When they finished cleaning the dining room, Kagome's mother took a protesting Inuyasha to find some suitable clothes while his were being cleaned. Kagome watched them go then made her way to her room. She shut the door behind her and sunk to the floor with her back against the cool wood of the door. She sat there for a long moment, just staring at her room. Her brain wouldn't function. She wanted to think about what she and Inuyasha would do next, but she couldn't form thoughts. She felt blank and empty, like a book that had all its pages wiped clean, except for one thing.
"I can't," she said into the empty room, "I can't…go back." Kagome's breath quickened as she fought against the stinging tears that threatened to flood her eyes. They're all gone for good. Sango, Miroku, Shippo…I'll never see them again, she thought.
Suddenly, the door handle turned and the door swung inward, knocking hard into Kagome's back, sending her scooting across the floor as it opened. Kagome shrieked and rubbed her back to ease the sudden pain. The hit had broken her lethargy and now she was livid.
"Huh? What the…" Inuyasha said, walking into the room, looking around the door to see what he had moved.
"Inuyasha you idiot!" she shrieked at him, "Can't you knock like a normal person! What's wrong with you?"
"Well you're the idiot who was sitting in front of the door! If you would have sat in a chair like a normal person, I wouldn't have hit you!" he yelled.
"Ooh! Inuyasha, you're such a…" said Kagome, trailing off. She had been so absorbed in herself, and then too mad at him to notice his change in wardrobe. He stood there scowling at her. His appearance was so changed that she just stopped and stared. He wore loose-fitting blue jeans that tightened around his waist and a white long-sleeved button-up shirt tucked into the jeans. His well-muscled arms stood out under the tight sleeves and his shoulders spread the shirt tightly across his chest. He frowned at her, crossing his arms and tapping one dirt-caked bare foot on the carpet.
"I'm a what, Kagome," he said testily.
Kagome stared at him, watching his slow intake of breath, the rise and fall of his chest under his crossed arms. His presence made her feel so safe that she couldn't keep her tears back any longer.
"Inuyasha," she said, her voice sounding choked and harsh in her ears. She watched through blurry eyes, his scowl change from angry, to concerned. Kagome then closed her eyes and began to sob. She hugged her knees and wept, ignoring Inuyasha's startled inquiry. The numbness had kept her going since they had left the Feudal Era, holding her emotions in check, but everything she had bottled up inside her came rushing forth. The sadness and utter lonlieness at leaving Feudal Japan behind forever, and her friends with it, broke like waves upon her and she couldn't stop herself from crying.
Inuyasha stared wide-eyed at Kagome as she sat on the floor with her head buried in her knees, crying. "Kagome? What in the heck is wrong with you?" he said, "I couldn't have hurt you that badly," he said, puzzled. He looked at the door, and then back to Kagome. He waited for a minute and then sighed, exasperated with her crying. "Would you just stop that Kagome? What's your problem anyway?" he said, frowning. Kagome lifted her head a tiny bit and glared at him so fiercely that he thought she might have been a demon. It sent shivers down his spine and he backed away slightly, hoping fervently that she wouldn't say it. But she just put her head back down and continued crying; the deep, wracking sobs shaking her small frame.
Inuyasha was completely lost. He peered at her cautiously, waiting to see if she would say "sit" or not, and was even more confused when she said nothing. She was shaking hard, her shoulders shivering and making her long black hair fall in front of her face. She was gripping her knees so hard her knuckles had gone white. He took a tentative step towards her, listening for her to say it. Damn it, he thought, if she keeps this up, her mother will hear her and then I'll be the one who's blamed for this. He took another step, and then another, creeping closer and closer to her. He then got down on all fours and shuffled silently to Kagome's side. She didn't seem to notice him there, so he put one arm around her shaking shoulders. He was about to say something when she froze as his arm connected with her shoulders. Inuyasha held his breath, waiting for the hammer to fall.
Kagome took a deep breath and leaned into his chest, throwing her arms around his neck and gripping tightly. She buried her head into the side of his neck and cried. Inuyasha sat there, frozen, having no idea what to do. He almost spoke, but then thought better of it.
Moving slowly he tightened his arm around her shoulder, and then moved his other arm, encircling her small body. Her tears ran down her cheeks, dropping onto the shirt Kagome's mother had given to
Inuyasha, making wet trails down the fabric. He closed his eyes and waited, feeling Kagome's body slacken against his as her sobs slowed and eventually stopped. She leaned limply against him, taking deep, shuddering breaths as he held her to him, willing the tremors to stop. She's almost stopped now, good, he thought, trying to see through her long black hair that hid her face.
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she said in a small, muffled voice as her face was still against his body. "I didn't mean to yell at you," she said. She sounded exhausted. Inuyasha moved her away from him to look at her face. Her eyes were red and swollen-looking and her face was wet. He reached out instinctively and gently wiped the tears from beneath her eyes with the back of his fore finger. She looked like she was in such pain, not from being hit by the door, but from something else entirely; like she had just lost something very important to her. "Kagome," he said quietly. What is this, he thought to himself, I feel like my heart's been run through with a blade. He moved his hand from her face and brushed a strand of her hair aside, caressing the side of her cheek as his hand moved. Kagome smiled weakly and closed her eyes, sighing.
"Thanks, Inuyasha," she said.
"For what?" he said looking at her, puzzled.
"For being here," she said. "I just got overwhelmed by all this, you know? Leaving the Feudal Era for good and everything. I just can't seem to get it together," she said, sighing. "I know I can't ever go back, but I can't seem to let go. I just don't want to say goodbye, and yet, now…it's too late to go backwards," she said, wiping at her eyes and looking out the window to the swaying trees outside.
The failing light cast deep shadows across the golden light of the room, and Inuyasha was taken aback by how her face glowed in the light. She looks almost, well…beautiful…like this, Inuyasha thought.
"And it's so hard to move forward," Kagome said, "when you leave so much behind."
"Kagome," he said gently.
Kagome sighed and put her head on her knees and Inuyasha reached for her, afraid that she would start crying again. But she just sighed and kept her head down.
"I don't know what to do, Inuyasha," she said, looking back at him with red-lined eyes.
"Kagome…what about school? And your family and friends here? You were always running back to the present when we were looking for the jewel shards so you could take tests or see your other friends or some other nonsense," said Inuyasha, frowning.
"But I could always go back, then," she said.
Inuyasha looked at her, furrowing his brows. "Then what about me?" he said. Kagome sat up straight, shaking her head to clear the daze she had been in.
"Huh?" she said.
"I said, what about me? I came, didn't I?" he said frowning. "What am I in all this, a dead weight?" Inuyasha growled deep in his throat and punched the ground, the force of the blow making the picture frames on Kagome's desk and other things around the room rattle.
"You idiot," he said, snarling, "Are you really that dense? Can't you see that I'm here with you?" He lifted himself to one knee and looked her in the eyes, his gaze cutting through her self pity straight to her heart. "I'm not leaving you!" he said.
The sound of his voice echoed around the still room, and when it died, the only sound left was the rustling of the leaves outside the window. The golden light had faded with the sun and they stared at each other through the lengthening shadows.
"Kagome," he said, growling in frustration, "no one ever said this was gonna be easy. But it's going be impossible if you can't move on. I know," he said. "When Kikyo came back to life, I was so focused on her that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. It was like I was still stuck to that tree for all the good I did for you," he said.
Kagome stared at him, not knowing what to say.
"Trust me when I say that moving on is all you can do," he said, getting to his feet. The tear stained shoulder of his shirt glimmered faintly in the shadowy room. "We can do this, together,"he said. He walked over to Kagome and reached for her hand, pulling her to her feet. "I'm not sayin that I have any clue what's gonna happen, cause I don't. But I do know that whatever it is, we can take it. As long as we're looking ahead, and not behind," he said.
Kagome looked at him for a long moment, her head cocked to one side, and then she straightened herself and smiled at Inuyasha.
"You know," she said slowly, "You're right." She looked out the window at the trees that were just beginning glimmer in the light from the rising moon. "It's not easy, but I can't just sit here either, there's
still a lot that we have to to," she said, looking appraisingly at Inuyasha. "I mean," she said with a sardonic smile, "what are we going to do about those dog ears?" she laughed.
"I can wear a hat," he sniffed.
"That hat you had on last time was pretty ugly. And you can't go around Tokyo in that gaudy red kimono."
"There's nothing wrong with my kimono!" he yelled, glaring at her and clenching his fists. Kagome laughed and took his hand.
"I think I like you better in these clothes," she said, stealing another look at his outfit that sent shivers up her spine. "By the way, where did my mom find these? They fit you perfectly."
"I dunno, I think she said they were your father's," he said, looking down and pulling at the shirt.
Kagome looked at him and sighed, "Leave it to mom to save everything," she said, a faraway look in her eyes. She shook herself and smiled again at him, "Well I think they look good on you."
"Really?" he said, moving to stand in front of Kagome's mirror, turning around to see every angle of himself. "You think so?"
"Yeah, I do," she said, walking up beside him and planting a kiss on his cheek. Inuyasha blushed beet red and jerked backwards. Kagome looked at the startled look on his face and laughed.
