Chapter 4
In love, the past is not important, but the present. Experience is more relevant than the pain you went through. The only thing that will make it stronger is forgiveness and not the retorting of sin. ~ Anonymous
A week of nights later, Nixie had a chance to share her heart with Jones. She was on her watch at sunset when Jones decided to begin playing his organ. Nixie heard the sorrow filled music and found herself moving to the captain's cabin door. When she was at the door, with her hand on the handle, she took a deep breath and cranked the handle to open the door. Jones continued to play even after Nixie had closed the door and had started to make her way to him. She took one misstep and a floor board creaked under her foot. Jones stopped playing and whirled around to see a slightly embarrassed face of Nixie. He shot up and crossed the room so fast that Nixie didn't even have time to blink before Jones had captured her throat in his claw and hissed out, "What are ye doing here?"
Nixie managed to gasp out, "I came ta speak with ya."
Jones let the woman go and she dropped to the floor. "Speak ahead." Jones said, leering down at Nixie.
Gathering her courage, Nixie stood and asked him, "How was yer day Captain?"
"What kind of question is that?" Jones asked, tilting his head to the side.
"Just a question Captain." Nixie said.
"I know it be a question! Why are ye asking me how me day was?" Jones asked, a little offensively.
"I'm just trying to be friendly Captain! No need to bite me head off." Nixie said sassily.
Jones was about to tell her off, when he stopped himself. There, he had seen just a mere flash of it. What was that? "My day was fine." Jones said, his voice even and almost soft.
"Alright. My day was good; hard but good." Nixie said, offering him a small smile.
Jones nodded and they stood in an awkward silence for a moment. It was Nixie who broke the silence. "Permission to speak freely Captain."
"Aye, speak ahead." Jones replied, turning his back to the girl. He was expecting something radically different than what she asked. It even stopped his slow retreat.
"Do ye miss her?"
Jones flinched as she continued. "Ye must if ye play that emotionally."
Jones turned back to look at Nixie. He was going to tell her off again, but stopped by the look on her face. It was a similar pain that he felt when he played. He almost cried when she asked, "But where will you go with no one left to save you from yourself? You think that I can't see right through your eyes. Scared to death, you face reality. No one seems to hear your hidden cries. You're left to face yourself alone. I realize you're afraid but you can't abandon everyone or reject the whole world. Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone?"
Jones locked eyes with Nixie for a moment. "I know what ye went through Captain… Ye might not want ta see it, but yer not alone in yer pain. Yes she ripped yer heart out, but that's nothing compared to what my dead husband did ta me…" Nixie said, moving closer to her captain and rested her hand on his arm.
"What did he do ta ye Nix?" Jones asked, his voice soft and his emotions running wild.
Nixie sighed and took his claw hand in her hand and led him over to the organ bench where they sat down. Still holding his claw, she began to tell her story. "My husband, Jason Saxon was not a good man. Ye must keep that in mind. He was not a good man Captain. He drank heavily, gambled his life away and had been with many women. Yet, I fell in love with him, believing that I could change him. That belief was what kept me with him after the wedding and after he…hit me the first time. It was a slap when I asked where he had been. The hits became more and more powerful the longer we were together. I did me best to hide the bruises and the cuts from the world. Nobody knew… He not only broke my body, he broke me heart to. I'd often wake up to hear him and another woman in me own house getting it on. They would go at it for hours and after he sent the wench away, he would come to me and demand the same from me. I often tried to refuse, but he would force me.
"This went on for a few years until a day when he came home, stupid drunk and I got scared. He tried to attack me and I ran. I had no idea where I was going but I ran out of the house as fast as I could. I could hear his heavy breathing behind me and that added fuel to my fear and speed to my feet. I was running so fast that I didn't see the cliff until I was plummeting over it. I'm not even sure how, but I managed to grab a tree root to stop me fall. Jason wasn't so lucky. He continued running and fell to his death on the sharp, jagged rocks below. I climbed up the cliff side and when I got to the top, I didn't move. That was when the villagers from nearby, who had heard him screaming at me, came and found me with my knees drawn up to my chest. My parents came for me a few days later and it took me weeks to tell them everything that had happened."
Jones looked at the woman for a moment. She was so… No, he couldn't… wouldn't allow himself to finish that thought. He shrugged off his feelings and asked, "What brought ye to the sea?"
"Me da was a sailor and to escape from the reoccurring nightmares, he brought me onto the sea with him." Nixie explained further slowly turning to the organ.
A moment passed and Jones whispered a question that he longed to have answered, "How do ya move on?"
Nixie turned to her captain and leaned to his ear hole, "Ye don't. The physical pain will fade but the emotional scars will still be fresh. The pain never goes away; you just grow numb to it." She whispered to him, gently brushing her lips to his cheek. "Believe me Captain, ye learn to live with it."
Jones turned his head to lock eyes with Nixie, his faded eyes searching hers. Gently taking her hand, Jones asked one more heart wrenching question, "Will ya teach me?"
"Yes."
[AN: There are song lyrics from "Where Will You Go" by Evenescence. If you found them, gold star! If not, fail…]
