Dan pushed himself off the floor with a gasp. His joints were cracking quite loudly this time and he was feeling a bit light-headed too. He rubbed his lower back that had began aching from being in such bad posture for so long with a hiss. He had only been reading there for an hour, but I guess that was too much anyways. He had been really caught up with the book, "The Fault In Our Stars", that he had neglected his body's screaming.
Phil came into the lounge and frowned at Dan's odd behaviour. "Is everything alright?" he asked and came closer to Dan. He took a hold of Dan's forearm and made him look up at him whilst examining him from head to toe with his intense gaze. "I'm fine", Dan huffed not really liking the attention that Phil was giving him, because he was afraid that Phil might notice there was something that wasn't very right with him. He appreciated it, but considering the situation he had, it wasn't wanted.
"Dan, you don't look that fine", Phil questioned. "What? Do I look foul or something?" Dan erupted, annoyed, but worried that he was right.
"No! No, I didn't say that. I meant that you look really pale", Phil noted and waited for the reaction in Dan's face. "Well that's just how I look now days. I can't really do anything about it", Dan reckoned and avoided Phil's look.
"Have you been eating right, love?" Phil continued keeping his tone soft and gentle, but getting more and more worried as Dan started to avoid his commenting. He was clearly making him uncomfortable, but he couldn't stop himself from asking, because he really was concerned about Dan's health.
"I'm alright, Phil! Stop it already! It's like you're interrogating me!" Dan had went off the edge on anger now and glared at Phil. But it was all unintentional. He saw the hurt in Phil's eyes and felt terrible for doing that to him. He instantly wanted to apologize, but he felt like something caught his tongue and he could barely even breathe. But his brown eyes plead for forgiveness and Phil saw it.
"Love, I see there's something that you're trying to hide from me. But if you're not ready to tell me yet, I can wait. But please, you need to know that you can always tell me whatever is bothering you. I don't want anything making you feel bad and opening up can really help. Just remember that", Phil said lovingly and stroked Dan's arm from his shoulder to his wrist.
Tears were burning Dan's eyes and he casted them downwards. Slowly he came closer to Phil until he was flush against him, his head resting on his chest/shoulder area. Phil registered Dan's intentions the second he made his move and wrapped his long arms around the trembling frame and hugging him closer.
"It's going to be alright again, Dan", Phil whispered in the boy's ear and gave it a chaste kiss, then pressing his head against the other's.
Dan needed some new jeans. The only pair he got, was black skinny jeans that were seriously starting to fade their colour and getting ripped from the knees from a lot of use. He got on his knees a lot or just bended them a lot guessing the reason to that.
But the most real reason he needed to buy new jeans was because the old ones were too big. Although they had always been a bit big, because they showed his bum constantly, but now they were slipping off him everytime he stood up or moved elsewhere. It was embarrassing and looked stupid, so he decided he would just buy new ones.
One thing did confuse Dan was how were the jeans now much bigger than before if he still looked like a fatass whenever he looked at himself from the mirror. Maybe they had just stretched or something, though Dan wanted to believe they were bigger now was, because he had lost weight.
Of course that was the truth.
"I'm going out to buy some clothes from the town. Do you want to come with me?" Dan asked Phil from the other room while wishing he just had a punch for his belt that he could make more holes in it.
Dan's other clothes were getting bigger too, but he refused to acknowledge that, because then he would have to believe that he had lost weight, enough already, then he would know he had to stop his fasting, but he didn't want it to end, because really he just wanted to get thinner and thinner. But he didn't want to have a problem, not acknowledge it anyway, therefore he refused to see the truth at all.
By the way, clothes that were too big for him didn't let the others see how thin he had got already and then ask him about it. He didn't like that.
But he needed new jeans still, because if his jeans would fall off of him, then everyone would see his stick-like legs, and that would be so much worse than people just noticing he had slim legs.
"Sure. I need a new wintercoat anyway", Phil said and got up from his working table to get ready. "Cool." Dan took his bag and his black, thick jacket and put it on. He went to the kitchen and surprised Phil from eating his cereals. Dan's cereals. Not that ate them himself anyway, but it still annoyed him tremendously.
"Phil! What are you doing?"
Phil almost shrieked and the handful of cereals fell onto the floor from his hand. "Dan. Sorry", Phil said and laughed nervously at himself and cleaned after himself. "How many times...", Dan stretched the words in frustration, but was only joking.
"I'll try to stop. I promise I'm trying. I can even buy a new box for you if you want", Phil said and pulled his worn out, blue jacket on. "Uh, it's fine. Eat them, it doesn't matter." Dan didn't notice his slip before it was too late. It was a small one, but it opened Dan's situation to Phil in a massive way. He didn't show that he had caught a hint. He couldn't be sure only from his perceptions, so he didn't bring it up, but he got more worried than before, but felt more at ease as well.
Now he had something to ask Dan about and he would only have to say "no" or yes", and Phil knew that Dan couldn't lie well. He saw right through him most of the time.
"Let's go", Phil said and took the keys and so they left.
Dan looked at the black skinny jeans from the full-body mirror suspiciously. He took the same size he had on his old jeans, but when he went to try them on, they were too big just like the old ones. He let himself believe, if only a little bit, that he might have lost weight like he wanted to. But no where near enough.
He took a few other pair of jeans in different sizes, but of course always getting smaller than before and tried them all on, starting from the smallest ones. He didn't need to try on any other jeans afterwards. He knew his size now: XXS.
He also bought a pair of dark blue jeans that were a bit washed, and ripped from the knees. One of the shop assistants had said that he should buy them, because she thought they would look great on him. He had already decided that this time he would own at least two pairs of jeans, but he couldn't really bother to look for some other jeans when he had found the first pair, so he just agreed with the assistant mindlessly and bought them, not wanting to waste more time on that.
The assistant looked like she was really happy about the fact he bought them off. But not just because she had made her first sell ever, but because she really did want this handsome guy own them and wear them. She hoped that maybe she would meet him some other time too and see him wearing those skinny jeans she had picked for him.
"Okay Phil, you found anything?" Dan came behind him where he was looking through some t-shirts. "No", he muttered back, obviously quite disappointed with the selection.
"Hey! What about this?" Dan almost shouted, when he found something he bet Phil would love. He lifted a t-shirt with a huge, furry lion's head on it.
"Oh my God, that's perfect! Oh, yes. This is the one. This is going to be the best t-shirt I have ever own", he said with great delight. He hugged the shirt to his chest and rubbed the material on his cheek.
"Um, Phil? That's the large size. I bet it's a bit too big for you. I think the medium will do. You have to put it back now", Dan markt with a laugh as Phil had been pushing his face into the shirt when people saw and now he was putting it back to take the medium one. Phil blushed deep red and Dan snickered at his foolishness.
"God... Well I can buy it for you, yeah", Dan said and took the shirt from Phil's hands and was going to the cash register. "You don't need to do that, Dan. Or wait, I got an even better idea! Okay, you can buy that for me and I'm going to buy one for you. What's your shirt size?" Phil said.
"Um, you don't have to do that. This is sort of a gift", Dan mumbled not wanting to do this that much.
"A gift for what? Nothing, Dan. It nice you would do that for me, but I really want to get something for you too. Maybe a dinosaur", Phil said with another laugh. Before Dan could even realise what Phil was doing, he had already done it. Phil had went behind him and found the little tag that was sewn to Dan's shirt and had the information about it and the size of it.
"Small? But that isn't enough", Phil was confused. Dan though that Phil meant that he was too big for such a small shirt and felt bad immediately. But it was the opposite what Phil was saying.
Phil gripped the fabric of Dan's shirt and pulled it away from Dan to see how much extra fabric there was. "Dan, you're at least three sizes smaller than this shirt! Why are you wearing this big clothes?" he asked even more confused. But these notifications were only proving his last point he had about Dan. But he had to act this surprised for the sake of keeping the act together.
"It doesn't matter, okay. If you want to find me that shirt, then go do that. I'll go pay for this shirt", Dan said with a sharpness to his tone and left to go to the cashier.
Phil felt a bit sad how he had made Dan react, but focused now on getting him a nice shirt. The right size too.
He bought Dan a black turtleneck that was perfect for the ever coming winter. It was soft, thick and it was well made and he thought it would fit on Dan very nicely. Though he was concerned that even in the size of XXS it might still look a bit baggy on him. That would be really concerning, because that wasn't healthy for an 6,1 feet tall person.
Phil wasn't going to show it to Dan until they got home, so he put it safely and neatly in the bad for him. Actually the cashier did that, but it's all the same.
Eventually they were both bored from all the shopping and Phil said he was up for some Starbucks. Dan had been feeling a bit dizzy and was afraid he might just collapse and faint, so he agreed.
"One black coffee, please."
"That is the most boring choice of drink to ask in a coffee shop", Phil commented in a monotone voice while choosing the caramel latte for himself.
"It's the most obvious choice I think. Why don't more people just appreciate the basic, good black coffee anymore? It's after all, everything that needs to be in a coffee shop", Dan retorted.
"Would you like some eggs with your black coffee?" Phil asked then suddenly whilst they got to their little table in the corner and sat on the armchairs.
"Excuse me?"
Phil just laughed maniacally. Dan didn't get the joke though. He just sat down, threw his legs over the arm of the chair and chilled. He sipped on his hot beverage. It tasted bitter, but it didn't matter. It had the lowest amount of coffees, it gave him the boost and the energy he needed not to pass out.
Phil stirred his own beverage vigorously and drank some and looked at Dan with a smile on his face. "I thought I would show you when we get home, but I think now it's as good time as later. You shall see what I got you", Phil announced with a glint in his eyes.
"Ooh, what could it be?" Dan played along and rubbed his hands together in an excited manner.
Phil pulled out the sweater he got and unfolded it to let him see it properly. "Do you like it?" he asked holding it up.
"Yes. It looks good. Thanks Phil. But are you sure it isn't too small? It's... it's XXS?! I thought you might get the small one, but this... It won't fit me", Dan exclaimed as he had looked from under the collar to see the size.
"It's fine, Dan! You can try it on when we get home and see if it does or doesn't fit. We can return it if it doesn't or change it. I still got the receipt", Phil calmed him.
Dan huffed, but gave him a smirk afterwards to show Phil he wasn't really mad at him. But frustrated yet again, yes. He just didn't want to go and get really small clothes even if they would fit him, because there was still too big of a risk that they wouldn't and then he would hate himself even more, because he couldn't fit in them. He rather took things too big than too small.
"Mmm, this is so good", Phil hummed across the table and drinking his coffee mix and smelling it. It did look quite delicious, Dan thought to himself.
The time slipped by as the boys talked about things happening at the radio show and other stuff, and before they even knew it, it was six pm and they decided to go home. Dan had to go for his run, he absolutely needed to, because he had drunk that coffee before and that was unacceptable for his diet. Thank you caffeine, but no thank you calories. At at the same time, he didn't have to dine in with Phil, even though he would have liked his company.
As Dan escaped outside in his sporty clothes, Phil was left in deep thoughts alone in their flat. He was trying to figure out how to reach out to Dan and get him to talk about what was going on without hurting or pushing him.
He brought the noodles to his lips and ate in silence and contemplated what he should do.
He could call PJ. He always knew the right things to say. Yes, he would call PJ and maybe even invite him over if he liked.
That's what he did.
Thank God he did...
