"Tegan? Tegan!?" I called through our bedroom. I ran into the bathroom, looking around corners for her. She was nowhere in the room - but that's when I noticed the backyard door open. I ran out through the door into the backyard, and when I didn't see her out there either, I ran around the corner to see that the side gate was open. For some reason, I figured that if I ran out into the street screaming her name, that she'd come back. And that's exactly what I did.
I stood in the middle of the street in the dark, crying my eyes out looking in all directions. I don't know why I thought I could find her.
I need to do something...
My hand found my phone in my pocket, and with the sudden realization, I grabbed it out of my pocket and dialed Tegan's number.
It had rung 5 times already when I suddenly had the thought that Tegan probably doesn't even have her phone. She ran out of here in just a blanket - why would she have her phone? But I was so desperate that I just kept calling.
On the third time I called, after a few rings, there was a sound at the other end. A sound like someone had picked up.
Through the silence, I could feel my body getting more and more anxious. I just couldn't handle it anymore.
"...Tegan?! Are you there?"
I heard nothing.
"Tegan please. If you just picked up please just say something so I know you're there - PLEASE!"
There was again silence, but right as I felt myself about to break down; a crackly voice spoke through the phone.
"Yeah...I'm here." Tegan said, sounding sad and rather far away from the phone. But she could still here me, she was still here.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Please, you have no idea how much I regret every damn thing I said to that girl tonight and everything that-"
"-everything you did on purpose." Tegan said, cutting me off.
"What you said and did and wanted to do with that girl was all on purpose. You wanted her. You wanted her more than me. So I'm gone until you choose what you want."
The lump in my throat grew bigger, and my eyes burned for sanity.
"All I want is you Tegan, I promise you that! The thing that wanted that girl was alcohol, it wasn't my fault...!" I sobbed.
It sounded like Tegan sighed, but I couldn't tell if that was just static or not.
"You made the choose to go off with her. You told me yourself in the house that she was the one that got you actually drunk. You were aware of what you were doing beforehand. Stop making it not sound like your fault, because it is."
I was about to try to say something but right as I opened my mouth, the call ended. I stared at the blinking lights on my phone, wanting to not believe that this was happening. I didn't know if this was just a bump in the road, or if that phone call was just the end of our relationship.
Whatever it actually was, it was enough for me to go crazy; insane. My mind spurred, and my hands gripped onto my head as I fell to my knees on the sharp dirty pavement. That choking crying feeling that I hate so much pushed it's way through my throat, and I knew this night would be spent without sleep, and only more tears.
