GAH - Bella you lost your v-card!" she finishes in a stage whisper.

My vision cascades into this long tunnel. I'm staring at a bank of fogged-out windows on the far wall that can't be more than ten feet away but they seem a million. Jess' voice slows, white noise clouding her words.

V-card? No he couldn't have …. he didn't. After what happened - what he did. "Jessica."

"Hm?" Glancing to my right I see with eyes that aren't really seeing anything that she's re-applying lip gloss in the mirror.

"That didn't happen." My voice is so low even I barely register it.

"What didn't happen?" She puckers her lips together evening out the gloss.

"We didn't have sex. Jasper and I didn't have sex. We didn't…"

"Whoa, whoa honey, slow down." My voice had unwittingly raised about ten octaves as I repeated the words, each time more and more in disbelief that I even had to say them.

"You didn't sleep with Jasper in the bed of your Dad's pickup?"

"WHAT!" I shout, eyes wide, shock quickly burned away by anger. I want to call my father and ask him very kindly to shoot Jasper Hale in the face. I want to walk out of this bathroom, march straight to the office, locate his first period and rip every hair follicle from his perfectly manicured head. I want to smash his face in, run him over with my father's pick up. I want. I want to curl in a ball and cry until I can't breathe. If Jessica knows, the whole school knows. Why would he do this?

"Holy shit," her eyes search my face. I watch her features crumble as she realizes I'm telling the truth. "That motherfucker," she growls through gnashed teeth. Even I'm thrown by how ferocious she sounds. Without another word she spins, stomping to the door.

"Jess, wait!" I stop her, gripping her bicep. "Wait."

"I'm going to go give that scumbag a piece of my mind."

"No, please Jess, it'll just make it worse. Please. We don't know who else he's told, just let me… let me handle this my way. Please?"

Her face softens, she wraps her arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry I assumed, what a bitchy thing to do. I'm sorry he's such an asshole, I'm just so sorry."

Her ranting apology brings me a slight smile despite the tears brimming my lashes. "Thanks Jess."

We stay a bit longer in the sanctity of the bathroom as I fill her in on what did happen. It's harder than I thought to recant, and her horrified facial expressions don't make it any easier. By the time she knows everything she's ready to kill Jasper herself and I have to convince her to let me handle it again. She apologizes five more times, barely letting me go from her mama bear hug as I insist we have to get to class.

The rest of first period is a blur. I move from class to class with a cloudy head and heavy heart. Jasper's face that night, those wide eyes, mouth in a very un-cocky open hang, I don't understand how such horror in one's actions would lead to this. He had said sorry and I'd foolishly allowed myself to believe him.

I stand at my locker between periods feeling eyes constantly wash over me. Out of habit I glance to see, half expecting that dark jade gaze.

"Hey Bella," Mike Newton waves from across the hall. He's standing with a group football players. Nameless boys who could all be traded out for the other, uninteresting and cookie cutter. Their wide smiles in my direction, however, are new. Mike is a friend though so I smile back as best I can. He looks nervous, clearing his throat awkwardly as one of the boys shoves him gently my way causing him to clip a small freshmen.

The slight girl staggers back with a timid glare but Mike doesn't even look at her. His face crimson, he shoots me another small wave before dashing away. One of the football boys yells "Pussy!" in a loud booming voice.

When I look back to the girl she is halfway down the hall, but my attention is no longer on her. Walking in his particular nonchalant stroll, Edward is moving smoothly through the rat race of students trying to make it to class before the final bell. My mouth opens automatically as if to call out his name. But I hesitate and watch him turn a corner instead. For a moment I think about walking away from him. I wonder how differently my night would have gone had I ignored Jess and stayed in our bubble. Maybe he would have been the one to walk me home. Maybe my first real kiss would have been so, so different. The final bell for class sounds, the hallway is empty so no one can see the tears that sting my eyes. I wipe them quickly away shutting my locker.

At lunch Jess prompts me quietly, asking if I've talked to Jasper. All I can do is shake my head, staring at my full try of untouched food.

"What are you going to say to him?" She whispers.

"I don't know Jess." That lump is back, a rock in my throat. Without looking, because I can't bear to see the disappointment in her eyes, I plead. "I don't want to talk about it…please."

Her fingers brush a loose strand of hair from my face. Snarky Jess dormant for the time being, this is her sensitive side that truly makes her who she is. "It'll be okay Bella."

Pulling in a sigh through flared nostrils I force eye contact. "Yeah," I nod, placing a smile on my face. She smiles back weakly, worry in her deep chestnut eyes. She knows me too well, she sees right through my front. For good measure, I pick up the greasy slice of pizza on my tray and chomp off a large bite. My stomach turns at the taste of the gooey cheese but I swallow it anyway. Jess smiles genuinely now.

"Movie night tonight?" She asks cheerfully.

"Um, sure," I smile back, knowing this is her way of taking care of me.

Jess has managed to lift my spirits by the end of lunch. What really does it is her dubbed version of the Jock table's conversation. From across the room we can't hear what their saying, but it doesn't matter because her narration is priceless. At one point I laugh so hard milk goes up my nose.

"Well anyway, I think we should do a Swayze-thon," she chuckles as I pinch my nose, fighting back the burning sensation.

"Veto." I shake my head.

"You can't just veto! You have to give reasons bitch, present your case, this isn't a monarchy as much as you fancy yourself a princess."

I laugh loudly because she knows that couldn't be further from the truth, then dump my tray into the trash. "Simple. Been there done that ten million times."

"Uh - objection."

I scoff indigently, pausing by the door. "You can't object, it's my reason! What could possibly be your objection?"

"It's P a t r i c k S w a y z e. You can't see his movies too many times so your reasoning holds no grounds." She shrugs. "Plus I say so."

"You say so … what?"

"I say we watch Patrick Swayze movies, I have a hankering," she replies breezily, turning through the door.

I laugh again, rolling my eyes. "Who sounds like a princess now?"

Her response is funny, I'm sure, she's always witty, but I don't hear it. My feet freeze mid-stride. Just outside the lunchroom Edward leans against a wall. When he hears my voice he looks up, eyes finding mine automatically.

My stomach knots, air rushes from my lungs. His face is off, his expression holds a hardness I'd never noticed before, at least not when he looked at me. Then I realize. Standing next to him is Emmett Mcarty

He's heard.

He knows and he looks away too quickly, mumbling something to Emmett too quietly for me to hear before he walks away. I watch him go.

"Belllaa Swan," Emmett croons as if he knows me. I want to smack him but deep down know I'm just angry that Edward looked at me that way. I swallow back the bitterness before I say something I'll regret. Jess is by my side again, pulling on my arm.

"Come on Bella, we're gonna be late for last period."

Edward's looks stays with me, I can't shake it through my last class. Most people wouldn't have thought anything of it, but it was different. It felt different which made me incredibly sad. This day has spiraled out of control, I feel like screaming and ripping my hair out. It's all Jasper's fault. Picturing his smarmy smile now makes me grind my teeth. I cannot let this continue, he needs to set the record straight. I will talk to him. Today. The only thing I'm not sure of is how to approach him. Do I yell at him like I so badly want to? Do I pull him aside quietly to talk? The thought of having any sort of conversation with him makes me ill.

By the final bell I decide to just ask him. An odd calm fills me as I wait in the parking lot, the only thing I can be thankful for today. Small pebbled asphalt grinds under my sneaker with every drag of my toe, making the same scraping sound over and over. My eyes stay scanning the throngs of faces flooding from the school and into the lot. The entire place is emptied out in less than fifteen minutes, Jasper is nowhere to be found. It takes me an additional ten minutes to realize he has football practice.

My thoughts are full of rehearsed questions and prepared responses depending on his reaction. I'm praying it will ultimately all be some sort of misunderstanding. That Jess possibly heard him incorrectly, that Edward's odd look and all the eyes on me today were just a coincidence … yeah, right. The dominating cynical voice in my subconscious thinks not.

There are only a few players running warm-up drills on the field. Most of the boys look smaller, tall and lean. I figure they must be the offensive players, the wide receivers, running backs, punt returners, and I spot the kicker who is preparing to kick a ball that has been placed neatly into a holder.

The quarterbacks, starter and backups, stand in a huddle chatting about god knows what. They appear to be working considerably less than any of the other players on the field. They talk and laugh, tossing a ball between them. Jasper is the starter, he's their ring leader. The calm I had been feeling is being eaten away by angry acid; his cocky smile blaring at me from across the rain-soaked field.

A coach blows a whistle and half the players trot over obediently. The fab squad of quarterbacks stay where they are and don't seem to pay much attention. They must be waiting for their specialty coach. I don't know and I don't really care because in that moment when I'm trying to decide if I should retreat tactfully or walk across the field and ask to speak with him, one of Jasper's cohorts who I recognize as Ben jabs him in the ribs and points right at me with a laugh. Jasper glances my way, cocky grin, nods, laughs and hands the ball he's holding to Ben.

Any hope for it having been a misunderstanding rolls off me like water, drooling to the ground along with my dignity. Jasper is walking my way. I'm wishing he carried the ball with him so that I could spike it on his face.

"Bella, hey."

My jaw dislodges from its taut position, mouth hanging open a bit. Hey. Hey?

"Jasper."

He reaches the spot where I stand, a hand gliding smoothly through his honey-colored hair that has yet to become sweaty from any sort of rigorous practice. A move that probably makes most girls swoon. "What's up?"

What's up? I can't think of how to answer. What is up? Besides the very obvious answer, the sky, I am at a total loss. How do you confront someone who seems so utterly clueless to their wrong doing. I contemplate slapping myself to ensure I'm not dreaming but finally settle on something ambiguous enough to get him talking. "I know Jasper."

For one glorious instant his face falls. That grin melts into something more human and his skin goes ashen. Just as quickly he recovers, grin hung back in place, face rosy from the biting chill in the air. "Know what?"

There are a million things I could say. That he's an asshole. That he doesn't understand the word stop. That just because he was drunk it doesn't make it ok. That he almost raped me and I'd love to know what stopped him. What human instinct kicked in and where was that now? Only my strength under his gaze feels nonexistent. Standing in his territory with his teammates watching curiously behind us I feel completely powerless.

"What you're saying," I find myself whispering. "…about us."

He leans in as if he's having trouble hearing me. My eyes lock on his practice jersey. The material warn, the lettering flaking away as if it can't stand to be on the fabric any longer. Despite the cold, his arms are bare.

"And?" He whispers back, the menace in his voice not going unnoticed. In my peripheral vision I can see the edge to his mouth, the way it's turned down just so.

"They'll never believe you Bella." His voice is so low I can feel it more than hear it. My hands shake inside my jacket pockets.

"I couldn't let you tell anyone, now I know you won't because if you do you'll look desperate. Like you're lying so you're not labeled a whore."

His logic is surprisingly on point in a detached, entirely soulless way. A crisp breeze picks up, lifting loose tendrils of my hair away with it. I wish it would carry me away completely. The wind stings my eyes as they widen, tears warm the corners. "What?" I sound more shocked than I actually feel.

His smile returns as if he knows he's gotten his point across. He's free to play nice again. "This way it's a win win. You'll gain a marginal amount of popularity from having been with me and I … well, I won't be labeled a monster for the rest of my life."

You should be. I think, my eyes rising to his. I'm caught off-guard by the worry I find there. It belies his confidence in the situation as well as his words. He is terrified. But he's also now right.

If I tell people now what really happened they'd never believe me. Not in this town, Jasper Hale's word carried more weight in popularity then mine ever would. There was the added fact that I told no one right after, and still Jess is the only one who knows the truth. I'm the police chief's daughter for Christ sake, why wouldn't I have told right away? No one would understand. Not to mention the fact that money talks, I was certain his father would dig him out of any real trouble it might get him in.

In the end I would be the one to come out truly hurt. That doesn't stop the emotions circulating through me. The humiliation that I feel in this moment. To have to eat his shit is incredibly crushing in more ways than one.

"Jasper?" I smile at him, unsure where the strength comes from.

"Yes darlin?"

"You're an asshole who shouldn't get too comfortable." It comes out with authority, the meaning clear - watch your back. But it feels hallow, meaningless. My whole body now shakes as I turn and walk away before he can detect any of this. I don't wait for his reaction, I'm in my car and out of the parking lot before I take my next breath. It comes out a shaky sob; I pull over and bawl into my palms uncontrollably.

I'm not sure how long it takes me to calm down. I release everything from my system in angry tears, beating against my steering wheel with soar fists. There will be bruises on the sides of my hands for sure. Still shaking hands reach for my phone, I dial Jess without thinking.

"Bella, hey, tell me everything - did you let him have it? Tell me you bitch slapped him in front of the whole football team and he cried like a little girl."

Releasing a sigh and pinching the bridge of my nose I feel emptied after my crying session, finding it hard to speak. "No, not quite."

"Sooo, what did he say? Why did he pull such a prick move? Did he apologize? How is he going to tell everyone that he's a lying dirtbag?"

"He's not Jess."

"He's not? What do you mean - oh do you get to tell everyone? That might actually be sweeter. We can post something in the school paper. The headline can just be Lies. Could you imagine? That'd be-"

"JESS," I cut her off wincing at my raw throat. "He's not going to tell anyone he lied. He's sticking to his story and I can't tell anyone either."

"What the fuck are you talking about Bella?"

"He did this so I wouldn't tell. This is his insurance policy that I won't run my mouth about how he can't keep his hands to himself. He figures no one will believe me and I'll be the one labeled a desperate liar if I try to tell the truth."

Her laughing comes as a bit of a surprise. Pulling the phone away from my face I frown at it. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because he is the biggest dip-shit if he thinks that's true. What an idiot. Bella, you have to tell people the truth."

"He's right Jess."

"No he's not. Please, like anyone would believe him over you."

"He is, and they would. Jess think about it. I didn't say anything to anyone for two whole days. Not even my father, and then he goes around telling everyone we slept together and all of the sudden I come out with this story about how he tried to force himself on me. Put any other girl in that situation and pretend you don't know the truth and tell me what you'd believe."

She is quiet for several moments. A fresh wave of tears rolls down my cheeks silently.

"Bella … you can't let him just get away with this."

"I don't know Jess I'm just so tired. I can't think about it anymore."

"Well, I can be over in a bit. I'll bring Patrick."

Even though this makes me crack a slight grin, I sigh into the receiver. "Actually Jess, I was thinking I might just go home and crash. I really do feel drained by all of this."

"Oh, okay, sure. Please call me if you need me though. I can't imagine how you feel…" she trials.

"Thanks Jess. For everything."

We hang up as I start my car back onto the road. Once home, I lug my exhausted limbs to my room, falling into bed. It's not until my backpack thuds to the floor unusually loud that I remember Jasper's lettermen jacket.

Eliciting a low groan into my pillow, I press my face into the soft cotton. I'm still fully clothed, shoes and all, reluctant to move but Jasper's jacket mocks me from its warm home inside my backpack. Frustrated, I rise, unzip it and rip the offending jacket from its contents. The jacket gets thrown back into to corner of my room as I kick my shoes off and flop back down. I think bitterly that he's lucky I don't cut the thing to shreds. Pressing my eyes tightly shut I will sleep to wash over me and take me away from this hellacious day.


A/N: Spoiler Alert! You will hate Jasper. And Bella will irritate you. Pretty much... yeah. I have an issue in which I always feel the need to make my characters likable, giving them redeeming qualities and shit - even the antagonists. It's a problem and I'm trying to work through it. It's okay if you hate some of the characters, it's okay. *breathes* But I'm just gonna stop talking cause I'm feeling the need to explain and I'll inevitably say too much. OH! But I have something I need to say cause last night something amazing happened. This got rec'd on the fb page for The Lemonade Stand and the response was like WHAT I can't even. I peed my pants I was so giddy then I cried, it wasn't pretty. Seriously, you guys are all amazing and so sweet and I love you all don't ever leave me. I promise I won't be so gooey all the time, but I needed to say this. THANK YOU! I am legitimately speechless and humbled that even one person likes anything I do - seriously, it makes no sense to me so it comes as a serious surprise. In summation :3, thanks for the reviews! 33333